Title: An Assassin and white porsche 9?

Author: Seraphim Grace
Archive: if you want it ask.
Feedback: Always appreciated and replied to.
Rating: PG-13.

Pairings: CrawfordxAya, OmixNagi
Warnings: Really bad comedy.

Spoilers: None really.

The days passed quickly with their nights so full. Weiss were about early, opened the shop and then slept through the evening to go patrolling at night. More than once Aya had opened the shop just pulling a pair of jeans over what he was now calling his pyjamas. In fact he went patrolling once with a spray of wisteria tucked behind his ear where a fan-girl had crept up behind where he was asleep at his work bench and adorned him. He only noticed when he was applying solvent to remove his mask. It was all over the papers the next day, "vigilante attacks spread through city," said some papers, however most said, "vigilantes wear flowers! Is this the face of modern crime fighting?" If it hadn't made his hair smell so nice Aya might even have been affronted.

He had gotten out of vigilante duty today by virtue of having a date, Yohji considered this a rare enough treat that he magnanimously ushered him out of the shop to go buy himself something nice.

Every day since the debacle at the club Richard Grayson had swanned into the shop, if he ever found out who had told him where he worked the headline wouldn't read "vigilantes wear flowers" that was for sure, and spent most of the day praising him. He never arrived early in the morning but stayed until closing time.

He was like a male Princess Ouka.

He obviously had an outside source of information because the gifts he brought were well suited to Aya, he bought him expensive books, a Chinese calligraphy set which was almost identical to the one that Crawford had bought for him in Kyoto, except Crawford's was made of polished bone and Grayson's was antique ivory.

He even managed, through some feat that Aya was desperate to understand, to keep Sakura somewhat at bay.

He showed up midmorning with Tim beside him, obviously that was his excuse, and then didn't leave until Aya practically physically threw him out. The rest of Weiss seemed to be in on it though, Yohji, had on more than one occasion, sent him out to lunch with the man, and Ken had managed to trip, knocking Aya so that he landed face first unto Grayson.

They denied it as vehemently as he denied going out with Crawford.

Even Manx and Birman liked him!

He flirted with the fangirls. He flirted with the secretaries. He even, and Yohji drew the line at that, flirted with Momoe. He flirted with the fangirl's boyfriends. The man made Yohji look like something less of a slut.

He was also extraordinarily wealthy.

He was friendly and pleasant and Aya was forced to concede if he wasn't head over heels in adoration of Crawford then Grayson might have appealed to him, apart from being such a giant tart.

Now things were getting complicated.

He had a date tonight with both men, and to make things more surreal, at the same time, of course, Grayson didn't know his dinner date, that Aya had managed with some skill to excuse himself from despite Yohji overhearing, "you have to go, when was the last time you had a date," Yohji had protested, "it's fine, you don't have to argue," Aya had answered him with a smile, "I'm going". He just didn't mention that he was going with Crawford and not with Grayson.

He left the shop early, before his personal stalker appeared, and made his way, with a very large bunch of wisteria, baby's breath, magnolia branches and jasmine, to the Okiya that had trained him before he went to Kyoto knowing that if anyone was capable of dragging Murasakiiro out of semi-retirement it was Obasan.

Aya appraised himself in the mirror in the apartment that Obasan had taken him to in order to dress him. She had gathered his hair up under a net before securing a large and rather heavy wig in place, "knew this would happen," she had muttered opening the box to reveal a wig the exact same shade as his hair, and then gathered it into a rather elegant updo with the wisteria and baby's breath and several gold wands he had acquired in Kyoto. She dressed him like a heian princess, "for the future prime minister," she said, "now don't growl at me, I'm not letting a geisha of this house meet him dressed like a pauper," that had been her cue to put her hands on her hips and glare, "yes, dear, I know he's evil, and I know he killed your parents and you want to kill him, but not tonight." Then she patted him on the cheek and helped him dress.

He was wearing twelve kimono of organza that, due to the elaborate layering were saved from being see through. They started with a rich deep red and went into violets and white before being covered with a raw silk gold kimono embroidered with those colours. A violet obi finished the look, and rather than the simple flat pad knot she had gathered it into the rose knot.

Although when he was in Kyoto, like most of the Tokyo geisha, Murasakiiro had gone barefoot, she had brought him a pair of silk tabi and new zori. In fact, appraising himself in the mirror, as she tied a lump of lavender jade, shaped like a wisteria blossom that he had bought especially, around his throat, he had never looked more beautiful.

"Haunting, Murasakiiro, truly haunting." Obasan said handing him a gold fan that she tied from the obi-age. "Now go knock them dead." Then she realised who she was saying it to, "but not literally of course."

The tea house was one of the largest in Tokyo and Aya was one of the last to arrive. He arrived in a long stretch limo, which was quite normal for a geisha of his standing, which Crawford had arranged for him. Crawford was awaiting him as the car pulled up. The smile that he graced him with made all the preparations worthwhile. "Beautiful," Crawford said bowing to kiss the back of Aya's white hand. Aya considered giggling but instead gave him a rather fond smile. "Shall we go show them, my dear, just why we were the talk of Gion?"

"I'm looking forward to it." Aya answered calmly. "Lead the way, Crawford-san, and I shall in your shadow follow."

Because, unlike most of the other geisha attending the teahouse Aya was a guest, he sat down next to Crawford, the other geisha, although they had been invited, were attending it. Bruce Wayne was a large man with shoulders like a bear and a pair of cool blue eyes that seemed to survey everything. He gave off an animal magnetism that almost screamed sex. He was, Aya conceded, a very attractive and powerful man, if such things did things for you. The rest of the geisha were fawning over him and Aya felt no such need.

