Disclaimer: Dead Like Me and its characters are the creation of Bryan Fuller et al. and copy written under MGM/Showtime/etc. No infringement of their rights is intended. The stories written under the penname Gabigail, however, dobelong to me. None are written for profit and are intended for entertainment purposes only.
Author's Note: Just a quick note of thanks to those of you who have taken the time to read, and to those of you who have read and reviewed my previous endeavours. I appreciate and enjoy reading your comments.
So please,sit back and take another trip intothe realm of Dead Like Me.
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When the Past Resurfaces
Have you ever had that weird feeling in the pit of your stomach, that funny little feeling in your gut? You know the sharp one that tells you no matter what you do, what direction you choose, how you say what you want to say, be it deliberately, delicately, or diplomatically, your pretty much screwed? Welcome to my predicament. I'm fairly certain, beyond all reasonable thought that I've done it this time, and there's really no use in trying to deny, trying to get out of, or whatever.
This sentiment follows the simple fact that everything with Rube has been going very well lately, and to be totally honest, perhaps a little too well. I will say that had it not been for the time I've spent with Rube, I would never have learned what I have about myself that eighteen years of living couldn't or wouldn't teach me. Mind you, I wasn't really living. You see, when I was alive, I merely existed much as I do now, on the fringe, but at the time I didn't or was unable to enjoy or appreciate the people and things around me as I do now.
A shame really, that I'm so good at messing things up. All that good stuff is about to evaporate when Rube finds out what I've done, or rather what I didn't stop. In some ironic twist in fates sometimes extremely sick, incredibly twisted game, in which at times I feel like a hapless pawn, which may I add just happens to coincide in the midst of my happiness. Someone from my not so distant past has taken it upon himself to "break" into the home I've been sharing with Daisy and Mason. That someone happens to be the same someone with whom I shared one night with. The very same someone who didn't call or whatever you're supposed to do afterwards. The thought of that person's name burns the tip of my tongue, Tripp.
Allow me to attempt to make a short story of a long, drawn out tearjerker. Let's just say that I never thought I'd ever see Tripp again, but once again I'm wrong, and in quite a bit of shock. After removing my jacket and shoes, I enter the living room and find Tripp standing beside the exposed brick fireplace, hence my utter shock.
"George." He says in a drunken suave tone. I have no idea what to do or say, and I'm very aware of the fact that Rube will be following me inside any moment.
"Tripp, what the hell are you doing here?" I demand, knowing that the shock is crystal clear in my tone. Tripp clumsily attempts to close the distance between us and I hear Rube in the entryway removing his boots and jacket. I don't know if he can hear our conversation, and somehow I hope that he doesn't.
"I couldn't stop thinking about you. I couldn't stop thinking about how big an idiot I was for not calling you after the wonderful night we spent together." He trails off as Rube enters and stands beside me, in a manner that seems to be his way of standing his ground and by the look on his face, I must conclude that he heard Tripp's declaration of whatever the hell that was. This scenario never played out in my mind, I never imagined Tripp would ever find his way back to me. "Who's this guy?" he blurts out.
"That's no concern of yours!" I snap at him saving Rube the trouble. I can feel the heat of my anger as it bubbles within me and reddens my cheeks. "Get out! Get the hell out of here!" I yell, make a mad dash towards him, grab him roughly by his jacket, and literally toss him out the front door. He stumbles down the steps and turns around a few times in a drunken attempt to regain his balance.
"But don't you see George? I'm in love with you! That's why I didn't call. I didn't know how to deal with the emotions I had been experiencing. I was dealing with the death of my father and at the same time falling for you." It's strange that he honestly seems sincere, and perhaps if only for a moment, had he the luck that I were an airhead, completely desperate, or both, I may have believed his words, but I know Rube is probably standing behind me and probably heard all of that too. Me thinks me a tad beyond "oh woe is me". Don't you think?
"Rube!" is all I can manage to call out as he literally flies down the steps to his truck. "Please listen to me!" I quickly get whatever shoes happen to be beside the door and make a mad dash to catch up, but I'm too late and he's already in his truck and driving down the street, leaving me standing in the middle of the road watching as he disappears around the corner. "Damn it!" I cry out. All I can manage is to sit on the steps, letting my head drop into my hands I begin to cry.
