Chapter Six: The Confrontation
It was the first Hogsmeade weekend of the year and Ginevra chose to stay at the school. She had no desire to follow the trio around and listen to them argue over whether or not Malfoy was a death eater. She couldn't figure out why 'Mi and Ron were reluctant to listen to Harry, they were always so eager to find an excuse to hate Malfoy, but for some reason they decided to maintain Malfoy was too young. Personally, she agreed with Harry on one point, no one knew what Tom's requirements were, who knew if he even had a minimum age? As to whether or not Malfoy was a death eater she had her doubts. He certainly was acting very odd. He was almost never seen without Crabbe and Goyle before, but this year he almost never seen with them. He was always distracted and seemed to be under immense amounts of stress. Then there was this strange feeling she got whenever she was near him that she, somehow, had become, well, had become important to him. He was watching her. She knew it. She just didn't know why. So what if she had apologized to him. And there was that weird day on the tower, but that wasn't enough, was it? Surely it wasn't enough to have an effect on him. Maybe things would be easier if she let herself believe she was having an effect on him. Maybe if she could believe he wanted a chance to change it would be easier to give it. She made her way up to the astronomy tower.
Regardless of what anyone thought, Draco Malfoy was not a death eater. Not yet, anyway. He had to prove himself first. He had to find a way to let death eaters on to school property. That was why he had been in the Room of Requirement the first time Ginevra had tried to use it. He was trying to fix the vanishing cabinet so it could link with its twin and serve as an indictable entrance to the school. It wasn't working. Ever since the littlest weasel's apology, every time he went to work on it he found himself thinking of her. He still couldn't figure out why. He had hoped after he had sat with her that night and figured out why she was important to him he would be able to concentrate, but it had only made it more difficult. After staring off into space for the fifth time he gave up, deciding to come back after lunch. He made his way to the astronomy tower.
When he reached the top he breathed deeply and closed his eyes for a moment before walking over to one of the openings in the wall. He nearly fell off when he heard a voice behind him.
"I'll be going then." Ginevra climbed down from her perch on the sill of the opening opposite Malfoy.
"Wait." Even he didn't know why he had said that. She stopped and looked at him expectantly. "You weren't talking about what it would feel like to be a cloud last time were you?'
"No." Her voice was tight and every muscle in her body had tensed. What did he care anyway? And why bring it up? Didn't he realize she hadn't meant to say anything, especially to him?
He noticed her change in posture but had to continue. He didn't know why, but if he didn't ask her now he knew he'd never be able to work on the cabinet later. "What on earth could make you think like that?" He winced at the sound of his own voice. He hadn't meant to sound so cruel.
She snapped. She completely lost control. She just started yelling. "WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW ABOUT MY LIFE? WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME? YOU WEREN'T THE ONE IN THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS! YOU WEREN'T THE ONE WHO NEARLY KILLED FOUR PEOPLE YOUR FIRST YEAR AT SCHOOL! YOU AREN'T THE ONE WHO HAS TOM'S VOICE IN THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD, CONSTANTLY COMMENTING ON EVERYTHING YOU THINK OR DO!"
Well, he had part of the answer regarding the Chamber, she had opened it.
"YOU AREN'T THE ONE TREATED LIKE A PORCELINE DOLL BY YOUR WHOLE FAMILY! YOU AREN'T THE ONE EXPECTED TO BE PERFECT! I WOULD RATHER HAVE EVERYONE EXPECT ME TO FAIL MISERABLY THAN EXPECT ME TO BE PERFECT, AT LEAST THEN YOU CAN'T DISAPPOINT THEM! YOU AREN'T THE ONE COMPLETELY IGNORED BY EVERYONE WHO CLAIMS TO CARE! I WISH THEY WOULD JUST TELL THE TRUTH AND LEAVE ME ALONE!"
She had a point there.
"YOU AREN'T THE ONE TRYING DESPERATELY TO LIVE UP TO IDEALS YOU'VE BEEN SPOON FED SINCE BIRTH BUT NO ONE ELSE AROUND YOU EVEN COMES CLOSE TO MEETING! YOU AREN'T THE ONE WHO REALIZES EVERYONE SHE STANDS BESIDE ARE HYPOCRITES! YOU AREN'T THE ONE WHO HATES YOURSELF FOR BEING A HYPOCRITE! YOU ADMIT YOU HATE PEOPLE BECAUSE OF THEIR NAME AND BIRTH ALONE! YOUR ONLY STANDARDS ARE SELFISHNESS AND PREJUDICE! THOSE ARE EASY TO LIVE UP TO!"
