A/N: Inspired both by the original Skippy List (Google it, people! You Must! The Hellspork commands you), and a lot of the fan fics I've been reading for FMA. This is dedicated to every writer here who've I've given a review to, and quite a few who I haven't gotten to reviewing yet.
1: When giving a report, I am to say "Major Skippy reporting in, sir." Not "You can't prove a thing!"
2: Not allowed to teach soldiers to say rude things in Ishbalan under the guise of teaching them helpful phrases.
3: The cafeteria mystery meat is not 'cats', and I should not tell Alphonse this.
4: I am not to transmute my commanding officer's desk into manure.
5: I am not to tell the Elric brothers there is a Philosopher's Stone in Cracker Jack boxes.
6: Just because Fullmetal does it doesn't mean I can.
7: Just because Fullmetal does it doesn't mean I should.
8: It is wrong to encourage Major Hughes.
9: I am not to transmute Havoc's cigarettes into hallucinogenic substances.
10: I am not to attempt Human Transmutation in an effort to give myself a longer wang.
11: Not to refer to Lt. Hawkeye as 'Mom'.
12: Not to refer to Col. Mustang as 'Dad'.
13: Not allowed to stick magnets to Alphonse.
14: Not allowed to compose mission reports using Alphonse and magnetic letters.
15: Not allowed to compose odes to 'Fullmetal the Cute' using Alphonse and magnetic letters.
16: Not allowed near Alphonse at all, under any circumstances.
17: Not to transmute all the towels in the barracks so that they fall apart on contact with water.
18: Not to take Col. Mustang's gloves to use them for party tricks.
19: Not allowed to transmute Major Amrstrong's mirror.
20: I am not a homunculus. It is wrong to tell people this.
21: Not allowed to use Alphonse's head as a prop when quoting Shakespeare.
22: Not allowed to take compromising pictures of my commanding officers.
23: Not allowed to create compromising pictures of my commanding officers.
24: Not allowed to take picture of Fullmetal in the shower, no matter how much I am paid to do so.
25: Scar is not a kitten, and I should not encourage Alphonse to think of him as such.
26: Envy is not my friend, and I should not invite him back for tea.
27: Alphonse and Fullmetal cannot combine together to form an invincible fighting robot.
28: Not allowed to transmute a blow up doll to look like Lt. Hawkeye.
29: Not allowed to transmute a blow up doll to look like Fullmetal.
30: Not allowed to transmute anything in the bathroom.
31: I do not know black magic.
32: I am not allowed to challenge people's belief in black magic by asking for some hair.
33: I am not allowed to cut Fullmetal's hair, no matter how much I am paid.
34: I am not allowed to cut Col. Mustang's hair, no matter how much I am paid.
35: Edward Elric's title is Fullmetal Alchemist, not 'Munchkin Alchemist'.
36: Col. Mustang's title is Flame Alchemist, not 'Flaming Alchemist'.
37: Not allowed to refer to Col. Mustang as 'handsome devil', no matter how much he likes it.
38: Not allowed to replace Lt. Hawkeye's guns with water pistols, no matter how much Col. Mustang pays me.
39: Not allowed to suggest that Alphonse act as Santa at the HQ Christmas party, with Fullmetal as an Elf.
40: The top of my chain of command is Furhur Bradley, not the homunculi.
41: I am not to take orders from the homunculi.
42: Not to write Yaoi fiction starring the Colonel and Fullmetal.
43: Not to give Alphonse trained attack kittens.
44: Not allowed to lick Alphonse in winter.
45: Not allowed to lick Alphonse, period.
46: Not allowed to lick anybody.
47: Hogwarts if not a real place, and I should not tell Fullmetal that there is a Philosopher's Stone there.
48: Alphonse is full of yummy candy, and I should not tell children that he is.
49: The Philosopher's Stone is not made if kittens. It is wrong to tell Alphonse this.
50: Not to wear a miniskirt without shaving my legs.
51: Not to wear a miniskirt. Ever.
52: Not allowed to transmute Lt. Hawkeye's pants into a miniskirt, no matter how much Col. Mustang pays me.
53: Not allowed to dump water on Col. Mustang, no matter how much Fullmetal pays me.
54: Not allowed to do my Hughes impression using compromising pictures of my superiors.
55: Not allowed to play Pulp Fiction with Lt. Hawkeye's pistols.
56: Not allowed to add pictures of Col. Mustang to the War Criminals posters.
57: Not allowed to train Black Hayate to 'sic Mustang.'
58: It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Major Skippy.
59: There is no Anti-Mime campaign in Ishbala.
60: I am not the psychological warfare mascot.
61: Alphonse is not the psychological warfare mascot.
62: Hughes is not the psychological warfare mascot.
63: Must not use Alchemy to 'squish' things.
64: I cannot trade Col. Mustang to the Ishbalans.
65: Teaching Ishbalan children to taunt soldiers is not nice.
66: We do not charge into battle naked.
67: My name is not a killing word.
68: I am not Emperor of anything.
69: I may not taunt Havoc, in the throws of nicotine withdrawal, with cigarettes.
70: "To conquer the world with an army of chimera." Is a bad long-term goal to give the re-enlistment NCO.
71: Not allowed to trade military equipment for magic beans.
72: Not allowed out of my office when the Furhur is in town.
73: The proper response to a lawful order is not "Why?"
74: Crucifixes do not ward off Lt. Hawkeye.
75: I am not authorized to change national policy in Ishbala.
76: Not allowed to call Fullmetal 'Short'.
77: Not allowed to bring a transvestite to any company function.
78: Must not go to company functions in drag.
79: Must not go to any company functions 'Skyclad'.
80: Not allowed to sing 'High Speed Dirt' whenever an Alchemist tries to fly.
81: Not allowed to set up a cult using Alchemy to fake miracles.
82: Major Armstrong's sparkles are not deadly weapons. It is wrong to tell new recruits this.
83: I cannot arrest children for being rude.
84: I do not get 'that time of the month'. But Lt. Hawkeye does.
85: Not allowed to defect to Ishbala during training missions.
86: Do not dare Fullmetal to eat bugs. He always does.
87: Must get a haircut, even if it tampers with my Samson-like powers. Even if Fullmetal is allowed to keep his long.
88: Not allowed to wake Fullmetal by calling him a 'bean'.
89: I must not flaunt my deviancies in front of my chain of command.
90: If the thought of something makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.
91: I am not allowed to create flying pink badgers.
92: I am not allowed to create bouncing ferrets.
93: I will no longer perform lap dances in uniform.
94: Taking the uniform off during the lap dance still counts.
95: Bodychecking General officers is a bad idea.
96: There is no such thing as a were-virgin.
97: May not challenge Fullmetal to "Meet me on the field of honor, at dawn." He always wins, and there's always a big mess.
98: Must not make s'mores on guard duty.
99: Not allowed to dance while on duty.
100: Not allowed to use military resources to start a porn studio.
101: Even if it is especially patriotic porn.