I wanted to get in my car and drive around, find Rube and try to explain everything to him, but my body refuses to allow me the strength to stand, or perhaps a magnet holds me hostage in my place on the step. My mind replays the scene and I suddenly realise that the root cause of my extreme pain is the fact that Rube didn't say a word, which I think hurts more than if he had yelled at me, or gave me that look. Yes, I can recall the countless times I purposely pushed his buttons, just because I could, and just because I knew I could get his goat. But this time, this situation is entirely different. Nothing in this world could make me want to hurt him, in fact I had wanted to protect him, but even so, put my bad luck into the mix, that black cat escaped his sack, and now I'm left to try and reassemble the pieces that lay scattered at my feet.
"Georgia, honey. Are you okay?" I hear Daisy's soft southern voice and the accompanying click of her heels on the pavement, yet I cannot see her through the stinging tears that blur my vision. Who knew that you could cry so hard that it physically hurt. Or that you could cry so much that you thought your eyes so dry that you could cry no more? I cannot help but let this thought rush over me as she helps me to my unsteady feet, and I stumble as I gain my bearings. "What happened to you?" she asks, concern in her face and tone soothes me slightly as she opens the door and helps me inside, straight to the kitchen where she sits me at the kitchen island.
Putting water in the kettle, she plugs it in to boil and make tea, seeing that the two of us have considerably cut back on our coffee consumption. I sigh loudly as I set my arms in front of me on the countertop and let my forehead rest on them, the darkness created mirroring my mood.
"Sweetie, I cannot help you if you don't tell me what's the matter." She prompts me. Ever so slowly, almost for dramatic effect, but hardly the intent, I look up at her.
"Daisy, I screwed up royally! So badly with Rube that I think Mason may actually be right." She blinks by my mention of Mason being right.
"You mean about the whole forgiveness thing?"
"Yeah that. Mason once told me that Rube eventually forgives, but it takes a lot of time. I swear I'll be lucky if he even wants to look at me again, let alone speak to me." I say choking back more tears. She looks at me with a slightly puzzled expression. I cannot blame her, what I just said sounds pretty cryptic even to me. "Remember Tripp?" I ask quietly, as though it's somehow still a secret, she nods her understanding. "Well, how shall I put this? He's back." I say as I prop my elbows on the countertop and rest my head as though it weighs more than it actually does in my hands.
"Oh no. Oh no, no no." she says as she puts the mugs on the countertop and pours water over the tea bags.
"Oh yeah, and guess who heard him declare his love for me?" I say as the tears I fought so hard against, find their way down my hot cheeks. Daisy knows that she doesn't have to answer as the pieces fall snugly into place.
"He didn't?"
"He did. He left in a huff, if you can even call it that. Not a word, just got in his truck and drove off." I say looking into the mug of tea in front of me.
"Aw sweetie, I'm so sorry. I don't really know what else I can do for you, but should you need them you have my ear to listen or my shoulder to cry on, or both." She smiles warmly and runs her hand down my back in a comforting manner and I let myself take a deep breath.
"Where's Mason?" I ask as I suddenly realise that he's not home yet, and yet I also wonder if Daisy may be right. Maybe I do live in my head, I think. But I've been trying, really trying hard to change, and Rube has been a contributing factor to my transformation.
"He should be here soon, he had a later Post-it." She explains. I cannot help but smile. "What?" she asks.
"I think the two of you are so cute is all." I say with a small sniffle. She smiles back, as she recognises my need for a change of subject.
"It's funny, but I never imagined falling for a guy like him. He's just proven me wrong on so many levels, but in a way that I am so grateful for." She has a wistful look in her beautiful blue eyes.
"I think I know what you mean." I say, thankful for someone who will talk about nothing with me. We sit for a while longer before I hear the front door and Mason enters.
"Hey Georgie girl." He says happily.
"Hey." I reply as he makes his way into the kitchen, arms full of groceries and straight to Daisy.
"Daisy." he adds before kissing her sweetly. I cannot help but wonder if any man has been as gentle with her as Mason has.
I have never been an overly emotional child and crying was never something that I engaged in very often, so I must admit that I wasn't as prepared for this experience as others may be. Sitting at the kitchen island I watch as Mason empties the grocery bags and put the contents away in the cupboards and fridge with Daisy's help.
"I think that I'm going to take a long hot bath." I say to Daisy quietly as the idea sinks in I realise that it may be just the thing to begin to sooth my broken body.
