And It Hits The Fan

Kat Potter

A/N: This chapter takes place about the same time as the last.

Disclaimer: Do you really think I'm making any money from this? I wish…so, nope, no money being made.

An: This chapter is dedicated to my betas and the wonderful DamnedXFate for inspiring me to overcome my writer's block.

"blabla" : parseltongue

Chapter 3 : A Shopping We Will Go!

When Harry apparated into Diagon Alley, he adjusted his bandana to make sure his scar didn't show and headed out. Even if he didn't look like himself, his scar was easily recognizable and he didn't want that.

He made his way through the throng of people, making his way towards the snowy white building with burnished bronze doors that towered over the other buildings. Before he could do any shopping he had to get money. So he climbed up the white stone steps and headed in, prepared to tackle any problems with his identity, as he was sure there would be.

As soon as he saw a free goblin, he hurried towards him. Luckily, this one was at the end of the hall, so if there was a problem, he wouldn't draw as much attention. He approached the goblin, who looked a bit friendlier than any goblin he had ever seen. Mind you, only a teeny, weeny, tiny bit.

"Good morning, sir," the goblin said.

"Morning. I need to remove some gold from my vault. Here's the key." The goblin took the key and looked at it for a moment. He seemed to be a tad upset.

"I'm sorry, sir, but there is no way that this is your key," he told Harry.

"And why would that be?"

"Because this key belongs to Ha-" Harry reached out and put his hand across his mouth. "I'm sorry for doing that but I can't allow you to say that name out loud," Harry blurted out. "You see, I am – that person. So, I'm rather keen not to be noticed."

"I understand, sir, but I'm afraid that I can't let you in without any proof of who you are," the goblin said.

Harry huffed. "Fine!" He looked around and when no one was looking, he lifted his bandana to reveal his scar. "Happy?"

"Quite. Baldrik!" He called to a nearby goblin. "Take Mr. – erm – Brown to his vault. Here's the key."

The goblin looked at it. "But that's the P-"

"Mr. Brown would like to take care of his business discreetly. Are we clear?"

"Crystal. This way Mr. Brown."

Baldrik took Harry down to his vault, where he removed quite a large pile of gold, along with a bit of silver and bronze. He then returned to the surface. Harry never much liked the trip down to the vault. Actually, he just never really liked dark places. Living in a cupboard will do that to you. He was always relieved when he got back out into the sun. Oh, how I love the Sun, he thought. Now where should I start my little shopping spree. Hmm…where to start…where…to…start…Well, since my clothes are seriously below standard, especially for someone who has my amount of money, I think I will start by getting myself some robes. Yes, that sounds nice.

So Harry headed toward Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions. Heading into the shop, he met Madam Malkin, who was once again dressed all in mauve.

"Good morning, young sir, can I be of any assistance?" she asked with a politely interested look on her face.

"Yes, I'm renewing my wardrobe. So I'll have three Hogwarts uniforms to start with. Then I think I'll need at least one formal robe. I'm out to spend cash today so show me your finest materials. I also want some casual robes."

"Oh, yes, sir, we'll get started right away. I'm afraid you'll have to wait a few days for such a large order but we can decide on materials and styles and such. Let's start with your measurements."

Harry headed into a fitting room and stripped down to his boxers and a white wifebeater he was wearing under his robes. As soon as he stepped up onto the stool, a tape measure appeared and began measuring him in the weirdest places. From measuring the length of his nose to the space between his toes to his armpits, it wiggled itself into the strangest places.

"All right, sir, we have that, you may get dressed."

When Harry stepped out, Madam Malkin ushered him over to the counter where they studied endless different samples for both formal and casual robes. After about an hour, he had finally picked out what he liked. All of a sudden he got an idea.

"Madam, you don't happen to stock robes that aurors use, do you?"

"Well, yes, actually I do. But before you say anything, I'm not allowed to sell it to you. Only aurors are allowed to purchase them and for good reason."

Harry thought this over. He pretty much figured he could persuade her to sell some of these special robes to Harry Potter. But that was exactly what he didn't want. He didn't want to use his fame to make people do things for him. But for once he thought he might just overlook that policy. After all, he was going to be battling Death Eaters very soon, most likely. Best to be prepared.

"Is there someplace where we can talk privately, Madam?"

"Of course, this way." She led him to a back room that looked more like a kitchen than anything else. It was obvious that this was where employees spent their coffee breaks. As soon as they got there Harry set up a silencing charm around them, eager not to be heard.

.:oOo:.

