A/N: Well I decided to write a quick one-shot humor just for something to do. I don't know why, but I have come to believe that Yami/Atem would be a bit of a proverbial idiot when it comes to quite a few things modern. These were just a few scary thoughts that came from that idea and I just sort of went with it. As always, reviews are appreciated, whether they are constructive criticism or quick comments. So I'll shut up now and bid you adieu! On with the fic!

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or anything affiliated with the show. If I did there wouldn't be such a horrible, pathetic excuse for a dub, and all the guys would have nude scenes – with each other! Mwahahaha!

Spoilers/pairings: None

Warnings: A little bit of swearing and a good amount of bathroom humor, but nothing I'd deem bad, or even offensive. Also, a little bit of Pegasus bashing! Atem may seem a little bit 'special' in this, but that's the whole point.

SILENT EMBARRASSMENT

'Aibou, what is this?'

Yes, and this is where my tale of woe begins, as almost all of my unfortunate experiences find their birth – right here in my freaking bedroom! Now don't get me wrong, as I do really enjoy my Yami's company, almost all the time. For the most part it's actually a lot of fun having a spirit hanging with me around the clock. If I need to win a duel, he's there, when I need a shoulder to cry on, he's there, and if I want to scare people into thinking I need to be committed, then talking to Yami beats talking to myself around unsuspecting individuals. But, with all really great things there is a major downside…

'Aibou, why are they advertising silent wrappers?'

See what I mean?

There he is, a semi-translucent spirit sprawled out on my bed watching ads for women's umm…products… gross.

Really? What can I even tell him? "Uh, Yami."

"Yes Aibou"

"I'm guessing it's just less embarrassing for girls if the wrappers don't make noise." Great and I can't even say that much without going red in the face.

To my horror, Yami turns to me with a look of absolute confusion written all over his features.

"Why would wrappers be embarrassing?"

Oh tell me he did not just ask me that? What did I ever do to deserve this of all things! Sometimes I honestly think he may be a little slow when it comes to anything aside from games.

"Well, it's not so much the wrappers that are embarrassing…" I had to stop; maybe he'll get the picture and drop it.

"Then it must be what's in the wrappers!" Yami exclaimed like he'd just solved the world's strangest mystery.

"Yeah, I guess."

With that I just go back to my homework at my desk, chewing on the end of my pencil in concentration; how I hate physics. I was scribbling out the answer to a difficult problem when my train of concentration came to an abrupt and unexpected halt.

"Aibou?"

"Yes!"

"I just can't figure out what could possibly be in the wrappers that's so bad."

After a long and painful explanation that took nearly an hour I decided it was time to turn the TV off for the day. Nothing good can come of it when my Yami is within viewing distance, nothing! That was certainly not the first time I've had to explain something so, so, wrong! Just wrong! Yesterday it was condoms and the day before that I had to try and tell him why somebody was given jail time for running naked through a playground. Apparently my other half liked to run naked around the palace when the thought struck him, back in ancient Egypt. How utterly disturbing.

"Okay, I'm going in for a shower now, you just stay there and don't do anything too… please just don't do anything!"

There. Now I feel better knowing that he knows not to get into any trouble. So, without any more hesitation on my part I head for the bathroom that's down the hall and proceed in having my long awaited shower.

And when I get back to my room all hell has broken loose!

There is Yami and in his hand is my phone. Yami plus phone equals huge trouble!

"Guess what Aibou? There's a man on the phone and he says that he wants me!"

"Oh crap!" I jump for the phone, trying in vain to pry it from Yami's grasp, but to no avail.

"What's the matter Aibou? I thought you wanted me to make friends. After all, isn't friendship the most important thing in the world, that's what Anzu is always telling us."

Now I can hear a very fruity male voice that sounds vaguely familiar, and I have to resist the urge to vomit as whoever is on the other end starts talking loudly about wanting to have 'fun' with Yami!

We end up wrestling over who gets the phone, Yami convinced I'm jealous he made a friend, and I'm… well, I'm just trying to save him from being violated!

"No, Yami, give me the phone now!" I manage to yell out, while trying to bite his hand that has the phone. Eventually my persistence pays off, because he accidentally drops the phone and I grab it just in the nick of time.

Now, I may seem like a very innocent, super nice person. And I am, on most occasions, but if some sick individual wants to take advantage of my unsuspecting other half then I'm not so nice.

"Okay, you listen and you listen good! I do not want you phoning here, hitting on anyone!"

To say I was shocked when I found out who was on the other line would be a gross understatement.

"Oh, is that you Yugiboy?"

"IT'S YOU!" And then I drop the phone, isn't that just great? As I stood there in a stupor my Yami saw his chance and snatched up the phone. Oh well, better him talking to the one-eyed pervert then me – he's lived a good long life of a few thousand years; I haven't!

The good news is that I think Yami is now catching on to the fact that it's actually Pegasus on the line, and that he wants to be a little more then 'friends'.

'Okay Pegasus, why are you phoning here?' Yami was now looking a little confused, and it appeared that his confusion was slowly turning to disgust the longer he talked on the phone.

Finally after several long, agonizing minutes Yami hung up and turned to me with a horrified glance. "I think he wanted to be more then just friends!"

Really now? Imagine that!

"I didn't know that Pegasus was so, so…" My Yami stopped, in search of a fitting word.

"Fruity?" I offered. When I actually think about it, the fact that Pegasus would hit on Yami doesn't really seem all that strange. I mean, this is a guy who just seems to scream 'I'm Richard Simmons' the moment he steps foot in a room. It's just really sick that he chose Yami as his next victim.

Oh great. Now I've confused him again!

"Pegasus is fruity?"

I can't help myself from letting out a sigh of frustration. I should have never said that, I really shouldn't have. Now I'll be up all night explaining how 'fruity' equals 'really, really gay'. Oh well, such is life with a Yami.

"Why is Pegasus a fruit?"

Not again…