"Georgia, I really wish there was something more I could do for you." I smile my silent thanks and make my way upstairs.
"What's the matter with her?" I hear Mason just before I reach the top steps.
"Nothing a little T. L. C. won't fix." She replies, knowing that I will tell Mason in my own time.
I sit on the tub's porcelain edge and turn the taps, running the water for a moment before carefully testing the temperature. I then slip into my room for a moment to get the radio, meting Daisy in the hall on my return trip, with a bottle of something in her small hands, and I wonder what she's been up to.
"Georgia, I know that you're not into the girly girl thing, but I added a bit of bubble bath to the water." Daisy holds out the bottle out towards me. "It's supposed to be calming or something. I just thought that it might help." She smiles and turns to go back downstairs to help Mason with dinner. I used to react very differently to Daisy, kind of cold and indifferent, but as I've had the opportunity to get to know her better, I've grown to appreciate the little things that I never thought existed in her.
"Thanks." I say before heading back to soak my pain away. It's funny how mechanical slipping out of my clothes feels right at this very moment, folding my clothes, I set them on top of the clothes hamper, and take a deep breath, inhaling the scent of Whatever Daisy put in the bath water. Smells a bit like vanilla, mixed with something, but I can't really tell what. Dipping my big toe to check the temperature one last time before stepping into the hot bath water and settling myself in the tub, I lay back and rest my head on the shell pillow and close my eyes for a moment.
I realise that it's not going to help, so I pull the plug and let the tub drain while drying my pink body with a fluffy towel, then wrapping myself up tightly in it. Standing in front of the mirror, I brush my hair and tie it into pigtails, then brush my teeth. I'm not very hungry, or perhaps it's because I suddenly feel exhausted and decide to go to bed. Staring up at the ceiling I wonder if there will be a way to repair the damage caused by not telling Rube. It was Mason's idea, after all, not to tell him, and everyone that knew had agreed. Tripp better stay a distant memory, I don't think I could bear the thought of bumping into him again. Perhaps it's possible that once he sobers up, he'll have forgotten his little visit, and I won't see him again, but the damage he's caused is done and feels very permanent, and will likely be very difficult to forget.
The sleep I thought would come quickly doesn't and somehow staring up at the ceiling replaying the day's main event isn't helping matters either. I can't stand this! I think as I toss the covers off and get my housecoat, before heading downstairs. Daisy and Mason are watching an old movie so I quietly make my way to the kitchen in search of something to eat.
"There's left over spaghetti on a plate in the fridge." Mason says standing right behind me. I don't know how I didn't hear him, and I nearly jump out of my skin.
"Thanks." I reply as I open the fridge, "need a beer?"
"Yeah, thanks." He says as I hand it to him. I put the plate in the microwave and wait. "If you need to talk, I'll listen. Daisy didn't tell me very much because it's girl stuff and well, I'm not a girl." He says with a warm smile.
"I don't want you to miss your movie." I say as the ding interrupts us.
"Don't worry about it, Daisy can pause it 'luv, talk to me." He says as we walk to the kitchen table and sit.
"I don't know what Daisy's already told you." I say as I twirl spaghetti in my fork. He gives me his 'I'm listening' look and I smile slightly. "Well it would appear that Tripp is back. I don't really know how back, but he broke in this afternoon."
"The bastard! I'll kill him!" he says through clenched teeth.
"Mason, please. At this point what's done is done, and I don't know how to repair it. Tripp basically explained the reason behind his disappearance, why he didn't call, you know? The classic excuses."
"Why didn't you just toss him on his ear?"
"I threw him out, but he continued to tell me that he was in love with me."
"You and Rube went out today didn't you?" he interrupts.
"Yes we did and we were going to have a nice dinner tonight, but as you can see we're not. He heard the whole thing and left. Not that I blame him, I don't know how I would react if I had been in his shoes, but right now the pain I'm feeling is enough to kill me if I weren't already undead." I say as I poke the spaghetti around the plate.
"Oh Georgie, you need to talk to Rube. He needs to know that it happened when the two of you weren't together. Georgie, he needs to know that you care about him, that you were trying to protect him." He says reaching across the table and patting the top of my hand. I can see the sincerity in his eyes and the warm smile.
