Thank you to the people who reviewed.
This chapter is from Kai's POV
Chapter 23 'Kai'
I'm empty.
I don't have a name but they call me Kai and I'm empty.
If I am honest I don't ever remember feeling much of anything; except maybe sexual pleasure and even that is fleeting.
From what I can remember where I come it is cold and the people are colder. And when I say where I come from I don't mean the country I mean the brothel.
At the brothel things were simple and people generally kept to themselves. Sometimes people fought over customers but usually they just existed. I don't remember much from those days except that I was very young and the only child there.
My mother was an angry woman. I had been the child of rape and she had been too poor and too religious to have me aborted. I was mostly left to fend for myself and the moment I was old enough I took on customers to help me pay my way. It was painful but the money bought me a little peace from mother and that was good.
Mother had her good days and bad but soon it became obvious that she was sick. The brothel threw us out; who needs whore's that can't tale customers and we were left to fend for ourselves.
Without a place to live her condition deteriorated quickly. When she was awake she would scream in pain and curse me; when she was asleep she was peaceful. She looked like death and I realised what I had to do.
One day when she was asleep I left and swapped some favours for drugs. I had been getting to know that gangs. I was young but I had been taught skill so I got what I needed. I poured all of it down my mothers throat and sat beside her holding her hand. She died and never let go.
When the men came and took me I was nearly dead. They told me lies, said that they were taking me to a new family. They might as well have told me the truth for all I cared I would have gone anyway.
The travelling was like the brothel. The other boys all cried and whined; but I knew a better way. I co-operated and managed to keep myself in the men's favour. They were not nice to me but they never stabbed me or hurt me too badly.
Then there was the boat and Rei. Rei was the only other person not crying and although I never understood a word he was saying it became obvious that he understood as much as I did.
All the other kids fought them. They men would come and always choose the few that looked the least willing. When I was chosen they seemed almost disappointed by my lack of struggle; Rei did the same and aside from the hunger we both got through the journey relatively unharmed.
I found the training centre interesting. I was the first glimpse that I had ever had of a future or even an educational facility. They taught me things and I could ignore the others whining as long as I was getting something from it. They taught me more of sex and pleasure; they taught me languages an writing; they taught me how to fight and manipulate and later when they were sure of me they taught me to kill. I was too smart to ask why; I'd seen what they did too nosey children.
When they thought that I was ready the dangled something intriguing in front of me and offered me a deal. They would give me a new job, a new life…but only if they could test me first. Prove that I was worthy of their trust. I expected it to be sex, sex did seem to be all anyone ever wanted. Instead they asked me to kill Rei.
It was strange the way they wanted it done; I had to make him say that he loved me before I could kill him. I suppose it was all about loyalty. They need not have worried. Why wouldn't I kill someone just because they made such a random useless comment. I mean what was that really supposed to mean anyway?
With Rei dead was trusted. They set me up for what they called a mission. I had been originally meant for prostitution but now I was meant for more subtle things. I was supposed to use people, kill them or seduce them for information and anything else that could come in handy.
I relished the work and managed to be quite good at it. I was the dirty secret of important men who couldn't keep their trousers on or their mouths shut.
The company was proud of me and decided on more advanced stakes. They provided me with an English passport and a guardian and sent me into London Heathrow. I would never find out what my mission was because my idiot guardian fucked it up.
The rest is boring. I got caught by the authorities and labelled a victim. They pulled me through the system and set me up with a foster family.
That was when I met Tala. I find Tala very confusing. He is a very attractive boy who can't stop telling me that he loves me…even when he is trying to physically hurt me or even kill me. He becomes angry when I see other men but does not ask me to stop fucking them…and he makes me painfully aware from day to day just how dead I am inside.
When I first kissed him it was experimental. And the second time I was just, I suppose as close to angry as I get. Maybe frustrated is a better word. I had been thrown in a situation I was in no way equipped to deal with. How could I just eat sleep and go to school after all that had happened?
So I used them and made it like a job. I fucked them for pocket money and attention and even leeway in certain things. Then when fucking them wasn't enough I started to kill them. Tyson's father wasn't so out of line that I couldn't put him back without having to kill him. I just wanted to know if I could still get away with murder…and see if I could make that boy Tyson want me as well. It is always about the challenge.
I am not a nice person. I am not stupid and since they taught me to read I have done it a great deal, reading books teaches you to read people. I knew that I could make Tala's dad want me after I found the copy of Lolita under his bed, I knew that I could make Tala's mum like me after I found the hidden issues of Strangers In Paradise. But Tala was still a mystery. He read nothing that school didn't give him and his behaviour remained un predictable.
I started to experiment with him. I could see how strong his feelings ran and it confused me. I started hurting him on purpose just to see how deep I could make him hurt. I started pushing him just to see how hard he would push back.
I have an addictive personality. I have been addicted to smoking since I tried my first cigarette, I have drank heavily since I tried my first drink, I am addicted to sex, I am addicted to violence, I am even addicted to controlling people and the way it makes me feel. All of these things make me feel the way Tala makes me feel, because in me now Tala is connected to all of these things.
I think in some ways that I am addicted to Tala. It would explain how I reacted when his father tried to split us up and it would explain why I fought so hard to stay in that stupid house when really it might have been better to let the police remove me.
I should come clean however that it wasn't just Tala that made me stay. I had caused allot of trouble attempting to get my employers attention. Why build a big bonfire in the hopes of getting rescued and then move islands the moment you hear a plane in the distance.
When the 'Aunt' showed up I think that I was glad. Back to work seemed allot more attractive than dealing with the messy trail that I was beginning to leave. I was naïve to think that they would let me back to work with out testing me again.
I have been told that I have to kill Tala. What a fitting way to end my stay.