CHAPTER 11 – CLOUDS

Chloe went over to the Kent's farm to talk with Clark. Even though Clark had arranged to meet with Lana, he called her to move the date to later that afternoon. Besides he wasn't too keen to telling her what he decided to do. A talk with Chloe seemed much better right now, even if it meant dealing with his secret.

He was sitting on the loft thinking, when he was startled by Chloe coming.

"Hey Clark…"

"Hey…" said Clark and it became immediately obvious to Chloe that this wasn't going to be fun. Not that she expected otherwise.

"So… How are you doing?" asked Chloe opting on the easing in the conversation.

"Fine… I've been helping my dad a lot around the farm… you know how it is…"

Chloe was surprised with how depressed Clark seemed. She would have imagined that getting back together with Lana would make him smile from ear to ear. But then she thought that this was Clark Kent. Nothing was ever as it seemed with him.

"Oh…" said Chloe before quickly adding with a smile: "… and how is it going with Lana?"

At the mention of Lana's name, Clark's face took an even more depressed look, if that was even possible.

"Clark… What's going on? After talking to Lana I would have imagined things to be very good between you two."

Is she doing this on purpose? Thought Clark as with every word Chloe made him feel even more lousy and guilty.

"Look Chloe… it's complicated…"

"Isn't it always with you?" Chloe quickly interjected.

"Ok. That's enough. This officially brings us to the reason why you're here." Said Clark a little irritated. "Just come out and say it Chloe! Stop hitting me with all this stupid innuendo all the time! If you know something just out with it already!"

Chloe took on a very hurt look. "I was willing to wait for you to share whatever it is you're hiding with me! I thought that if I was patient and didn't pressure you that one day you would feel that I was worthy of your trust! But apparently I was wrong! I forgot I'm not Lana!" said Chloe before turning around and quickly going down the steps.

Clark who immediately felt really bad that he lost his temper and burst out at Chloe, went after her and stopped her by grabbing her hand. "Chloe wait. I'm sorry."

Chloe who was crying turned around very angry. "Yeah well I've heard that a lot of times Clark. And no matter what I've done in the past, that still doesn't give you the right to talk to me like that!" she said as she pulled away from Clark and kept on walking away from him.

"You're right Chloe. You're right!" said Clark, to which Chloe responded by slowing her pace until she came to a complete stop. "It's just that you caught me in one of the worst phases I have been since… I can't even think straight anymore…" said Clark dejected.

Chloe slowly turned around and looked at him quizzically. "I don't get you Clark… How is it that Lana seems to be the happiest I've seen her in a looong time and at the same time you look like it's the end of the world?"

Clark chuckled lightly. "That's why I exploded before. What you just said is not exactly helping me right now…"

"Well how am I supposed to know that when I don't know what's going on with you. I mean Lana told me all about what happened between you two. That's what friends do. How can I help you if I don't know what's wrong."

"You can't always help others Chloe…" said Clark dejected.

"Well… look who's talking…" said Chloe, before quickly adding "… and just so I make myself more clear this time, I know you've been constantly helping people and I realized that you have saved me many countless times."

Clark did not react to what Chloe said. He just kept watching down at his feet.

"Ok Clark I'll make this easier for you. I know that you have certain abilities. I know you run faster than my eyes can see you. I know you're extremely strong, and I'm sure you have a ton of other abilities that I still don't know about. I also know what that green meteor rock does to you, although the reason why, remains still a mystery. That's the extent to what I know about you. So go on make up whatever story you want and then tell me about it. I'll even give you time. I'm going to Metropolis, so whenever you think you've come up with the perfect story, come and tell me."

With that Chloe turned around got in her car and sped away from the Kent farm. Clark said nothing to stop her. He was now feeling even worse about himself. It seemed to him that guilt and self pity were outfits that suit him perfectly, after wearing them so much.

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As Clark was preparing to go meet Lana at her apartment, he was thinking whether he should tell her what he decided now, or wait until he knew when he was going to leave. For all he knew it could be next year, although that was more of a wishful thinking. It was a fact though that he didn't yet know when Jor-El's soon would be. So should he tell her straight away, even though that may not happen for a while?

He quickly realized that even if he wanted he wouldn't be able to keep this from Lana, as she would very quickly figure out something was not right. So there was not much to think about after al. He had to tell her and hope that she takes it ok.

But then another thought came to his mind. Had he been wrong the previous days to admit that he loved her and tell her his secret, if he was to leave her again? Wouldn't it have been better to keep quiet. It would certainly be easier for her. Why do I always seem to be making the wrong choices? The biggest mistake of course was all this wasted time being apart from Lana. When I think about on how all these years would have been if I hadn't been so stupid, I want to beat me with a stupid stick. But as dad said, what's done is done. No point in wallowing in self pity. I should learn from that mistake. Bur what is the lesson I'm supposed to learn from this?