"He's right you know?" Daisy says as she enters the kitchen in search for her movie buddy. We turn to her as she stands at the kitchen island casually. I know that they are right, but seeing that I've never gone through any of this before, I find myself in a very difficult spot. Going to him, would mean that I have to put myself further out there than I've ever had to do with anyone. Granted, with Rube, I've been pretty out there and very vulnerable, but somehow I don't feel that this situation is going to lend itself to such bravery, which just happens to be my last thought before heading back up to bed.
I awake the next morning with a loose knot in my stomach as the realisation that I have to pick up my Post-it hits. Ripping the covers from my body, I go to the bathroom and wash my face, brush my hair and teeth, before going back to my room to dress. It's funny how that loose knot seems to tighten slightly as my hand rests on a pair of pants, a tee and a shirt. I find the rest of my clothes and quickly get into them before Daisy or Mason feels the need to see if I'm still breathing.
Making my way downstairs, I find Mason sitting on a stool at the kitchen island counter and Daisy making coffee. Coffee?
"Morning Georgie girl." Mason says in as happily tone as he can manage.
"Morning." I reply and pull up a stool beside him.
"Coffee sweetie?" Daisy asks and I shake my head in reply. "Do you want me to get you're Post-it for you?" she asks as though she can sense the knot in my stomach suddenly tighten yet again, something akin to fear and the moment leading up to whatever it is you're deathly scared of. I shake my head no. I have a need to be brave today.
"But thanks." I say with a weak smile. Mason puts a hand on my shoulder and I shrug out of it and make my way to the entryway to get my shoes and a jacket before heading out. That damn knot seems to be getting worse with every step I take in the direction of the waffle house. I'm pretty sure that he won't be too thrilled to see me either, I just hope I'm not the first one there.
What did I ever do to fate to deserve this? I wonder as I walk into the restaurant to find Rube sitting alone at the booth our little band of grim reapers have been using like an office. Reaper central, a place to grab a quick bite and your Post-it before shuffling off to wherever you need to be. I freeze in my tracks because I know that he knows I'm here. I saw him look up at the chime of the bell above the door. I cannot turn on my heel and make a mad dash out, nor can I run to the loo and hide out, he'd only ignore the ladies sign on the door and walk in anyways. I'm screwed, or maybe not, as Roxy opens the door.
"Morning George." She says. It's strange I would have thought Rube would have told her. She's usually in the know, but I can't read her today. "You coming?" she asks and I nod and follow her to the table. "Where are the other two?" she asks.
"I thought they would be here by now." I say and hide out behind the menu. She looks at me as though I'm crazy, but looking at him causes such a pain within me that I'm pretty sure I'm whiter than Casper the Friendly Ghost, I think to myself as Daisy and Mason join us. Today Daisy sits beside Rube without looking to me to sit between them.
Rube looks almost as uncomfortable as I feel and probably look, but he manages to keep it together, but I can see the pain or distain with each glance he gives Roxy in an attempt to look my way. I hate to be the cause of his pain and anguish, Daisy and Mason's assessment is probably right; we're going to have to do that talking bit. Clear the air or whatever needs doing to either get things back on track, or end it.
"Good morning guys, what can I get you?" Kiffany interrupts our nonexistent conversation.
"Johnny Vegas with a fruit side and an orange juice." Mason says and puts the menu on the table.
"Coffee and an English muffin." Roxy says with a smile.
"Blueberry muffin and a tea please." I say as I reluctantly put the menu on the table.
"Fruit salad and an English muffin with a coffee." Daisy smiles sweetly and jabs Rube to get his attention.
"Nothing for me thanks." He says in a tone that sends a shiver down my spine. After Kiffany leaves we return to our silent conversation. The tension between us can literally be cut with a knife and I'm really surprised that Rube doesn't just given us our Post-its and leaves us to do whatever is on his 'to do' list. Kiffany returns with our orders and carefully sets them in front of us with her usual smile. I rip the top of my blueberry muffin off and break it up before popping a piece in my mouth. I had been dreading this, this uncomfortable situation. It isn't fair to everyone else that he's in a horrible mood, which is all because of me. I have to talk to him, and I will after he hands out our Post-its.
No one dares to move until Rube gets out that little warn brown leather day planner, it's almost as though we are collectively holding our breath, watching, waiting for him to open it and hand us our days assignments, and he finally thumbs to the page and begins to slowly un-stick the Post-its within.
