Samantha woke up to the sound of someone crying – a man crying. She shifted in bed and realised she was naked. And sticky. Her first thought was to blush when she recalled how wantonly she'd behaved in Rodney's arms. Her second thought was that Daniel would never forgive her, but, as callous as it sounded, that wasn't the forefront thing on her mind. Daniel wouldn't be home for a week and infidelity was hardly a new thing for her conscience to deal with ; what was important to her right now was the crying man in her living room.
Samantha slid out of bed and wrapped herself up in her robe. Her head was starting to hurt from the amount of alcohol she'd consumed, but she realised that was the least of her problems.
She had cheated on Daniel. While that little detail wasn't troubling her nearly as much as it was Rodney, her conscience couldn't entirely shrink from the fact she had cheated on Daniel. Daniel, who had patiently picked up the pieces Jack had left of her broken heart. Daniel, who had loved her unconditionally and had asked only that she remain faithful to him in return.
Samantha swallowed hard. She would detail with that later. Right now she had a bigger problem.
She walked into the living room to be greeted by Rodney, who was sitting on her couch – the one they'd been making out on a few hours ago – with his head in his hands, sobbing almost hysterically. She knelt at his feet and patiently pulled his hands away from his face so she could look into his eyes. Looking into his eyes and seeing the guilt and remorse that was flashing through them, she thought that the eyes were indeed windows to the soul. "Hey," she said kindly. "It's not that bad."
"It is," Rodney insisted tearfully. "Katie's going to kill me. And then she'll break up with me."
It was quite a shock to the system, seeing Rodney McKay so cut up about a woman. She suddenly felt very bad about the situation they'd gotten himself into. After all, she had kissed him, even if he had returned her passion, she had instigated it. It had been one thing to fool around with guys for whom a one-night stand would have no consequences ; it was entirely another to hook up with someone who's conscience would be heavy over it.
"Why does she have to know?" Samantha asked. Rodney looked at her in surprise. There was nothing he had hidden from Katie in the year they'd been together ; to start now was unfathomable. "And what will telling her achieve?" Samantha asked reasonably. "She'll never understand it was just a stupid thing we did when we were drunk. She will break up with you, Rodney. Is that worth telling her the truth?"
He started to cry again. It really was a pitiful sight, but Samantha was oddly moved by it. She'd never thought Rodney was capable of love the way he was demonstrating now. "I should never have done this," he sobbed.
She touched his cheek gently ; he recoiled from the touch, then looked embarrassed. "I'm sorry," he said. "It's not your fault."
"I started it," she reminded him grimly.
"I let you," he countered. He thought about all the women he'd turned down in the last year. Damnit, why couldn't he have had the restraint to turn down one more? He thought about what had led to their sleeping together, his highly-strung nerves and being able to relax with Samantha through a combination of two brilliant brains mesh and lots of alcohol… "I wanted to ask Katie to marry me," he said brokenly.
She was shocked by this admittance; she couldn't imagine Rodney being ready to commit to anyone, ever. Katie must mean the world to him. "You really love her, don't you?" she asked. He nodded. It was the surest thing he knew. "Well I love Daniel. I know I haven't given you much reason to believe me, but I do. And Daniel's put up with a lot from me, but he won't tolerate my cheating on him." She closed her eyes and thought about a life without Daniel. It wasn't a pleasant one. Her relationship with Jack had completely skewered her attitude towards fidelity, but she did love Daniel and the thought of losing him scared her. "Please, Rodney, we can't say anything to them. It won't achieve anything and… I don't want to lose Daniel."
He looked at her in surprise. He hadn't seen this side of her – his last memories of her were of her kicking him out of bed and then her trying to seduce him, both when she'd been with Jack. Maybe Daniel was a good influence on her. "I don't know if I can," he admitted. He was a terrible liar.
She cupped his head in her hands and looked him in the eye. "Please," she said, "try."
She looked as upset over the thought of losing Daniel as he was over the thought of losing Katie. And she had a point – what would telling them achieve other then them both being dumped? "OK," he agreed unhappily.
She leaned over to kiss his forehead. "Thankyou," she said quietly, and he thought he heard genuine gratitude in her voice. "I'll call you a taxi."
"Sam," he called after her when she went to call a taxi, "Sorry for being such a baby." He looked sheepish.
She smiled wryly. She realised she had become a little immune to the feelings associated with infidelity, but she recalled how she had felt when she'd first found out Jack had cheated on her, before she'd learned to take it in her stride. She'd been devastated, and that had been without the added guilt of being the one who had cheated. She imagined Rodney must be feeling the same about now. "It's OK," she said. "Just so long as it wasn't about my… abilities."
"You were fine, Sam," he said distractedly. She was pretty sure that right now she could drop her robe and he wouldn't notice. His mind was elsewhere.
