Title: An Assassin and White Porsche 12?
Author: Seraphim Grace
Archive: (eventually),
Always appreciated and replied to.
Rating: T
Pairings: Crawford+Ran Omi+Nagi
Warnings: none I can think of

Nagi removed the disk from the drive and pulled the headset over his ears. Voice recognition software had earned points for being easy to install and having a nice display, it was something he managed to install with one hand as well. He might even recommend this to others.

One hour later, the disk was shattered, the head set in pieces and Nagi was sat in the corner surrounded by floating knives and spoons and threatening everyone who came near him with an emergency splenectomy. Yohji was convinced, though it couldn't be proved, that not only was Prodigy foaming at the mouth but he was muttering VRS sucks.

Schuldig looked at himself in the mirror and then began swearing in all the languages that he knew. His lycra-kevlar weave body suit was in a royal blue with a bright yellow cape, hood and underpants detail. It did little to hide his scowl or muffle the words "super villain," and "dressed like a pratt," and "like something Hel would wear."

Behind him Farfarello was equally upset. He was wearing a full length yellow cat-suit embroidered with a B for Berserker across his chest in scarlet, that matched his boots and gloves. Where the vast majority of Schuldig's costume was made of the lycra-kevlar it was only the two flaps of his cloak that were. He didn't have a hood so much as a mask that barely covered his eyes. He was sniffling that his outfit hurt god.

Crawford wouldn't come out of the bathroom. However he was heard to say "that's it, we're bringing the Elders down for this.

Across the city Schreient were also getting dressed for work. Hel had put on a slinky green silk dress trimmed in lace (although Schoen was of the impression it was more suited to sleep in that go to dinner in) Schoen had chosen a rather special, in her opinion, peach coloured dress with a white jacket, Todt had reinterpreted gothic Lolita by making her dress in pastel blue instead of black, and Neu wore a rather well tailored pant suit.

"Ladies, beautiful ladies," Masafumi said meeting them at the door. "Shall we go and meet Mr Wayne, I have high hopes that he will fund my research to," his voice rose as he got more impassioned, "make my self," his arms had started waving, "a god!"

Although Schoen loved and adored Masafumi she sometimes found a small voice in the back of her head repeating "I am Zim!" and sometimes, just sometimes, she wondered if she could do better than this, usually when Hel was preening, Todt whining and Neu sitting perfectly still and rather creeping her out. Nevertheless, the money was good, and apparently Bruce Wayne was quite a catch and she'd never get the chance to meet him if she worked at the university. For the tenth time that day she pondered the job offer that she had received from Dr Muraki, then looked at the other members of Schreient and then Masafumi who had started dribbling again- it was really starting to appeal.

Human cloning couldn't be that controversial could it, the pay was better. She looked at Hel preening in the mirror, smoothing the silk over her curves with a mutter of "damn I'm pretty". She didn't have that much longer on her contract anyway.

Crawford had finally left the bathroom after the other two had broken down the door and dragged him out, though he had clung to the door frame by his fingernails.

"I don't know what you're whining about," Schuldig said looking him up and down, "I think it looks hot." He was wearing a red breastplate over a pair of smoke grey hakama and a thick black cloak of the heavy kevlar weave that went up over his head. He also had a full face white mask of the fabric with lenses over his eyes. "And it covers your entire face, no one will know it's you."

"It could be worse," Farfarello offered, "you could be dressed like me."

"Lets get this over and done with." Crawford said, slipping his magnum into his obi, "Weiss gets to dress up in kevlar and it makes them look fine, I dress up in Kevlar and I look like something out of dungeons and dragons."

"Maybe someone in Esset has a thing for old cartoons." Schuldig offered.

"After this, we're bringing down the elders." Crawford said, "all our plans from now on are centred on that end."

In Switzerland two old men and one old lady looked at the pictures that Schwartz had taken to prove that they had worn the costumes and laughed. Hard. In fact one of them was pointing at the screen with one hand and the other was wrapped around his waist. Some jokes, he thought as he howled with laughter, preparing to send them to the Evil Incorporated intranet, never get old.

Omi had finally managed to run the gauntlet of flying cutlery to get close to Nagi and put his good arm around him, "spell," he said forlornly. "spell." He repeated.

"There there," Omi said softly, "now tell me all about it."

"I wanted to teach it a word and the manual said to say spell and then spell it out and it didn't, it just kept typing pelts. So I thought that maybe it was just me so I tried really hard to get a really clear accent and it still came out pelts, and then Yohji walked past and it wrote down everything he said perfectly but it couldn't understand me and…"

"Shush," Omi murmured, "it's alright, I'll uninstall it for you."

"And it thought schwartz was warts!" Omi had to swallow the laugh at that, "and the Oracle was cull." Omi bit his lips firmly.

"And what about Farfarello?" He asked.

"Farts furry jello!" Nagi wailed. "It said I was Naggy now." Omi started patting his hair, "but it managed to interpret Yohji's complaints that Ken was using his goop in the loo." He looked genuinely forlorn, "and it wouldn't use a full stop, every time I tried it wrote stop, but when I wanted to write stop it put in a period, and" he stopped, "new paragraph!" he complained.

"It's all right," Omi said softly, "it's all right."

"Hey Kiddo," Yohji said putting his head around the door, a knife whizzed at his head, "Tim's here to see you." The rest of the cutlery embedded itself in the door frame, "you're going to have to work on your aim there, Kiddo, anybody would think you were trying to hit me." Yohji said closing the door behind him.

"Kill me." Nagi said forlornly, "just kill me now."