Disclaimer: LotR not mine. Fairly straight-forward.
A.N. I think it is only fair to tell all of you that I am insane. I am reminded of this fact quite often. I get annoyed at inanimate objects that appear to be taunting me. This has resulted in many a sore toe from kicking rather large and heavy objects.
What I'm saying is, don't worry if this fic gets a bit... weird. My mind works in ways that no human mortal can possibly comprehend. Of course, this fic is probably less mentally scarring than my one-shot, Irresistable, which no-one I know has yet found non-hazardous to their health and verall wellbeing.
But at least A.R. is back up and running, quite some time after being deleted. I still don't know why. If anyone out there does, kindly fill me in.
That is all.
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Chapter 1 - Beer and Women
"Curse your elven strength!" Aragorn screamed at Legolas. "For the love of Eru, release my arm!"
Legolas smiled calmly and loosened his hold on Aragorn. Aragorn snatched his arm away with a whimper and rocked back and forth, cradling the sore limb.
"Then it is your round. Again," Legolas chuckled. He indicated to an approaching barmaid. She noticed, smiled coyly at him and stopped at their table.
"Can I get you boys anything?" Her voice was light and cheery.
Legolas inclined his head towards Aragorn. "I shall have what he has."
The barmaid started as she saw Aragorn. She had been too entranced with the handsome elf gazing up at her to even notice his quiet companion. He was quite handsome too, despite his hair being matted and dirty.
"I should not bother," said Legolas, seeing her expression. "He is a Ranger."
She nodded knowingly and turned her attention back to Legolas with a smile. They flirted a while before the barmaid hurried off to see to the drinks.
"Comes with the territory, I suppose," Aragorn sighed. "Quite a beauty, that one. Strange she hasn't already been taken."
"It certainly is time we had a holiday. She looked rather old for you," said Legolas, amused that any mortal could be too old for his companion.
"Ten long years since I last lay eyes upon Imladris' glorious features," reminisced Aragorn. "More or less, in any case."
Legolas whistled a lilting tune and agreed, "ten years for me, also."
"Lord Elrond is always hospitable, so kind to travellers, and almost as good as a real father to me..." Aragorn was overjoyed at returning to the place where he had spent the happier times in his life.
Just then, the door to the tavern flew open, the cause of which appeared to be a mere gust of wind. Still, it was suspicious for doors to open themselves. This door, though, had not opened itself. As someone went to close the heavy oak door, they stopped as a cloaked figure emerged out of the mist. As the stranger stepped over the threshold everyone breathed a sigh of relief. They all saw the pointed ear that protruded from under the folds of the cloak's hood.
"You never know what's going to walk over the threshold these days, eh?" The speaker was a burly man at the table behind Aragorn.
"Hmmm..." pondered Legolas. "I wonder what business that elf has this far north?"
"Probably the same reason as you, or he could be taking a detour to some other place. What does it matter, anyhow?" Aragorn asked.
Legolas was deep in thought when the barmaid returned. He gave her a distracted smile as she placed two brimming jugs of ale on the table in front of them.
"My thanks," Aragorn jumped in, seeing that Legolas was too busy to flirt at the moment. The barmaid simply giggled stupidly at Aragorn and flounced off to gossip with a beckoning waitress.
"Females." Aragorn muttered, taking a swig from his tankard.
"I think I will go talk to that elf. Maybe he has some news from the south." Legolas said, gracefully vacating his chair.
Aragorn made no attempt to stop him. He was too busy mock-striking a pose for the barmaid and her friend, who were looking in his direction. They burst into a fresh fit of giggles and ducked their heads to hide the blush that spread across their cheeks.
"Excuse me, if you do not mind my asking, where are you heading?" Legolas asked the stranger in the politest voice he could muster.
The stranger turned and surveyed Legolas. They grunted a reply and turned back to their awaiting drink.
Legolas was somewhat insulted, though nothing showed on his face but serenity. "I am sorry if I seem rude. If you do not wish to answer, I shall leave."
The stranger grunted again, and then murmured something in a rather husky voice.
