Yesterday seems like such a long time ago. I have discovered a whole new world I never thought existed. Sure, I have dreamt about it, but what child doesn't? The smallest thought about it enthralls us, makes us pay attention, just to see if our mind has found a proof that will prove its existence, but every time, we're disappointed and let down. As the years pass and we grow older, we throw the notion of such a ridiculous idea away, and we start to forget about all the hope and belief we had in it when we younger. And then, one day, I find out it actually exists, that it is not just a figment of my imagination, and that it flows within me! In my blood! The thought is so overwhelming that I just sit there, starring blindly ahead, not believing a word I'm being told. Why should I? I've been told, since the first time I asked, that there is no such thing, and that I will just have to accept that. I don't really know what's more strange, the fact that it exist, or the fact that my parents can actually be wrong. But as the day goes by, I start remembering all the things I've done that can be explained by it, and no matter how hard I try to deny it, it's me and it's my new destiny.
I close the journal, a feeling of wonderment swelling up inside of me as I read it. It is amazing how naïve I once used to be. As I look through the remainder of my entries, the few I actually wrote, a sense of nostalgia flows through me as I live through all of these moments as if I was there again, but instead of just remembering them, I start to think about what I could have done better or differently here and there, and it suddenly dawns upon me. I have nothing more to live for. The "disagreements", as they called them, ruined any chance I might have had for a normal life after I finished my education. Ever since I entered this place, I have been trained. Trained to kill, to maim, and to always be aware of the situation and how I can better it for my own good. And that was only the things I was taught in my free time, not even covering the official lessons. Because of all those lessons, I went from an innocent, sweet, open child, to a cynical, hard, emotionless adult, never once seeing the changes in myself as they happened. Only now, when I have a chance to look back, do I truly notice the loss of my innocence.
I force my thoughts back on track as I set my eyes on the journal once again, the only reason I would ever even try to go back here. Back here where my nightmares unfold and my worst fears come true. As I look upon the rubble around me, I cannot help but disconnect myself from my feelings once more, I will need to be able to get out of here and I cannot do that if my emotions are out of control. I wince as I think back to the last time I tried to do this with my emotions in disarray. Believe me when I say, that the end result was not pretty. As I Apparate from Hogwarts Castle one last time, I have one thought circling in my head. Who would have thought magic could affect you this badly?