9. Final Instants.
T: Still keeping tight lipped! Not mine and warnings the same…
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
He had thought a great deal on the matter of companionship since Fuuma's passing a month ago.
Though it was true that he had no want now for neither 'love' nor the complications it presented there was an ache within him that did not seem to wish to pass.
An ache that, before he had become Sakurazukamori, he would readily have called loneliness and yet now…
One such as he should not be able to feel such a thing, should be free of all emotions…should be as a blank slate..
And yet...
Today he had come prematurely into the company of his current target and he had had to put on a false face.
The man had accepted that front, indeed he had responded to it in an almost flirtatious manner.
Without thought he had agreed to seeing the target again today, had agreed to a 'date' of sorts.
Indeed here was the man now, a gentle smile on his face and a small bunch of flowers in his hands,
"For you, Sakurazuka-san."
He stirs with the memory of that smile still in his mind and he tries vainly to deduce the significance of this recollection.
After a moment he realises what it is…that that day had been the first that he had ever played the game.
Before that day he had remained as retracted from his victims as was possible.
Had simply learned what he could of his prey before he had killed them mercilessly.
After that particular kill he had found the numbness had faded, found a sense of satisfaction in the work that had been lost to him until that point.
For a month or so he had mixed 'the game' into the more traditional kill, testing the new method against the old to see which was more efficient.
Though 'the game' took longer than the more traditional method, it amused him greatly and it allowed him a sense of power, of control, that he had never experienced before.
'The game' had become his preferred method of killing and choosing it to be as such had marked the last transition between the man he had been and the icy impassive nature of the Sakurazukamori.
There is a knock on the door and Tenshi steps into the space a moment to inform him,
"Subaru-san…I made you breakfast."
"Thank you, Tenshi-kun; I shall be there in a moment." The boy smiles and then leaves him again on his own.
He dresses today in a plain black ensemble and ridding his mind of all but the important concerns he comes to the table.
He is used now to eating only a small meal in the morning, thus he barely scratches the generous spread that the boy has prepared before he is full.
"Are you alright, Subaru-san?" Tenshi enquires.
"Yes, thank you, Tenshi-kun. I tend only to have a small snack in the morning, usually as I am on my way to work."
"I am sorry, Subaru-san, I should have recalled that you worked and woken you earlier…"
"It's fine, Tenshi-kun, I have the week off so do not need to rise so early.
On that note, I thought that today we could spend some time together."
The boy perks and enquires,
"Will you show me your precious place today?"
"Yes, then I thought that perhaps we could go and see your mother."
"Do you think that she shall be awake today?"
"We can hope."
An hour later and they are walking beneath the Rainbow Bridge, Tenshi's eyes absorbing every detail before him.
"It is odd, but I had not imagined you would bring me here."
"Where did you think I would take you then, Tenshi-kun?"
"Somewhere out of the way…a little ornamental garden or a family shrine.
"The Rainbow Bridge seems too commercial for you… too 'Sheep like'."
"'Sheep like'?"
The boy breaks into a bright, free laughter and he jostles him a little with his elbow before he replies,
"There is something…unique about you, Subaru-san…something extra special…"
"I am flattered that you believe as such, Tenshi-kun."
"You think I am being a little naive I suppose?"
"Maybe."
The boy turns an inquisitive stare onto him, those mismatched eyes twinkling with a mischief that is unique to him before he enquires,
"How do you see yourself then, Subaru-san?"
"I see myself a little as this bridge, Tenshi-kun."
"How so?"
"I am a free floating thing, bending and twisting with the minute shifts of this world, fixed solidly by but two points.
"One far behind me; my birth and one yet before me; my death."
"What happened in your past that you believe that of yourself, Subaru-san? That you believe such a notion of self is a positive thing?"
"My past is in the past, Tenshi-kun. I have no want to dwell upon it…no want at all."
The mood had soured considerably and the boys smile has guttered completely.
"I am sorry, Subaru-san…I had a thought that there was a pain somewhere in your life and yet for it to be enough for you to wish to deny it…
"Can we forget that I ever raised the question?"
"Of course, but I could ask you something?"
"Anything."
"Why do you say that you had a thought of the pain in my past?"
"Your eyes told me…I suspect most people you meet do not take much note of them but for the oddity of their hue.
Yet my eyes mirror your own and so after the initial shock of that similarity I could see beyond to the heart of you.
You have lonely eyes, Subaru-san…such very lonely eyes."
"Someone else told me as such, a long time ago. She also said that loneliness can make you do some odd things; at the time I was unsure as to whether she was speaking the truth, or for the terrible things her mother had done to her."
"What do you believe now, Subaru-san?"
"It would upset you for me to answer that question, Tenshi-kun and that would not do…I want only ever to see you smiling, after all."
The boy starts a little at the confession and then he smiles a warm open smile that made him as his own person rather than as a mirror of him.
"You are very kind, Subaru-san…"
Those words are oh so very familiar and he finds himself wrapped into a terrible memory…
He finds, somehow, the strength to move a little from his grip and his handsome face breaking into his first true smile he concludes the often used phrase,
"…very kind…Subaru-kun…I truly did…love you." He falls then, the last of his life's energy spent on such painfully senseless words.
He grips his body to him and the tears welling into his eyes he enquires,
"You never say what I expect you to, do you?"
"Seishiro-san…" It is but the faintest of whispers and yet Tenshi catches it somehow and a wildness in his eyes he enquires,
"Who is Subaru, who is Seshiro-san?"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
T: Dun dun dun…yep it's cliff hanger time! No I don't understand why Subaru chose the Rainbow Bridge either! This version of Sei-chan's final words based a little on the Viz translation 'I really…' and the realisation that Clamp love repeating things, thus this is a slight variation on Subaru's statement in volume 7 of TB... R+R for fun and to keep my brain working!