Thanks for all the wonderful reviews. I think I'll allow you all to guess for a bit longer. I hope you enjoy this one. Sorry it took me so long to write it. My computer's been on the fritz.

Touching Remus Lupin

Encounter Three

Remus Lupin smiled at me, it was a hazy, lopsided sort of smile, as if he wasn't sure where he was or what he was doing.

Truth be told he didn't know where he was and I wondered if he knew what he was doing. I had gaped in surprise when he walked into the library, well stumbled really, announced that he was slightly intoxicated and collapsed onto the sofa where I had been reading. I say been reading because he then began to talk and some of the things he was saying made it impossible for me to think of anything else.

"Tonight is a night that makes me wonder what life could be like if things were different." He announced in the same matter of fact way he used when he proclaimed his intoxication.

I closed my book and looked at him, immediately wishing I hadn't. His hair was dishelved and he didn't look as if he'd shaved that morning. His eyes were glittering with drink and something I couldn't quite place and he was looking at me as if I was the only person in the entire world. "Different in what way?"

"In every way you can conceive." He leaned towards me for a moment and then back. "Different circumstances, different time, different place." He stood unsteadily and walked to the cabinet. I was somewhat relieved when he poured himself a glass of water. "Would you like some?" He spoke without looking at me.

"Yes please." I was sure he wasn't done speaking.

"If I were different." He continued without turning. He finished his first glass of water in a single gulp and poured another before walking over and handing me mine. "What if I were different?" He looked intently at me for a moment before taking another drink and turning to place it on the table. "I've often wondered what my life would be like if I had never been bitten. If I would be different somehow."

I swallowed and tried to meet his eye. "I'm glad you're not different." I paused for a moment as his face took on a strange look. "I mean besides the turning into a werewolf thing I quite like you the way you are."

He completely surprised me then by laughing, not the usual chuckle that showed he was amused but a huge laugh that changed his face and made his entire body shake. I laughed with him until he leaned back against the back of the couch and looked at me. "Don't you think that the turning into a werewolf thing makes me the man I am today?" I couldn't tell it he was making fun of me or not.

"Not as much as you do apparently." I felt a little more confident now but was unsure why. "I think that you believe that it makes you less than a man." I leaned forward and put the book I was reading down on the coffee table.

He took the pillow from behind him and in one motion laid it on my lap with his head on it. "I've a bit of a headache." His eyes were closed. He opened one. "Do you mind?" Not trusting my voice I nodded and he closed his eyes again. "You must admit I am less than human." He continued as if nothing unusual had happened.

"More than human." I closed my eyes to distract myself from the fact that he looked beautiful against the dark green of the pillow.

He nodded on the pillow. "I can't understand how you think so." He rubbed his eyes. "I can't believe I'm talking to you like this." I watched as his hand moved to his forehead. I was just beginning to relax when he opened one eye and gazed apprehensively at me. "Can I request a favor?" I nodded again, know that whatever he asked I would do. "Do you remember that night that you massaged my shoulders?" He fell silent as I ran my fingers through his hair, caressing his scalp with my fingertips.

My fingers trailed over familiar territory as they stroked his scalp. I moved my hand under his head and he arched his neck so the base of his skull was accessible. I looked at his neck as I allowed my thumbs to draw circles around his head. I moved my hands to his temples and used my index finger to outline them. He sighed a little as I moved closer to his ears and taking that as a good sign I ghosted my fingertips over the curve of his ear. When I rubbed his earlobe gently between my fingers he shifted but did not open his eyes. I ran my fingers from below his ear to his forehead where I traced circles and then followed the bridge of his nose to the tip and then around his eyes again to his browbone.

I stopped when he opened his eyes. "I had a dream that someone was stroking my face." His face gave away nothing as he spoke and I wished I could have been confident that mine did the same. "It was the first time I'd ever dreamt about something like that." He didn't look away as he continued, although I could barely look at him. "I was surprised at how comforting it was then."

"And now." The words completely bypassed the 'perhaps you shouldn't ask' part of my brain and spilled out of my mouth.

He glanced at me for a moment before turning his head into one of my hands, which had rested near him on the pillow. "It feels different." He closed his eyes as I began running my thumbs along his cheekbone. "It feels good."

"It's supposed to relax you." I spoke and cursed the fact that my voice was shaking but I continued caressing his face. The fire in the grate crackled as I feathered my fingertips over his skin. It felt both strange and familiar and I amazed that the sensation of his stubble against my fingertips. I outlined his lips and followed his chin to his neck, trying to ignore the hitch in his breathing as I touched the delicate skin of his neck. I could feel his pulse speed up as I explored his neck with my fingertips. I felt like I couldn't quite catch my breath and the air around me was humming again. There was a jagged scar where his collarbone met his neck and I allowed my fingers to wander to it. As I caressed it I felt his entire body stiffen and it was with some apprehension that I looked down at him. His eyes were open and he was looking at me with an expression somewhere between anger and fear but I couldn't decide which was stronger. "Sorry." I moved my hands back to his hair and he relaxed again. I could feel his breathing began to even out. I began to relax as well and allowed myself to once again become lost in the feeling of his hair running through my fingers and the steadiness of his breathing.

"Have you ever been in love?" I started although he spoke so softly I almost didn't hear him. He sounded as if he was talking in his sleep. I glanced down at him wondering what to say trying to figure out he was asleep or awake. "Have you?" He asked again, still without opening his eyes.

I swallowed my fear. "Yes."

He smiled then, a sleepy sort of smile and shifted his body so he his head was on the pillow but the back was resting against my stomach.

When I woke the next morning he was gone. I rubbed the back of my neck trying to work out the stitch that had developed from sleeping sitting up. I wondered if he remembered some of the things that he'd said to me the night before and knew I would never forget.