A/N: Here we are at chapter two. It's considerably longer than chapter one. It was also harder to write for some reason.

Disclaimer : I don't own it…:pout:

AND IT'S YAOI!

Author: Sesshoumaru-bishounen aka. Whisper

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Sides of Ourselves

Unforeseen

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He's gone.

He's gone, and what's worse, he sent Zell to tell me. Zell of all people! Naturally my outspoken blond friend with the gravity-defying hair didn't know what was going on either. He simply had an envelope that contained a short, succinct message. In truth it was quite unlike the Seifer I had known in the past years. Any message from him I would expect to be strategically written so that every statement somehow exalted the author. Not that it would actually convince the reader of the greatness of Seifer Almasy, but it did apparently make the writer's ego go up a few notches. This was nothing at all like that, in fact, it was so far removed from my rival's personality that I at first wondered if it was a forgery. Unfortunately I could think of no motive.

Zell stood watching me as I read the letter, watching for some trace of emotion to cross my face. Ha, good luck, I've had far too much practice at blocking out the world. I think the nerves between my brain and my face are pretty much severed; I almost pride myself in my control… only as of late there have been a few slip-ups. I'm involved in a war, what can you expect? Yes, the idiotic war. I guess it's rather past tense for most people, but not for me, and undeniably not for Seifer. I'm sorry we've made him feel this way. I certainly never wanted to make him feel alienated. Sure he's a stubborn, arrogant prick most of the time, but not totally beyond tolerance.

No, definitely not. Sometimes I wish he would just go away and give me some peace, but not for the reasons that everyone sees in my apparent irritation. No, not that at all. The truth was it stung. Somewhere underneath all that bluster, was something I must admit I admired. I really, really hated to admit that, but if you can't be honest with the rest of the world then the least one can do is be honest with oneself. So the utter, bare truth is that Squall Leonhart has a crush on Seifer Almasy. What a surprise.

That's why I wanted him to go away. He makes my emotions come to life in an uncontrollable fashion, and that in and of itself irks me. So instead of displaying what I'm truly feeling at those given moments, I channel it all into anger. If I'm annoyed, then no one suspects anything. In fact, it's safer to stay away from him entirely, to avoid him would be so much easier and the path of least resistance has its appeal, but no one has ever called me a coward. I'm not scared of Seifer, far from it, the only thing that intimidates me is my own feelings, they're a hell of a lot harder to tackle and they're even more persistent than Rinoa.

But now he's actually done it. My problem is, to be blunt, solved. Only now I'm finding that I didn't really want this situation to be resolved in this manner. I stare coldly at the offending piece of paper in my hand. If thoughts could indeed be projected, the letter would probably be incinerated, along with half the room. I am angry, frustrated and sad, and I hate it. My emotions are NOT ALLOWED to be in control! Squall Leonhart, Lion of Balamb, is known to keep his cool in stressful situation…save those involving Seifer. But this was entirely different; it was like someone had hacked off a limb. This was less messy but, in a way I can't comprehend, no less painful.

And it really bites that he didn't come and tell me himself that he was leaving. I might actually have given him a piece of my mind for once. Not that it would have changed anything. I happen to know that once Seifer's mind is set, it's like an engraving in stone and it usually takes a lot more than a hammer and chisel to get it to say anything different.

Which brings me to yet another confusing point. It's true that many of the Garden's residents don't want him here, but to Seifer, at least the one I thought I knew, that would only present a challenge, one which he would take on with the superior smirk twisting his lips into an expression that reeked with supremacy. I'd really like to see that smirk right now. Never thought I'd think that, not about Sir Take-on-the-World.

Yeah, he did that, didn't he? And he lost. I have a sort of…ache, like I want to be able to touch him, right now, to place my fingers on his hand and know that he really exists. This letter, this cursed harbinger of loss, it's the only tangible proof I have that Seifer was ever here.

Hey, Squall, I'm not sure what you'll say when you read this, probably "Whatever", since I don't expect you to care, save maybe that I've deprived you of the chance to beat me into oblivion.

I'm leaving, I'm probably already a good ways away as you read these words. They don't want me here, and I don't really have any reason to stay. Don't worry, I'm not out to cause trouble, I'll just exile myself instead of having someone else do it. That's the best sentence I've heard your average citizen offer you know, most just want my head on a pike.

There's some things I wanted to tell you before I left, Squall, but I couldn't, I guess I am a coward after all.

Take care Squally.

-Seifer Almasy

Dammit! He can't do this to me! I will deal with this in a calm, reasonable manner befitting someone with my training and experience. I've been trained to handle these things from the moment that Quistis and the other instructors started to teach us. So, naturally, she'd have a if she could read my mind right now…contemplating the pursuit of my rival with questionable intent. I swear if Seifer had walked into the room at this very moment I wouldn't know whether to kiss him or kill him. I must admit that this whole thing seems silly, having these feelings flare to life over someone who surely doesn't want them directed at him.

Sounds like an explosive situation…

I really detest those.

I'm one of those people who prefers a routine and never gets one. Though it's likely I would find myself bored absolutely to tears should we ever manage the miracle of sticking to a schedule.

But now I couldn't care less. I think I'd take absolute chaos over the absence of my…well…what is Seifer to me anyway?

Time to face the facts, kid, Seifer has unwittingly forced your hand yet again. Never play hearts with your enemy, he holds all the good cards. And it's damn inconvenient.

I need to think. I truly don't know how important Seifer has become to me. I'm afraid of what this might mean.

Seifer is gone.

Sweet Hyne…what's wrong with me?

I stalk past Zell, who's still waiting for me to say something, sorry but his faithfulness isn't to be rewarded at the moment. I hate things I can't explain, they challenge something in the way my brain works apparently.

"Yo! Squall! What's wrong?"

"Hnn." I brush him off, shutting out whatever it is he's trying to tell me. I want to go to my room and, yes, sulk. I'm feeling lost at the moment…pissed off too. Human company is not something I can tolerate right now, sorry, Zell.

I may have just frightened a few people, storming down the hall like that. Ah, who cares? It will boost my reputation as the moody, stern, take-no-shit commander. It's good for my image.

Slamming my door was simply for effect I'm sure.

I sit heavily on the bed, for some unexplained reason I'm trembling. Why won't my own body even behave anymore? I'm losing control. I'm terrified, absolutely terrified of the prospect of life here without that arrogant obnoxious prick. I feel like I'm going to cry. An odd feeling that, I know I'm much to old to be turning on the waterworks over a crush. Really, Squall, you should be happy about this, but instead I'm miserable.

What a wretched person I am, to be so weak.

Seifer would probably laugh at me, the so-called commander and Lion of Balamb; nothing but a sham.

The ache has become pain, like you went and ripped my heart clean out of my chest and took it along with you.

Is this what love feels like?

I wouldn't know.

But I'm sure as hell going to find out.

TBC

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A/N: Read and review, it makes me very happy. Happy authors write more.