Next to him was Grayson, he seemed much smaller but more athletic than his sponsor, and where Wayne wore a sharp black suit, a Kenzo if Aya wasn't mistaken, Grayson wore a dark blue satin jacket that looked more like a smoking jacket but was obviously very expensive haute couture design that brought out the colour of his eyes. Crawford was wearing a very rich chocolate brown colour that made his eyes look pale, but Takatori was wearing his usual grey and his side burns seemed to have been brushed. Aya resisted the urge to poison his sake.

Bruce Wayne stood up to welcome Murasakiiro with a low bow, "I am honoured to spend time with such a reknowned beauty," his voice was deep and sonorous, it was the kind of voice that someone who kept silent but made sure his words had weight. "Crawford-san despite being your patron was almost silent about your beauty, now I see why, if I was aware of such beauty perhaps I might have been more ardent in arranging this meeting." Aya couldn't help the slow blush that moved along his cheeks, he had been told that Bruce Wayne was a millionaire playboy but he had assumed that the vast majority of his female admirers had been swayed by the money, but the intent gaze of cool blue eyes and that voice had obviously helped.

"My beautiful lady," Grayson said, in a similar bow his kiss was feathery. "Such beauty should not hide in the shadows of the coppery gaze of a sarariman." He was making a definite comment about the fact that Murasakiiro had officially semi-retired because of Crawford's patronage, not because she was actually the assassin Abyssinian and the mission was over. "Perhaps you should come to Gotham so we can show you the beauties of our home."

"I am a simple girl from Hokkaido," Aya answered, releasing her fan and using it to cover her blush, "such honours should be spread amongst all the ladies here, and the attentions of such luminaries should not be wasted on one such as I." She looked across at the other geisha. "All these handsome men paying me such devotion, I am far too humble a girl to know what to do."

"I suppose that is where I come in, Murasakiiro-sama," one of the other geisha said with a smile, he was glad to recognise her as the geisha Tenshiko who had been one of those to train him. "We must draw their attentions before you simply expire of devotion." Under her fan Murasakiiro laughed, "now Grayson-san, let me get you something to drink, Wayne-san, has anyone told you just how that colour brings out the tone of your skin." And offering her hands to them drew them away.

"I had forgotten the effect your beauty had on men," Crawford said from behind him, putting his hand on the heavy silk of his obi just above his hip. "I want to take you away from this mess and spend an evening worshipping you, my Saki-chan." He laid a light kiss on his lips, careful not to smudge the rouge. "Instead I must share you with all these men, if only for tonight."

"Would that you could spend such an evening," Aya said wistfully, then raised his eyes to meet Crawford's, "but instead you must introduce me to your employer, is there any way you wish me to treat him?" Those were words that Obasan had told her to say, because as his patron Crawford could ask such liberties of him, though it was a mark of honour if such liberties were refused. Aya believed Crawford would ask nothing of him, but was perfectly prepared to torture him if he asked something anyway.

"Only be kind to him, I ask only that you treat him with the same grace that you treated Akimoto who has told him much of your wonder." Crawford answered, then leant in to whisper in his ear, taking a deep breath of the flowers in his hair, "you're mine and I have no wish to share you."

After an hour in his company Aya had reassessed his opinion of Reiji Takatori completely. He had believed the man to be an evil genius with a cruel streak, he had pictured him much like a silent movie villain, stroking his sideburns as he tied maidens to the train-tracks. Instead he discovered that he was just an arrogant ass. In many ways that was worse, because if Takatori was evil then the murder of his parents was an extension of an evil empire, but because he was just an ass it was just his arrogance. He kept introducing Aya to his son, Hirofumi, who was caught in the obvious dilemma of which man he was watching, Bruce Wayne, Richard Grayson, or Crawford.

Takatori was also very drunk and very gropey.

Most of the other geisha had made good their escape to the other side of the room, out of the range of his meaty hands, and there was more than one welt on his hands from Aya's fan.

"Murasakiiro-sama," Grayson said outstretching his hand to him. Aya almost snatched it to get away from the vice prime minister before he strangled him with his obi-age. "Come, you must join us, you are wasted away in that corner, Tenshiko is starting a drinking game, come on, it's not very often you get the chance to see Bruce drunk, you must come."

He pulled himself to his feet, "by your leave, Takatori-sama." He said bowing.

"Akimoto lied to me, girl," Takatori said suddenly, Aya froze mid-bow. "He said you were lovely, but not the extent of your beauty. Tell me how much Crawford pays you and I'll double it for a night in your company."

"Takatori-sama," Aya began to protest.

"She is mine," Crawford snarled, "and I have no intention to share her, now or ever." His tone was genuinely nasty. "I am her danna because she chose me, not because I paid the most. I am not pleased at this, shall I ask Schuldig to stand by her side." Takatori drunkenly blinked, then lowered his eyes from the reflection on Crawford's glasses.

Grayson noticed it as he led Aya away, "look, it's not my place to interfere," he said, "and I have nothing against you or him personally, but I feel I have to tell you," he lowered his eyes as he tentatively took her hand to lead her across to the drinking party on the other side of the room, "but Crawford's cheating on you."

Aya made an adjunct to his decision to kill Takatori, he was going to kill Crawford as well.

Author's note:

Sorry about the delay, but look, this went through so many different versions before I found one I was happy with, a lot of jokes got put on hiatus. This one is more build up than joke, but it has it's moments.