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Death by Fanfic

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This was it. The most final of all final showdowns. Naraku vs Inuyasha. And everyone else. Naraku was only a bit farther away now, most likely waiting for them to launch the attack. He was ready for them. Were they ready for him?

"Inuyasha! Slow down!" Kagome commanded in vain. The gang gathered in a circle around Inuyasha, who had probably already broken a world record for 'fastest consumption of ramen'. He was still going at it, shoveling handfuls of ramen into his mouth, which was stretched open as much as he could possibly get it. "Mrumgle...mmprepare...guggle...energrumble...fightmmummgle." Was his reply, which, carefully translated, meant "I need to prepare and get some energy for the fight with Naraku." Only no one knew he said that because there was so much ramen stuffed in his mouth.

"Inuyasha," Kagome scolded, "If you don't slow down, you'll-"

"Agggrr!" Inuyasha suddenly dropped the bowl of ramen and his hands went to his throat.

"-choke?" Everyone peered in closer as the half-demon rolled on the ground, trying to forced the ramen out of his windpipe. When he began to turn blue in the face, they decided it was time to do something.

"Does anyone know how to do the Hemlich Manuver?" Kagome cried.

"The wha?"

"Try hitting him on his back!" Shippo suggested.

"No, no!" a worried Kagome shook her head in despair, "That's suppose to make it worse! Someone do the Hemlich on him!"

"Lady Kagome, we don't know what that is!"

"Gggugg!"

Kagome was the only here who knew what the Hemlich Manuver was. But she wasn't certain on how to do it, and was afraid she'd end up breaking Inuyasha's breastplate. But his face was now a shade of purple, his eyes wide and rolling, and right as Kagome decided to wing it and perform the Manuver, he stopped thrashing. This wasn't a good thing though, since his cheast wasn't moving, nor any of the rest of him. They all stared with wide eyed horror as Miroku, who bent down to check his pulse, shook his head sadly. Kagome burst into tears.

"NOOOOOO!" She crumpled on the ground, tears spewing out her eyes like a water sprinkler. "IT'S ALL MY FAULT!" Nothing anyone did could console her, and pretty soon, she had probably broken a world record herself, for 'longest and hardest crying'. The grass beside her were getting so over-watered by this that they nearly drowned. Two hours later, while the rest of them were still dicussing whether or not they should still go after Naraku, they noticed that Kagome wasn't crying anymore. In fact, she wasn't doing anything anymore.

"Oh no...all that crying must have completely dehydrated her!" Sango declared with rue.

"Is that even possible...?"

"WAHH!" Shippo wailed, but was qucikly stopped by both Sango and Miroku. They didn't need him dehydrating to death too.

"Sniff..what are we gonna do?" He asked. But before anyone could answer, (which was actually quite fortunate since they didn't know how to answer) Sesshomaru showed up, wrinkling his nose and looking confused. He glared at the others and grudingly asked, "Where is my half-brother? And why do I smell death?"

"Be-because..." Shippo exclaimed in a squeaky voice, "They died!" Then broke off into more tears.

"My little brother? Dead?" He leaned over to look, then turned to Mirkou. "How?"

"He...choked on ramen."

"Choked on ramen?" Sesshomaru echoed. Something stragne was happening to him. His face was all screwed up. "Choked?" And he erupted into laughter, startling everyone. "Hah...ha ha...choked on..ha ha ha...choked on r-ramen! Ha ha, oh my, that's rich, ha hah hah!"

Some yards away, Jaken and Rin were trying to catch up with their beloved Sesshomaru, who had ran ahead of them. Jaken, of course, was trying to lose Rin. He didn't want to share Sessohmar with her. "Why don't you just go wait over there, and I'll go get Lord Sesshomaru myself."
"No! Rin wants to get Lord Sesshomaru!"

"Argg! Go jump in a lake, Rin!"

"Why?" She asked indignantly.

"Because...because Lord Sesshomaru said so!"

Rin changed instantly upon hearing this. "Really?"

"Yes, really. Now go away!" And off Rin went, heading towards the lake they passed earlier so she could jump in it. Despite the fact that she couldn't swim in deep water. Jaken went ahead and nearly fainted when he saw Sessohmaru rolling on the ground, clutching his stomach, laughing. His lord never laughs!

"Maybe it's hysteria?" Sango asked, thinking the same thing as Jaken. Sessohmaru hadn't stopped yet, and he was starting to laugh more than breathe. Everyone watched as if they were paralyzed. Sesshomaru's own face was begining to turn blue just as his half-brother's did before. So even if anyone could do that Hemlich Manuver thing, it wouldn't help since he wasn't choking on anything but his laughter. He just laughed and laughed and laughed until he died.

"NOOOO!" Jaken cried, "IT'S ALL MY FAULT!"

