CHAPTER 9 – Reminiscing

As Clark and Lana sat on the loft of the farm, Clark started telling Lana the various situations he was involved with during those years. Lana sat and heard in amazement all the things Clark told her, and suddenly many things started making sense to Lana. First and foremost of course was Clark's behavior and all of those times he seemed to be late, or missed a particular thing they planned to do.

Clark also told her about Green Kryptonite and how it is his only weakness, as well as red Kryptonite and what it does to him. He then went on to tell her what happened two years ago, when he left her and went to Metropolis. For Lana this was a very significant moment, as that was the time she doubted whether she knew Clark at all or the way he felt about her. The mystery of Clark Kent had finally been solved, all those things that she didn't know or couldn't explain, were finally laid out before her.

For his part Clark, through his recounting of the events of past years, found his adoration and admiration of Lana growing. Listing all these events that were for so long unanswered to her, he realized full force how it must have been for Lana, to be so in the dark about him. And yet for all these years she never gave up on him, or shunned him, and always seemed to stand by him and trust him … well for the most part anyway. Clark felt he loved this woman even more, if that was possible.

There were many times of course during his recounting, that Clark couldn't resist stopping and taking a little time off to make out with the woman he loved. It was something so simple, yet it meant the world to Clark. For as long as he could remember, that is all he ever wanted. To be with the girl he loved, openly, intimately, no secrets, no lies. Just two teenagers in love and enjoying this love for one another. It might sound shallow or too little to many, that a guy with Clark's power only wanted this, but it was the truth, which made making the decision about his destiny all the more difficult.

In his head, Clark hadn't yet decided whether he would take Jor-El's advice and go to that arctic place, when his father told him the time was appropriate. And all this contact with Lana made the decision seem more and more distant. Which is why Clark hadn't said anything about it to Lana and didn't plan on telling her. Not now anyway. He had to be sure himself before he told her anything about it.

During their talk the caves were brought up, and soon they reached the matter of the stones.

"I feel so responsible for all of this Lana. For the destruction of Smallville, for that thing attacking you… If I had heeded my father earlier, or even delved a little deeper when you told me about the tattoo, all this might have been avoided." Said Clark feeling the guilt once more.

"Clark… I haven't yet told you about it, but I started having suspicions that the meteor shower might actually be my fault." Said Lana looking very troubled.

Clark by now knew enough about what happened to Lana to realize how she could think that, so he immediately tried to make her forget about all this. "Lana look at me." He said, and Lana lift her head and looked him in the eyes. Clark reached with his hand and touched her cheek as he spoke softly to her. "I know about all this, a little more than you do, so please believe me when I say you have done nothing wrong and have nothing to do with everything that happened."

Lana smiled to Clark weakly. "I believe you Clark, but the fact of the matter is that I did something wrong. I… I… killed Jason's mom. And I did that using the stone."

Clark was surprised to hear this. He definitely didn't expect to hear something like this. "When did that happen? Did she attack you?"

"It happened the morning before the meteor shower hit. She was in my apartment and threatened me with a gun to get the stone I had. We fought and she was trying to choke me, and… I don't remember what happened next. The next thin I know is that I stood above her body, with my hands covered in blood, the stone was stabbed in her chest and my tattoo was gone. That is when Lex found me."

Clark was rendered speechless after Lana's recounting. He tried to think of what that all could mean. "So maybe that witch that had possessed your body, did it again and killed her."

"That's what I thought, but even so it was me that did it." Said Lana with tears in her eyes.

Clark immediately wrapped her in a warm and loving embrace as he tried to soothe her. "Listen to me Lana. You are not responsible for what happened. You had no part to play in her murder, and you had nothing to do with the meteor shower. That type of thinking is just wrong."

As they broke off the hug, Lana wiped the tears from her face and nodded at Clark.

"So that's what Lex was helping you with, and that's why you were so shocked when you came to me in the barn later that day." Said Clark as he realized what took place that day.

Lana nodded. "And that's why I gave you the stone. I don't know how but I was starting to believe, that you had more to do with all of this than I was aware of and I trust you."

