Disclaimer: I don't own RESIDENT EVIL OR ANYTHING WITH A COPYRIGHT! Or MacGyver. Or Final Fantasy 10. Or Jaws. Or the Wizard Of Oz.

Luna: To New Recruit Billy Coen: Wow, thanks for the tips!
Chapter 5: Swimming with Alligators is not fun, fun for anyone.

After recovering from his bout of intense meltdown, Kevin decided to make Yoko carry the rifle shells.

And make her stand as far from him as possible.

They trekked all the way back to the jungle-like area, where the hornet incident occurred. Kevin knew that in order to progress, he'll have to go through the swarm. He took a deep breath and remembered not to open his mouth until he was safely away. With a yelp, Kevin threw himself through the swarm.

Let's see what that enigma of a plumber is doing, shall we?

Meanwhile…

David had wandered away from his fellow survivors again. With some duct tape, scrap metal and rubber bands, he had made a new weapon.

A homemade chainsaw!
Dr. Salvatore would be proud.

Why a plumber would be able to create weapons out of duct tape, don't ask me. Just cause the man fixes toilets for a living, it doesn't automatically make him MacGyver.

Anyway, happy with his alleged 'chainsaw', David decided to test it out on a nearby tree. He figured that if the chainsaw could make woodchips, it could cut through human flesh. Or elephant flesh. Or just plain infected creature flesh. Key word, kiddies, is figured.

Needless to say, he revved it up. And it fell apart in his hands.

Dr. Salvatore would put a bag over his head in shame. Wait…he already does that.

David stared.

" Ah, oh well…" he said.

Bored, he kept his head down to search for more junk to make into slightly better junk. Completely forgetting about the virus that slowly ate away at his body.

He found some sticks, a wadded up piece of gum, and more rubber bands. With these items, he created…a blender.

Yes, a blender.

Unfortunately, blenders have no real use when one is infected in an Zoo of Doom. So he chucked it.

Back to Kevin and Yoko…

Kevin steeled himself to jump through the swarm when I shouted, " Stop!"
" What?" he asked, annoyed.

" You have to go to that…alligator thing. And that isn't the way."

" Well, where is it?"
" Over there!" I said, pointing.

Then I remembered he couldn't see me.

" Near the sign!"
Kevin went near the sign as I instructed, and stared. It all looked like a blue wall.

" There's no door."
"…Er…just walk up to the wall and try to open it."
" That doesn't make any sense!"
" I know, but the door blends in with the wall, so…"
Kevin knocked on it, looking for where the wall ended and the door began.

Yoko just stared at Kevin, she only heard his side of the conversation.

" Found it!" declared Kevin.

And that door lead him into a swamp like area. With a muddy lake. And a very hungry alligator.

Kevin was just about to put one foot in the very dirty looking lake when an alligator popped out of it.

" GAHHH!" screamed Kevin, and jumped backwards.

He took out his gun, and fired. The alligator snapped it's jaws at him, and then fell back into the water.

" Is it…dead?" asked Yoko.

" Probably. Let's move!" cried Kevin.

Kevie, the idiot he is; didn't even attempt to find out if it was dead. Because it wasn't. Why else would I name this chapter " Swimming with Alligators is not fun, fun for anyone?"
So he dived in. And the water was…very warm. Before the explanations could roll into Kevin's head, he swam. And the alligator attacked him from the side.

" AHHH!" screamed Kevin, and swam faster.

The Jaws theme music played in the background, as the alligator gained on Kevin; who probably soiled himself by this point. Sorry folks, there wasn't any alligator related music I could think of…

Twice he swore he felt its jaws crushing onto his vulnerable legs. He wondered why he came after him and not Yoko. Stupid Yoko…he mentally grumbled.

He finally reached land, the alligator at his heels. He twisted around and fired more rounds into its ugly head. And poked it w/ a stick to make sure it was dead.
Yoko was still in the water, crying.

Kevin rolled his eyes.

" What's your problem?" he asked, joining her in the water.

" We're never going to make it…" she whined.

" There, there." he said, montone.

She looked up at him, staring.

" What?"
" That's not how it goes!"
" What goes?"
" I'm supposed to cry, your supposed to kiss me and then we make out under water!"
" WHAT!"

" Haven't you ever played FFX?"
" No! And…can't you drown by doing that under water?"
" Hm…they did it in the game, though…"
" Get yer head outta the clouds, we're wasting time!"

" But you look so much like Tidus-"
Kevin groaned. He swam back to land, and opened the door. He greeted the infected hyenas with open arms.

Luna: Next Chapter: Lions and Tigers and Bears, OH MY-!