Men of Suspect Sexuality

Shizune, "We really shouldn't say these sort of things. I've never had a problem with any guy here. They're all very nice!"

Anko laughed bitterly. "You think so, do you? Fine, name anyone!" She reached for her third bottle and handed another to Kurenai.

Shizune, "Well…What about Asuma? Isn't he a good friend of yours Kurenai?"

Kurenai, "That stinkin' bum? Do you know how many packs of cigarettes he smokes a day? Ever heard of secondhand smoke? He's killing me every time I stand next to him!"

Anko, "But he is pretty hot. I mean, he's quite well built. Looks like he'd have quite a package." She gave Kurenai a look and a nudge.

Kurenai blushed from both the sake and Anko's suggestion. "Well, that's true…I mean…sure I'd sleep with him, but he's not permanent material."

Anko, "Yeah, I'd do him too."

Tsunade, "Put Asuma in one of those columns and give him two, no three checkmarks, I'd do him too!"

Shizune, "Umm, which column? Pervert or gay?"

Kurenai, "Well, he's never made a real move toward me."

Anko, "Me neither."

Tsunade, "Just put him down as gay. We can reclassify him later."

Shizune obediently did as directed, but gave him four check marks, then asked, "Well, what about Iruka? He's really nice and he doesn't smoke."

Anko, "Mr. Goody-two-shoes? He's about as exciting as…as…"

Tsuande, "Dried paint? A white board? Listening to one of the Third's lectures?"

Kurenai, "Yeah! Mr. Self-Righteous. Can't believe how he challenged us jounin at the nomination meeting. Him, just a lowly chuunin…"

Anko, "Not a jounin, not interested, not worth looking at!"

Kurenai, "Yeah! We can't be involved with someone who makes less money than us…but he is pretty cute…"

Anko, "Yeah, I'd do him too. He'd make a good daddy if you want to settle down and lead a boring life."

Kurenai, "I bet he's going broke taking all the kids out for treats and feeding Naruto ramen all the time, but he has to be Mr. Nice Guy. Weak little chuunin, I bet I can kick his ass from here to..."

Tsunade, "All right, put him in one of the columns and give him…two check marks! I won't sleep with him. He's like a little kid. I'd feel like a pedophile…"

Shizune, "Well, considering your real age, any guy…"

Tsunade gave her the evil eye and Shizune immediately changed the subject.

Shizune, "Umm, which column?"

Anko, Kurenai, Tsunade in unison, "Gay!"

Shizune wrote Iruka's name in the gay column and gave him three check marks, then said, "You guys are harsh!"

Tsunade, "Well, you can't just choose anyone. I mean, I don't know how you stand Gai…"

Anko, "You're involved with Gai?!"

Shizune, very red, "No way! I mean, I am not! It's just… I was being nice to him because of Lee's operation…"

Kurenai, "That guy is just too weird."

Anko, "That's putting it nicely. Someone give him a makeover from head to toe fast!"

Kurenai, "Yeah, I'd start with trimming those eyebrows…"

Anko, "A decent haircut by a professional. Looks like he cuts his hair himself!"

Kurenai, "Maybe Lee cuts it for him…"

Tsunade, "Their relationship just seems…so…unhealthy!"

Shizune, "You guys are so mean!"

Kurenai laughed, "Well, don't you think so Shizune?"

Shizune, "I'll admit he should wear the regular shinobi uniform…"

Anko, "Yeah! What makes him think that green jumpsuit is in anyway attractive? It's horrendously ugly! Makes him look like a crazed mutant leprechaun!"

Kurenai, "And don't forget all that nonsense he spews out."

Anko, "Yeah! In fact, the other day he said something like "youth is sweet and sour" and I wasn't sure whether he was hitting on me or ordering Chinese food!"

Kurenai, "Ha, ha, ha! He's one I wouldn't sleep with!"

Shizune, "So you'd rather sleep with someone who could kill you with secondhand smoke?"

Kurenai shrugged, "Pride and dignity is sometimes more important than living. Being seen with someone like that…just kunai me now!"

Shizune sighed and wrote Gai's name in the gay column without asking and gave him one check mark.