KDZ: Everyone KNOWS Shikamaru's a smart guy, but Naruto comes up to him one day and says that he has some questions that have been 'bothering' him…Shikamaru tries his best to answer them, too bad they're like: Where's Waldo?
Disclaimer: Not now, not ever.
Attention: The Questions are in Italics, and this is guaranteed to make you laugh! I hope so, but if it doesn't…where is your sense of humor? LOL!
Smart Aleck
Shikamaru was having a good day! The sky was blue, the grass was green, and the clouds were fluffy…what a good day!
"Shikamaru…you're a smart guy, right?" Naruto said breaking into his thoughts, "hmm, I guess. Why?" Shikamaru asked him getting up.
"I've have some questions that have been bothering me," Naruto told him, "what does that have to do with me?" Shikamaru asked him.
"Yeah well, I wondering if you could answer them or they'll keep on bothering me" Naruto said awkwardly.
"O…Kay, lay 'em on me" Shikamaru said knowing it would probably be something like, 'why doesn't Sakura love me' or something like that.
It wasn't.
"Why is it that dogs are always sticking their heads out the window but they always move their face when you blow in it?" Naruto asked him. "Huh?" Shikamaru said a little fazed by the question.
"Stumped you too, huh?" Naruto said shocked that the first question on his list had already fazed him. "It's because your breath stinks" Shikamaru concluded, "Oh" Naruto said pleased with the answer.
"If it doesn't matter if you win or lose then why have a score?" Naruto asked him, "It does matter if you win or lose that just what the parents say to make the loser feel better. Winning isn't everything…it's the only thing" Shikamaru told him.
"Where does weight GO when you lose it?" Naruto asked Shikamaru, "Uh…it evaporates?" Shikamaru lied. "I see" Naruto said nodding.
"Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?" Naruto asked Shikamaru. "Well- " Shikamaru was cut off by the next question.
"If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?" Naruto asked him. "…" Shikamaru didn't even really bother to answer the questions anymore, better just to let Naruto get it out of his system.
"How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of murdered?" Naruto asked Shikamaru, "Hmm. Pretty damn important" Shikamaru told him. "K" Naruto said.
"How come there's no mouse flavored cat food?" Naruto asked, "How comes there's no cat flavored dog food? Because it's just plain creepy" Shikamaru said.
"Why do people say LOL when they're not really laughing?" Naruto asked the Chuunin, "BECAUASE…they don't want the person to sound like an idiot just 'cuz they're joke was lame" Shikamaru answered.
"What do you say to Hello Kitty when she leaves?" Naruto asked Shikamaru. "Uh. Bye?" Shikamaru tried.
"Ah, that's genius why didn't I think of that?" Naruto thought aloud, "Because I'm the Chuunin" Shikamaru told him.
"But of Course. But, how many smiles can one person actually fake?" Naruto asked him, "It…varies?" Shikamaru asked him.
"Your so smart, okay. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? I mean you'd think he'd have one being in the jungle and all" Naruto said confused.
"Uh…he shaves it with a sharp rock" Shikamaru lied, "Seriously? Man, that's just genius" Naruto said laughing.
"Uh huh…is that all?" Shikamaru asked him, "Are you KIDDING me? I'm just getting started" Naruto said with a grin. 'Uh oh' Shikamaru thought scared.
"Why is it that Doctors call what they do 'practice'?" Naruto said puzzled, "Yes. Interesting" Shikamaru, said.
"Am I the only one who sees the Irony of 'World Famous Secret Agent'?" Naruto asked him, "That is puzzling" Shikamaru said as he stroked his chin pretending he had a beard so he wouldn't have to answer these questions.
"How can something be NEW and IMPOROVED?" Naruto said mystified, "Wow. Uh…" Shikamaru just looked up pretending that he couldn't place the words.
"Why was Humpty Dumpty on that wall in the first place?" Naruto asked Shikamaru, "Because" Shikamaru said as if Naruto was dumb.
"That's what I thought," Naruto said proudly, "Yup!" Shikamaru said nodding. "I have some more questions though" Naruto said sadly.
"No" Shikamaru whispered sadly. "If the number 2 pencil is so popular, then why is it still number 2?" Naruto asked him.
"First is the worst, second is the best…third is the one with the hairy chest" Shikamaru told him, "But of COURSE!" Naruto said throwing up his hands, amazed he didn't know that.
"Which is worse? If nothing ever matters or if everything always matters?" Naruto asked him, "Uh…depends of your point of view?" Shikamaru said, wondering if Naruto would buy it.
He did. "Man, you are smart! Now, if people can put up nude statues everywhere, then why can't we run around naked?" Naruto asked him.
"Do you want to?" Shikamaru asked him, "No" Naruto said blushing furiously. "Would you like to see a naked guy running around?" Shikamaru said shuddering. "Ew" Naruto said doing his own little shudder.
"Where's Waldo?" Naruto asked Shikamaru, "I'm right here…" came a soft whispery voice in their ear.
"AAAAHHHH!" Shikamaru and Naruto shouted, jumping in fright. Naruto looked up in horror to see the striped man grinning at them.