She put him in a taxi with an imploring look not to say anything. She thought she had made him see reason, that unburdening his soul wouldn't achieve anything, but she wasn't sure. He looked morose, like he was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. For a moment, she kind of envied him. She realised she had become a little indifferent to the consequences of her actions. Infidelity didn't mean as much to her as it once did. She felt guiltier about that then she did about sleeping with Rodney.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Rodney stumbled into his apartment and sank into his couch. It was just as he'd left it, although someone – probably the neighbour who had adopted his cat and was refusing to give it back – had cleaned it up, probably after all the dirty clothes he'd left had started to reek. He'd thank her for it later. Right now, he wanted to sleep.
He closed his eyes, and the first thing that hit him, other then a lingering feeling of light-headedness from all the beer he'' consumed, was the smell of Samantha and sex that clung to his clothes. For a minute he lay in his couch, unsure of what he wanted more – to sleep or to have a shower.
Having a shower eventually won out. Smelling her on his clothes and feeling her on his skin was making him feel guiltier and guiltier.
He had cheated on Katie. She would kill him, or at least castrate him, before she broke up with him. He wasn't sure what was worse.
He sat up, and groaned as his head attempted unsuccessfully to get a grip on the sudden movement. Oh, God, what had possessed him to do such a stupid, selfish thing? Oh, yeah. He'd been drunk and wound up tighter then a string instrument, and then along had come this beautiful, brilliant woman who's distracted him enough to make him relax for the first time in a fortnight.
I need to have a shower. I need to sleep. His brilliant mind attempted to create some kind of plan despite the temptation of his drunken state and insane guilt. Katie wouldn't be in Colorado for another three – no, two – days. He only needed a day to sleep off this hangover. That would be the easy part. After that would come the hard part – pretending like nothing had happened.
His stomach churned at the thought, and it wasn't just because of the alcohol in his system. Right now, seeing Katie was the last thing he wanted. She knew him better then anyone else, and he was a terrible liar. No way would he be able to look her in the eye and pretend like nothing had happened.
I'll think about it when I feel better, he told himself. He stumbled into the laundry and stripped off his clothes, glad to be out of them. He dumped them in the dirty laundry basket – which had been emptied, no doubt care of his neighbour, who had dumped all the dry clothes to one side – and went to have a shower.
The hot water felt good. He scrubbed hard until his skin was red. He washed his hair twice and scrubbed under his nails. As a scientist, being clean was second-nature to him – you didn't want to contaminate alien organisms with very human dirt from under your nails – but now he went way beyond that. If he could have completely scrubbed off his outer layer of skin, he would have. Everywhere Samantha had touched him he felt dirty – which was most places. When it came to the offending piece of anatomy, he cringed. Castration was looking really good about now. He grunted in pain as he forced himself to scrub particularly hard there. He welcomed the pain ; it made him feel a little better for being such a dick, a kind of penance. And here was him not believing in religion.
After half an hour in the shower Rodney finally got out, a combination of the hot water and the scrubbing making him look like a lobster. Naked, he crawled into bed for elusive sleep.
He was woken up ten hours later by knocking on the door. Groaning, he opened his eyes. His head ached, the result of not drinking enough water the night before. He hated hangovers. Go away, he thought. There were only a handful of people who knew he was back in Colorado, and most of them would have tried calling him on his phone. He groped for his phone and was dismayed to see there were three missed calls from Katie's home in West Virginia, plus another two from unlisted numbers which he assumed was Katie too.
He groaned. Katie wasn't due home for another day and a half. This was about the worst thing that could happen to him. Maybe if he just pretended he wasn't here, how could she know where he was?
"Rodney McKay, open up, I know you there, I've looked everyone else!" Katie yelled through the door. He groaned again. Why did he have to have a girlfriend who was so persistent and just a little territorial? Oh, yeah, because he liked that she was persistent and a little territorial, it made him feel wanted and he doubted they would have gotten as far as they had if she hadn't been persistent. It was just now that his head hurt and he felt insanely guilty he wanted to be left alone.
Reluctantly, he got out of bed and pulled on a sweatshirt and tracksuit pants. He padded to the door and opened it to see Katie standing there. She was chewing on her lip, looking a little concerned. "What took you so long?" she asked. "I was ringing around everywhere look for you."
"I've been asleep," he told the truth. "I've been working for like, two days." Plus the ten or so hours he spent with Samantha, but it was definitely not a good idea to admit to that.
Immediately she looked sympathetic. Landry had told her Rodney had been with Colonel Carter, working on a piece of technology for forty-eight hours until he'd sent them home, exhausted. She'd tried calling Rodney, and gotten no answer, so she'd called Colonel Carter, who's tiredly informed her that she'd dropped Rodney home hours ago and she wanted to get back to sleep. "Sorry," she said. "I just wanted to see you and when I got here, I couldn't find you. I was worried. I'm sorry, I was being paranoid." She bit her lip and looked contrite.
Guilt flooded Rodney. Here she was, apologising for thinking the wrong thing about him – when it had been the right thing. "Come in," he said, opening the door wider for her to walk in.