Clark smiled. "And just so you know, you helped a lot by giving me the stone. Things might have turned up much worse if you hadn't given me the stone that day. Thanks for trusting me even though you didn't know about my secrets" Said Clark with a smile as he kissed Lana softly on the lips.

At the early hours of the morning Lana thought it best to go back to her apartment, as she didn't want to be walked in by Mr or Mrs Kent and upset them. They made plans to meet the next day, and after Lana left, Clark remained alone with his thoughts, again unable to fully enjoy the time he spent with Lana, due to the heavy burden the decision he had to make was putting on him.

Clark decided that he needed to talk to his parents about this. But first it was already morning time, and he should at least get a few hours sleep, he thought.

--------------------------------

A phone-call woke Lana the next morning. It was Chloe telling her that she was coming over to Smallville and proposed they get together for a coffee. Of course Chloe hoped she could also meet with Clark and talk to him, as he seemed to avoid her ever since she almost admitted that she knew a part of his secret.

--------------------------------

Meanwhile Jonathan went over to the loft and woke up Clark who had fallen asleep on the couch there.

"Rise and shine sleeping beauty. It's almost 10 o clock." Said his father as he nudged him on his arm to wake him.

Clark moaned in protest. "Dad… it's still to early..." he said as he tried to turn to his other side.

"Clark we have a lot of work to do! Get up or you won't be allowed to go anywhere this afternoon until you finish helping me." Said Jonathan in a mock threatening tone.

"Dad come on…" said Clark sleepily, in protest as he sat up on the couch. "Ok… Can I at least have some coffee before I start?"

"Sure thing… Meet me outside when you're ready."

After a decent breakfast and some coffee, Clark went outside to help his dad, but in his mind he was mostly thinking of his father helping him.

After they took a break from mending the farm's fence, Clark took the opportunity to talk to his father. "Dad, I don't know what to do…"

Jonathan turned and looked at his son. "With what Clark?"

Clark sighed in frustration. "With everything dad. First I want to tell you something, but promise me you won't get mad." Said Clark sheepishly.

"Clark how can I promise that?"

"You know what I mean. Be calm about it."

Jonathan started feeling more and more worried. "Clark, what did you do?"

"I told Lana…" said Clark and closed his eyes expecting the onslaught from Jonathan that never came.

"Oh… Uh… and how did she take it?" asked Jonathan curiously.

Clark was speechless. He expected his father to be livid after he told Lana. "Uh… pretty well actually… Dad how come you're taking this so well?"

"Because I trust that you reached this decision after careful thought. And besides… it's what you always wanted Clark. A part of me hates myself for having any part in stopping you from telling her before, so… I guess I'm glad for you son." Said Jonathan with a smile.

Clark raised an eyebrow and smiled. "Wow… uh… I guess… thanks dad. But the problem now is even bigger. Remember when I told you that Jor- El told me that I would have to leave for a while?"

Jonathan nodded.

"Well even though I had almost decided to do as he said, now I'm not so sure I can do it." Said Clark and it looked to Jonathan like his son was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"I assume Lana has something to do with this right?" asked Jonathan.

"Well… yes. She and I are kind of together, and I don't want to lose that now. I mean besides I was planning on going to college this year and…"

"Listen son, as I told you before, the choices you have to make are nothing like anyone has had to make before. I don't know what it is like being you and I would be lying if I told you what I think I would have done in your place. However I know you. I know that up to know you have never disappointed me, and that I'm sure you will make up your mind at some point. Whether that choice will be the right one, is … not something I or anyone else could have told you. Only you can know that. Whatever choice you make there will be consequences. The measure of a man, in my book, is how he deals with those consequences. If you think you made a mistake somewhere don't waste your time with pointless self pity. Do something to make it better. And if you can't then own up to it and learn from it so that you don't repeat it in the future. Your choices may be far more complex than any of us ever had to make, but still the same principles apply."

Clark looked at his father troubled but with unmistakable admiration about him. He then smiled weakly at him. "Thanks dad…"

"Well… I only hope I helped a bit…"

"You did help a bit." Said Clark with confidence.

To be Continued…