Stupid bitch. Doesn't she get it! I have to battle old Tommy-boy and his stupid Grim Reaper Munchers and so I have a perfectly good reason to bend the rules a bit but does she realize this? NOOOOOoooo! Harry sighed to himself. Note to self do not ever say that aloud. Sounds very teenage girlish. Something we do not want. Well, no matter. I'll just have to acquire them somewhere else even if that someplace is somewhat illegal. All right, so that means Knockturn Alley. May as well see if I can't find some interesting books there as well. So Harry made his way toward the creepy looking place that he had only been once before. As he walked through the dusty, grimy looking alley, he came upon a place that he thought looked acceptable.

Des Livres de Morgan le Fey. Sounds dark enough, considering Morgana was Merlin's enemy. I should be able to find some interesting books here.

So Harry entered the dark and dusty bookshop. As he stepped inside, he heard a faint tinkling deep inside the shop. It was crammed full of books and by the looks they were all very dark. Well, let's see what we can find here.

So, Harry started browsing through the books. They differed in their ages, some looked to be ancient while others seemed brand new. But they all had one thing in common. They were all rather dark. Some of them were probably only considered dark because of the stupid ministry's prejudices, like 'A Parselmouth's guide to Snakes'. Harry took the book down from the shelf and started flipping through it.

"Can I help you, young man?" a raspy voice breathed into his ear.

"Ahhhh!" Harry jumped about a foot into the air. "Shit! You scared the living daylights out of me!"

A thin, old man with papery skin stood behind him. "My apologies, sir. T'was not my intention."

"S'all right," breathed Harry as he bent over his knees and caught his breath.

"Well, is there anything I can help you with?"

"Ermm… well I was kinda looking for some books on, erm, the Dark Arts," said Harry with an almost-sheepish look on his face. Wait a minute, Harry Potter! There's no reason to look ashamed! You need those books! Now wipe that look off your face and pull yourself together! His inner voice sounded like an odd mix of Molly Weasley and Moody. Now there's a scary thought. And with that thought floating in his head, he pasted a confident look on his face and looked the old man straight in the eyes. "So, do you have any?"

"Why, of course," the old man wheezed. "What type of Dark Arts are you interested in?"

"Well, since unfortunately I have been surrounded by people who, shall we say, don't approve of dark magic, I need a basic coverage of them."

"All right, young man. Come with me and we'll see what we can find." The withered old man hobbled off into the store and Harry ambled after him.

The man stopped in front of some shelves. "These here are on blood magic. This is very powerful magic and that is why the ministry outlawed it centuries ago, though a lot of it isn't evil in any way. However, many of our history's darkest wizards used blood magic, so I suppose they had their reasons." He ran his finger over a few of them until he stopped on one and pulled it out. "This one here is rather basic." Harry looked at the title. 'The secret of Blood Magic'. "Of course, you realize that Blood magic itself is very complex. Tread carefully if you decide to use any of it." He reached out for another book. "This one here is a bit more complex and should be a good companion to that one." Harry took both the books and added them, with 'A Parselmouth's' guide to Snakes', to his growing pile.

The man ambled off once more and stopped in front of another shelf. "Here are some books on curses, some more twisted than others. I think I will refrain from handing you the more gruesome ones. One must take these things step by step." He pulled out a few books and handed them to Harry as he told him about their content. "This one is on some of the mildest curses that are banned. This one is an accompaniment to the other, though it has more advanced curses. And this one is on ancient curses from various ancient cultures, including Egyptian and Chinese."

By this time, Harry was struggling a bit to hold up the pile. He hoped that there wasn't a lot more to these dark arts, yet he wouldn't miss out on any of it for the world. Fortunately, the shopkeeper seemed to have read his mind.

"One last thing that I want you to have." The man hobbled into the furthest corner of the shop where the counter was. Harry felt a little confused. Hadn't the old man mentioned something more? The man then hobbled right past the counter and through a door Harry hadn't noticed before. After a little while the old man returned with a thick, tattered old book. "This here book is very valuable. It is on the old, forgotten art of wandless magic. I have a feeling you are going to need it." The man gave him a pointed look. "It also has some techniques that would be useful for learning Occlumency. So I recommend you go to Flourish and Blott's and find yourself a book on both Occlumency and Legilimency." He charged Harry for his purchases, then promptly turned around and went back into the room behind the counter, without another word.

That is one very strange man, Harry thought as he made his way out of the store.

.:oOo:.

At this point Harry was feeling decidedly hungry, so he made his way back to the Leaky Cauldron for a bite to eat. When he got there he sat down at a table that was in the corner so as not to be noticed and pulled out his book of snakes, charming the front cover to look like a book on practical joke charms and hexes. He was well immersed in it when he heard someone walk up to him. Looking up he realized it was Tom, the innkeeper.