"It's cleaner then I anticipated," she admitted when she took in the inside of Rodney's apartment.
"That's because someone cleaned it – I suspect my neighbour, the one who stole my cat," Rodney admitted.
"Is your bed made?" Katie asked in an obvious innuendo.
Rodney swallowed hard. No way could he sleep with Katie now. He felt terrible, and it wasn't just the result of the alcohol or his little foray into self-mutilation. "I, um, I'm tired," he said lamely.
"And strung out, by the looks of it," Katie said sympathetically. Her kind voice grated on his conscience. She could tell by the way he was walking that his back was absolutely killing him. "Let me rub your back," she offered.
Normally he would have been jumping at the opportunity. He loved touching Katie, and being touched by her, but right now his guilt was eating him up. He wanted her to go but he had no idea of how to do it without her cottoning onto him. "I'll be fine, I just need to sleep," he insisted.
She looked at him, puzzled. "You can't sleep like that," she pointed out. She followed him into his room. "Lie down, I'll make it better for you," she said, practically pushing him onto the bed. She straddled him and pushed her hands under the material of his sweatshirt.
"OW!" he cried out as soon as she dug her fingers into his back. "Jesus, Katie, that hurts."
She frowned. Rodney was unusually wound up, even for him. Comparatively speaking, he'd been remarkably laid back the last time she'd seen him. Her frown grew deeper. The wasn't the usual wound-up Rodney. She knew what he was like when he'd been spending too much time hunched over a desk… and she knew what he was like when he'd had sex while he was wound up. It was like an athlete running a marathon without doing a warm-up, and she'd discovered in the past that it was much harder, and hurt him a lot more, to unwork all the knots in his back when that happened. Right now his back wasn't so much in knots but one solid sheet of tensed muscle. Her heart lurched. Something was very wrong.
She got off him and found her way to the laundry. There was the evidence she needed, sitting in a crumbled pile in a basket on the floor. Dropping to her knees, she picked up the dirty clothes and inhaled, recoiling at the scent she picked up. She could smell Rodney… and a woman's perfume… and sex…
Tears half-blinding her, she rushed back into the bedroom. Rodney, wondering where Katie had got to, had turned onto his back. When he saw the look on her face, and saw what she was holding, his heart fell. Why the hell hadn't he thought to run a load of washing? Oh, yeah, because he hadn't expected Katie to show up unannounced. Stupid, stupid Rodney. He should have asked Samantha for a few tips on how to get away with cheating.
"Bastard!" she yelled at him, flinging the offending clothes at him violently. "Who was it?"
He struggled to stand up. "Katie, I –" he took a step towards her.
She held up her hand in a stop motion. "Don't," she ordered him, her voice dangerously low. "I don't want to hear your excuses. It was Colonel Carter, wasn't it?" she asked. Rodney was silent, not bothering not deny it. "How could you?" she asked. "What that what you were do uptight about? Seeing her again and getting into her pants?"
"No!" Rodney said. He wanted to blurt out the truth, that he'd been nervous because he wanted to ask her to marry him, but he didn't think she'd believe him. If it hadn't been the right time when she was looking at him adoringly, it definitely wasn't the right time when she was looking at him with betrayal. "Katie, please, calm down –"
"Calm down?" she asked incredulously. "You cheated on me and you want me to calm down? Go to hell! I should have known you weren't over her. I should have never gotten involved with you!"
She looked ready to storm out, and if she did, he doubted he'd see her again. "Katie, please," he repeated his earlier words. He grabbed her arm. She tried to shrug him off, so he closed his fingers tightly around her bicep.
"Let go of me!" she yelled. With a scream, she attacked him, pounding at his chest, scratching his face, desperate to inflict as much pain on him as he had on her. He brought his lips down on hers in a powerful kiss. He was worried she might try to bite his tongue but with a strangled whimper, she kissed him back. Struggling with her, he pulled her down, pinning her between the floor and his body. He didn't know what possessed him to behave so aggressively with her, only that he didn't want to lose her and he had this crazy idea that having sex with her would prove that to her.
She was moaning now as he trailed kisses down her neck, and had stopped fighting him, but her body was still stiff in his arms. He knew her body as well as she knew his and he knew how to get her in the mood – physically, if not mentally. A warm feeling rushed over her and Rodney slipped his hand inside her shirt and started stroking the bare skin there. Oh, God, he knew how to make her want it.
"Rodney," she said in a low voice, "if you do this I'll only hate you more."
He stopped what he was doing and relaxed his grip on her enough that she could wriggle out of his hold. "Please, Katie, I'm sorry," he begged.
She looked at him for a few seconds, torn between her emotions. On the one hand, she loved him and she believed he was sorry. But sorry for what – sleeping with Colonel Carter or being found out? On the other, she couldn't look at him without feeling an intense sense of betrayal. If it had been anyone other then Colonel Carter, it would have been easier. But she had always been insecure when it came to that woman, and Rodney's actions had only confirmed her insecurities.
