Chapter 25- Jack's Dilemma

As Jack tended to Kate's wound, he kept on playing the scene over in his head.

He was holding the gun, and his hands were shaking. But he had to do it, because there was no other way. Jack clenched his jaw, as the attacker focused his angry eyes on him.

The attacker raised his gun, and Jack raised his.

Jack didn't want to shoot him, but at the time he had no other options. Beads of sweat formed along Jack's hairline as he aimed the gun. A shot was fired.

As soon as Jack fired the shot he dropped the gun. The man let out a loud yell.

Jack winced, his yell sounded inhuman and as if he was in a great deal of pain. Jack watched him fall. Once he hit the ground, he squirmed around like a dying fish in need of oxygen. Jack watched him in wonder, he wasn't able to feel or piece together the fact that he had just killed someone. He stood there a while longer and watched as the guy stopped squirming, and gave into the bullet which was lodged in his chest.

Jack felt as if he was going to be sick. He closed his eyes, and tried to take in steady breaths. In the back of his mind, the scene was playing over and over. Jack grinded his teeth together, everytime he saw the gun, he felt as if he had gotten shot himself.

"How is she Doc?" Sawyer asked in concern taking his eyes off the road briefly.

Jack ignored Sawyer. All he could think about was the blood…there had been so much blood everywhere…Kate's blood, the blood of the guy he…

Jack felt it coming up, he was going to be sick.

He rolled down the window, and he was hit with the muggy Virginia weather. They had just crossed the West Virginia border, and the only reason Jack remembered wasnbecause Sawyer had announced it.

"Are you doin' okay?" Sawyer asked.

"You don't care," Jack said glancing down at Kate, who seemed to be regaining consciousness.

"You saved my life cowboy, I think I oughta care."

Jack kept his eyes focused on the trees that passed by, and the darkened mountains. "Don't thank me."

"Well fine then, I take it back." Sawyer said.

Jack exhaled. His chest hurt, and his mind was heavy with worry and regret. All of this was his fault, he had failed. Jack had failed.

Kate almost got killed because of him, and he took the life of another man.

Wind whipped at his face, as he felt the tears stinging his eyes once again. Jack hated to be out of control of his emotions, but when things went astray his emotions took on a life of their own. He sadly rested his head against the seat.

His hands were covered in blood.

Jack swallowed down a lump in his throat. He had almost wished that it was him that died instead of the attacker. Jack's eyebrows furrowed low over his eyes. He opened his mouth to repeat the rhyme his father had taught him when he was younger, and then he closed his mouth. That would only make him feel worse. Only deepen the pain he was going through. Jack looked down at Kate once more.

He opened his mouth, and took in a mouthful of air. Kate almost died because of him.

Sawyer glanced at Jack oddly, "What's wrong with her?"

"Nothing, she's going to be alright," Jack said looking down.

"Are you crying? Damn, you killed a damn murderer not Mother Teresa."

"I am a damn murderer! What do you mean I killed one? Did he kill you, or did he kill Kate? No, I killed him!" Jack's eyes were bulging out of his head.

Sawyer shook his head, "Forget it, I wish I had some cigarettes right now. Why isn't she wakin' up? Are you sure she's okay."

"Why don't you stop questioning me right now Sawyer,"
"I know what this is about…you blame me, if anything happened to Kate it would've been all my fault…"

"I'm not accusing you of…"

"Yeah, you are. Well lemme tell you, it was a mistake, It's killin' me inside because I slammed the vase on her by acc…"

"You didn't kill her!" Jack yelled.

Sawyer closed his mouth at Jack's sudden outburst.

Jack placed his hand to his throbbing temples. "I just need…quiet."

The gunshot went off again in Jack's head.

The attacker stared back at him in pain, and in desperation as he fell to his death.

Jack let his hand drop to his side. "A failure isn't a failure unless you think it is. Don't look back, keep on going, let this one thing be dismissed. A hero can't save everyone only who he chooses, and if he loses on the task he chooses to take on, then he has failed."

Jack clenched his jaw. That was his dad's way of thinking. It wouldn't make him feel better if he thought about it as his choice to save Kate.

Sawyer glanced over at Jack, and then shook his head. He could tell Jack was having difficulty dealing with what he had done earlier. If Sawyer was good at helping others through problems, then he would've tried to help Jack. But Sawyer didn't know the first thing about consoling. That was more Kate's job.

Sawyer glanced down at her angelic face as she slept. If he had killed her, then he wouldn't be able to live with it. Sawyer had once thought he was incapable of displaying any kind of emotion for a woman…until Kate, and Molly, who he would never see again. Sawyer reached in his pockets for another cigarette. His search came up empty, there was another girl besides Kate, and Molly, but he had left her behind in Tennessee. Looking down at Kate reminded him why he refused to let himself feel anything for her, even though he had failed miserably.

