Disclaimer: Blah, blah, blah.

A/N: This is just a short chapter because I am still getting over writers block. I thought I had better send this in anyway because by the sound of my reviews some of you are getting a bit anxious.

Lord Vetinari stared down at his desk. Somewhere in front of him a young female voice was explaining the concept of the Roundworld, or as they had called it, Earth. Just by living in Ankh-Morpork you see a lot of things most people would consider out of the ordinary. However, he was the Patrician of Ankh-Morpork, therefore it was his job to make sure that things stayed out of the ordinary and that the extraordinary things stayed out of the ordinary staying out of the ordinary. This caused quite a headache.

Vetinari had stopped listening to the voice minutes ago, however the owned of the voice still kept talking at an enthusiastic speed. In the end, he had to put a stop to it.

Vetinari raised his hand. "Please, miss?"

"Hermione Granger." The young lady answered.

"Miss Granger, I think I have heard quite enough of this… what was it you called it?"

"The Ministry of Magic, sir."

"This Ministry." Vetinari turned to Vimes. "What are you planning to do about this commander?"

"Sir, I assure you everything is under control, I have placed my two best Watchmen on this case, sir." Vimes said pulling his silver cigar case out of his pocket, avoiding Vetinari' s gaze.

"Yuk! I've gotten mud on my boots!"

"Shut up, Nobby. We haven't even gotten onto the water yet."

"And look at my dress, the hem is all muddy!"

"Well you shouldn't have worn a dress!"

Corporal Nobbs sulked and crossed his arms. "It's a good dress too, not one of those fake dresses you see all those scarlet women running about in."

Colon looked at the dress. It was blue with lace edging. As far as Colon went with fashion sense, those were the only details. But Colon couldn't give a rat's arse whether it was fake or not. "Where did you get it from, Nobby? You know Captain Carrot won't be happy if you've nicked it."

Nobby leered at Colon. "I did not nick it, Fred." He said sternly.

Colon chuckled. "That's a first. And it's sergeant to you Nobby." He added.

"Not while we're doin' undercover duty." Said Nobby. "And I'll have you know, I pinched this dress out of a dumpster. Lady Selachii's dumpster."

"You pinch clothes out of some rich nobs' dumpster?"

"Everyone does it!" Nobby snapped reproachfully.

They waddled out into the Ankh until the mud went up to their knees. Well, Colon's knees, Nobby's waist.

Occasionally Nobby would mutter things like "Imperial cotton, that is." Or "It'll be impossible to get the mud out of my boots." And "He never understands my needs."

Colon cleared his throat. "Er… Nobby?"

"Yes Fred?"

"Er… why are you wearing a dress?"

"Cause' Vimsey said we had to come out of uniform an' this was the only dress I has clean. Besides," Nobby tried to twirl but this was difficult being waist deep in mud. "I think it looks rather fetching." Nobby saw the expression on Colon's face. "What? Does it make me look fat?" He asked in a panicky voice.

Colon shook his head enthusiastically. "Oh, no, no you look fine."

They wallowed in the mud for a few more minutes. "Fred?"

"Yes Nobby?"

"What is it we gotta do?"

Colon paused to think. "Let's see, all Mister Vimes said was every frog you find in the Ankh I want you to bring back to the Watch house."

"Seems easy enough."

Colon shook his head. "No Nobby, you're missin' the key to this mission."

"I am."

"Yes Nobby, you are because there aren't any frogs in the Ankh. It's impossible for them to live here."

"Oh." Said Nobby. "Want to get a beer then?"

"Now Nobby, I'm the sergeant so I decide when it's time to get a beer." Colon paused for a few seconds. "Okay, it's time."

A/N: I just love writing about Fred and Nobby, it's so much easier than writing it from Harry's point of view. Please send more of your ideas. Thanks for the other ones by the way, they've given me great ideas for upcoming chapters!