How could she possibly be with him when the first opportunity he had been given to be with Colonel Carter, he had taken?
"Don't," she said quietly. "I don't want to hear it." And with that she left his apartment, leaving him absolutely gutted.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
He didn't have any communication with her for three days, between her leaving his apartment and their scheduled departure on the Daedalus. He wasn't sure if she would even be coming back to Atlantis, at least not with him. With the regular trips the ship was making now, she could come back another time. "I have work on Atlantis, I'm not putting it on hold for you," she snarled when he said as much. "You should be staying."
"My work is more important then yours!" He shot back automatically. There were some things that would never change, and Rodney McKay would always be a little arrogant. His face softened. "I'm sorry, that was uncalled for."
He'd hoped that yet another apology would go down well, but no such luck. "Damn right," she snapped. Where once she'd found his ingrained arrogance a little endearing, now she added it to the pile of things she resented about him. Actually, there was really only one – the fact he'd slept with Colonel Carter. The rest, she didn't care about. She wouldn't even have cared if it had been anyone but Colonel Carter.
What broke her heart was how easily distracted he had been by the woman. What did she have that made her such hot shit? Why did she just have to spend a few hours with Rodney and achieve what no other woman could – getting him to forget about Katie? Because that's what he'd done, he'd forgotten about her when he'd decided to sleep with Samantha. She knew he could resist the brilliant astrophysicist, he had done so before. So why now?
Because he doesn't love you. Because it was easy to resist her when everything was new and exciting. She remembered how much fun their relationship had been in the early days, how easy, how right. It had been absolutely perfect until she'd returned with him to Earth. Then he'd become nervous, uptight, she'd been unable to settle him.
Because he'd been thinking of Colonel Carter. That was the conclusion she had come to. It was the only one that fit. Everytime she thought about it, her heart broke. She had almost considered staying behind and going to Atlantis on the next run, but she decided Rodney wasn't going to get the better of her that easily. Let him be the one to stay behind, if he couldn't handle being with her.
"Katie, please," he begged.
She glared at him. Like a fear tears and a few pleas were going to make her change her mind. She believed he was genuinely sorry – but sorry he had cheated on her or sorry he'd been caught out, she didn't know. And she didn't care to find out, she didn't care to risk her heart a second time. "Don't," she said coldly. "I told you before, I don't want to hear it."
"I'm sorry," he whispered tearfully.
"DON"T!" she screamed. She didn't want to hear it because she was afraid if she heard it enough, she would forgive him. And she was not going to forgive him. "Don't you get it, Rodney? You slept with her. You cheated on me. That's it, you don't get a second chance." And with that, she moved to the furtherest point away from Rodney that she could.
From the next room, Daniel listened to their entire conversation.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A few days later, when Samantha returned from a mission, Daniel took the first opportunity to get her alone – in a storage room, no less, but it was a private space.
Samantha, who had been looking forward to seeing Daniel again even more since her night with Rodney, was perplexed by the distance he was putting between them. They had been apart for almost two weeks, first he'd been on a mission then she'd been sent on a quick mission to witness the effectiveness of the weapon she and Rodney had reversed engineered. She had been particularly proud of herself at that moment, but it meant she had missed Daniel's return, and she had been longing to see him again.
She had missed him dearly, and witnessing Rodney's guilt over their night together had made her think long and hard about her attitude towards fidelity. Her relationship with Jack had made her somewhat blasé about it, and seeing how guilty Rodney felt had reminded her of her own lost feelings towards the subject. Too often, she had allowed herself to think about other men, be attracted to other men, flirt with that line between fidelity and infidelity until it had been easy to cross it because she'd already laid herself the foundations. And she realised now how wrong that was, and she knew she wanted to be with Daniel and only Daniel.
She would never tell him, of course. She had been telling the truth to Rodney when she'd said it would achieve nothing but ruin both their relationships. She figured what mattered was that she had learned her lesson before it did any real harm. Now she could move forward in her relationship with Daniel. She realised how much she loved him, how much she trusted him. Christ, she should have learned that in the two and a half years he'd been faithful to Sha're, Hathor notwithstanding, even though he'd known she wasn't really his wife anymore.
She had been stupid, had given into her impulses, and she was glad she had realised that before it was too late.
She smiled flirtatiously at Daniel. "I know you want me," she purred, "but a storage room?"
He bit his lip. What he had to say he really didn't want to bring it up. He knew he could be opening a can of worms and what would that achieve other then a lot of unhappiness? But he couldn't not say anything, it would always be eating him up otherwise. "Did you know McKay and Katie have broken up?" he asked. He could never bring himself to think of the arrogant scientist as anything other then McKay, no matter how much Samantha said he really was a nice enough person underneath.
