"Lost" belongs to J.J. Abrams and ABC, as well as Kate, Jack and Sawyer. I also do not own the song "Break Me" which is owned by Jewel
Chapter 37- Jack and Chocolates for Kate
Kate stumbled back into Taylor's house after Sawyer. She had since changed from the blood stained dress that used to be Taylor's until Sawyer burned it. Kate placed her hand to her heart at the thought of burying the cop in the woods, not to far from where they had sunk the truck in the river. It had been Sawyer's idea to burn the body, like they had done to Hailey's back in May…but Kate had thought that idea was inhumane, so they resorted to burying.
"All the cops gotta do it send out them damn search dogs and then they'll find the body, I'm going back…"
Kate looked down, "I won't let you burn him…Sawyer that's sick. The fact that we buried him on our own is sick…what about his family and…"
"So you got a conscious now?" He growled.
Kate sunk down in the seat. She was now wearing a pair of men's carpenter jeans and a white tank top. Sawyer had ducked into a thrift shop shirtless, because his shirt had been soaked with the cops blood, and jeans. He then proceeded to quickly buy whatever outfits he could for them to change into.
"I'm goin back,"
Kate closed her eyes. She had cried so much earlier, that she wasn't sure if she was capable of feeling anything else, except for emptiness. "I don't want to have anything else to do with it." Kate leaned forward and then placed her hand against her cheek. Tears stung her eyes, Maybe she was a monster, how could she go along with burying that poor man? Her legs shivered violently at the thought of the cops' eyes on hers as he went into seizures. Kate knew she wouldn't be able to shake the image and that she would have nightmares.
"I'm gone,"
"Sawyer," Kate croaked weakly.
Sawyer looked down and then slowly turned around to face her. "What do ya want?"
"Don't you care?"
Sawyer looked around the dark house blankly. "Care…Care about what?"
Kate's eyebrows furrowed low over her eyes, "Forget it."
"I care, but in the end, all I can care about is myself." With that Sawyer closed the door behind him.
Kate brought her legs onto the couch, and then glanced into the burning fire. The embers licked at the stacks of wood. She sniffled, and then wiped away the tears. If only she could confide in Jack, tell him all her worries and let him chase them away.
But she couldn't do that. Jack deserved better than her. Kate bit the inside of her cheek as she felt a cold breeze blow from under the door. She didn't even deserve covers, how dare she make herself comfortable after what she did. Kate tried closing her eyes, but then she saw his face again.
"I'm all she has left," He had chocked out.
Kate wrapped her arms around her body and then tried to close her eyes, Tried to shake away the painful images.
Finally the cop dying in her arms vanished from her mind. She sighed, and then tried to convince herself that this was all a dream. Her eyes slowly opened again, and she thought about going into the room with Jack, crawling under the covers, and just crying to him. But then again, she hated crying, and showing how weak she really could be, especially to Jack. There was too much feelings involved between them, and she was scared of that. Somehow Jack had even seduced her into calling him "Honey". A whimper escaped her throat at the thought of dancing with Jack, and then kissing him. Even though she loved him, it was clear that they couldn't be together. They were too different, she was a rebel, and he was a doctor. What would Jack think of her if he knew what she had done prior to this, and what she had just done?
As all these troubling thoughts swirled in her head, she somehow drifted off to sleep. Small goosebumps formed on her arms and legs as an open window shuffled the 54 degree weather inside. The rain had now subsided, but it just seemed to get colder and colder…or maybe that was just her.
Jack stood up. He had fallen asleep while sitting up and looking out the window. Hopefully Kate, and Sawyer were back. Well at least Kate. Jack walked into the den, his eyes first connected with the subtle blaze in the fireplace and then on Kate. He sighed relieved as he watched her sleep. Jack walked over to her and then sat down Indian Style next to the chair.
"I was worried that you might not come back,"
Kate shifted in the chair, her leg moved slightly and she rested her foot against the back of Jack's neck.
Jack smiled to himself, "I thought you were sleeping in the same room with me."
His spoken words were greeted with her soft snores.
Jack turned his whole body towards her, and then placed his hand on her arm. "You need some covers,"
The fire crackled as he stood up.
"I'll be right back Kate," Jack quickly walked into the room. He returned seconds later with a cover and then draped it over Kate's body.
"Mmmm," She mumbled.
"Goodnight Kate," Jack bent down to kiss her affectionately on the forehead, and then tucked a strand of her curly chocolate locks behind her ear.
"Jack," Kate said.
His eyes widened, "You're awake,"
"I was asleep for a second or two and then I felt you kiss me,"
Jack blushed, "Sorry for breaking our rule."
Kate sat up, she scooted over so Jack could sit down next to her. Like her Jack had changed, but she was wearing clothes, and he was just wearing boxers.
"Sorry for the inappropriateness,"
Kate shook her head. Confessing to Jack was on the tip of her tongue, but she stopped at the thought of Jack turning his back on her. How much baggage could he take from her. She squeezed her eyes shut, Jack couldn't know about what happened tonight.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
Kate shrugged, "Just cold,"
"Me too,"
"Do you want some?" Kate stood up and then wrapped half of the covers around Jack, and left the other half on her. "I've noticed something about myself Jack."
