Perfume

Chapter Eleven: Alchimie

By Rhondda Lake

Rose sat on a stone bench in the arboretum. She could hear the song of birds in the treetops and the flow of water trickling past in the artificial stream. The room was the strangest mixture of Earth and alien plant life. Other than the birds there were insects and little almost squirrel like creatures making up a patchwork ecosystem. She came here every once in a while because she liked the way the plants she recognized seemed to grow in harmony with things like the bush with the bright pink leaves.

The lights in this room were cycling to dusk. The oncoming darkness seemed to suit her mood.

It had been several hours now since Jack had returned from disposing of her laundry and bedding, having vented the air from her room as well and cycling filtered air back in. He'd been very thorough. Once that was done and he had returned to the infirmary Rose had fled.

She scrubbed herself almost raw, washing away as much of the stuff as she could. She'd spent several minutes sobbing in the shower before pulling herself together.

She was upset, not only because she had inadvertently endangered the Doctor, but because she was hurt and angry as well. Hurt and angry that it was the perfume that the Doctor had been interested in, and not her. Nothing like a good sized kick to the ego. And it wouldn't have hurt so much if part of her hadn't wanted it to be real.

The rug had been well and truly pulled out from under her. Now she had to try and fall back to being best friends with the one man who meant everything to her. She had to pretend she didn't know what it was like to kiss him. That she hadn't been more affected by his kisses then whole rounds of sex with previous boyfriends.

Right now she just didn't know what to do with herself. She was afraid to see how the Doctor was doing now, if he was back to his usual self. What kind of friend did that make her?

"Hello."

She jumped at the sound of his voice, even as she turned her entire body in his direction.

There he was, looking imposing, yet at the same time as uncomfortable as she was. The Doctor had his hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket, his stance stiff and a bit uncertain.

"It's not your fault, Rose. You don't have to sit in here, blaming yourself." He took the few steps remaining between them and sat beside her on the bench. Close, but not touching.

"I'm glad you're feeling better then." She neatly changed the subject.

He shook his head and seemed to sigh softly. "I suppose so."

They sat in silence for a few long minutes. It wasn't the comfortable silence of shared companionship. No, this was an awkward thing settling heavily over them, despite the environmental noises.

"I think it's too late for me." The Doctor broke the silence.

"Too late for what?" Rose regarded him with open puzzlement and no little trepidation.

"For keeping an objective distance. For self preservation through emotional anaesthesia." He wasn't looking at her. He was staring at the stream running past them. "I wanted to stay over here, dry and safe as all that water rushes past. I could see it, hear it, watch it twist and eddy, and smile at all the little fish swimming in their happy oblivion below the surface. But I reached in, just to feel the water between my fingers, maybe to stop a big fish from picking on a little fish. Doesn't matter why I did it, just that it was done. Before I knew it I was up to my neck and facing the inevitable outcome of drowning."

Rose remained silent. She didn't know what to say. In fact she was still trying to puzzle out what he was saying. She knew it didn't have anything to do with the little stream running in front of them.

"I've had companions before, Rose. Nine hundred years of travelling time and space, I've picked up strays and stragglers. Only ever asked one other outright to come with me, and I got turned down. I didn't ask that one a second time." He turned to meet her eyes now. They sat only inches apart, but the emotional gap seemed miles. His words were closing that rift. "I've cared for all of them… well most of them. One or two were too annoying for words really. But I kept a certain distance. They were friends, but very rarely were they family." He closed his eyes then, a look of such intense pain came over his features at the word family. It reminded her of how much he had lost.

"I was always a bit detached. Had to be. You know the kind of decisions I have to make." His eyes bore into hers, and she knew that he was remembering locking her in with that Dalek. Yes, she knew too well the kind of decisions he often had to make. And she supported them. Even that one.

"But somehow you've brushed past that detachment. You got inside my defences into places no one has ever been before." His voice was husky with emotion, and there was a tremor of something else. Was it fear? "I tried to step back. I told myself over and over that you were another travelling companion. But you're not."

He reached out and took her hand, turning it palm up, his cool fingers traced over the lines of her palm. She was shaking now. Not certain she was hearing what he intended or what she wanted to hear.

"You've become vital. You became part of me, like the TARDIS is part of me. If nothing else came out of my reaction to that perfume, this did. It stripped away logic and reason, and left only the essence of self, the emotional part of me, what I kept hidden. I don't know if I can go on without you. And that scares me more than anything. I never needed anything or anyone." He sounded so lost.

Rose closed the little space between them. Her heart was beating furiously, and her vision misted, although she refused to let tears fully form. With her free hand she touched his jaw, making sure he didn't turn away as she leaned in to place a soft, lingering kiss on his lips. Not demanding, but reassuring. She leaned back a bit with a smile.

"I'm not going anywhere you know. I need you too. I love the adventure, and the exploration, and all that. I really do. But none of that is important without you."

He grinned at her, the fear hadn't totally fled, but there was relief there as well. They both moved in, and this time the kiss was mutual. It moved from tentative and sweet to something rich and hungry very quickly. Rose felt the Doctor's one hand at the base of her neck, as if he were afraid she would run now. His other hand was resting softly at her waist. His tongue was learning hers, engaging in a battle where everyone came out the victor. Heat gathered and pooled in her body. She felt like she was floating, yet was strangely heavy all at the same time.

Too soon the need or air caused Rose to break the kiss. She rested her forehead against his. "If this is something left over from that perfume I may have to smack you."

He gave a small bark of laughter. "Believe me, I know you've learned smacking from an expert. And I think this is left over from the perfume, just not like you're implying. It was a catalyst. Made me face up to things I was trying to avoid."

"You were avoiding me, where you?" She grinned, her tongue peeking out between her teeth.

"Not you. This. Needing you. Wanting you. Loving you."

She reared back now, looking him full in the eyes. "Loving me? Now you've gone and said it, and I'm not letting you take it back. Now you're stuck with me."

He gave a gentle smile. "And I'm so glad." She stood up and pulled him to his feet before pressing herself full against him, a hand sneaking up to bring him down to kiss her once more. She felt herself losing all sense of time and space, melting into the exquisite longing, the aching erotic pull of his mouth, the dark, sensual taste of him. Better than aged wine, darker than chocolate, his kisses made her forget herself.

It was him who pulled back this time. His eyes were dark, hungry, like they had been before, but there was also a real sense of him there was well. He was looking at her like she was everything. It couldn't be healthy for her heart to keep skipping beats like that.

Then there was a spark of something in his eyes, a sense of joy. "Come on then, the Delnusian Orb is waiting."

It took a moment for her mind to wrap around what he said as he tugged her towards the door.

"Wha…" She felt her mouth opening and closing like a fish.

"Can't spend all day snogging in the arboretum." He pulled her by their joined hands out the door and into the twisting hallway. "Did you know that the Delnusian Orb is…"

She set her feet firmly and stopped, making him stumble as he moved forward and their locked hands didn't.

"I am going to bed," she announced in a firm tone that brooked no argument. "I have been chased, tied up, nearly burnt at the stake, worried myself silly over you, and you just told me you loved me. All within the last thirty so hours without any rest, and being knocked out by gas does not count. I am going to take the next eight to ten hours to recuperate." She let go his hand and marched past him. She looked over her shoulder, "the amount of time I take depends entirely on if I'm going to be alone or not."

With that she turned the corner and sought out her own room.