Gil Grissom lay in bed, with the most beautiful woman he had ever known curled up around him. The irony of it was, that this beautiful woman, the eighth wonder of the world, his Catherine…didn't think so.
He had managed, with great difficulty (and bribery), to get her to take one of the sedatives the doctor had prescribed after the attack. He had explained to her that the most important thing she needed was rest.
Which explained why she had slept all night, and he had lain awake, staring at the ceiling.
He knew he shouldn't, but he kept asking himself why he hadn't been there, why he had let her go to the scene herself, why had he just cooped her up and kept her with him until the end of time.
Because he was an idiot, that's why.
He was a grown man. There was no reason why he couldn't have said, "Catherine, I'm in love with you. Marry me and spend the rest of your life with me."
Except he was too scared.
The strawberry blonde in his arms stirred. "Gil?" came the sleepy mumble.
"I'm right here, baby," he whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.
There was more stirring, and then blue met blue as her eyes looked up at him.
"You been awake long?"
"No," he lied. He smiled at her, caressing her cheek. "Did you sleep right through?"
Catherine nodded. "But I feel really dopey from the sedative."
"That's alright, darling. We're not doing too much today."
"Court?"
"Defense arguments. We don't need to be there."
Catherine moved away. "Yes, I should."
"Catherine Willows."
She turned around, her eyes wide at his use of her full name and the tone of his voice. "What?"
"We're not going."
"Gil…"
"Do you still want me to help you?"
Her eyes softened and she watched him. "Yes."
"This is part of me helping you. We're not going."
Stanley Graves sat on the stand, looking a little uncomfortable. His lawyer stood up, watching Stan for a moment, before starting.
"Officer Graves, were you present on the day that CSI Catherine Willows was attacked?"
"Yes ma'am," Stan replied, his voice stammering.
"Your supervisor sent you to the scene with her?"
"Yes."
"Did you know your brother was going to be there?"
"No," Stan replied.
"When he arrived, what happened?"
"He came out of nowhere. He hit CSI Willows and she was on the ground."
"What did you do?"
Stan sighed. "I'm not proud of not helping Ms. Willows. But I was scared. Dale's my brother. The bigger and stronger one. That's the way it's always been. I wanted to help Ms. Willows, but I couldn't."
"Officer Graves, how was your relationship with your brother growing up?"
"Your honor," Jennifer said, standing up. "This is turning into blaming the brother for childhood trauma."
"And yet we use it in murder trials," Judge Kincaid said. "Continue."
"Do you need me to repeat the question?"
Stan shook his head. "No thank you. My brother was bigger than me. I was what my father called the runt of the family. So yes, my brother and I had a difficult relationship."
"So when you saw what he was doing, and how he had a gun, you were afraid of him?"
"Yes. I was scared of what he could do."
"No further questions."
Jennifer stood up. "You're a police officer, correct?"
"Yes."
"You have a radio?"
"Yes."
"And a gun."
"Yes."
"Being a police officer, you must come up against some horrible things."
"Yes."
"Have you attended a rape scene before?"
Stan sighed. "Yes."
"Have you ever been called to a scene where someone is afraid they are about to be raped?"
"Yes."
"Did you watch?"
"Objection!" cried Stan's lawyer.
"Withdrawn," Jennifer said, stepping back. "Officer Graves, why didn't you use your gun to stop your brother?"
"I was afraid he'd shoot Ms. Willows."
Jennifer arched an eyebrow. "What about you? Weren't you afraid he would shoot you?"
Stan looked at his hands. "That too."
"Why didn't you use your radio?"
"Pardon?"
"Your radio. Why didn't you use it to call for help?"
"If I had tried to, he could have killed us in the time it took me to touch my radio."
"Officer Graves, if it hadn't been your brother raping Ms Willows, would you have stopped the man?"
"I would have tried."
Jennifer folded her arms. "No further questions."
"You did WHAT?"
Gil sighed, rubbing his face. "I was scared, Catherine. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to help you. I couldn't bear to see you in so much pain. And I didn't want to do something that could make it worse."
"So you went to a shrink in my place?"