Jack focused his hazel eyes on the side of her face. Orange and Yellow flickers of light bounced off her porcelain skin as she stared ahead at the fireplace. "What Kate?"
"I'm not as strong as I once believed myself to be. And I hate it."
"Let me fill you in on a secret." Jack clasped his hands in front of him, and then scooted closer to Kate. "People change, and sometimes it takes life altering experiences to make them realize that."
"Did you change?" Kate asked turning her face so she could wipe away a tear.
"I did, and I have a feeling it's only the beginning."
Kate looked down. "I could never be the perfect woman for you Jack. So I'm not going to pretend as if I am."
"Kate…"
"I'm incapable of love, I could never love you the way you deserve to be loved, and I can't kiss you the way…"
"Kate I'm not perfect, so why would I expect you to be," Jack reached for her shaking hand. "We'll take our time, but I know where my heart is…and I can say that for the first time in my life."
"I mean Jack come on…Honey, Belle? This isn't a fairytale, we weren't meant to fall in love with each other, because that's not the way my life works. When I'm happy, then something is wrong, everything has to be taken away, I'm not supposed to be happy."
"Are you testing me to see if I really love you? Because I do, why else would I leave behind a career, my life back in L.A., and a fiancé?"
"Wake up Jack, I'm not worth your time," Kate stood up forcing the covers to fall down her shoulders and onto the couch.
"I'm not going to stop Kate,"
"You're not going to stop what Jack," Kate sighed.
Jack looked down. "I've always been afraid of letting go, because I have this thing against failing, you see my dad always tried to teach me to let go before I failed, because if I didn't then I just didn't have what it takes." Jack looked down, and then back at Kate. "I tried, but I'm not good at letting go, I like to hold onto things until I have no other options. Maybe I will fail, but if I let you go then what happens."
"After I get to Mexico, or Cuba…wherever, you're free to go back to Sarah."
"I don't want to go back,"
"Jack, you're not making sense, you don't know anything about me, you don't know what I've done, and what I'm capable of."
"I don't care, I've fallen to hard to even care about that anymore. I'll stand by you no matter what, and you have to believe me on that."
"I want you to be safe, and running off with me, that's not the life you want to live."
"I've killed a man, I left my father to die in Australia, and I have fallen in love with another woman, I don't think there's anything left to go back to."
"You aren't positive that your father is dead."
Jack looked down. "He was in bad condition before he left the states."
"Then go after him,"
"And wonder if you're alive or dead, I would never get any sleep. We're stuck together Kate, unless you don't want me, and then only after countless rejections will I …"
"Let me go," Kate finished.
Jack closed his mouth and didn't say anything else. "It's okay to lean on someone every now and then, after all you've been there for me."
"I have, but Jack…"
"If we can't be in a relationship then at least let me be your…" Jack placed his hand under Kate's chin, and then tilted her face up towards him. "Let me take some of the world off of your shoulder, trust in me, because I trust you."
Kate wiped away a tear, "You're laying it on thick."
"I'm shocking even myself, usually I'm a man of few words, but not with you. Maybe because I have too much stock in you, I care too much, which isn't a bad thing."
"If you die then it will be all my fault, and Jack…you can't die, you can't…"
Jack pulled Kate into his arms, she gripped onto his skin and then slowly let go. "I'm not going to die."
"I have to work on more self-control with you." Kate said more to the floor.
Jack forced himself to keep his thoughts on Kate to himself. She didn't need to know how she stirred feelings inside of him. At her touch, his skin grew warm, and when he looked into her eyes, he saw that she genuinely did care about him, no matter how much she tried to play that down. Jack loved Kate more than life itself, and the mere thought of finding a woman so perfect made him want to give everything away, and marry her. He did want to have kids one day, but if Kate didn't want kids then he would understand. God, she had him thinking about kids again.
"It's so easy to get wrapped up, until something happens to bring you back down to reality." Kate glanced towards the fire. "It's burning out."
"Are you going to sleep tonight?"
"I'm going to try, but I don't know if I'll succeed."
"Where's Sawyer?" Jack asked.
Kate felt a pain in her heart at the thought of Sawyer digging up the cop and disposing of him in some inhumane way.
Jack's hands tickled her arms, "Is he out getting drunk, or picking up prostitutes? It's okay you can tell me…after all that is expected behavior from Sawyer."
"I don't know where he is," Kate walked towards the bedroom, and then turned around to face Jack who was staring after her. "I don't want to sleep alone."
Jack's heart skipped a beat as Kate looked after him. He slowly walked towards her, reminding himself that she still needed her space. Kate's walls were either up or down, and right now they were up, so he wasn't going to push it.
Kate shivered as she walked into the dark room. For some odd reason she expected bullets to ricochet through the glass, and hit Jack…she didn't care about herself, if she got shot, then there would be one less villain in the world, but as for Jack, a hero was always in need.
"I'll go get the covers," Jack offered.