"Good day, sir. What would you like to have?" the old, toothless walnut questioned him.

"I think I'll have the roast chicken with a jacket potato and gravy. And a butterbeer to drink," replied Harry, barely stopping himself from saying the innkeeper's name. Tom wouldn't recognize him with his current look and he rather preferred to keep it that way at the moment.

"Very well, sir. It will be ready in a moment."

Harry returned to his book and in a few moments his meal had appeared at his table. He then promptly dug in with a gusto that Ron would have been proud of. After a few bites at lighting speed he decided to slow down so as to enjoy his food and avoid indigestion. When he had finished his plate, he signaled Tom and ordered a plate of apple pie for desert and another butterbeer.

So it was with an extremely full tummy that Harry Potter exited the Leaky Cauldron and headed for the Magical Menagerie. He knew Hedwig wouldn't talk to him for a week if he came back from Diagon Alley without buying her some owl treats. Therefore, Harry set out to the other side of Diagon Alley to where the Menagerie was.

The Magical Menagerie was just as loud, cramped and smelly as the last time that he had been here. As the witch behind the counter was busy with another customer, Harry used his time to look around the shop at the various creatures there. There were, as before, cats of every color imaginable, along with a jarvey, which immediately started cussing at him, a cage of nifflers, another filled with ravens and other assorted creatures. But the thing that really caught Harry's eye was a strikingly green snake that was perched on a tree branch in his cage in the corner. As Harry slowly walked closer, the snake turned to look at him, with a piercing stare.

"Hello," Harry said when he reached the cage.

"Hmm, a human that speakss my tongue. Very interesting." The snake seemed to be sizing him up.

Harry decided to take the first step. "Hello, my namesound is Harry. What is yours?"

The snake seemed to have decided he was interesting enough to talk to. "My namesound is Smaragdus, but you may call me Smarg. My namesound means emerald one. Does your namesound have a meaning?"

Harry chuckled. "It probably does, but I do not know it. I am wondering, Smarrg, are you content here in this store?"

"This cage is rather small, and not very comfortable. Are you offering to free me?" The snake eyed him with a hopeful look.

"I am offering to let you come live with me. But you are venomous, are you not? If you are, then you must swear to never bite anyone. Do you agree to these terms?"

Smarg seemed to ponder this for a moment before deciding. "This is quite agreeable to me. I think it will be much more comfortable not to live in this cage anymore. As for being venomous, yes, I am, but I do swear to never bite any human as long as they do not threaten you. Also, I am a magical serpent and therefore I have the antidote to the venom as well as the venom itself. However, my venom is very potent so if the human who is bitten is to be saved, I must bite him again almost immediately to administer the anti-venom. Are we in agreement?"

A small grin appeared on Harry's face. "We are. Wait a moment while I get some treats for my owl and then I will pay for both the treats and you, following which we will leave."

So, Harry picked up the owl treats from the rack and walked over to the counter to pay. The witch behind the counter rang his purchase up. "Will there be anything else, sir?"

"Yes, I want that green snake over in the cage in the corner."

The witch looked him over. "Oh, aren't you a little young to be a Potions Master?"

"What?" Harry snapped. "What are you talking about?"

"The snakes bought here are usually bought by Potions Masters who are looking for fresh ingredients."

The look on Harry's face darkened. "I'm not going to be slaughtering that beautiful creature. I want it as a pet." Harry smirked at her. He knew what was running through the witches mind. It was a well known fact that Dark Wizards kept snakes as pet, the most famous being Voldemort himself. It was highly unusual for other wizards to keep snakes.

The witch, unsurprisingly stared at him. "Sir, I you sure? That snake is highly poisonous and very dangerous. I have to make sure you can handle it."

Harry smirked at her. "Madame, my family has a very well kept secret." He indicated that she move closer and whispered. "We know a spell that enables one to speak to snakes." Her eyes widened. "Therefore, I would not have any problem controlling him."

The witch nodded to herself. "I assume that you will be wanting to buy food for him, then? And a cage?"

Harry nodded with a neutral expression back on his face. "Yes, I want the largest cage you have and what sort of solution do you have for food for a snake of his size?"

"Well, as for the cage, we have a very large one that can fit many snakes if needed but would be perfect for a snake like him, It can fit lots of foliage for him to hide in. As for feeding, you do know what snakes like these feed on?"

Harry gave her a superior look. "Of, course small animals, like birds, frogs, lizards and small mammals."

