Chapter 4
This wasn't happening... it couldn't be.
But by the look on Harry's face she knew it was true.
She collapsed easily into his comforting arms, clinging to him, crying without realizing she was actually doing it well he rubbed her back and smoothed her hair down. All the while he whispered in her ear, "I'm so sorry, 'Mione." His voice was cracking, his breath coming in small shaky breaths.
What was she to do now?
How could she go on without him?
Even when she was thinking about leaving him previously.
She pulled from Harry's arms, willing him to tell her the full story. The truth. He was reluctant. But he told her, now sobbing that he had been killed in battle. He was a hero. He saved Harry's life.
She felt suddenly very proud of her husband. Always such the loyal friend.
But she began to hate herself.
Harry let her walk away from him, towards the kitchen where she distractedly began to get a glass of water. He watched her do it. He knew her grief... and he knew her inner turmoil. He knew about Draco.
But he would never yell at her.
Sometimes she wished he did. But the boy-who-lived, now a full grown handsome man, never got involved in her and Ron's problems. They always worked themselves out in the end after all...
Was this it's way of working itself out?
Unable to take the sudden rush of inner pain, she sunk to the ground, catching a glimpse of a black feather on the window sill as she did so; before Harry had enveloped her into another hug. They sat, crying like that on the floor well she thought...
Draco was with her even now.
But she pushed him from her thoughts. The only thing her brain should be allowing at that moment was her sorrow for her newly deceased husband. The love of her life.
Draco wasn't here now. Harry was.
But of course Draco wouldn't have come. Not after she told him they couldn't see each other.
She couldn't take that back.
Harry stayed with her that night. Falling asleep on her couch with all the exhaustion of the day. Than he followed her the next day to the Weasley's household.
But it was no longer her time to be comforted by him. She was left alone as he comforted Ginny.
And Hermione felt more alone than ever. Even surrounded by her in-laws and family... she felt abandoned.
At the funeral, she had clung to Harry again. Because she felt she had little strength left of her own. She clung to his arm, listening as Ginny sobbed on his other and the Weasley's blew their noses as her husband's coffin was lowered into the freshly dug rectangle of earth.
She dropped a red rose on his grave and stood tall as they began covering it with the dark earth. She held her breath, and caught the gaze of a man standing further off in the trees of the little graveyard.
A man with silvery, grey eyes and white blonde hair.
She turned away from him and went back to Harry's side.
Not here. She wouldn't give in to him.
Not here...
She was able to avoid him as she left. By Harry's side with Ginny sobbing into her shoulder and the rest of the Weasley's walking behind her; he did not emerge from his hiding spot.
But she knew he was watching...
In summer's beginning... when she got the letter from the headmistress of Hogwarts, asking her to teach charms class after Professor Flitwick's retirement, she accepted without hesitation.
She would be able to get away from that house, so sick she was of sleeping in that bed of hers alone and walking up to quiet every single morning.
Teaching would distract her. The students would distract her.
And Draco Malfoy wouldn't be able to try and visit her as he had attempted so often now.
Whether it be a quick glimpse in the park... or he dropped off a simple red rose at her office for her... every single attempt was just making things worse.
He was trying to make her feel better. But she wouldn't allow that.
So on the night before Sept. 1st, she had a goodbye meal with the Weasley's and Harry. Trying all the while to ignore the gaping hole in her heart.
The next day she did not catch the train to school, she Apparated to the Three Broomsticks, than proceeded the long trudge up to the castle, arriving well before the students and allowing herself some time to set up her classroom and new bedroom.
Making sure to clip her black feather to the top corner of her bedroom mirror.
Just to remind herself of the sorrows she's caused herself and others.
So not to do it again.
She had promised herself.
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After dinner one night in the great hall, she returned, feeling just as exhausted as ever, to her room to find a white owl perched over her bed.
She tried to smile, but the action seemed harder for her these days.
"Hedwig..." She walked forward and gently untied the letter from her ready leg, handing her a treat from her bed stand that she saved just for her. She nipped her finger kindly and flew to her wardrobe, obviously wanting a reply to the letter.
It was, of course, from Harry. He was often writing to her. He was worried about her, and she felt guilty for letting that happen, but didn't try to change it.
She read through the letter once and placed it carefully on her desk in the corner of the room. Her eyes flashing upwards to the mirror... and the feather.
Draco had come to see Harry.
He wanted to know how she was doing. Where she had gone... Supposedly Harry had picked up a pile of letters from her mailbox... all from Draco Malfoy asking these very same things.
He did not patronize her in the letter. Only simply told her that Draco had stopped by out of concern.
Harry would come and visit her soon.
Perhaps he would save his lecture for that time? Or perhaps he would tell her he didn't want to be part of her life anymore?
Surely she did not deserve his friendship.
He knew all her little secrets.
The thought made her nervous. She wanted Harry to be proud of her. Happy for her.
She walked to the mirror and tore the dark feather from the frame, letting it fall, ruffled and nearly broken to the cold floor.
She didn't hesitate in forgetting about it. Only went back over to her desk to begin grading students essays.
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AN: Short... I know. Sorry it took so long. Family/personal problems.
I'm sorry all you Ronald fans.. but it had to happen to go on with the story
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