He could see it in her eyes. She had known, that wasn't surprise that had registered. It was fear. "No," she said as evenly as she could, given Daniel had just delivered a sucker punch. They had broken up? It could only be about one thing. "Why?"
"I got the impression he cheated on her."
There was the reaction he'd been anticipating, and dreading. She paled. Not surprise, not gossipy interest, she paled, like she was afraid of something. He continued. "And it got me thinking… she's so devoted to him, I'm sure even she'd forgive him cheating on her… except with one person."
He stared straight at her. She trembled. Daniel knew. He had known all along, or at least he'd suspected. This exchange had merely been him fishing for the truth. And she'd given it to him, with her body language. She couldn't hide anything from him, he knew her to well.
His stare became a glare as total comprehension had come to him. He had been hoping against hope that he somehow had it wrong, that he'd misheard the conversation or it had been someone else McKay had slept with. But no. It had been Samantha.
He closed the distance between them in two steps and slapped her hard across the face, causing her to stumble and reel back. Daniel had never hit her before, Daniel had never hit a woman before, but then, Daniel had never been faced with a situation like this before.
Samantha had cheated on him. With the same guy that had caused her breakup with Jack. Some things some people just never learn. "Whore!" he screamed, the remains of his composure threatening to disintegrate completely in the face of her betrayal. He had honestly thought things would be different between them, that if he showed her the love and fidelity that had been lacking in her relationship with Jack, she'd return the sentiments. But no.
He should have let Jack get back with her before he'd been stupid enough to get involved.
Samantha's hand went to her cheek, which she knew was going to hurt for a while. Daniel could throw a mean blow, she'd witnessed that enough times, but she had never expected to be on the receiving end of such a blow. "I can explain!" she said desperately. It couldn't be happening – Daniel couldn't be finding out the truth, couldn't be leaving her, not after she'd realised how much she loved him.
She could explain? "What, like you fell on him when you were both naked?" Daniel asked with cutting sarcasm. "Save it for someone who cares." And with that he stormed out of the room before she could see him cry.
Samantha watched him go. She couldn't believe what had happened. How had Katie found out? Probably he'd blurted it out in a fit of remorse. Or it had been written all over his face, she was insightful enough to read him. For a moment, Samantha felt a flash of irritation towards Rodney. Why couldn't he keep his damn feelings to himself, at least for something as important as this? Then she admitted to herself that she couldn't hold Rodney's actions against him. She had been equally as guilty as he was of infidelity, and he had cracked easier then she would have done – or else, he loved Katie more so his guilt was greater. Either way, what was done was done and she couldn't hold it against him for the part he'd played in their being found out.
No, what mattered now was that Daniel had walked out on her and she didn't know if he could find it in his heart to forgive her. Fidelity was a big thing with him – both ways – she should have known that from the way he acted over Sha're. But no, she'd had to be a fool, she'd had to let her insecurities get the better of her. And now Daniel had left.
Samantha leaned against a wall and sobbed.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Everyone on Atlantis noticed a change in Rodney – and not for the better. Those who had been there for the first year and remembered his arrogant snarkiness saw a return to form – only much, much worse. He was tired and miserable, and he lashed out at anyone who dared to get within shouting distance of him. He was creating a huge drain on the morale of Atlantis and several people were contemplating a return to Earth, opportunity of a lifetime be damned.
Rodney's ongoing terrible mood was a good indication that something was seriously wrong with his relationship with Katie – that, and the fact that they were never seen together anymore. And while she wasn't advertising her unhappiness the way he was, by screaming at anyone he saw fit to, it was obvious she was less then happy these days too.
The gossip mills kicked into overdrive. Rodney and Katie were an Atlantis institution, if nothing else because she was considered a miracle worker for the calmness she had brought to his life – and the lives of everyone at Atlantis as a flow-on effect. They had left Atlantis in high spirits. What had happened to make their relationship sour?
It had to be something he had done, some people claimed. Katie was exception well-liked and everyone agreed that there was no way she could wreck the relationship in a matter of weeks. Whereas that was something those who knew Rodney in the early days knew he was perfectly capable of doing.
Which brought people to the obvious question – what had he done? The obvious answer was to cheat on her, but that seemed unlikely. A few more mean-spirited pointed out that, in their opinions, Rodney had been supremely lucky in getting Katie to sleep with him, what chance did he have of convincing someone else to? Most likely, she'd just gotten fed up with his snarkiness and tantrums – which was kind of a pity for the rest of Atlantis, because she had been the only thing holding Rodney's snarkiness and tantrums at bay.
After a week went by and it became clear that Rodney and Katie were not going to reconcile their differences on their own, Elizabeth decided to intervene. Rodney wasn't telling anyone what had happened on Earth, but she hoped he would tell her. They had a history together and she hoped that would make him open up where he'd been closing down in the fact of all the gossip circling Atlantis at the moment.
She found him in his office, looking tired and worn out. His breakup with Katie had physically affected him. "You look terrible," she told him bluntly.
