IdIoTiC dEeDs

ChApTeR tWo

Samara stood there with her mouth hanging open. It was broken. The precious necklace was BROKEN.

"No...no..." Samara murmured. "I'm dreaming. Yeah. I must be. Wait a minute--I can't dream. Then I'm hallucinating. Yeah, that's it. I inherited some bad blood from Evelyn. Yes." So Samara grabbed the broken necklace by the chain and scrambled out of the bathtub. "And I'll prove it, too. I'll have someone else look at this necklace, and they'll tell me it's not broken, and..."

Samara quietly tiptoed down the creaky old stairs and out the front door. Then she ran off the porch, across the lawn, throught the gates, and down the road to Dr. Grasnik's house. There she found Darby sitting in the middle of the lawn biting on some grass.

"Darby!" Samara cried, running up to him. "Tell me what you see here!" She held up the necklace.

Darby looked up. One of his eyes was half-closed. "Cow."

"No, Darby," Samara said very slowly and clearly. "Not cow."

Darby wrinkled his forhead. "Not cow?"

"No. Not cow."

"Not cow..."

"Darby, what are you even doing out here this late?" Samara said, losing her slow and patient tone.

Darby spit out some of the grass he was chewing on. "This late? Cow?"

"AARGH! I'm wasting my time." Samara walked away from Darby and towards the house. She walked up to the door and started banging on it. When there was no answer, Samara started screaching. Finally the door opened and Dr. Grasnik appeared, looking very tired and angry.

"Samara, what is it this time?" she asked drearily.

Samara once again held up her mom's necklace. "Tell me what you see here."

Dr. Grasnik raised one eyebrow at Samara and then said, "A necklace?"

Samara nodded. "Yes, and what color is the jewel in the middle?"

Dr. Grasnik squinted. "What jewel? Samara--"

"YOU MEAN YOU DON'T SEE A JEWEL?" Samara hollered.

Dr. Grasnik muttered something like, You're mother must really be crazy to have adopted you. Then she said, "Samara, if this is a joke, it's not funny--"

But Samara was already running down the road, her dress flying up and hot pink Fruit of the Looms showing underneath.

When she got back to the house, Samara really started to panic. She began to pace the front porch. "Wow..." she murmured. "I guess I'm really not as crazy as Evelyn. Wait..." Samara said, her face lighting up, "...Evelyn! If anyone can come up with a brilliant scheme, it's her!" Samara flung the door open and raced inside the house.

Evelyn was sitting at her little desk in the hospital cutting up newspaper clippings as usual when one of the nurses entered her room. This particular nurse was very fat and had a rather hairy mole on her left cheek. She was holding a portable phone.

"Evelyn, there's someone on the phone for you," the nurse said. It was obvious that she was trying to sound kind and gentle but all it sounded like was grunting. Evelyn turned around in her chair to glare at the nurse.

"Look, Midge, I'm kinda buzy!" she hollered. "Who is it?"

"Well, I don't know, but whoever it is sounds like they really need to talk to you," replied Midge the nurse.

Evelyn sighed and got up to grab the phone, still holding her sissors. Once she had snatched the phone out of Midge's hands she jabbed Midge violently with her sissors and pushed her out of the room.

"Who is it?" Evelyn said sweetly into the phone.

"Evelynthenecklaceitbrokeandyouhavetohelpme!" said a very angry voice.

"Samara?" Evelyn said. "Is that you?"

"Well who the heck else would call YOU?" Samara hissed impatiently.

"What on earth do you want at this time of night?"

"It's my mom's necklace. It broke."

"My necklace broke?"

"NO MY OTHER MOM YOU IDIOT!" yelled Samara.

Evelyn glared at the phone as if it had been the one to have just called her an idiot. Then she said, "Well what do you expect me to do about it?"

"C'mon, you smar'! Figure somepin' ow!" Samara said, obviously chewing on something. "Heck, you almos' suctheded at dwowning me suwounded by a whole buncha nuns!"

Evelyn couldn't help but smile. It was true that she had a very evil, clever mind. "Well...alright, alright, here's an idea-" Evelyn heard Samara swallow whatever she was eating, "-why don't you just make it look like somebody else did it? Ya know, put your dad's stuff all aroud the crime scene or something. Then you'll be off the hook, and your idiot father will get blamed."

"OMIGOSH THANK YOU SO MUCH!"

And Samara hung up.

It was three o' clock in the morning. Samara was quietly opening the door to her parents' room and entering, not making a sound. Just as carefully, she tiptoed over to the dresser where she had found the necklace in the first place. Niether of her parents were moving. The only sound in the room came from Samara's dangerously obese father; he was snoring and drooling all over the place.

Okay, Samara thought, I gotta make this convincing. She carefully placed Anna's necklace in the exact spot that she had found it in. Then she looked around for some of her dad's stuff to set up around the crime scene, as Evelyn had instructed. First she looked under the bed. There she found half of a turkey sandwich and a pair of her dad's underwear, which appeared to have been used. Then she searched the closet. Samara found her dad's ugly old hat and a five dollar bill, which she put in her pocket.

After searching in a few more places, Samara's arms were completally full of her dad's stuff. Since she couldn't carry anything else, she walked back over to the dresser and dumped all the stuff on top of the necklace so that there was a big mound of dirty old stuff that practically reached the ceiling.

"Perfect," Samara whispered. And then she went off to listen to her Green Day CD again.

Will Evelyn's plan work? Or has Samara goofed it up? Find out in the final chapter of Idiot Deeds.