The Truth Comes Out

Shizune looked at the list of names. "So, umm, how many of these guys have any of you…actually…been intimate with?"

"Intimate with? Ha ha ha, you are such a priss, Shizune!" laughed Anko.

Kurenai shook her head at Shizune's innocent bearing. "Yeah! We're all woman here, just say screwed or something!"

Shizune refused to use coarse language.

"I can say right off, absolutely none of them!" said Tsunade.

Shizune sighed in relief at that.

Anko replied thoughtfully, "Well, if you include my wild younger days, which I mostly spent in an alcoholic daze, I think I slept with…about half of them at least once."

"What! I didn't know you were such a slut!" said Kurenai in surprise and envy.

Anko responded crossly, "Oh, please, you're just jealous! I know you want Asuma!"

"You mean you did him too? You just said earlier…"

"I didn't want to hurt your feelings. Don't worry, it was a long time ago and it wasn't memorable…"

Kurenai glared at Anko and finished her fourth bottle in one gulp.

Shizune erased Asuma from the gay column and reclassified him in the pervert column. She thought, All men are perverts whether in secret or out in the open.

"Well, Kurenai, you haven't answered the question…" Tsunade pointed out.

"What question?" Kurenai started to yawn.

"How many?"

Kurenai turned redder than what alcohol could induce. "I…I'm not sure. Does that include genjutsu?"

"What do you mean? You used genjutsu to get them into bed?" asked Shizune.

"Uh, I didn't say that…I…uh…forget it…I'd say just a handful. But what about you Shizune?"

"Me? I…uh…haven't been in town for a long time till now…"

"Well, include the time from before," Anko suggested.

Tsunade commanded, "Answer them! That's an order!"

Shizune turned completely red. "Well, let's see…" She looked down the list and started counting. "Umm, a bit more than half I think…"

"More than half? You mean you slept with more of them than me or that slut?" said Kurenai in shock.

"Hey, watch it you b…"

Shizune explained, "Like I said, they're all very nice once you get to know them…and they all took me out to a nice dinner…"

"You slept with them in exchange for dinner?" Tsunade thought, All this time… I don't know her at all!

"A nice dinner…" Shizune emphasized.

Kurenai muttered, "It's always the quiet ones…"

"You got dinner out of it? I feel so…gypped!" complained Anko.

"Maybe if you just gave these guys a chance…" suggested Shizune helpfully.

"They're all losers!" Tsunade declared.

Anko and Kurenai nodded silently in agreement.

The Solution

Kurenai and Anko now lapsed into silence, each resentful of the other. They were now out of sake. A dozen bottles lay around them. All except Shizune were heavily intoxicated. Shizune thought as she looked at the disheveled three, Maybe it's not the men, but the women…

Shizune ventured, "Hokage-sama, we still haven't addressed the original problem…"

Tsunade responded in a daze, "Oh? What was that?"

Shizune sighed, "Kunoichi enrollment!"

"Oh, yes. Hmm, it seems the only time in recent years that enrollment was up was during the class with Sakura, Ino and Hinata. There were a number of girls in that class and all three genin teams had a girl…" pondered Tsunade slowly.

Anko yawned, "Oh, the reason for that is obvious!"

"It is?" Tsunade looked up from the registration book.

"Yeah, look at what boy was in the class," Kurenai hinted.

Tsunade looked down the list, thinking, Shino bug boy, Kiba dog boy, Choji blimp boy, Shikamaru lazy bum, Naruto annoying brat…and… Sasuke. I see…Sasuke!

Tsunade flipped the registration book back a number years to check her theory. She smiled broadly, Who said I couldn't be as astute while under the influence? "I now realize the solution to our problem. Kunoichi enrollment and retention was at its highest under Yondaime and Sasuke. The solution is…we need to recruit more cute guys! Thereby encouraging girls to enroll!"

The others all nodded enthusiastically. They gave each other high-fives all around, chanting in unison, over and over "More cute guys! More cute guys! More cute guys!"

Epilogue

Tsunade ordered Izumo and Kotetsu to clean up her office before she headed to bed with a serious headache.

"Why is it always us?" grumbled Izumo.

"She treats us like her goddamn errand boys, but we're chuunins!" complained Kotestsu.

"Hey, what's this?" Izumo looked over the list of names on the chalkboard.

Kotetsu frowned. "Well, she told us to clean up, maybe we should erase the chalkboard too."

"That's probably a good idea." Izumo gestured at the sake bottles and cups strewn all over the floor, then turned his attention back to the chalkboard. "What do you think those checks mean?"

"I don't know, and I don't think I want to know."

Izumo nodded his headed seriously in agreement and picked up the eraser.

(note: could not get the chart to format correctly, should be in 2 columns)

GAY-...-...-...-...-...-PERVERT

-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-Jiraiya XX

Iruka XXX-...-...-...-Yondaime XXXX

Gai X-...-...-...-...-...-Kakashi XXXX

Orochimaru X -...-...-Sandaime X

Ebisu XX -...-...-...-...-Ibiki X

Aoba XX -...-...-...-...-Asuma XXXX

-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-Genma XXXX

-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-Raidou XXXX

-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-Iwashi XXX

END - More stories and articles at animefamily. com drop by for a visit :)
Author's Notes:

Of course if Kakashi had taken off his mask, kunoichi enrollment would have been through the roof!

This story is dedicated to all the men of Konoha, all of whom are hot, or cool, in one way or another.

I'd do them in the following order:

Kakashi!

Iruka, Yondaime, Genma (ever notice he has similar eyes to Kakashi?)

Raidou, Izumo, Asuma

Guys I'd have to think about: Ebisu, Iwashi, Aoba, Kotetsu, Jiraiya

Guys I'd have to be paid for: Gai, Ibiki, Sandaime

Guys I wouldn't touch, ever: Orochimaru (well, his new incarnation is pretty hot, hmm...well reconsider...)

Note: Izumo and Kotetsu are 24, only a year younger than Iruka but I thought they were only 16-19 since they're much shorter so they weren't included.

Upcoming sequel: Why Icha Icha Books Are Better than Women

Summary: Tsunade tricks Jiraiya into holding a recruitment meeting. Only Gai, Ebisu and Iruka show up. Find out what the men think of the women of Konoha!