"These are yours." He says to Daisy as he sticks them onto the lament tabletop. She doesn't flinch as she picks them up, only gives me a look that I know exactly what she means: if you don't talk to him, one of us will, and I nod to acknowledge her silent demand.
"Mason." Rube reaches out and places Mason's in front of him and he quickly looks them over, grabs his warn leather jacket and dashes to get to his first appointment. Roxy puts out her small hand and Rube places her assignments right in her palm. She nods her thanks, collects her jacket and hat before making her way out the door to her day job, that leaves me, myself and I? Without a word, he un-sticks my assignments and puts them on the tabletop in front of me. Without a look, I ought to add as though looking at me could cause some illness.
"I'll catch you two later." Daisy says and puts her fall coat on before heading to the door. Once I hear the door chime stop and I'm sure Daisy is out of earshot. I decide to try and find my voice.
"Rube may I speak to you?" he doesn't answer and makes a move to leave.
"Please." I say reaching across the table and holding his arm. He finally looks at me, I hope he sees what I feel in my eyes, I hope that what I want to convey to him comes out the way its supposed to.
"Not here." He says and gets the jacket that he hung over the booths back and his hat. With a nod and a motion for me to follow him, we make our way out of the waffle house.
"Where did you have in mind?" I ask keeping in stride with him.
"The park." He replies. I nod as we cross the busy street and walk down the paved winding path where other couples walk, others with dogs, some run, and some ride bicycles or roller blades. It isn't quite a completely cloudy, nor sunny day. It's the kind of day that the air is crisp, the kind of day that people enjoy before the leaves start to fall and snow follows. We walk to a more private section of the park, where there is a river that cuts through. Stopping in the middle of the bridge Rube rests his arms on the wooden railing and looks down into the water as it makes its way down the winding banks over rocks and under the bridge.
This is so hard for me to stand beside him and not have his arm around my shoulders like the many times before that we've stood upon this very bridge, looking into the water as it rushed wherever it had to be. Every time I think I can begin, when I attempt to open my mouth to say something, nothing comes and I wonder if it's still to do with the knot that's now so tight in my stomach that I think I'm going to be sick. I rest my head in my hand for a long moment. I know that I must say what needs to be said and that I must choose my words carefully.
"Rube." I finally say. He turns to look at me. "If I can get a better understanding of your reaction, this will be a lot easier." I say hoping that he'll at least say something to me. He doesn't. Great! I think as I take this challenge. "Okay. I don't know if what I'm going to say is going to help or hinder the situation and I'm going to choose my words as carefully as I can." I pause and take another deep breath. I know that this is as difficult for him as it is for me and I'm really trying to convey what I'm feeling, which is another thing that I was never very good at.
"The whole Tripp thing."
"It makes sense now." He says.
"Pardon?"
"The mood that you were in. I knew that you were hiding something, but I just thought like with everything else, you would come to me and we'd talk. When things seemed to be better, I thought you had worked through whatever it was you needed to work through."
"You and I. We weren't." I trail off.
"I know. I guess my mind went to the worst case scenario and I couldn't handle it right then."
"Rube, I never wanted to hurt you. I didn't even want you to hear all the stuff he said." I say sighing loudly. "When you left it killed me. I haven't experienced such pain before. I guess that's a by-product of living on the fringe while I was alive. Had I truly lived, then the lessons I'm learning in my after life probably wouldn't be as difficult." I reach out and cover his hand with mine and hope he doesn't pull away.
"Georgia, honey, I know that things aren't perfect in life, nor are they perfect for us now. I know that Mason has this idea that I'm not the most forgiving guy on the planet, but you cannot take everything he says as absolute, for example, in this case he's wrong." He says taking my hand gently in his. I let out a sight of relief. What a way to make a girl sweat! I think as I look into his smiling eyes and find it's contagious.
"Are we okay?" I ask in a small voice. "If no longer a couple at least colleagues and maybe even friends?" He understands that because of my lack of life experience I'm just trying to see where things stand between us. Nodding, he puts an arm around me.
"George I know that things are a bit different for you. They are for me as well because times have changed and I've learned, albeit slowly, to change with them. Dating hasn't been something that I've done in a very long time. And in this case, like you, I'm learning." He leans in as if to kiss me. I pull back gently for one moment and look into his eyes again; and in his eyes I see all the things he won't allow himself to say. Smiling I grab his face in my hands and kiss him. He folds me in his arms and we stay like that for a while before heading to his place.