There once was a man from Canada. He loved to go out in the morning and fish on his boat. His name is Craig and he has no friends. His only friends were dead fish. He talked to the dead fish and this is why he had no human friends. He even made the fish act out his favorite movies like Pulp Fiction and Requiem for a Dream by making them into puppets.
He could spend hours every day with the dead fish and almost no time with people. He wore the same thing everyday and lived on his boat. Everything he wore was plaid. He made clothes for his fishy friends out of garbage. He even slept with and married one of the fish. Her name was Esmeralda.
One day he decided to try and go out into the world. He went to the local pub to get a drink. Then when he left he kidnapped a girl. He locked her in his basement. He showed her all of the fish he kept on his boat. Then he cut her face off. He took the face and put it on the fish.
He then went looking for more kids and found some so he grabbed them. He got enough faces so that all the fish had human faces. He named each of the fish something different. He called the fish his children.
He even began skinning fish he caught and super gluing the scales onto his body. He was kinda like Michael Jackson. Then he went and had a salad. He kept the anchovies that were on the salad and kept them as pets. They were his babies. He let them stay with their skin for a little bit while longer than the others. In his sleep he would strap raw meat all over his body and run through a field of rabid wolves. The worst thing he dreamed about Marco trying to kiss him. He didn't wake up after that.