A/N: This has nothing to do with fighter planes. The title is just a twist of another term. Because I'm just that clever. xD
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Dog-Fight
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Alright, no more Mr. Nice Guy. Stupid Kikyo was always showing up, stealing Inuyasha away from her, and Kagome was sick of it. Before, she would just let it go and get over it. But not any more. She was not going to just sit back and let some living-dead preistess take her Inuyasha away to Hell! Nuh-uh.
This was the last straw. That Kagome was always hanging all over Inuyasha, steering his heart away from her, and Kikyo was fed up with it. Before, she would just let it go and get over it. But no more. Inuyasha was her's and she was not going to just stand back and watch some recarnation of herself from the future have him! No way.
The two were staring daggers at each other, both reaching for slowly for their bows. Inuyasha's eyes bulged out at this and he quickly jumped in between them, snatching their bows away. And, without really thinking because he was in a panic, he snapped them both in two. So at least they were weaponless now. Problem solved, right?
Of course not.
Kagome turned and yelled "SIT!" while Kikyo silently ordered her Soul Skimmers to wrap around him and hold him still, leaving him helplessly tied up on the forest floor. There would be no interferrence. Only one of them could have Inuyasha, and since he apparently couldn't decide, they would do it for him. Right here, right now. Kagome rolled up her sleeves and Kikyo pulled her hair back. Who needed bows anyway?
"H-hey!" Their love called from the ground, "Cut this out, both of yo-muhmmg!" Another Soul Skimmer had glided down and coiled around his mouth, using itself as weird looking make-shift gag. Inuyasha tried biting it, but even then it wouldn't relent. It's amazing how strong those things were. Poor Inuyasha couldn't do a single thing now but watch and pray the two women wouldn't kill each other.
"You're going down, you crazy psycho!" Kagome shouted, balling her hands into fists and holding them up.
"Oh, is that so?" Kikyo replied, taking the same stance. "Go ahead andtry, fool!"
They launched forward at the same time, pumped and ready to beat the snot out of each other. Kikyo slammed a fist into Kagome's side. Kagome popped her one in the face. Both fell back, wincing with pain and flapping their stinging hands, going "Owwie, owie, owie!" Who knew it hurt so much to hit someone?
Okay, this called for a new tactic. They turned back around to face each other, snarling, and went back at it. Only this time, they fought differently. Like sissy girls, if I may. There was face-slapping, arm-pinching, Indian-burns, eye-poking, the works! Inuyasha watched the fight, partly worried, partly amused, but overall humilated. First off, this was all backwards. Two guys were supposed to battle each other for the girl, not the other way around! And, more importantly, he was stuck on the ground like a helpless pup while Kagome and Kikyo acted like little kids who both wanted the same toy.
"Ouch! Stop twisting my ear!"
"Well you stop pulling my hair! Ow!"
They were locked together in "combat". They fought as if they were two highschool girls in the hall during the time in between bells, fighting over something stupid, like having a crush on the same guy, and pulling off a bunch of cheap shots. Oh, wait a minute...
Finally, they broked apart, exhausted and aching from countless scratches. But this didn't stop them from starting the Dozens. A verbal battle ensued.
"Stupid zombie-freak!" Kagome shouted.
"Foolish copy-cat!" Kikyo retorted.
"Wicth!"
"Simpleton!"
"Froot-loop!"
"Egnoramous!"
"Freakin' lunatic!"
"Ignorant ninny!"
"Ugly!"
"You look just like me, pinnhead!"
"Darn, you're right. But at least I'm not as fat as you, cow."
"What? But I've been dieting!" Kikyo wailed.
Inuyasha wasn't even paying any attention to them by now. He was working on getting himself free. The Soul Skimmers wouldn't budge, but he found that he could wiggle around. He inched his way to the left and waited to see if they would do anything. They didn't. They only held him tight so he couldn't move his arms or legs, as they were ordered to, but they did nothing against his wiggling about. He glanced up to see if the girls noticed him (being too caught up with insults, they didn't), then started worming his way to freedom, Soul Skimmers and all.
"Idiotic, insane, filthy soul-stealing loser!"
"You know, we're getting nowhere with this." Kikyo scoffed. In truth, she was out of comebacks. Besides, since they were from different time periods, neither of them understood most of the insults anyway.
Kagome sighed. "Yeah, I guess so." She reluctantly agreed. Then, she suddenly perked up. "How 'bout this?" She said, confidently pointing a finger at Kikyo. "I challenge you to a competition! Winner gets Inuyasha and the loser has to go away forever!" Talk about spur of the moment.
"Fine." She replied evenly. "I accept your challenge. Better start packing now, girl." She sneered, but she wasn't as sure as she sounded. Neither was Kagome. It was a fifty/fifty chance, win or lose. Kagome gulped and gathered up her courage.
"Okay, let's go! Rock, paper, scissors!"
Kagome was victorious.
"Best two out of three!" said Kikyo.
"Fine, you're on!"
This time (now that she knew how to play) Kikyo won.
"Grr... TIC-TAC-TOE!" Kagome challenged now, and they were at it again.
--Two and a half hours later...
"Ha! I win!"
"No fair! I tripped!"
"So?" Kikyo said mildy, "If you can't stay on your feet, you shouldn't attempt to race someone."
Kagome fumed, "Your the one who tripped me! CHEATER!"
"Oh? Well remember when you blew in my face during the staring contest? What do you call that?"
"That was completely legal!"
"M'hm, sure it was." They both glared at each other for awhile, overflowing with anger but too worn out to do anything with it.
"Look, how about we just ask Inuyasha to pick who he likes more." Kikyo raised an eyebrow at this. Kagome shrugged. "We'll make him choose. I can't think of anything else."
"Alright then." They both turned around to the spot where they last left Inuyasha and spoke the same thing at the same time.
"Inuyasha, who do you like more?"
Only silence answered them. Not because Inuyasha was gagged, but because he was long gone, since he had more than enough time to inch away. The two stared dumbly at the empty air, both feeling defeated. The minutes ticked away. The awkward silence was finally dispersed when a loud growl erupted from Kagome's stomach. "Heh heh." She looked at Kikyo uncertainly. "Uh, do ya want to go back to the village and get some takoyaki?"
Kikyo's own stomach grumbled in response. "Sure." She said.
And so they went, their dilema over Inuyasha momentarily forgotten, like most things are when one is hungry.
So kiddies, what did we learn from this story?
Love triangles suck.
And they can make you hungry.
-FIN-
A/N: By the way, before anyone asks me, the Dozens is a game were you insult each other back and forth, normally ended when someone can't make a comeback or breaks down from the name-calling. It can be a joking thing with friends or a verbalfight with enemies, like in this story.
To the awesome people who reviewed so far: Domo arigatou! Many thanks! You all get jumbo lollipops! n.n
I haven't decided which ficlets to add next, but it will either be the one with the well, the majorly major death-fic spoofy, or the spoof on crossovers. They'll all be put up at some point though, so keep checking back!