He Will Carry Me, a fullmetal alchemist fanfic

A/N: Alas, can it be? Have I actually written a sibling piece that isn't YYH related? Holy crap! I'm on a freakin' roll here, kids! Woot! He he, so yes, here's a lovely little brother one-shot for you all to indulge yourselves in. I hope its cuteness will make you squeal, and that its sentimentality will make you feel all warm and gooey inside. I've loved this set of siblings from day one, but my other piece didn't do them any justice, and I figure if I can devote so much time and effort to Hiei and Yukina (yes, I couldn't get through this without at least mentioning them.lol) then I can surely give my favorite set of brothers something much better! So here we go!

Disclaimer:

I don't own FMA
It's a cryin' shame
I don't own the song, someone else does
And Mark Shultz would be his name

Dedication: To my elder siblings Chad and Sacha Lynn. Though we feud and hate eachother's guts from time to time, I still love you goofs. Chad, you annoy me to death with your constant pacing, but you're great for getting a hug from and some fluffy sibling moments. Sacha Lynn, you get on my nerves so easily when you ramble andblare your crappy music in my ears, but I love ya anyway.

He Will Carry Me

I remember it so well, the day we nearly lost ourselves entirely in our effort to bring back what we had lost. Though I'd rather forget that awful day, it still lingers in my memory, never to leave me at peace. But I do suppose that it's only fair I keep it so close, yet so far. I need to remember and cling to what happened to Al and myself that day. I can never let go of it, because then I will lose myself and my brother for sure.

To this day I still wonder why Al stays by my side, despite all the dead-end's I've brought us to. You would think he would've given up by now, but for some reason he never abandons me, or our search for the truth. I guess that's what brothers are meant to do, stay with one another no matter what. True, I've always believed that, but I didn't think that after all I had put him through that he'd hold true to that principle. Al held tight to everything could, and I couldn't blame him. Being a hollow suit of armor was practically empty to him. He couldn't smell, taste or sense anything at all, and yet he still had all the love and compassion he had from the start. Which is why I couldn't lose him like I lost Mother.

I call, you hear me
I've lost it all
And it's more than I can bear
I feel so empty

You're strong, I'm weary
I'm holding on
But I feel like giving in
But still you're with me

I was willing to give up everything - I was ready to sacrifice every drop of blood just so I could get Al back. I could only manage it all halfway...

But he never complained or whined about the body he had now, and that put my mind at ease for a considerable amount of time. He was just masking his disappointment, though. Al was a terrible liar, and I could see through his every attempt at secrecy simply because he was my brother. I knew how sad and frustrated he was living that way, but I think deep down he understood that it was the best I could do at the time. If I could have, I would have given him my body instead, but alchemy doesn't play that way, unfortunately.

'Equivalent exchange...'

I've lived on those two words ever since I learned the concept of alchemy, and they made perfect sense when I saw the Gate. I understood all I needed to know so that I could at least preserve my brother's soul, clinging to hope that I could one day restore his body as well.

Though I intended to sacrifice my own life to bring back Al's soul, Equivalent exchange somehow tricked me and only took my arm, but maybe it was the pain I went through that made up the difference. Either way, my brother was back, and in return he saw me practically bleeding to death. And then...he...carried me away, rushing me to the Rockbell's in hopes that they could save my life.

The rain was so cold, yet so warm that night as he ran through the mud to get me to safety, all the while I was mentally kicking myself for my foolishness. This was why human transmutation was forbidden - too much had to be sacrificed to return it to the living world. But Al ignored all our mistakes at the time, my life his only concern as he he begged our family friends to help keep me alive long enough to at least get automail, much less my own limbs.

"Please...help him, he's dying...!" I remember the way he whimpered, later admitting to me how badly he wished he could have cried for me that night.

And even though I'm walking through
The valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of him
Whose love will comfort me
When all hope is gone
And I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will ever need
He will carry me

Al was definately more emotionally sensitive than I was, but rightfully so. Being raised by our mother made him considerably soft, whereas I was hard and cold to others, all because of my father's absense. No matter how much I voiced my hatred for the old man, Al never looked at our father in resentment. I wish I could have that peace of mind he did about everything, but I suppose that's what makes him different than me. One of us has to be sentimental, and the other ties up the loose ends.