"Very good. I'm afraid most of his diet will have to consist of mice, as that is what I have in stock most of the time. However, every now and then I get some lizards and frogs and such. So, whenever I can I will send this to you."

"And how do you propose to send these animals to me? I can not afford to have owls flying to and fro all the time."

The witch smiled at him. "Actually, we just received a very ingenious solution to that problem." She grabbed something from under the counter, which turned out to be a cage, and put it up on the counter. "This here cage has a spell triggered port-key like spell on it. I have another one in the back and all I have to do is put the animals wanted in, tap my wand on it and they will be transported to your corresponding cage. When ever you need to refill your stock, just tap the cage with your wand and a small notice will appear next to the cage in the back. It is therefore advisable to notify me a few days before you need the critters, just to be safe."

Harry smiled a genuine smile for once that afternoon. "That would be perfect. So how much is that?"

"That will be 86 galleons, 1 sickle and seven knuts."

While Harry fished out his money the witch went in the back to get the cages. She came back with two small box-like things that fit in the palm of her hand. "Here are the cages. They've been shrunk for your convenience, sir, just use an engorgement charm to revert them to their original size." She put both the cages and the owl treats in a bag and then walked over to the cage containing the snake. "Would you like a box for the snake or…?"

Harry looked the snake in the eye. "What would you like, Smarg? Do you want to stay in a dingy box until we get home or would you prefer to curl yourself up under my clothes?"

Smarg returned his look with an almost outraged look of his own. "Do you even have to ask? Of course, I'm going to curl up, though I would prefer to not be bundled up under clothes."

Harry looked a tad upset. " b I'm sorry but it can't be helped. If people saw you it would cause a panic and I really don't want to draw any more attention to myself."

"You have no need to be sorry, Erus. It is no fault of yours."

Harry gave the snake a strange look "Erus? Why do you call me Erus?"

"That is what I shall call you from now on. That is what you are to me."

Harry shrugged and turned to the witch who had been staring at him with a look of awe, mixed with fear. "I won't be needing a box, thank you."

Harry opened the cage and gently picked up Smarg and held him up under his shirt so as to allow the snake to coil itself around his chest, with it's head just out of sight on his shoulder. Harry then turned to the witch, who was now openly gaping at him. "Thank you, and have a good day."

.:oOo:.

"Erus, where are we going now?" Smarg asked him when they were out of the shop.

"Well, there is one shop in particular that I want to go to. I don't know how long it will take to finish in there so it may be the last shop of the day," replied Harry as he strode back to Knockturn Alley, towards a shop he had noticed earlier.

At the corner of Diagon and Knockturn Alley, there was a tiny little shop that was barely noticeable. Above the shop door there was a sign: Magical Tattoo's and Piercings.

Harry had always longed to decorate his body but being surrounded by such conservative people, he had never dared. Well, now the time had come!

Harry entered the parlor, and headed strait for the walls, where there were pictures of all kinds of tattoo's available. All kinds of picture's with a magical connection; lions, snakes, wands, various magical creatures, along with the standard muggle types. But one picture in particular caught Harry's eye. It was of a Golden Snitch in flight. That's what I want. It's perfect.

Harry turned toward the counter where a girl was sitting. She was about his age, but she was the most strange looking girl he had ever seen. She had some features that Cho had but instead of midnight black hair, it was the whitest snow-white, as was her skin. She had piercings all over the place; a stud in her nose, a ring in her lower left lip, a stud on each side of her lower lip and several in her ears, both rings and studs. She was wearing a bright pink top that cut rather low and where a bra would be under it, there was a black and white, polka dot material. She wore an extremely short, black, see through skirt with a lacy material on the edge. Underneath the skirt she wore black, very short shorts. On the back of them were bright pink frills in three horizontal lines. She wore black fish-net stockings and over them knee length black-and-pink striped shocks. On her feet were thick-bottomed mary-janes. Her extremely white hair was pulled partially into pigtails.

"Hi!" she said as he stared at her. "Find something you like?"

"Yeah, I have a few things I'd like to have done. I want to have a lot of piercings done, though I won't delude myself into believing I'll be able to handle them all at once. And I want that Snitch over there on my right hipbone."

She grinned at him. "All right, let's start with the piercings. I can do that but my father will have to do the tattoo, he owns the shop and is training me to take over."

She guided him over to a chair. "So, where do you want the piercings?"

"Well, I think today I'll just go with the right ear, the left corner of my lip and my tongue."

She gave him a look that he couldn't quite decipher. "Are you sure you want it in your right ear? You do know what that means?"

Harry grinned his lopsided grin at her. "Yeah, and?"