Jack finished cleaning Kate's wound, after multiple episodes of getting lost in his own self pity. He reached in the bag, Sawyer had gotten from a grocery store during a quick stop for a bandage. Jack pulled the bandage out of it's protective plastic coating, and then wiped it around Kate's head. He gently picked up her head as he wrapped it all the way around. After he was finished Jack rested her head on his lap.

Kate slowly opened her eyes.

"Kate, I have to ask you some questions," Jack said distantly.

"Who," Kate said.

"Do you know your name?"

"Um…Kate," She said.

Jack nodded, "Good, do you know my name?"

Kate squinted back at Jack, "Um…Jack,"

Jack sighed relieved, "Good job, do you know his,"

Kate glanced over at Sawyer through blurry eyes. "Um…"

Sawyer gave her half smile, "Surley, you remember me sweetheart,"

"Sawyer," Kate said.

Jack glanced at Sawyer, "She doesn't have any short term amnesia which is good."

"My head hurts Jack,"

"Do you remember what happened?"

Kate shook her head, "No,"

Sawyer sighed relieved.

Jack glanced at Sawyer, and then back down at Kate.

"You're going to be okay," He whispered soothingly, even though he knew he wasn't.

"I was worried about ya freckles," Sawyer said in a shaky voice.

Kate slowly sat up.

"No Kate, you need to relax," Jack said.

Kate rested her head against the chair. "I got hit with something right…a vase,"

Sawyer clenched his jaw.

"It was an accident," Jack answered for Sawyer. "I wanted to take you to the hospital, but Sawyer didn't want me too…You seem fine Kate, the bleeding stopped, and you're not suffering from memory loss…it could've been worse."

Kate sighed, "What happened to him…"

Jack felt his insides start to churn.

Kate was staring back at Jack in concern. She placed her hand on Jack's shoulder. "Is he dead?"

"He's dead Freckles," Sawyer said.

Kate looked down, trying to piece together the puzzle. "You killed him Sawyer?"

"It wasn't me."

Kate looked back at Jack. "Jack…"

"I did it." He said with much difficulty.

"You saved our lives…" Kate started.

"Don't thank me Kate," He said turning away from her.

Kate reached for Jack's hand, "Don't be too hard on yourself, you did…"

"I took someone else's life...I killed a man."

"Why don't you try getting some sleep?" Sawyer suggested.

Jack turned to Sawyer with anger in his eyes, "Is sleep going to solve this? Is sleep going to prevent me from seeing his face every time I close my eyes, Is sleep going to change what I've done!"

"Jack," Kate said reaching for his hand.

"Kate, you need to relax," Sawyer said calmly to her.

Jack released his hand from Kate's.

She looked down at her hand which was now resting on Jack's leg. She couldn't talk to him one on one with Sawyer in the car. Jack was upset, and he needed her. But she didn't know how to get to him. The only thing that came to mind was to tell Jack about her step-father, and explain to him that she had to kill him before he killed her.

Kate closed her eyes. No, that would just prove to Jack that his fears were right, and that she was a monster. After an explosion, and nearly being killed they were all on the borderline of sanity, but Jack seemed to be having the most difficulty. Kate was worried about him…very worried.

"You can't save everyone Jack," Sarah said.

Since Sarah's accident, Jack had grown considerably close to her. She helped through the issues with his dad, and he helped her deal with her ex-boyfriends death.

"He's calling out for help,"

Sarah placed her hand on Jack's, and then leaned closer to him. "What happened when you tried to visit him in the hospital."

"He told me to get out."

Sarah nodded, "I know you want to be there for him, but there's little you can do."

"He's my father."

Sarah squeezed Jack's hand, "I know, but sometimes all you can do is pick and choose your battles, you can't win them all Jack."

"You sound like him."

Sarah looked down, "Jack, I…"

"I helped you to walk again didn't I?" Jack added with determination.

"You can't take on the weight of the world on your own, let me be there for you Jack. Whenever things go wrong, you push people away and get lost in your own world…"

Jack turned away from her.

Sarah got up, and then knelt down so she could look into Jack's eyes. "Jack, let me be there for you. You need someone to lean on, because you're destroying yourself inside. At the rate your going, you're going to end up killing yourself before your father."

"That wouldn't be such a bad thing."

Kate stared ahead blankly. She wasn't sure what to think. After the explosion she was sure it was over, but somehow they were still alive. A tear slid down her cheek, they should be dead…but they were still alive.

She glanced at Jack, and then looked away. Why was Jack being so hard on himself, he saved their lives, how could she make him understand that.

Kate's head was still throbbing. She winced as they passed some bright lights.

"Jack…" She said.

Jack slowly turned to her. He remained quiet at first and then opened his mouth. "Yeah,"

"If you didn't kill him, then he would've killed us," Kate explained.

Jack turned away, "Is that supposed to make me feel better, is being a murder supposed to make me feel better?"

