Warning: this one has allot of swearing for some reason.
Chapter 14 Blame
Things had been getting easier with Kai recently; not by much but enough to make me hope. I don't know what it was, maybe it was his eyes. They look different now like something hard inside them had cracked, warmed. Maybe he was just more relaxed. We'd sit together when he wasn't working; we'd watch TV and grope.
Other things were starting to work out too. My mum was less wound up about Kai; I could tell that she didn't approve of us but at least she said nothing about it, just pursed her lips and squinted her eyes.
Sometimes I could close my eyes and it was like everything was normal; that Kai wasn't a whore, that maybe he loved me back, that he had never slept with my father.
My father. My father had been the only one ruining things. Since Kai had cut him off he had become even more obsessed. It was starting to get scary; I would walk down the hallway with Kai and feel his eyes peeking at us through the crack in his door. Kai won't say anything but I know that my father has been sending him letters as well; I've seen the envelopes left on his pillow. It makes me so happy that Kai doesn't even read them just throws them straight in the bin.
Kai hasn't touched my father since the day my father hit me. I like to think that he is defending me and punishing my father for what he has done. With Tyson gone and my father out of the picture I have room to breathe, I could forget his faceless customers and he could be all mine.
Then there was today. Today something's changed. Today everything's changed.
I could feel it the moment my mum and I returned home. I had been out at a dentist appointment (My dentist was always late and this time kept me waiting over and hour) and a bit of shopping that my mum thought might as well be done while we were out of the house.
I noticed that it was creepily quiet the moment we were through the door, when I had left Kai had been deafening the whole house with his music. I threw the shopping bags onto the kitchen counter and began to creep upstairs. I don't know what is about complete silence but it makes you want to tiptoe, it makes you want to whisper. I could have sworn I saw my fathers eyes watching me from his room, I could have sworn I heard his door slam. The very air felt foreboding.
With a weird burst of courage I wasn't sure I needed I flung open our bedroom door. What I saw there shocked me to the core.
Kai was a mess. He sat on the edge of my bed his shirt ripped, his jeans around his knees. His hair was wet with sweat and blood, it stuck to his forehead and he crouched over the bin vomiting.
"Kai?" I asked frightened. The tension in the air was pushing me into the floor like gravity.
He looked up. He had blood on his forehead and dried at the corner of his mouth. He had a large bruise above his left eye and large oddly swollen lips. But out of all of those things it was his eyes that scared me the most. His cold, dead, inhuman, dispassionate eyes. They were like a photograph, a twisted memory of the way they had been when we first met. Everything that had happened, all of the progress that I had thought we made…gone. They were so flat that the light didn't even reflect in his irises.
I was breathing sulphur. My heart was lead in my chest. Everything…just…hurt.
What had happened? What could have happened in just four hours? My eyes fell to the creamy expanse of his thigh, to the place where his impossibly pale skin touched the messy sheets. Blood. Blood; on the bed beneath him, blood; on the mattress.
I stepped forward and he just watched me, he made no move to straighten his appearance, he didn't even flinch.
When I got closer to the bed I reached out my hand…I wanted to touch him. I wanted to see if this was real. He turned and puked again.
"Who did this?" I asked amazing myself by forming words; "What happened?"
He finished puking and picked up a bottle of water. He used it to rinse out his mouth and spit out the remains. Finding no answers in his face I looked into the bin. Kai's vomit was yellow mixed with blood and white…cum? Kai had been vomiting blood and cum? I felt the bile rise in my throat, it burned like acid.
"Kai who did this you have to tell me!"
That was when I saw the money. He had taken money for this? He had let someone into our house, into our bedroom, into my bed and let them fuck him up this bad all or a couple of hundred quid?
My pity turned to anger.
"You could have used your own fucking bed!"
He coughed and turned those now horrible red eyes on me.
"You don't give a fuck do you? Not about me, not about yourself…" I ranted.
"Fuck you."
His voice was so damaged and low that I barley heard.
"That's all you have to say?" I asked after a shocked moment. "Fuck you? FUCK YOU! YOU BROUGHT SOMEONE INTO OUR ROOM! INTO OUR BED! AND ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY IS FUCK YOU!"
"Shut the fuck up I have a headache." his voice was a little louder this time.
"YOUR HEAD HURTS? MY WHOLE FUCKING LIFE HURTS THANKS TO YOU!"
"I said shut the fuck up!" he tried to shout his voice failing.
I punched him; he fell back like a dead leaf.
"No. You let them do this shit to you then you live with it. You probably liked it anyway. You're fucked up like that." I spat feeling oddly calm.
He was weak so his first punch didn't hurt that much. I don't know how he had managed the weak jump that had knocked me to the floor, as weak as he looked. The second punch didn't hurt that much either…or the third…but he was getting stronger in his anger and he just kept punching me saying "Fuck you!" over and over like a mantra.
Even with the extra adrenaline he couldn't have lasted long in his state, he collapsed off me in exhaustion and rolled onto the floor.
"I hate you." I managed when rolling a tooth in my mouth and spitting it at him.
"Fuck you…"
"Just don't sell it in our bedroom, why the hell did you have to sell it in our bedroom?"
"Fuck you." weaker this time.
"Please just don't let them do this again. Look at you. We need to get you to a doctor…your eyes…your eyes look funny."
"And my ass hurts."
"Yeah? Well my face hurts did you have to hit me so hard?"
He didn't answer.
"Arsehole. Promise me; promise me that you won't let them do this again."
"You think I let them do this? Don't you remember what I did to the last person who tried something like this" I could tell that he really needed a doctor then Kai was never this talkative.
"Tyson's uncle." I remembered, sometimes I still had nightmares.
"Kai…you're bleeding allot. I think we should call an ambulance."
"No. They'll call the police."
"I don't care."
Silence.
"Kai?"
Silence.
And just when I thought he was unconscious…
"I don't charge you because I want to fuck you. I like to fuck you."
Then he passed out. It was the sweetest thing he had ever said to me.
Mum screamed when she found us.