He winced a little. Granted, what she said was true, but some reason, when she said it, he could understand why people thought it was wrong. And apparently he wasn't the only one who thought the "good guys" were a tad hypocritical.
"YOU AREN'T THE ONE WHO FOUGHT TOOTH AND NAIL AT THE AGE OF TWELVE TO ACCEPT THE FACT THAT NO ONE IS INNOCENT, THAT THERE IS NO SUCH THING WHEN EVERYONE KEPT TELLING YOU YOU WERE! YOU WEREN'T THE ONE WHAT HAD TO GRAPPLE WITH THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GOOD AND BAD AND BLACK AND WHITE AND SHADES OF GREY AT THE AGE OF TWELVE! YOU AREN'T THE ONE EVERYONE TOLD THE WORLD IS BLACK AND WHITE! YOU AREN'T THE ONE THAT HAD TO FIGURE OUT THEY WERE WRONG! YOU AREN'T THE ONE WHO HAD TO FIGURE AT GOOD AND BAD ARE ABSOLUTES BUT SOMEHOW BLEND INTO GREYS WHEN COMBINED WITH THE FACT THAT NO ONE IS INNOCENT! YOU AREN'T THE ONE WHO HAD TO FIGURE OUT WHETHER THE END JUSTIFIES THE MEANS AT THIRTEEN! YOU AREN'T THE ONE THAT HAD TO FIGURE OUT THAT THE LINE BETWEEN GOOD AND BAD MOVES BUT SOMEHOW NEVER BLURS!"
He was getting a little confused. He thought he followed all of that, and he thought it made sense, and that was where he got confused and worried. That couldn't make sense, could it?
"YOU WEREN'T THE ONE WHO HAD TO DECIDE THAT THE ONLY WAY TO LIVE UP TO YOUR OWN IDEALS IS TO STOP HATING THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD YOU TRULY DESPISED! YOU AREN'T THE ONE THAT FINDS YOUR WORLD FALLING APART BECAUSE YOU DESPERATELY WANT TO FORGIVE SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T WANT TO BE FORGIVEN BUT CAN'T BECAUSE THEY KEEP FAILING TO GIVE YOU A REASON NOT TO! YOU AREN'T THE ONE WHO BELIEVES IN GIVING PEOPLE CHANCES AND CHOICES BUT SOMEHOW CAN'T LIVE UP TO IT!"
Okay, that one bit didn't make any sense. She couldn't forgive someone because they refused to make it impossible? That was just illogical. But how many things had he thought the past two months that didn't make sense? And was she talking about him? Did she really want to give him a chance?
She stopped yelling. "You aren't the one who hates yourself for being angry with those you love, those who love you, because they don't live up to the ideals they expect everyone else to hold, because they don't see what you're going through, because they don't ask what you just did." The last bit was a whisper he could barely hear. She panting and out of breath. Somewhere in her last statement she had sunk to the floor and was now crying silently.
He didn't know what to do. If he had understood that properly, her biggest problem at the moment was that her hatred for him made her feel like a hypocrite. Now, he had no qualms calling the 'golden trio' hypocrites, but somehow that didn't fit the trembling girl before him. She had every reason to hate him. He had done nothing but taunt and torment her. Why would she want to forgive him? Why would she want to give him chance? To keep from being a hypocrite. It had nothing to do with giving him a chance, he thought wryly, it was merely about be true to her professed beliefs. But did that really matter? She still wanted to give him a chance. Wanted to. Hadn't she just said herself that she was failing miserably? Wait! Did that mean all of this, did that mean her hatred for him was the reason she was thinking about...
He couldn't take it. He couldn't the questions. He couldn't take the possibilities. Tom was in her head? He walked past her and left the tower. As he left she caught a glimpse of his shoes.
A/N
bella natty: sorry about the lack of dialogue, this really is more of a look at the characters than the events, but i think i have at least some dialogue in the rest of the chapters. some will be more involved than others but ive tried to break it up as much as i can.
for anyone who is wondering, it will be about 26 chapters long and 18 are already written.