He looked up and tried to smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I'm working," he said. He'd thrown himself into his work upon arriving back at Atlantis, and while he was making serious inroads in technology, he was miserable the rest of the time – and taking it out on everyone else.
"I thought you might like to talk," Elizabeth offered.
He was surprised it had taken her this long – far longer then all the gossips who'd tried pumping him for information. Like he was going to advertise his stupidity. He'd been beating himself up nonstop ever since he'd slept with Samantha, cursing himself for being so foolish for giving into his hormones. And what had it achieved? Katie hated him. She cut him off coolly whenever he tried to speak to him, much to his humiliation – she didn't care if they were alone or had an audience. He had started leaving her alone rather then be publicly humiliated again. But it didn't stop his heart from aching whenever he saw her, especially when he saw her with another man. Katie had always been popular, but he'd never realised just how many male friends she had until now. He wanted to kill every last one of them. The main thing that stopped him was that she would hate him even more for it.
"I'm fine," he said, turning back to the Ancient device he was studying.
"You always were a terrible liar," Elizabeth remarked.
His face flushed. Of course he was a terrible liar. He'd known he couldn't keep something from Katie, she knew him too well. If it hadn't been the tightness of his back that had given him away, it would have been something else. "I don't want to talk about it," he muttered.
"You need to talk about it," Elizabeth pressed. "You're miserable, Katie's miserable, you're making everyone who comes into contact with you miserable. What the hell happened? We're friends, Rodney, you can tell me. You know I don't gossip."
Rodney's eyes welled up for the countless time since Katie had walked out on him. He felt pathetic. But he took some comfort from the sympathetic way Elizabeth was looking at him. He could tell Elizabeth. Elizabeth was his friend, and she didn't gossip.
"I slept with Sam Carter," he blurted out.
Elizabeth stared at him incredulously. Of all the stupid, self-absorbed things Rodney could have done, that was the stupidest and most self-absorbed. There had been rumours of Rodney cheating on Katie floating around, but Elizabeth hadn't taken them seriously. Rodney was absolutely devoted to Katie and, to be honest, there were very few people who could see beyond the awkward fumbling that was Rodney's ability to socialise.
Unfortunately, Samantha Carter was apparently on of them. Elizabeth was sorely tempted to hit Rodney right now. Of all the people he had to cheat on Katie with, Samantha Carter? No wonder Katie was so angry at him. Elizabeth had never really delved into the subject with Katie, but she had always gotten the impression that the woman was insecure when it came to Rodney's history with Samantha. She could blame her. For a long time, Samantha had been Rodney's ultimate fantasy – brilliant, beautiful, blond. A one-night stand with a stranger she may have been able to overlook, but a one-night stand with Samantha suggested he was still infatuated with her. "Rodney…" she said, her disappointment in him clear in her voice.
Rodney cringed. "There is nothing you can say that will make me feel worse then I already do," he said, and Elizabeth believed him. "I don't suppose you can talk to her for me?" he asked hopefully. At the very least, Katie wouldn't dare cut Elizabeth off in mid-sentence.
Elizabeth would dream of speaking to Katie with an audience. She was dubious that her input could help things, but maybe the perspective from someone like Elizabeth could help away her.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Katie smiled when she saw Elizabeth. She had immediately taken to the diplomat who she thought was doing an excellent job of running Atlantis. She didn't get to spend as much time professionally as she would have liked, as she was quite a bit down the Atlantis food chain and therefor not someone Elizabeth spent a lot of time with when it came to running and defending Atlantis. "Do you need something?" she asked.
"Kind of," Elizabeth said. "I need to talk to you about Rodney."
The smile immediately disappeared from Katie's face. That was definitely something she didn't want to talk about. Everyone had been asking about it and she hadn't said anything. Rodney had hurt her deeply but she had too much class to rubbish him to anyone who cared to listen.
Her heart broke every time she thought about his infidelity, which was often. She couldn't help herself. She would be socialising, working, sleeping, and the thought would creep into her mind. She felt deeply betrayed that Rodney had so easily given into temptation. And it wasn't even that he had cheated on her – it was that he had cheated on her with Colonel Carter. The woman who had constantly preoccupied him, despite the shabby way she hated treated him, for three years. Katie had thought Rodney was over her, but by sleeping with her, he had proved that he wasn't. The circumstances didn't matter. What mattered was pretty much the first opportunity he'd been given, he'd taken.
If it had been a stranger in a bar, she would have understood that better. She would have been furious, she would have made him grovel, but she would have forgiven it eventually because she would have understood that it had just been about sex. But Rodney and Colonel Carter was not just about sex – it was about his ongoing infatuation with her, their shared brilliance and chemistry. She had been the only woman he'd ever really been hung up on. And it looked like he still was.
And if he was still hung up on Colonel Carter, then damned if Katie was going to hang around and be second choice. Oh, she realised he was sorry. Maybe he was even sorry he had done it, instead of just sorry that he'd been caught. But him being sorry didn't chance the fact that he'd been presented with an opportunity to sleep with Colonel Carter, and he'd forgotten all about his so-called girlfriend.
