Part 11

Phillip Kane gestured for Gil to sit down on the chair. "How's Catherine?"

"She's…we're…" Gil sighed. "It's going slowly."

Phillip arched an eyebrow. "What is? Your relationship or Catherine's healing?"

Gil glanced sharply at him. "What do you mean, our relationship?"

Phillip just stared at him.

"Both are going slowly," Gil finally answered. "I don't want to scare her."

"Scare her how?"

Gil adjusted his glasses. "You're shrinking me."

Phillip smiled. "Come on, Gil. From me to a lay therapist, tell me…how do you think you're going to scare her?"

Gil leant back in the chair. "When I first got to the hospital and saw her, after what happened…it scared me to death. I was confronted with the very real possibility that I had almost lost her."

"And then?"

"When I took her home, she needed help with everything. When I first saw…saw the extent of what he'd done to her, I was filled with rage, but at the same time…pain."

Phillip looked at him. "That's understandable. For someone who feels as much for Catherine as you do, it's only natural that you should feel pain and empathy for her."

"A few weeks ago, she told me that she'd seen me, and not him."

Phillip watched him very carefully. "What made her say that?"

Gil said nothing, but continued looking at his feet. He was starting to feel very uncomfortable.

Phillip finally nodded in understanding. "You slept together?"

Gil looked up at him. "No. Not yet." He frowned. "This is very uncomfortable."

"This may surprise you, Gil, but I'm used to talking to people about this. It's part of my job."

"Catherine will kill me for doing this."

"She doesn't know you've been coming to see me?"

Gil shook his head. "Catherine's not a big one for shrinks…" He paused and looked back up at Phillip. "No offence."

Phillip grinned. "None taken. Gil, the point is, that whatever happened between you and Catherine, it was something that you both wanted and both were comfortable with." He sat back in his chair. "And when something moves to the next level, it will be because you and Catherine are both ready for it."

Gil decided to change the subject. "There's going to be a trial. I'm afraid it's going to set Catherine back."

"What makes you think that?"

"She and I talked about it. She doesn't want to do it. She was very upset when it was mentioned."

"Gil, have you seen an improvement in Catherine since the attack?"

"Absolutely." A small smile came to his face. "The other day, I took her to a movie. She was a little nervous at first, but once I soothed her…she enjoyed it. We went and picked Lindsey up together and all went to get icecream. She even said that it was a good day." Gil looked back to Phillip. "It's the first time since the attack that she has said that."

"How did that make you feel?"

Gil barely noticed the fact that he was being "shrinked". "Proud. I think it was the first day since the attack that I had felt so good. So proud of her and that she's gotten through so much."

"And you're worried that the trial is going to take that all away."

"Yes. I don't want her back to where she was when I saw her for the first time in the hospital. She's come so far since then. When this first happened, it was like losing Catherine. I'm just starting to get her back and I don't want to lose her again."

"You're in love with her."

"Yes."

"You planning on leaving her through the trial?"

Gil gave him a shocked look. "Of course not!"

"Gil, there are three reasons that Catherine has gotten as far as she has. One, she has Lindsey. Two, she's an incredibly strong woman. And three, she has you. You've been there for her when she needed someone. That's what's helped her."

Gil smiled. "Well." He pushed his glasses up his nose. "I better get home to Lindsey and Catherine."

Phillip smirked. "Have a nice evening, Gil."

"Hi," Lindsey said, as Gil walked into the house. "Where were you?"

"Visiting a friend. Is everything okay?"

"If you call mom obsessively spring cleaning okay."

Gil arched an eyebrow. "Huh?"

"She's lost her mind. She's already done the downstairs bathroom, and now she's onto the kitchen. Keeps muttering something about how she's frustrated, just not good enough. And I think there was a "Where the hell is Gil?" in there too," Lindsey reported.

Gil hung his coat up and took a deep breath. "You eaten yet?"

Lindsey folded her arms. "Are you kidding? I'm not going in there while she's cleaning, let alone to make a mess by making dinner!"

Gil smiled slightly and pulled some money out of his wallet, handing it to the girl. "Call and order some pizza. I'll deal with your mom."

Lindsey took the money. "Good luck."

Catherine Willows currently was scrubbing her sink. A look of determination was on her face and Gil stood in the doorway, working up the courage to go in.

"Cath?"

She turned around and threw the soapy dishcloth at him. "Where the hell have you been?"

Gil took a deep breath. Trouble ahead. "I went to see a friend." He walked over to the sink and placed the cloth in it.

"I didn't know where you were. Your phone was off."

Gil was curious as to why her back was to him. "Cath…"

"You can't just drop us home and then say you'll be back soon."

Gil put his hand on her shoulder, turning her to face him. His eyes widened when he saw that she had been crying, and tears trickled down her face.

"Catherine…"

"I need to know where you are," Catherine repeated.

"I'm sorry," Gil whispered, taking her in his arms. "I'm just…I'm not used to telling someone where I am. I'm sorry. I won't forget again."

She held tightly to him. "I can't be alone. I can't lose you."

"What gives you that idea? I'm not going anywhere, Catherine."

"Just…make sure you don't."

Gil decided not to press the issue anymore, and instead held her tight to him, caressing her gently.

