Disclaimer: Don't own Justice League, blah blah blah.

First Steps

Chapter Seven: Realisation

Dick stumbled into the Javelin, looking for an available seat. The battle had been long and hard, and Dick thought that his invigoration from his conversation with Wally would help fight off his constant exhaustion.

His mistake. He ended up getting beaten around by the World's Nastiest because of his lack of sleep. It hadn't helped that the mission was in Gotham, which just added aggravation to an already tense situation.

Of all the times and places I had to be so sloppy, it had to be while he was there and in his own backyard.

The teleporters on the Watchtower satellite and the building were busy with injured bystanders, leaving the heroes to get a Javelin back, along with some of the less critically injured civilians. He silently cursed as he realised the only chair left was next to him. He gritted his teeth and forced himself over to the unoccupied chair, gently cradling his injured right arm as he went. As he sat, Bruce raised an eyebrow, looking at the damaged appendage.

"You should get that looked at."

Dick kept his view straight ahead. "Once we get back."

"No, you should get that looked at now. When you get cut by Clayface, the infection spreads fast. Trust me."

Dick resisted the urge to snort in contempt at the last statement, but instead opted to just ignore him.

It'll only take half an hour to get back. You can stand thirty minutes with him.

Dick glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. "What are you doing?"

"Checking the wound."

"I told you, it's fine. I'll get it checked when I get back."

"And I told you that it needs looking at now."

Dick took a deep breath and resisted the urge to grit his teeth together even more than he already was, fearing they may shatter under the pressure.

"Fine."

Dick held out his arm and hid the wince as Bruce rolled up his sleeve to inspect the wound. He reached into his utility belt, and pulled out a small aerosol can which contained a memorably painful disinfectant. Dick tried valiantly not to show any evidence of his pain as Bruce sprayed the solution onto the open wound. If he noticed Dick's discomfort, he didn't comment on it. Bruce put the can back in his belt, and brought out a roll of bandage, proceeding to wrap it around the arm. Once he had unwrapped the entire roll, he rubbed the end of the bandage, activating the adhesive that would keep it together. He pulled away from Dick and sat back in his seat. Dick looked at his arm, and then rolled the sleeve back up.

"Uh… thanks."

He simply nodded, and looked out the window. Dick looked out of his own window, and upon deciding he didn't particularly want to look at the destruction wrought by their battle, reached into his utility belt for his Bludhaven police radio scanner. He brought out the headphones and placed one in his ear, holding two fingers over it so as to hear it more clearly. He waited patiently through the standard reports and banter, waiting for any indication of a crime in progress. If anything serious started up, he planned to get dropped off before they reached Metropolis. Dick's attention rose as something was reported in concerning Blockbuster.

"Four dead on the scene…and one just barely alive, if you could call it that."

"All of them linked with Blockbuster?"

"Well, two of 'em, definitely, but the other two… no, I don't think so Sarg."

A sigh.

"All right, I'll be over as soon as I can."

Dick turned off the transmitter and put it back in his utility belt.

Four dead… and two of them had nothing to do with Blockbuster in the first place.

He rested his head back onto the chair, and looked up at the ceiling.

What's the point of being Bludhaven's 'guardian' if I can't ever be there?

"Problem?"

Dick looked over at Bruce, surprised that he even bothered to talk to him. "No, nothing."

Bruce was silent for a moment. "Trouble in Bludhaven?"

Dick looked at him in amazement, then smiled. "Not the 'World's Greatest Detective' for nothing."

"So?"

"So, what?"

"I know the look, you know."

"What look?"

"The look of questioning your priorities. I felt the same when I first associated myself with the League."

Dick smirked slightly, amused that Bruce couldn't admit that he had joined the League, even though most of it was funded (and sometimes run) by him in the first place. Then he realised that for the first time in a long time, Bruce was talking to him. Actually talking. And Dick was doing nothing in return except thinking of snide remarks to give back. Dick felt a small twinge of guilt, as well as some confusion.

What's wrong with me? Why can't I just talk to him like I used to?

Because he lied to you. He betrayed you.

That was a long time ago.

The more Dick thought on the matter, the more he thought that Bruce's deception may have actually helped him in many ways, if indirectly. He was reminded of something Koriand'r had said to him many years ago:

"It has always been my experience on Earth that when something bad happens, no matter how horrible, something good will always come from it. And no matter how small that good thing is, it will always make enduring the bad thing worthwhile."

Dick felt warmed by the memory, and decided that while he could never be as close as he once was with the Dark Knight, that didn't mean that he couldn't go to him for advice and help, just as a son would his father. And at the moment, he felt the weight of about ten worlds on his shoulders.

"How do you do it, Batman?"

Dick stumbled on 'Batman', almost calling him Bruce, before quickly taking account of where he was. For some reason that escaped him, he really wanted to call him Bruce right now. Calling him Batman just didn't seem right.

"Do what?"

"Split yourself in so many directions?"

"Our situations are different. I only have to worry about two directions. You have to worry about four."

Dick frowned. "Not really. I mean, my personal life isn't exactly… like it once was, and the old team doesn't call me up that much, just for advice now and then. We're even."

He raised an eyebrow. "Even?"

"You split two ways, I split two ways. And yet... you still seem to do it so easily." Dick fixed him with a stare. "How?"

He was silent for what seemed an eternity, his emotions perfectly masked by his shadow encased cowl.

"The simple answer is… I don't."

Now it was Dick's turn to raise an eyebrow. "Come again?"