"I've got nothing to say," Katie said softly. "We broke up. Why is it such a big deal?"
"Because Rodney's been even more miserable then ever since you broke up," Elizabeth said. "It's my job to keep the peace here at Atlantis – both between worlds and in Atlantis itself. And Rodney's been making everyone as miserable as he is."
"So what, I should get back with him for the sake of Atlantis?" Katie asked sarcastically.
"Of course not. I just wanted to know if there's any hope of a reconciliation. He told me about him and Colonel Carter," Elizabeth added.
"So you can understand how I feel, then," Katie countered.
"If you mean that it wasn't just about him cheating, then yes I can," Elizabeth admitted. "But is one night really worth walking away from a relationship like yours? I've seen how happy he makes you and, if I'm not mistaken, he makes you pretty happy, too."
Katie turned her back to Elizabeth, not wanting the older woman to see that her words had a strong current of truth to them. Rodney did make her happy, and she was miserable without him, although she was hiding it very well. But there was something bigger then simple happiness at stake here. Pride, respect, trust. If she and Rodney were to get back together, she didn't think she could ever truly relax knowing Colonel Carter was out there somewhere. True, she would be on the other side of the galaxy, but it was the principle of the matter. "I won't be anyone's second choice," she informed Elizabeth, and Elizabeth could tell from Katie's tone that she had made up her mind and there was no dissuading her.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Back on Earth, their high levels of professionalism demanded that Samantha and Daniel conduct a civil relationship, at least as far as work was concerned. To be bitter would just wreak havoc on the environment and lead to one of them being made to leave – and since neither of them wanted to risk being the one chosen, the only alternative was to be professional.
They found it easier then expected. After all, they had been friends for far longer then they had been a couple, and they found it easy to slip into something that felt akin to friendship. It wasn't close in its emotional intimacy to when they'd been part of the same team, but that was to be expected, you couldn't get together, break up and have been on separate teams all that time and expect things to go back to normal. But they had always respected each other professionally, and that professional respect couldn't be voided by a personal falling out.
It helped that Samantha wasn't pushing Daniel for a reconciliation. She had taken Carolyn Lam's advice that Daniel still loved her but was hurting badly and pushing for a reconciliation was going to achieve nothing but drive him away further. So she was biding her time, hoping he would forgive her eventually.
In the mean time, they got on well – damn well, everyone said, for the fact they'd broken up. There were the usual rumours about why they'd broken up, and a few stabs in the dark that it might have something to do with Doctor McKay, but Daniel and Samantha both had too much class to blab to the entire world. So the entire world, for the most part, was left in the dark.
Samantha did confide in Carolyn, with whom she'd become quite good friends. She had never thought she could become friends with the woman she'd initially seen at Janet's replacement, but in the last year they had become quite close. Carolyn was one of the few people who knew of the real reason she and Daniel had broken up. Initially, she had been quite shocked that Samantha would do such a thing, but over time she'd come to accept it had been a mistake fuelled by her insecurities. There were times when she beat herself up savagely over her stupidity – if only she'd been secure in her relationship with Daniel before it had felt right to kiss Rodney.
But then, she had to conceded, it had been her night spent with Rodney that had helped her see how much Daniel loved her, and how much she loved him. Rodney might have been the only person she'd ever felt intellectually challenged by, and he might be great in bed, but he wasn't Daniel, and it had taken sleeping with him to realise that. That was a cruel irony. It didn't seem fair that, just when she felt she could be truly secure with Daniel, she lost him.
At least she hadn't lost him entirely. They were still friends, and she often consoled herself with that. Although it was hard to when the new round of gossip started about whatever pretty young female Daniel was seeing this week. At least it was a new pretty young female every week, so even if he did actually go out with them, they didn't last too long. That brought a great deal of comfort to Samantha.
A few months passed, and they became closer. It was obvious they were still very attracted to each other and still had an excellent camaraderie. They drifted into the habit of spending more and more time with each other, first under the pretence of work, then they stopped pretending all together and started socialising one-on-one. Like they were dating. Except they were most emphatically not dating, Daniel kept insisting. Samantha kept her peace.
They danced closer and closer to the subject of their relationship – and their breakup – never quite getting to it. There were so many times Daniel wanted to say something but he was afraid of what he might hear. So he put it off. And he put it off again. And again. And all the while, he became closer and more attracted to Samantha.
One night they were by themselves at her house. She always insisted he come to her house, it was bigger and, more to the point, it was cleaner. He'd always felt a little uncomfortable being in her house as her friend but not her boyfriend. Like he should be something more.
The truth was, he wanted to be something more. He had missed Samantha a great deal. He wanted to be with her again. But he didn't know if he could trust her.
"What did I do wrong?" he asked suddenly, when there was a lull in the conversation.
