CHAPTER 12 – Home

That night Clark couldn't sleep. The vision of Lana devastated and crying, still haunted him. He didn't want to believe that he was responsible for bringing her to that point.

How could I do something like this to the woman I love? Maybe I was wrong all along. Maybe I don't really love her. I mean if I did love her, would I do that to her? Would I put all this destiny stuff above her? No sane man would do that to such a wonderful person. What's wrong with me? How is it that I always manage to hurt the ones I love? … Who am I kidding? I love her. I love her more than anything, yet all I bring her is pain and sadness. Maybe that's it… Maybe it's really for the best. I mean she doesn't need someone like me messing with her life. She deserves better than this. She deserves all the happiness, something that apparently I can't give her.

Am I cursed or something? Am I supposed to become some sort of martyr? To sacrifice my life for the good of the world? Maybe it doesn't have to be like this… Maybe there is some sort of middle ground… I just can't seem to be able to see it.. Maybe mom was right. I'll never be able to fully realize who I am and what I want, until I have lived some semblance of life. … Lana …

All these years I have been patient, but deep within I was almost certain that at some point we would be together, like it was destiny… God I've come to hate that word… So foolish… To waste so much time… And now… I've managed to hurt her so much that she can't even see me.

Even though the loft's couch was not as comfortable as his bed, Clark always seemed to favor it whenever he felt troubled. For some strange reason it gave him a sense of comfort. He felt closer to the open sky there.

Slowly the emotional weariness started to overcome him. His eyes grew heavy and he fell asleep.

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Clark's eyes suddenly fluttered open as he felt someone caressing his cheek. It was still the middle of the night as everything was dark around him, but he saw before him a face that could light any darkness.

Lana was sitting in the couch near him, with a few tears in her eyes, but she was smiling weakly to him. As he was trying to realize whether he was dreaming or not, Lana leaned in and kissed him. This felt very much real to Clark and even though a million questions were running through his head, he returned the kiss. It was a kiss filled with love, passion, desire but also sadness and desperation. In between kisses he heard Lana say: "I'm sorry Clark… I'm sorry…"

Clark broke the kiss, but didn't back away. He looked at her deep in the eyes and hugged her tightly. "Why are you sorry? I'm the one who should be sorry… Lana you don't need this… You deserve so much more than I can give you." Said Clark with a choked voice.

Lana broke off the hug and looked at Clark sternly. "No. No more of this. We have done this many times in the past and I'm sick of it. We have wasted too much time apart Clark. We can't waste what precious few we have left. If you really love me don't turn away now. Please…" she said with tears in her eyes.

Clark could not believe how amazing this woman really was. He thought his heart would burst from the love he felt for her. He immediately responded by kissing her with passion and tenderness. She was right. He loved her and he would make the best of what time they had together. As the kiss grew in heat Lana softly put her weight on him and he fell back to the couch with Lana on top of him. Lana looked at him lovingly and started to unbutton his shirt with shy but sure moves.

Clark looked at her longingly but unsure. "Lana what…"

Lana silenced him by placing her index finger on his lips. "I know I love you, and even if you're going to leave, I know I want you to be my first. I always hoped you'd be the one, and I don't want it any other way." Said Lana as she leaned in and kissed him passionately once more.

Lana finished unbuttoning his shirt, helped him take it off and then threw it to the floor, as she went in for another one of those passionate kisses. Clark had butterflies in his stomach. With each passing minute, even though his desire reached new levels of intensity, so did his nervousness as he was perfectly aware of where this was going. Suddenly the many questions that had troubled him all these years (since he became sexually active…) came rushing to his mind.

Maybe I should stop this… I mean… I might hurt her… I don't know wha…. Aaawwwww…. Clark lost his trail of thought as he felt Lana's hand caressing his abdomen gently and sexily. No one had ever touched him there and Clark was unprepared for the intensity of the feeling. In response he put more intensity in the kiss.

His hands then moved to the tiny part of exposed skin between Lana's top and pants. He fiddled with the edges of her top for a bit, not sure if he should take it off or not. Lana lowered her hands and guided his own, to take off her top. At that moment Clark broke off the kiss and looked at Lana. Lana realizing his need, sat up on his lap and let him have a long hard look at her.

Clark swallowed hard as he took in her appearance. Her black laced bra embraced her breasts perfectly and left just enough skin exposed to make someone beg for more. Clark's hands wanted nothing more than to slide up and cup them, but he found himself again hesitant in taking the initiative.