Apparently history doesn't take too long to repeat itself, the others thought with a shudder, but Jaken didn't continue crying. Instead, he reached down and pulled out a sword Sesshomaru was carrying. "I will revive you, my lord!" He shouted, trying to lift the sword. How did it work anyway? Nothing was happening. Being so small, he couldn't keep the huge sword up, and he staggered back. The sword got off balance and dropped down. Into poor Jaken. And unfortnately, he had pulled out the wrong sword; the one that was forged from an Orge's fang, not the one that brought people back to life. The others grimaced and turned away.

Only to be greeted by Naraku, flanked with his two shades, Kanna and Kagura. "What's taking so long?" He demanded, "Our most final of final showdowns was supposed to take place hours ago!" He paused, frowning, and counted them. Three, the monk, the slayer, and the kitsune. As he was about to ask, a whirlwind gushed by, and out popped Koga.

"Where is my precious Kagome?"

"Uh, over there." Sango pointed, almost automatically.

"Huh? But why is she acting like she's dead?"

"Um, I think she is dead."

"NOOOO!" He cried, shaking his fists to the sky, "IT'S ALL INUYASHA'S FAULT!"

"Enough of this nonsense!" Naraku barked, "I am ending this once and for all! Kagura! Destory them!"

Kagura started forward, then whirled back around to Naraku. "Wait a minute. I thought you were ending this! Why do I have to do your dirty work?"

"Do not question me, wench!" He snapped, but his face redden. "Attack!"

"Hmpf. Whatever." She rolled her eyes and pulled the wind in, sending sharping blasts of it towards their enemies.

"You may control the wind, but I can absorb it!" Shouted Miroku, throwing up his arm. "Wind tunnel!"

Well, the wind stopped, but not because Kagura was pulled in. Actually, she was staring at the odd sight in front of her: Miroku's aim had been off, and he accidently sucked in Shippo, Koga, and Kanna. But all at once. Now three pairs of legs were wiggling out of the back of his hand, the three of them jammed in the hole. This had never happend before. Miroku, either from pain or from panic, took his non-cursed hand to smack them in the rest of the way. Except now his wind tunnel was very stretched out, like a size small T-shirt going on a plus sized man, and it began to rip. Miroku, realizing this just a second too late, shouted out his last words. (Which weren't very monk-like, by the way, so they were will censored out.) When the speeding winds had finished, nothing but a small crater remained.

Now it was down to just Sango, Naraku, and Kagura. Sango was in shock after all of this, the only one of the group left alive, and she stood silent with her mouth agape. Naraku, on the other hand, didn't seem much fazed by anything, and he motioned for Kagura to make her move. But Kagura had her own plans.

She side-stepped over some and reached down for Kanna's mirror, which she must've dropped when she was being sucked up. "You won't be able to take her soul with that, you fool." said Naraku, "Only Kanna can. Or could."

Kagura just smirked and edged closer to him. She held up the mirror by the side, so the sharp rim was up, and suddenly brought it down hard on Naraku's head. Caught off guard, he wasn't able to defend himself, but he could take the traitorous shade down with him since he had her heart. So he did. The two died right about the same time, both glaring at each other with hate as the went.

Sango's mind finally kicked in, and, with all her might, she threw her Boomerang Bone directly ahead of herself. It was a shame that her mind kicked in ten mintues too late, for her enemies were gone and there was no one for her weapon to hit. This information also came to her late, so while she was gazing about to see who she was fighting, her Boomerang Bone did what all boomerangs do: it came back. She wasn't paying attention though. So then, with a sickening crack, the Boomerang flew into her, crushed her skull on contact, and knocked her waaay back. The demon-slayer's very last thought was, 'What a stupid way to die...'

Oh, it was a very sad day indeed. These were not the only ones to go. Lady Kaede had a heart attack, her sister Kikyo fell off cliff, Totosai was accidently sat on by his three-eyed bull, the three-eyed bull was so grief-stricken at what he'd done that he wandered off and ended up in poor village struck with famine, where the grateful villagers made grilled steak and hamburgers out of him, Myoga was stepped on and squished, Kagome's family got run over by an ambulence (talk about ironic), and Kohaku's scared shard fell out when he was scratching his itchy back. So yeah, things weren't going so swell today. But is this the end?

No siree bob.

Because the author of these really strange ficlets can't stand everyone being dead, because if everyone was dead, there'd be no Inuyasha and she wouldn't be able to write more fanfics 'bout it. So she brings them all back to life, even Naraku (since an antagonist is needed, afterall), and they all live happily ever after.

Or, if anything, they all live.

Now's it's the end!

-FIN!-

A/N: This was the hardest ficlet of this collection to write. Because it's very difficult to write a death fic spoof were everyone dies, while still keeping a light mood. Death is not something most think of as funny. So I had to try and make the ways they died funny, but I'm not sure I got the desired result. Kinda morbid humor stuff, I guess. But hey, I brought everyone back with my awesome magical author power! By the way, I realize I might have spelled a few -or several- things wrong. Please don't throw bowling balls at me. Also, the death of Naraku was very simple and unlikely, I know, but that is something that would only happend in a fanfic, so HA!

Meh. I'm just lazy.