Still, I was compelled by Al's own sacrifices for me, taking head on attacks in my place, nearly losing his soul in the process. His blood seal had been threatened countless times because of me and my pride, but Al never begged for his life, holding mine above his own in the most grim of situations. Time and again he would remind me that one sacrifice is worth the life of another, just like in alchemy, but that was the part I never wanted to admit for so long. I didn't want to believe that one life had to be exchanged for another to live. It didn't seem fair, and yet it was so undefiably clear to the rest of the world. Al knew what it took to keep our bond strong, so he reminded me constantly of it, whispering softly that he loved me more than anyone in his entire life.

Loving him was what kept me going so strong because I couldn't let him down, not after what he had given up unwillingly. Being his older brother I had to protect him at whatever cost, and he felt the same. We were both willing to fight to the death just to keep the other alive. I didn't care how I got Al his body back, just as long as it worked. I loved him too much to give up.

I know I'm broken
But you alone
Can mend this heart of mine
You're always with me

I couldn't give up because of what he had done for me, carrying my bleeding body in the rain and seeing all the horrors he did at such a young age. To this day I still regret everything he must have seen; the creature that was supposed to be our mother, witnessing his own body get sucked away, and then seeing my blood cover the floor of our family home turned into a graveyard. No doubt he was scarred, but he said he did it all out of love...a love for Mother...a love for me.

Competing with those sorts of deep feelings were beyond my capabilities for certain, even now after all the trials we've faced. He's so much stronger than I am, both physically and mentally, and yet I still feel responsible for all he endures. Even though he can't feel a random punch to his armored chest, that doesn't make him immortal, or even indestructable. On several occasions he's been torn apart literally, pieces of him scattered everywhere, and again leaving me hating myself for how careless I was in protecting him. I didn't care if I got hurt, but when he'd get into trouble and pay the price for it, I never felt like I could truly forgive myself. Al had been through too much and losing him because of my mistakes was not something I would allow to happen.

And yet I kept making the same mistakes, shamefully bearing my flaws time after time, but Al wouldn't argue with me, or even yell at me. Instead he'd just sigh and tell me that we would find another way to get our bodies back. I knew it was true - the answer was out there, but I could only take so much disappointment, especially with Al's life on the line.

Sacrifice after sacrifice. I thought we were so close, but then it would all be taken away from us in an instant, Truth kicking me in the face and shoving me back down to reality. When I finally thought I had the answer, that same bitter reality bit us, tore us apart, and made us scream for mercy. Because of my failure to realize that human transmutation took more than the necessary minerals and ingredients, Al lived in a nightmare for a short time before I could free him, seeing things that surely would have made him cry had he been able to. It was my fault for what he went through. I had to make up for it somehow, whether it be getting his body back or giving my life in exchange for his. I didn't care anymore. Al was worth everything to me, even more than life itself.

Brotherhood is often taken for granted, arguments and fights interfering with the bond too frequently to allow the siblings to experience what we have. Al's always been there for me, and I'd like to think I for him, but I know that's not entirely true. I'm sure that there were times that Al needed to talk to me and I wasn't there for him, however he would never voice it thereafter, either solving the problem for himself, or just swallowing it and moving on. Regardless, though, we support one another and still try to laugh...

I'll never forget his smile or his rare hugs, each making me feel like I was the big brother I was supposed to be. I just hope he knows I love him too and that I'd do anything to stay his brother forever.

Our sensei always reminded me of the bond I had with Al, how I was supposed to be the provider now instead of the dependant. When she heard about what we had done, I was sure that he hated us, and that she would never forgive me, but on a quiet night she whispered to me of her own personal heartbreak for us.

"Edward, you're a foolish little boy reaching for the stars, but I guess...you were just reaching for hope." she had said in an uncharacteristically soft voice, drawing her arms around me in comfort. "You were reaching for love - your mother. You paid the price to keep your brother alive, and that's where love will take you. It will carry you through the deepest valleys and the most torrential of storms. It won't be easy, but you've got eachother to hold onto."

And even though I feel so lonely
Like I have never been before
You never said it would be easy
But you said you'd see me through the storm

And even though I'm walking through
The valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of him
Whose love will comfort me
When all hope is gone
And I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will ever need
He will carry me

I'll never forget those words. They were so true, defining what lengths Al and I would go to just to stay together. I wouldn't trade Al for anyone else, not even Mother. She was gone, and I had accepted that as the truth. But Al was still with me. As far as I could control it I wouldn't let him slip away before I could catch him. I'd carry him if I had to - it was the least I could offer for what he's done for me through the years.

And still...

He carried me back home to repaint the memories we almost lost.

A/N: Sappy? Happy? Crappy? Cut me some slacky! Mind reviewin' and doin' a little bit of yacky? Thanks, you're so quacky!

...Good Lord, I need mental therapy...

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