"Dinner!" Catherine pulled back. "I didn't organize…"

"Cath…calm down," Gil told her. "Lindsey called for pizza. Everything's okay." His concerned eyes looked at her. "Was me being gone all you're worried about?"

"When we…make love…what if I'm not good anymore?"

He looked surprised for a moment, before taking her hand and taking her upstairs into their bedroom. Gil sat her on the bed, and he knelt in front of her. "Where did that come from?"

"The way…when he…" Catherine took a deep breath. "It had been a while anyway. And he…well…it wasn't." She sighed. "Then today in your office…I felt…I wanted to. For the first time in a long time…I wanted to. And then you stopped."

"I didn't want to stop," Gil admitted. "I wanted to be with you right there."

"Then why didn't you?"

"Because you deserve better. Because when we first make love, I want to be somewhere where we don't have to worry about people knocking on doors or barging in. I want it to be somewhere where we can take our time exploring, touching and tasting. I want it to be somewhere where we can make love and then collapse and sleep together, because we're so exhausted and felt so much."

Catherine's eyes widened and then her mouth opened and closed. She took a deep breath and leant forward to kiss him gently. "I love you."

Gil smiled softly at her. "I love you too." He got up, as if to go downstairs, but Catherine took his hand.

"Wait."

Gil turned around to look at her. "What is it?"

Catherine's eyes looked into his. Another deep breath. "I want to make love before the trial."

Gil arched an eyebrow and he sat down beside her. "Why?"

Catherine folded her arms, looking away. "Why do you think?"

Gil cupped her face. "Tell me."

"Because I love you, and I want to and…" Catherine bit her lip.

"Tell me, Catherine."

Her eyes fell downward. "Because I want to make love before I lose my nerve and go backwards."

Gil's hand fell from her face. "I thought so."

Catherine glared at him. "Pleased with yourself, are we? What, you already know that when this trial starts I'm going to go back to being a blubbering, scared mess?"

Gil looked at her, in shock. "What?"

"I mean, god…what the hell is the matter with me?" She stood up. "In one weak moment, where I can't get him off of me…and then I turn into this big crybaby that needs to know where you are at every second. Needs you with her so she can walk into the place she works. And I'm scared of Ecklie for godsakes!"

"I'm sorry…let's back up a bit," Gil said. "You blame yourself for this?"

"Of course I do! Who else's fault can it be?" Catherine asked. "I'm a big girl. I've dealt with lots of bad guys and I can't even stop a drug dealer, who's probably high, from raping me! Jesus!"

Gil's eyes widened and he took her by the shoulders. "Catherine…what happened to you was not your fault!"

"I should have been able to stop him. I should have kneed him in the groin or done something! I just froze."

"He had a knife and a gun, Catherine. You could have been killed. It wasn't your fault."

"I should have stopped him. I'm trained for these kind of situations."

Gil took a deep breath and gripped her, forcing her to look at him. "Listen to me, Catherine. What happened to you was NOT your fault. You were forced to the ground, held at gunpoint, with a knife as well, and raped by a bastard who thought he could take what he wants. Well he couldn't. Because he couldn't take away you. He can't take away what an amazing person you are. I won't let him. Understand?"

Catherine looked at him for a moment. She said nothing for a moment, her anger slowly leaving her. Then she burst into tears.

Gil took her in his arms, holding her tightly against his chest. They sank to the bed together, hugging as Gil caressed her back.

"Shh. It's going to be okay, Catherine. You and I…especially you, are going to be okay."

Catherine rested her head in Gil's lap. He smiled and fed her a bit of pizza.

"Good choice, Linds," Catherine murmured through her munching.

Lindsey rolled her eyes. "You two are gross."

"Your mom and I had a talk," Gil said, caressing Catherine's cheek. "And we learnt a few things about each other."

"Like what?" Lindsey asked.

Catherine's hand rested in Gil's. "Like how things aren't our fault."

Lindsey glanced at the looks that Catherine and Gil were giving each other. "I'm so not going there."

"Want me to explain it?" Gil asked Catherine.

She shook her head. "I can." Reluctantly, she moved away from Gil and turned to Lindsey. "Linds…" Catherine took a deep breath. "After what happened, I wasn't just scared. I was angry. At myself."

Lindsey looked confused. "Why?"

"Because I blamed myself for what happened. I thought that I should have been able to defend myself. I felt I could have prevented it."

"But…"

Catherine put a hand up. "Let me finish, sweetheart. Uncle Gil talked to me. And we had a long talk. And I know…it wasn't my fault."

Lindsey folded her arms. "No offence. But duh."

Catherine smiled, lying back down on Gil's lap. "True."

"Are you going to be okay?"

Gil looked down at Catherine, waiting for her answer.

A small smile graced Catherine's lips as she reached up to trace Gil's jaw. "I'm going to be fine."

Lindsey got up to answer the now-ringing phone, and she chatted animatedly to her friend for a moment.

Catherine's fingers continued to trace Gil's face. "You're handsome."

Gil smirked. "You're a flatterer."

Lindsey rolled her eyes and looked over at them. "Hey, guys? Can I go over to Melissa's?"

"It's Friday night. So yes," Catherine agreed. "Are you guys having a sleepover?"

Lindsey nodded. "Yep."

"I'll drive her over," Gil offered.

A thought crossed Catherine's mind, and she smiled and nodded.