"No…"

"I took a man's life, no matter what the circumstance was, I'm going to have to live with that for the rest of my life."

Kate sensed that there was more to the story, there had to be.

Jack closed his eyes, "I killed that man. I could've helped him, but I left him there to struggle…and to die."

Sawyer tapped Kate, she looked at him.

He mouthed, "Give it up,"

Jack balled his fists and then slammed them against the dashboard.

Kate jumped.

Sawyer glanced over at Jack and then focused back on the road.

"Now I'm one of you." Jack spat.

Kate looked at him shocked, "What?"

"An outlaw…a murder," Jack said spitefully.

Kate wanted to believe that Jack didn't know what he was saying, but how he was looking back at her and Sawyer in disgust, tore her apart inside.

"He doesn't know what he's. say…" Sawyer started.

"The hell I don't…"

"So then you would've just let Sawyer and I die?" Kate asked

"No."

"Well someone had to die…Jack I don't mean to sound harsh but look at where were at, and everything that has happened."

"You killed a man right Kate,"

Kate's mouth dropped open, "Jack, how could…"

"Answer me,"

Kate slightly raised her chin.

"Answer me,"

"Yes,"

Jack shook his head, "Well I haven't until now, and…" He trailed off, and then turned away from them. "I need some time to think…just leave me alone, let me think, let me deal with this decision I made."

Kate wiped at the tears on her face. Maybe Jack wasn't as perfect as she thought he was. And it was a shame, because she had fallen in love with him…but now it seemed as if he didn't want anything to do with her or Sawyer.

Kate found herself staring into the mirror. After her step father had told Tom that she could never see him again, he had hit her. Kate balled her fists, as she stared back at her reflection angrily. She had promised to herself that she would never be as weak as her mother, but here she was taking his shit.

Kate's lip trembled. She wanted to kill him, and save herself from this abuse. Compared to the beatings her mom and her sister got, Kate came out lucky…but she was tired of having to clean her mom and sisters' cuts, and wipe away their tears. There had to be more to life than this.

A pebble was thrown at her window.

Kate sighed in relief. It was Tom. Without even going to the window she ran downstairs, threw the door open, and then ran into his arms.

Tom hugged her, and then kissed her on the cheek. "Katie,"

Instead of sounding happy, he sounded sad.

Kate stared back at him in concern.

"Katie, your eye!" Tom placed his hand to Kate's face so he could examine her bruise.

Kate reached for his hands, "Tom, what's wrong?"

"What do you mean…you're eye."

"I'll be fine, I haven't seen you in three weeks, and now that you're here it seems as if you don't want to be."

"That's not the case," Tom said stealing another painful glance at Kate's eye.

"Then what is it?"

"Katie…I'm leaving."

"What?"

Tom clenched his jaw, "My parents are moving to New York, and I have to go with them."

Kate was stunned. She stared back at Tom in disappointment and disbelief, "You're leaving me."

Tom swallowed down a lump in his throat. "I'll never leave you, I will always come back and…"

"It'll be too late by then Tom, because I'll already be gone."

They continued to drive in silence.

Sawyer turned up the radio louder, and a mello tune from Coldplay filtered throughout the truck, only making Jack and Kate feel more distant than ever.

(Thanks 4 the reviews! It was definitely an intense chapter, and there is more intense chapters to come in the future. I think after an explosion and nearly getting killed they are going to NEED some downtime, especially Jack! You'll he is definitely headed for a breakdown…he's not going to go crazy, but Jack doesn't handle the pressure well. I'm not planning on finishing this story soon…crosses fingers…so in North Carolina, I have plans for Sawyer running into a high-school ex…since they are penniless, and have no money. But do you guys think I should include some characters from off the show…not to stay with Jack, Kate, and Sawyer…because they will always be a "threesome", but just to stay with, and form minor relationships…but if original characters were to come in, they might risk getting killed…so let me know, because I'm still not sure what I want to do with that.

Orlando-crazy- Thanks a lot, I am so glad you like this story, it can be kind of crazy sometimes, but I really like writing it…and knowing that someone likes it…is definitely a good feeling.

October Sky- Sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry! Lol, but that was definitely an intense chapter. Big Angst is coming up for Jack…well I'm not sure hoe big yet, but angst is in his future. P.S. I don't think you need help with fight scenes! You're good already, I remember that fight with Jack and Sawyer in "Falling Up"…shall I say anymore.

Laurenasbufra- I love Kate to much to kill her! But someone might die in the end…because even though they have periods of safety…they are always facing danger.

Rain1657- Your comments are so funny. Don't worry Kate is fine for now…besides if I killed her off, then it would just be Jack and Sawyer…the story would end there because they would go there separate ways…because Kate is keeping them together.

Also thanks to NYR88, Angel, Sunny102, bwcheer, and Kballgetlost!