"Oh, nothing. Just wanted to make sure you knew."

Harry got a far-off look on his face. "Yeah, I definitely know."

The girl grinned at him with a knowing look on her face. "I'm going to get my tools and tell my father to get his ready. I'll be right back. You just relax here."

Harry reclined into the chair and tried to relax. Why the hell did I have to start thinking of Sev right now! Judging by the look on her i face, mine had a stupid, dopey look on it.

The girl walked back into the room holding several silver, sharp-looking instruments. Harry gulped. The girl laughed.

"Don't worry, it will only hurt for a second."

Harry glowered at her. "They all say that."

"Hey, this is a magical tattoo parlor. I'll heal it right after I do the piercing. Therefore, it will only hurt for a second."

She grabbed his right ear and prepared it for the piercing. Then she positioned the needle. Harry looked into her eyes. "What's your name?"

She looked at him with an almost motherly look on her face. "Salvör." Then she plunged the needle through his ear.

"YEOW!" She put a standard silver hoop through his ear. Then she whipped out her wand and tapped it against his ear, muttering "Sanare."

"See, that wasn't so bad," she grinned at him.

Harry glared back at her. "What kind of name is Salvör? No offence."

"It's Icelandic. My mother was from Iceland." She saw the look on his face. "If you're wondering, yes, I get most of my looks from my father. He's Japanese."

Salvör then grabbed his tongue with a pair of tong's, pulled it out and prepared it for the piercing. Harry stared at her with a rather freaked out look. She looked him strait in the eye and then plunged the needle through his tongue. This time Harry managed not to yell quite as loud, though this may have been on account of the needle sticking through his tongue. Salvör the stuck the barbell through the hole and then healed him up. She then repeated the process on his lip, putting a bead ring there.

"Alright!" she grinned at him. "The easy part is done."

Harry stared at her. "The easy part?"

"Yeah, 'cuz the tattoo's are magical, they have to be done without healing magic. Also if you have any glamours, maybe hiding the big, red pimple on your nose, then they have to come off."

Harry froze. Come off! Oh shit…

Harry chuckled nervously. "Errmm… on second thought, maybe I'll get that done later." He started to back away but Salvör grabbed his arm. "Look, it's really not that bad. And if you have any horrible disfigurations, then I promise I won't laugh." She dragged him over to the chair.

"No, that's not… Oh, Merlin, how am I… I'm Harry Potter!" he blurted out.

Salvör looked a little stunned. "Ok… not quite what I was expecting but what the hell." She leaned in and stage whispered. "I won't tell anybody that the perfect Harry Potter is getting a tattoo if you don't."

A soft smile broke out on Harry's face. "Thanks, Salvör"

"No problem, Harry. So take off those glamours. I want to see what you really look like."

Harry looked at her as he waved his wand and his glamours fell.

"Well, not bad. So, tell me, who's the guy?"

Harry jumped. "W-what do you mean?"

She gave him a disbelieving look. "Please, Harry. When I asked you whether you knew what having a piercing in the right ear, you drifted off and were a million miles away. So obviously, there's someone."

Harry sighed. "Yeah, there's someone. But it will never happen, so I just need to forget him and move on."

"Well, now, don-"

"No, really. It will never happen. Because A) he hates me and B) he's my teacher."

Salvör winced. "Ouch."

"Yeah, tell me about. I just need to find me another guy to fall for and" hopefully "I'll forget all about him."

Salvör got a gleam in her eye at this, which got Harry a bit worried but since she didn't say anything he let it go.

"Where is my father?" She went in the back and came back with a Japanese man in his late forties who was holding various instruments.

"Good Afternoon, Mr. Potter," he greeted with only a barely noticeable accent. "So you want the Snitch tattoo."

"Yes, sir. On my right hipbone."

.:oOo:.

An hour later, Harry was paying up with a very sore hipbone. "Hey, Salvör, you wouldn't know of any places where I can buy some clothes. Kind of like yours, except maybe for guys. Well, you know kind of punk or something like that."

"Sure Harry. Tell you what, owl me when your hip feels better and I'll take you to London. We'll make a day of it."

Harry grinned at her. "That'd be cool. Thanks, I'll see you."

She smiled back. "Yeah, take care of yourself Harry." And he walked out the door of the small shop.

As he was waiting in the line for the apparition point in The Leaky Cauldron that he felt a hand on his arm and he was swung roughly around, only to stare into the glowering face of one Severus Snape.

"Potter! What are you doing here? And… what have you done to your face?"

Harry glared at him. "That's none of your business! Now leave me alone!" Thankfully it was his turn and he was able to apparate away.

Tbc…