"There's a reason I didn't want Batgirl and Robin in the League, you know."

Realisation struck Dick. Hard. The more he thought back on the past few months, he had seen less and less of Barbara and Tim. So much so that he had simply stopped calling them after awhile, simply talking to Alfred. And even he seemed rushed off his feet, most likely treating injuries sustained on their extended sojourns into the Gotham underworld. Dick felt a slight spark of anger at Bruce for putting them in such danger so callously, then realised he would most likely do the same thing in his position. For the first time since he joined the League, Dick began to worry about himself.

There wasn't much talking on the way back to the Watchtower building.

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After having a quick shower and heading to medical bay for a check up (Bruce's dressing and technique was described as excellent by the medical staff; Dick wasn't surprised), Dick decided to get something to eat before heading out to Bludhaven to check the murder scene. His conversation with Bruce was still rattling around in his head, as he began to question his reasons for even being in the Justice League. He tried to create a mental list as he picked up a tray and helped himself to the food available. He was struggling with reason number one when he sensed someone stood next to him.

"Hey, tall, dark and moody."

He looked over to see the smiling face of Kara Kent. "Hey, Supergirl. How've you been?"

"Better than you look. Tough day at the office?" she said, placing a sandwich on her tray to accompany the cup of coffee next to it.

Dick smiled.

"Something like that," he said, hoping the exhaustion didn't show in his voice as he collected the same meal as Kara.

Kara continued to talk as they walked over to a table together.

"Y'know, you can ask for leave occasionally if you have a good reason," she said, sitting as she did so.

Dick shook his head as he sat. "Don't think that would help much." Which was true. If he wanted to be truly effective in Bludhaven, he would have to be constantly able to respond to crime at a moments notice. As it was now, he hadn't busted a perp since he joined the League.

"You're not thinking about leaving, are you?"

Dick looked over at her worried face, and instantly felt a twang of guilt, even though he didn't really know Kara that well, only knowing her from Barbara's parties. He shrugged. "Don't know. Haven't thought about it really."

She sighed in relief. "Well, good. You're the closest thing to Batgirl I've got around here."

"Um… thanks?"

She looked over at him and smiled. "You know what I mean."

Dick nodded with a tired smile. "Yeah, I know what you mean."

Kara's tense shoulders relaxed and she continued eating. Dick listened to the sound of her chewing, and looked down at his own food, realising that he wasn't all that hungry.

I seem to be realising a lot of things today…

Dick's eyes began to close against his will, and his head fell with it, dipping his hair in the gravy that was on his plate. He forced his head back up quickly, causing a small spray of gravy to fly out his hair, most of it landing harmlessly on the table or on the floor. The rest went on Kara.

"Nightwing! Watch where you're sleeping!" she said irritably, looking down at her gravy stained shirt. Dick looked over at her apologetically, too tired to fight the embarrassed blush on his cheeks.

"Sorry… just tired," he said, speaking through a yawn too powerful to deny.

"Well… go drink some coffee or something," she said, calming slightly. She looked at his face. "Or get some sleep. You look awful."

Dick shook his head. "Can't. Got a patrol to do."

She looked at him with disbelief painted across her features. "You're still patrolling Bloodhut or whatever?"

"Bludhaven… and yes."

"Why? I mean… why?"

Dick shrugged. "Because no-one else will."

She stared at him with a look that said 'you're an idiot', then shook her head. "Get some rest, Dick. Let the police worry about Blood… whatever."

Dick stood and smiled. "Thanks. But I've got enough energy to do this for years."

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After he washed the gravy out of his hair, Dick spent a long time looking at himself in the mirror, wishing that he felt half as confident as he had sounded to Kara. He looked at the sickeningly deep bags under his eyes, and felt as if they were lead weights pulling his eyes closed every time he wasn't fighting for his life. This was when he felt something in his gut that hurt more than anything Clayface or the Joker or Blockbuster could ever do to him.

I can't keep this up.

As much as he wanted to prove he could do what Bruce did every day, he knew he couldn't, because Bruce didn't do what Dick thought he did. He thought Bruce somehow continually looked after his city while still helping the likes of Wally, Superman and Wonder Woman to save the world on a regular basis. Talking to Bruce earlier today, Dick was reminded of something about Bruce that he always seemed to forget.

He was only human. Just like Dick.

And just like Dick, he had forced himself to rely on others. Dick had done it at a much earlier age, first with Bruce, then with the Titans, and now with the League. But Dick didn't want to ask the League or the Titans or Bruce to help him defend Bludhaven, just as Bruce wouldn't ask Green Lantern for help in protecting Gotham. Bludhaven was his city. Or at least, he wanted it to be. But in order for that to happen, Dick knew that something had to be sacrificed. He had to make a choice between the two. Dick looked at his reflection again.

Some choice.

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A/N: Thanks for the feedback, folks! Just a few quick answers to questions I've seen:

1: Shade can fight pretty good, as shown in 'Secret Society, part 2'.

2: Booster saw Wonder Woman naked because her shower was broken, so she used Booster's. I probably wasn't clear enough, sorry about that (I'll probably edit that later anyway).

And finally, regarding Titans references: bear in mind I'm not being too specific about the whole thing, so that you, the esteemed reader, can either think it's the Titans from the show or some alternate DCAU version of the Titans. However, my knowledge of the Teen Titans characters comes from the T.V. show, so that's why Starfire (or anyone else that might appear) potentially sounded different than she does in the comics (which I wouldn't know).

Keep those reviews coming, I'm not done yet!