Clark knocked at the door of Lana's apartment in the Talon. He felt really awful, but he had already decided on what he would do and he had to be strong. If anyone was capable of making him change his mind, that was definitely Lana.

She opened the door and once again Clark was rendered speechless. To say she was beautiful wouldn't do her justice, thought Clark. At once his mind was filled with visions of him and Lana spending their college years together and he was embarrassed to admit it, but he pictured her in white, walking down the aisle towards him, to be with him forever.

His mind was playing a very cruel game on him.

"Clark…?" said Lana as she watched him standing there staring at her and not saying anything.

It was then that Clark snapped out of it. He gave an embarrassed smile and leaned in to kiss Lana tenderly on the lips.

"Sorry Lana but… you have that effect on me."

Lana chuckled lightly but she could see that something was not right. She decided however, much like she has done in recent times, not to push him and let him open up to her.

As Clark walked in the apartment he saw that she had taken great care in preparing her apartment for tonight. There were some candles lit at various spots in the apartment and it also smelled wonderful. She had cooked.

Lana looked sheepishly at Clark. "I hope all this is fine… I went a little over the top for this. I was just very excited. I mean… we've never been in a proper date date kind of thing."

Clark smiled weakly. "It's fine Lana. Everything is very beautiful, but I don't need all this if you are in the room."

Lana smiled and approached Clark with longing in her face. He leaned down wrapped his arms around her waist, as she put her hands around his neck, and the two kissed really passionately. As their tongues played games of desire and explored each other, they found themselves forgetting all about eating and slowly found their way to the couch.

Again it was Clark that first snapped out of it and broke off the kiss. As he stood up, he started pacing the apartment like a trapped animal. Lana became very worried when she saw him acting like this.

"Clark… what's wrong?" she said, her voice full of concern.

"I… I don't believe I'm going to do this…" muttered Clark under his breath, as he felt his stomach twist into several tiny knots. He had never felt so physically sick, since he was never ill, but this was as close as he would ever get.

"Clark, please talk to me… what's going on?" said Lana as she stood up and placed her hands on Clark's arms.

Clark felt his eyes well up. How can I do this? I don't want to do this. It's not fair! And I can't do that to her. It's like fate doesn't want us to be together, always something happens to pull us apart.

"Lana…" whispered Clark as he turned to face her.

It was then that Lana saw that he was crying. Her heart ached more than she thought it could, for him and for what she dreaded was about to follow.

"I will have to leave Smallville soon." Clark could not believe that he uttered those words and almost immediately he wished he could take them back. But it wouldn't change the fact that he was indeed going to leave.

Lana froze when she heard him. "L… leave? What do you mean?"

"Do you remember when I told you about the place I got to when the meteor shower was happening? It is there I will have to go. My father told me that I would have to go and stay there for a certain period of time. I don't know when, and I don't know for how long." Said Clark really emotionally.

Lana was speechless. She couldn't think straight. Her heart was filled with sadness, anger, desperation, regret. How could he do that to her again?

"Why do you have to do what he says? You remember what happened two years ago when you did what he told you." Said Lana trying desperately to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall from her misty eyes.

"Because I remember all too well what happened the last time I didn't do what he told me. A meteor shower happened. You almost died. All this destruction… I couldn't live with myself if I allowed something like this to happen again Lana. Not if I had the power to stop it. That's why I have to go."

Lana hated to admit it, but he was right. She couldn't ask of him to abandon such a great part of who he was. Lana sat down at the couch as now tears freely flowed from her eyes.

Clark sat down next to her and wrapped his arms around her, as sobs starting coming from Lana. "Lana… we don't know when this will be. It might be several months from now, and even if it is sooner than that, I will be back. I promise!"

"If you knew about this…" said Lana with her face still buried in his chest, "why did you tell me your secret now and say that you loved me?"

Clark swallowed hard. That was the question he had been asking himself all day. Now it seemed to him that he may have made a very big mistake. "I… I just couldn't leave like this. Not again Lana. I wanted you to know all about me, to understand why I did what I did."

Lana slowly lift her head to look at Clark. She had stopped sobbing, but tears were still flowing from her eyes, and it broke Clark to see her like this. "To make yourself feel better, free of guilt and at the same time mess with my head again…?" said Lana, with sadness in her voice.

Upon hearing those words, a part of Clark died. He just looked at Lana unable to say, think or do anything. His eyes were wide with desperation, trying to find somewhere to hold on to. At that time there was no one in the world that Clark Kent hated more than himself.

"Please leave Clark… Please Leave…" said Lana through sobs, as she started crying again.

Clark was literally frozen like a statue. He just looked at Lana lost, not knowing what to do. He wanted to take her in his arms and comfort her, but that would also comfort him. He did not deserve to be comforted, he thought.

He stood up and made his way to the door. As he opened it he turned around and looked at Lana one last time. "I love you. Always will…" he said as he left the apartment and closed the door behind him, leaving once more Lana all alone.

To be continued…