"No, I went for me. I needed help, Catherine." He looked up at her. "You know I'm no good with human interaction. I was afraid that if I tried to help I'd hurt you even more. I was scared that maybe I couldn't help. That I couldn't take the pain away. I love you so much, Catherine, and it kills me to see you in so much pain."
Catherine fidgeted with her fingers, before looking at him. "Did it help?"
"What do you mean?"
"Talking to Philip. Did it help?"
Gil sat down beside her, taking her hand in his. "Yes. You want to know what he told me?"
Catherine arched an eyebrow. "Isn't that confidential or something?"
He smiled at her, caressing the top of her hand with the pad of his thumb. "Sure. But I'd like to tell you, if it's alright with you."
They leant back against the headboard together, Gil taking Catherine in his arms. She rested her head on his shoulder, and he took her hand in his.
"The first time I went to see him was the day after you first asked me to hold you while you slept. I'd lost my Catherine and I didn't know how to get her back. He told me that he thought you saw me as your confidante, your therapist."
Catherine snuggled closer. "You've always been both, Gil. I've always been grateful for that."
He pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I know." Gil continued with the story. "He was the one that suggested we have Lindsey back in the house. I said I'd tell Lindsey what happened because I didn't want you to have to relive it again. Philip said that you needed to feel as comfortable, secure and loved as possible. And because you trusted me, my presence was healing you."
"Still is."
Gil smiled, caressing her back. "Next time was after we went to the movies together for the first time. He guessed that we had started a relationship. I said we were going slowly, because I didn't want to scare you. I told him that when I first saw you at the hospital, I was scared. And that the more I knew what happened, the more I felt pain for what you had gone through, and fear for the fact I'd almost lost you." He took a deep breath. "I was so proud that I told him that you'd say you saw me, not him. I didn't go into details and I changed the subject. I said I was afraid the trial would set you back, because when you and I discussed it, you were upset. He asked if you'd improved since the attack." Gil's fingers interlaced with hers. "I told him about how we went to the movies, and for ice-cream. I told him how proud I was of you. And I said I was just starting to get you back and I didn't want to lose you with the trial."
"You almost did."
"But I haven't. And I won't. Philip asked me if I loved you. I said yes. He explained there were three reasons you'd gotten as far as you had. One was Lindsey. The second one was that you were a strong woman. The third was…"
"You," Catherine finished. She looked up at his surprised face. "Gil…I've always known you were one of the things that got me through this. I love you. And I'll always be grateful to you."
Gil took her hand, kissing it. "Your love is thanks enough."
"Mr Graves, how do you know Ms Willows?"
Dale leant forward to the microphone. "I've seen her around."
"Can you tell me about that night?"
"I went to the place. My brother had let me know on the radio where he was. I went there and saw Stan and her over by a tree."
"Together?"
"Nope. Stan was by the fence and she was on her hands and knees on the ground."
"What happened then?"
"I went over and started the game."
"Game?"
"She was into it. We had sex, and yeah, it was rough, but she was into it. Hell, she even had an orgasm."
"Your honor!" Jennifer cried, jumping up. "Just because the victim had…"
Judge Kincaid put up her hand. "Yes, I know. Move on, please."
Dale's lawyer nodded. "Yes, your honor. Mr. Graves, what happened after you had sex?"
"I said bye and I left."
"Left CSI Willows bound?"
"It wasn't tight. That was part of the game."
"No further questions."
Jennifer Cowen got up, trying to stop herself from strangling Dale herself. "Mr Graves, before the attack, had you and Ms Willows ever exchanged a conversation?"
"Not that I recall."
"So, having never exchanged conversation, Ms Willows just automatically decides to have sex with you?"
Dale shrugged. "What can I say? Tells you about the kind of person she must be."
"Careful, Mr Graves," the judge told him. "Character assassination does not become you."
"Did Ms Willows ever say no while you were raping her?"
"Yeah. But it was all part of the game. And it wasn't rape."
"Just yes or no answers in the future, Mr Graves. Did she try and stop you?"
"Yes."
"Did you bind her hands to stop her from struggling?"
"Yes."
"Did you hit her?"
"I didn't seriously hurt her."
"The question was, did you hit her?"
"Yes."
"And after you hit her, tied her up, raped her…did you leave the scene?"
Dale frowned. "Yes."
Jennifer glared at him. "No further questions."