She looked at him blankly. "Sorry?" she asked. The suddenness of his question had taken her by surprise, she wasn't exactly sure what he was talking about – although the grave look in his eyes made her think it was something serious – and personal. Her heart fluttered, just a little. She told herself not to get her hopes up.
"What did I do wrong… that you slept with McKay?" Daniel clarified.
Samantha looked at him with deep compassion. He thought he had done something wrong? That was just the kind of guy Daniel was. Why, oh why had she been such a fool? "Daniel, you didn't –" she started to say, but he cut her off.
"Was I not masculine enough?" he asked, having often thought that she was really looking for another Jack. "Was I not there for you? Was I not good enough in bed?" Ever since their breakup, he had been asking himself these questions, wondering what it had been that had driven her into McKay's arms.
Samantha felt tears prick her eyes. She felt a deep-rooted sense of guilt for what Daniel was going through. Of course Daniel would try and figure out what he'd done, he was that kind of person. It was why she loved him. "It wasn't your fault," she said.
"Then what?" Daniel demanded. "What the hell was it?"
"It was me," Samantha admitted in a small voice. "I was so insecure – I worked by your side for eight years, I saw how many women threw themselves at you." Gorgeous women who were sometimes twenty years younger then Samantha. "It drove me crazy that you were out there, attracting all those women, and I wasn't there to warn them off."
"You mean monitor me?" Daniel corrected, mirroring Rodney's words. The two men were more alike then Daniel cared to admit. Samantha hadn't referred to her relationship with Jack, but Daniel knew her well enough to know it had affected her ability to trust her boyfriends. He supposed it made sense that she was distrustful, but it still cut him to the bone. Especially since, rather then talk to him about it, she had slept with someone else.
Samantha nodded shamefully. "Yes," she admitted.
"I never cheated on you, Sam," Daniel said in a low voice that didn't hide his deep hurt. Despite all her lack of faith, he had never cheated on her – which was more then could be said for her.
Samantha made no attempt to stop her tears from falling. "I know," she said. "I knew that the morning after. When I first saw you, after I came back from that mission – I was so happy to see you, I finally felt secure. At then… you'd found out."
"You were never going to tell me," Daniel said flatly.
"What good would it have achieved?" Samantha asked. "I wasn't going to do it again – I really hope you'll believe me when I say that. I had realised how much I loved you – and trusted you – and telling you wouldn't have achieved anything… except make you break up with me. Honestly, would you have reacted any differently if I'd told you?"
"No," Daniel admitted. "But it makes me feel like I can't trust you, like everytime I go on a mission I'll be wondering if you're with someone else."
"That's something you'll have to work out for yourself," Samantha said. There was no point in giving him promise of fidelity ; he could either trust her or he couldn't, and if he couldn't, talking would achieve nothing.
So he did think about it. He knew, in his heart, that what she had done had been a mistake, temptation that she'd given into in a moment of weakness and insecurity. He had to admit, there had been times he had been tempted, particularly when he was on a long mission and there was a nubile twentysomething trying to seduce him – something that happened far more then he told Samantha about. In a way, that was him doing the same thing she had done in not planning to tell him about McKay – what would the truth have achieved? No, there had been times he had been tempted, and while he had never acted on his temptations, he could almost understand why Samantha had. And he understood that it was a one-of mistake she had made because she'd been insecure – and drunk – and not because she was a compulsive cheater.
He showed up on her doorstep two days after their conversation. "If you do it again, that's it," he warned.
Samantha thought about making a crack about Rodney being on the other side of the known galaxy, it was unlikely they would ever have the opportunity, but she decided against it. Daniel didn't look like he was in the mood for jokes about fidelity. "I know," she said. She knew it was a moot point ; she knew she wasn't going to cheat on him again.
"You know you can trust me, don't you?" he asked, searching her eyes for sincere confirmation.
She nodded. "I know. I'm sorry, Daniel." She wanted to throw herself into his arms but she knew he needed to set the pace.
"I don't want it brought up again."
She nodded again. She was only too happy for it to be put in the past and never referred to again.
"Then…" Daniel looked nervous. He leaned in to give her a quick kiss on the lips before back away.
Samantha couldn't help but smile. It was very much in Daniel's character to be unsure about what to do now. "Do you call that a kiss?" she scoffed.
Daniel raised one eyebrow. "Are you challenging my kissing ability?" he asked. There was a playful tone in his voice. They were both looking for an excuse to move things along.
Samantha smirked. "Absolutely," she said, although she would never question Daniel's kissing ability. He had left her shivering from the impact of his kisses too often for her to question his ability.
"In that case then…" Daniel said, and he stepped right up to Samantha and kissed her deeply. It was a possessive, passionate kiss, and Samantha returned in kind. Their hands were all over each other and their wasn't a bit of space between them. Hurriedly, Daniel shut the door behind him so he could conduct his reconciliation with Samantha in private.