"Pardon? I did not quite catch that," Legolas prompted.
The stranger bellowed at Legolas without warning. The blonde elf was so startled that he failed to notice the fist swinging towards him. He was knocked off his feet and sent flying into a table of dwarves, who were not at all pleased to have their drinks spilt down their beards.
But Legolas didn't care. "Why do you attack me?" he yelled at the cloak, which was shaking in anger.
Legolas ducked the large bowl of fruit that the stranger had hurled at him. Dodging various objects hurtling towards him, he launched himself at the stranger. He fell several inches short of the figure, but managed to grab hold of the cloak and tugged as hard as he could.
The cloak fell gently to the floor, revealing the person hidden inside.
The elf shrieked and tried to run. Legolas grabbed an ankle and pulled it down. Aragorn ran up and knocked Legolas' hand away.
"Never lay a hand on a lady," he cautioned, giving Legolas a stern glare.
Legolas turned to the fallen elf... no, elleth. He recognised her from somewhere. His eyes widened as he recalled their last meeting.
She was an innkeeper's wife. He had stayed at their inn during his travels and become intoxicated one night, a very rare occurrence for him. She helped him to his room. The rest of the night was a hazy blur, but he well recalled the morning after.
He had awoken early and rolled over to discover her, lying unclothed, beside him. He had acted so cowardly. Rather than confronting the innkeeper he had snuck away before dawn. Legolas gazed down into the elleth's fiercely burning eyes.
"What are you doing here, Aranel?" he asked soothingly.
She began ferociously. "I came here to...to..." she trailed off, biting her lip and looking away.
Legolas noted the tears welling in her eyes, but gave up on getting a straight answer from her and turned away.
"Revenge," she whispered under her breath.
Legolas' keen ears picked up the word and he spun to face Aranel once more. "You wish revenge upon me?" he said innocently.
"MY HUSBAND LEFT BECAUSE OF YOU!" she thundered, not bothering to hide the tears that now streamed down her face. "He came in after you left, and he saw me in your bed even though you had run away, and he guessed, and he left me! I hate you, you dirty elves, you think you can have your way with any woman you want, and damn the consequences. I hate you!" she yelled again.
A shocked stillness hung suspended in the air.
The barmaid and waitress rushed over to comfort Aranel, throwing dirty looks at Legolas.
"Let us go," Legolas spoke directly, unashamedly, to Aragorn. They passed through the awed crowd of onlookers and headed for the stables.
"What was that about?" Aragorn asked, his eyes wide.
"It was nothing." Legolas assured him. "I was drunk, yes, and she did help me to my room, but that was it. At least I think it was... I -was- drunk," he said again, brow furrowed in frustration. Why couldn't he remember that night? Something strange and more powerful than alchohol had damaged his memory.
"Impaired judgement," Arangorn concurred. "Still, odd for an elf to be so intoxicated, especially you." Aragorn spoke the obvious. "And what happened?"
"I woke up in the morning, saw her beside me, and panicked."
Aragorn gaped. "So it was true? I thought she surely invented that part, at least."
"She could have," suggested Legolas. They saddled their mounts in silence, pondering this.
"Where are we going now?" asked Legolas, breaking the silence.
"I think we shall head straight for Imladris," Aragorn said with a wink as he swung himself up into the saddle. "We don't want to run into any more of your old conquests, now do we?"
Legolas pushed him off his horse.
Little did they know, Aranel had escaped the sympathetic mob and was silently readying her own horse. She wanted revenge and would not stop until Legolas felt such pain as he had driven her to.
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A.N. Now, I need reviews stating quite clearly whether or not I should continue with this. I've already had it deleted once, and it's not a fun experience. So, please review and tell me yay or nay. Thank you.
Also, any and all other suggestions are welcome. Yes, even flames. Without flames this story would turn into a big fat flop. Like a soggy cake. But flames will keep the cake perfect. Just let me know when I'm ruining the story, or 'cake', and I will change it.
And of course, many many thanks to everyone who helped revamp this, and other chapters. And to the heathen gods of fanfiction, I'd still really like to know what was wrong with my story in the first place...