Chapter 9 Chips in the Paintwork, Cracks in the Ceiling
They were packed into the lorry with no space to breathe, one after the other, barley clothed as the snow laden wind beat at their frail bodies.
They had been feed twice in three days, scraps really, but enough to keep them alive. Most of them anyway.
Most of the boys were crying. Gaggles of them screaming as they were crammed in.
The ill boys were screaming as they were taken away to be shot. One bad apple could spoil the barrel and no one would pay for dead boys. The medical schools had already bought too many cadavers.
The leader frowned as he noticed the lack of space. He didn't want to leave any boy behind who could make him money and he could afford to waste time on a round trip. He looked over what was left. Ten boys all of them under seven. Five of them could travel with his men, five would have to rot.
"Pick the five prettiest and they can ride with us in the van." he ordered.
Three men walked over to the boys. One was fat, one was short and one had a large scar on his face. They inspected each boy carefully like they were checking the ripeness of tomatoes.
"The brunette with blue eyes, the blonde, the brunette with brown eyes, the green eyes kid and the kid with the freaky red eyes." said the fat one after a minute.
The other to nodded and took the other five off to be shot.
"You five get to ride with us." smiled the fat man, "But your gonna love that you little sluts, we've got some fun games we're gonna play with you and then it's off to market you go."
"Get those kids packed up so we can make a move!" shouted the captain from the front of the van.
The fat one nodded and packed the kids in the back. He could barley conceal his glee.
Today for the first time my father hit me.
At six my family had sat down to dinner. The windows in the dining room faced west casting us all golden and stretching the shadows between. We were awkward, an ugly mockery of a family. Our fake smiles strained almost to the point of grimaces.
My mother broke her silence. She danced noisily into the room with our plates, I hadn't seen her look so happy in months. She was wearing a new sun dress, she was wearing too much make-up, she only brought out three dinners. None of us knew what to say. She lay the three dinners down, one in front of her, one in front of me and one in front of my father. She watched Kai as she did it, smiling harder and making her thick foundation crack around her eyes and mouth.
My worry doubled when Kai smiled back, and unlike her it was almost radiant, almost blinding in the sunlight. I had never imagined that he could smile like that…my thoughts were broken my the feel of his socked foot in my lap. I jumped and nearly knocked my dinner from the table.
The hairs rose on the back of my neck as he rubbed his foot up and down my crotch. Embarrassed I looked up, sure that the whole family knew what was happening…no one was looking. Not even Kai. I studied them all intently. Then I noticed. Kai was eating, my father had given Kai his dinner. It was so obvious, I didn't have to look under the table to see where Kai's other foot was.
Discretely I pushed his other foot out of my lap and began to eat. He kicked me but I refused to look up; I didn't want to see the heartbroken look on my mothers face, or the guilty look on my fathers. I didn't want to see any of them ever again.
When I had finished my dinner I stood and left the table not even waiting for desert. I was confused and angry, angry at Kai, angry at myself…but most of all I was angry at my father. How long did they put you away for patricide?
I didn't realise Kai had followed me until I felt his hand on my shoulder. I knew it was him before I even turned around, I always knew it was him. I turned and grabbed him my hands at his throat.
"You bastard!" I screamed, "You fucking whore!"
He was smiling that smile again. I squeezed harder.
"This is just a game to you! A fucking game!" I continued. I wanted to kill him, I really wanted to kill him. What made me angrier was that he didn't look frightened. "Is this what you want?" I asked shaking him and banging his head on the wall. "Is it?"
He just looked at me. I knew he couldn't answer, not with the grip I had on his throat. I could feel my anger dancing all the way up my arms to my fingertips, I could almost feel what it would be to kill him, the power…this was how you kill…
I hadn't even heard my father come up behind me, which is odd because when I think back on it he may have been shouting. He hit me so hard that I nearly choked on one of my teeth, I could feel a trail of blood as it dripped from my mouth to the floor. I wanted to vomit.
I say Kai's feet step towards my father and closed my eyes. They would kiss now, they would make plans and run away together. Years later they would look back on this and they would laugh at me. In my head he would do everything but what he did.
When I opened my eyes my father was lying beside me. He looked as shocked as I was. Kai stood above both of us, his eyes as cold as precious stones he was holding a slightly bloody phone.
"Get up Tala." he ordered.
I shook my head to clear it and managed to make it no further than my knee's.
"Come on get up," he called grabbing my arm roughly and pulling me to my feet.
I rocked dangerously but stayed upright. "What the fuck was that?" I muttered still dazed. Kai's neck was red with bloody nail marks, I reached out with shaky fingers and smudged blood past his collar bone.
"You scratched it as you fell" he explained. "You were trying to kill me."
I nodded. I had been trying to kill him there was no use in denying it.
"Do you still love me?" he asked his voice empty and curious all at once, the sound of it made my head swim.
"Yes." I was staring at him now, so intently I was amazed I could speak.
"Is that why you tried to kill me?" he asked moving closer, his breath blowing across my overly sensitive skin reminding me of the bruises I would have later. I poked my tongue through the gap in my teeth.
"Yes." it was the truth. I loved him so much that I could kill him, I would kill him.
"Is what love is?"
I wondered why my father wasn't getting up. "I was angry at you. I am angry at you. Please tell me that you didn't kill him."
He laughed a little. "No. look at is chest he's still breathing. I think I knocked him out."
"Why? He saved your life."
"Maybe that's why…maybe it was because he hit you. Who can really say?"
"You can."
"It doesn't matter now, it's over, it's in the past."
His voice was throaty and sounded painful. It was somehow sexy to know I had damaged his throat. I eyes him as he rubbed his neck, my gut suddenly welling up with lust.
His gaze matched mine in intensity and suddenly he was against the wall again my mouth on his. We were ferocious, he sucked at the blood in my mouth like a vampire, I licked at his neck wounds and blew on them afterwards watching him shiver. He wanted it, the blood, the pain.
Eyes glaring into the back of my head alerted me that my father had woken up. He sat there and watched like the loser in a prize fight. I hoped he realised now that Kai was mine, that I wouldn't have to pay for this embrace…not with money anyway. I hoped it would scare him away for good…
Then I stopped thinking and suddenly we were in my room. Like wild animals on heat…
Later that night I woke to see that he had moved back to his own bed. He lay perfectly peaceful, and even though I could see his wounds and feel mine it was as if nothing had happened.
I could hear my mum crying in the other room and as if to echo it I joined her, sobbing into my pillow so hard that each cry caught in my throat and choked me. Kai's voice stood out in the chaos of my brain 'Do you still love me?' it asked. I cried even harder because I did.
'Do you still love me?'
'Yes.'