"Bet ya didn't know I was going to be there" Waldo said laughing, disappearing.
"FIND ME NOW!" Came Waldo's scream, Naruto and Shikamaru just gave each other a look that said: Ignore the creepy man.
"Why does everything taste like chicken?" Naruto asked him, "Because Kami's probably trying to mess with our minds about what Chicken REALLY tastes like…" Shikamaru said nodding.
"Wow. Your insights are opening a whole new world to me" Naruto said happily, "Yeah, I'll do that" Shikamaru said looking up at the clouds…something he was enjoying BEFORE Naruto came along.
"Is there another word for synonym?" Naruto asked him, "That's a big word" Shikamaru said impressed. "Why, Thank you" Naruto said forgetting all about that question.
"Any more Questions?" Shikamaru said wanting to get back to his cloud watching, "Yup!" Naruto said proudly.
"All right" Shikamaru said sadly, "If aliens are smarter than us, and we are smarter than animals, why do they keep abducting cows?" Naruto asked him.
"Um…they like beef?" Shikamaru said with a sigh, "When a smurf is choking what color does it turn?" Naruto asked him. "What the hell's a smurf?" Shikamaru asked shocked.
Naruto shrugged, "If stank is the past tense of stink, and drank if the past tense of drink, what's the past tense of wink?" Naruto asked him.
Shikamaru let out a sigh, where did this guy come UP with this stuff? "The past tense of wink is wank" Shikamaru lied. "I knew that" Naruto lied, "Can you get cornered in a round room?" Naruto asked him.
"Uh…" Shikamaru faked coughing, but Naruto was still waiting for an answer. "Any more Questions?" Shikamaru asked him.
"Why yes! 25 more to go!" Naruto said counting it off with his fingers, "25?" Shikamaru said weakly. "Does Ash Ketchum from 'Pokemon' REALLY know where he's going?" Naruto asked him.
"Now, that's a tricky one" Shikamaru said, "but I highly doubt Ash knows left from right"
"That's what I thought" Naruto said nodding, "If the plural of a goose is geese...the plural for a mouse is mice...and the plural for louse is lice...then why isn't a moose meese and sheep a shoup!" Naruto asked him.
"Life's greatest mystery" Shikamaru told him, "Do we have imaginary friends…" Naruto asked Shikamaru but his voice came to a whisper, "Or are we theirs?" Naruto hissed looking around.
"…" Shikamaru just stared at Naruto dumbfounded, seriously…where does he come UP with this shit?
"How do you throw away a Garbage can? If there's an exception to every rule, is there an
exception to that rule?" Naruto asked him, "You know what…just tell me the questions, forget about my answers. Just get it out of your system" Shikamaru said as his mind spun with all those…questions.
"If Waldo married Carmen Sandiego how would ANYONE be able to find their wedding?" Naruto asked him, "Keep going" Shikamaru said nodding.
"Since Bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
When a Bus Driver gets off the bus just who shuts the door?
Why is a boxing ring SQUARE?
How do "Please keep off the grass" signs get there?
How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with
When French people swear do they say Pardon my English?
What do sheep count when they want to sleep?
How does one REALLY know that the fridge light actually goes off? The door is closed!
If you throw a cat out of a moving car window, is it called Kitty Litter?
If you cover peanuts in butter are they buttered peanuts or peanut butter?
When Sting dies will his tombstone say, "Stung"?
Why is it always in the last place you look?
Why can't we sneeze with our eyes OPEN?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Do you itch a scratch? Or scratch an Itch?
How does a mime use a drive through?
Does knocking on wood actually do anything?
How come Pluto had to sleep in a doghouse while Goofy slept on a nice comfy bed?
If Guns kill people, can I blame misspelled words on my pencil?"
"Naruto! I think that enough" Shikamaru shouted in pain, he couldn't TAKE all these Questions!
"Thank you" Naruto said nodding, "You helped me through a dark time in my life and for that thank you," Naruto said happily.
"Don't mention it" Shikamaru grumbled, "I have to go now" Naruto said giddily, "Now that I don't have those questions bothering me…I can live HAPPILY" Naruto said grinning.
"Okay, but I have a question for you!" Shikamaru told him, "Anything! I mean you helped me" Naruto said laughing.
"How much freaking time do you have on your hands? I mean those questions," Shikamaru said in disbelief remembering all those weird questions.
"Oh, you do NOT want to know" Naruto said sadly as he walked away, "HONESTLY! WHERE THE HELL DOES HE COMES UP WITH THIS STUFF?" Shikamaru shouted angrily.
Shikamaru's head was swimming with all those questions they were definitely head-scratchers. NOW, he could finally enjoy those clouds!
"Hey, Shikamaru?" Sasuke said walking to him, "Yeah?" Shikamaru said looking up. "I have some questions that have been bothering me…" Sasuke said sitting down.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Shikamaru wailed, shouted to the heavens on his knees.
KDZ: Aw, Poor Shikamaru…Review please if you liked it! And, I'm thinking about continuing this one-shot! So, if you'd like it to be continued please tell me! The horror just might continue…