Lana bit her lip in embarrassment as she sat on his lap for the first time so exposed. She wasn't sure what effect this had on Clark, but soon found out as she saw him swallowing hard and she felt his trembling hands sliding up her body. When she felt him hesitate she put her hands on his and guided them up to her breasts.

Upon contact Clark became so aroused that he was afraid, this foreplay session would end abruptly and … prematurely. He managed to control himself though, something that was surprisingly hard for Clark to do. All these emotions and sensations were a new world for Clark and he now regretted leaving them undiscovered for so long.

Lana felt her body tingle from his tender touch, but she wanted to feel his hands on her skin, so she reached behind her back and with a quick move removed her bra.

Clark gasped a little, as he didn't expect this. His hands then tentatively rested on her breasts and started to massage them tenderly. Lana loved the sensation. She loved the tenderness with which he treated her and started aching for more.

Clark slowly lift his head and kissed her with so much desire that he thought he'd run out of breath. He then moved down to her neck and savored the taste of her skin. Lana moaned as he made his way lower and tasted her breasts teasing her nipples with his tongue.

He loved the way her skin tasted and he was pleased to notice that she seemed to really enjoy the attention he was showing her. Lana then took the initiative again. She pushed Clark back down with her weight and started kissing all the way from his mouth, to his neck, to his chest and finally to his stomach. She paused for a while there and looked up at him longingly. She started then to unbutton his jean, slowly without ever breaking eye contact.

As she was doing that, the slight contact he felt, made Clark almost lose control once more. When she pulled his jeans off of him, Clark wasn't sure what to do. Then, thinking that this was maybe too much for a first time, he decided to take the initiative himself.

As she was about to start taking off his boxers, Clark pulled her up and started kissing her, pressing her tightly to his chest in the process. The feel of their naked bodies in contact with each other, filled them with excitement and even more desire for one another. Then Clark shifted his weight and put Lana underneath him. He started kissing her breasts, then her stomach and finally took off her pants. He looked at her, as if waiting for permission and when he saw Lana looking at him with intense desire and almost out of breath, he started taking off her black laced panties slowly. Clark moved downwards and started kissing his way up her leg, hoping that what he was doing pleased her. He wanted to be able to satisfy her completely, but since he had no frame of reference, he had to rely on instinct.

As he moved in to taste her wetness, he sensed Lana's whole body tense. However she didn't let him linger there for long. Gently pulling his head upwards, she went in for a kiss that showed him how much she wanted this; How much she wanted him. And even though she wasn't sure what to expect, she knew she wanted to feel it with Clark.

As Clark was kissing her he started feeling disoriented from the passion and intensity of the kiss. He broke it off and with eyes still closed, he tried to calm his breath.

Lana seeing this got worried. "Clark what's wrong?" she said as she placed her hand on his cheek.

Clark chuckled and still breathing heavily said: "I don't know… I've never felt like this before Lana… I love you so much."

Lana looked at him lovingly and smiled. "Clark… I'm ready… I want to feel you…" she said finally with longing in her voice.

Clark took of his boxers, and lay on top of her making sure not to crush her with his weight. Then as he looked into her eyes once more entered her as gently as he could, out of fear of hurting her.

The sudden gasp and moan that came from Lana, which were followed by her hands grabbing on to him tightly, startled him. "Lana are you ok?" he said with concern in his voice, and trying to remain perfectly still, not wanting to do any more damage to her.

Lana bit her lip for a while. It hurt a bit, that was for sure; however it left her body with a wonderful sensation. As she didn't respond, Clark got really worried. "Lana…"

She responded by kissing the side of his neck, using her tongue and teeth to spur him on. Then she whispered to his ear: "I'm fine Clark… Don't stop."

Clark, who felt a huge load lift off him, got really excited again by Lana's kisses, so he picked up where he left off. He started gently at first, but as he saw her reaction getting more and more intense with each thrust, so did his effort.

While Clark was thrusting back and forth, he kept eye contact with Lana as much as he could, and kissed her while whispering: "I love you… I love you so much…"

As their two naked bodies moved as one, both of them felt complete and that was confirmed when they both reached ecstasy together. The sensation they experienced can not be described by words. The fact that this was both their first time, and that they loved each other, made this whole experience all the more satisfying.

Clark exhausted, relaxed and laid his head on Lana's chest. They were both sweaty and breathing heavily, but they were at peace. For these few precious moments nothing else mattered. Only each other and the love that filled them both. No more words were needed. They were home. At least where they felt home was. In each other's arms.

The troubles of their future would have to wait. There was no room for them in this moment of absolute joy and completeness that the two lovers shared.

To be continued…