Kate nodded solemnly, she glanced outside to see if Sawyer had already came back. But as she suspected the truck was still gone. Kate bit her lip, she had a feeling Sawyer was taking the death harder than he let on. She glanced up just in time to see Jack walk into the room, if she wasn't so distraught then she wouldn't have been able to keep her eyes off of him, or his body.
Jack lowered himself onto the bed, his hand slid along the pant leg of Kate's jeans as he got situated. "I'm sorry,"
"It's okay," She mumbled quickly.
Jack flung the covers outwards over him and Kate. The comforter covered Kate's face, when she made no attempts to pull it back, Jack did so. He then made sure her arms were covered, "Goodnight Kate,"
"Night," Kate whispered. Once again her mind was heavy with worry. She was worried about Sawyer, her mom, who she feared was dead already, and even her love for Jack. She quickly wiped away a tear.
Jack was turned towards her, she could feel his stomach rising right behind her even though they weren't touching.
Kate glanced over her shoulder quickly. She wanted him to hold her, but she wasn't going to ask him to, after all she was trying to push him away. Kate focused on the walls, and then started to think about the innocent cop they had killed earlier. She was going to cry again. Not now, please not now. Kate begged to herself.
I will meet you
In some place
Where the light lends itself
To soft repose
I will let you undress me
But I warn you
I have thorns
Like any rose
And you could hurt me
With your bare hands
You could hurt me
With the sharp end
Of what you say
Jack slowly opened his eyes. He could hear Kate crying. Instead of asking her what was wrong he brought himself closer to her, and then brought his arm outwards. Jack's arm rested along the comforter, but he could feel the shape of Kate's body underneath it. If she didn't want to talk, he had to at least let her know that he was here for her.
But I'm lost to you now
And there's no
Amount of reason
That could save me
So break me
Take me
Just let me
Feel your arms again
Break me
I'll let you make me
Just let me
Feel your love again
Feels like being underwater
Now that I've let go
And lost control
Water kisses fill my mouth
Water fills my soul
"Jack, I'm fine," Kate said.
"I'm just keeping you warm, I know you're fine Kate," He responded back. "Besides I needed a little more space…I hope you don't mind."
Kate wiped at her tears with the back of her hand. "I don't mind."
Jack leaned forward and then whispered in her ear, "Do you want a tissue…for the allergies of course,"
Kate smiled weakly, "Yes, for the allergies."
Jack sat up, he then reached in a draw and pulled out a pair of tissues. His eyes then came across the bag of chocolates Chloe had given to him for Kate earlier. "Here's a tissue,"
Kate reached for it, but Jack fooled her by making a detour towards her cheek.
"What are you allergic too?"
"Love," Kate said looking away.
Jack smiled, "Chloe brought me some chocolates to give to you,"
"Aww, that's sweet," Kate said sniffling.
Jack reached for the bag of chocolates and then handed it to Kate. "She really looks up to you, you know that."
"She's adorable," Kate said quietly. She focused on opening the bag of chocolates and then spilled some out onto the comforter. "Take some Jack,"
"I'm okay," Jack reached for a miniature Kit Kat and then unwrapped it. "You deserve a break."
Kate smiled, "I shouldn't be smiling right now."
"But if you don't then that beautiful smile of yours will be lost, said in a friendly way of course." Jack opened his mouth, and then signaled for Kate to do the same. "Kit Kat headed straight for Kate's mouth."
"Jack, I don't feel like playing."
"Isn't that funny, I'm joking around but yet you don't want to, just one Kate…C'mon it's melting all over my hand."
Kate tilted her head to the side. She just wanted to mope and think about how horrible of a person she was, but Jack wouldn't let her. "I don't like Kit Kat's."
"Then what do you like? We have Hershey's, Dark Special Edition Hershey's, Krackel…"
"Fine, I'll have the Kit Kat." Kate cleared her mind and then gave Jack her undivided attention.
"Open up," He whispered.
So break me
Take me
Just let me
Feel your arms again
Break me
Make me
Just let me
Feel your love again
Kate slowly opened her mouth.
"This guy is a very lucky Kit Kat," Jack replied.
"Why because you're holding him?"
Jack shook his head, "No, because how many Kit Kats are lucky enough to get eaten by Kate Austin."
Jack lowered the Kit Kat into Kate's mouth, she licked a little bit of the chocolate off of his hand as well.
Jack smiled and then licked off the rest. "Lucky hands too."
Kate blushed, "Where did you get this sense of humor from?"
"It beats me, maybe from you." Jack wiped a little bit of chocolate off of Kate's cheek. He had managed to take her walls down again, but he feared in the morning they would be back up.
"Thanks Jack,"
"For what? You can thank Hershey's and Chloe for the Kit Kat."
Kate smiled back at him. "Thanks for making me smile, at least for tonight anyways."
"Making you happy, is free of charge."
Kate laid back down. "I love you," She mouthed away from him, as she closed her eyes.
Jack laid back down as well. He took in shallow breaths as he watched Kate get comfortable next to him. He grabbed the chocolates and then brought them back into the draw. Jack relaxed once again and was surprised when Kate turned around to face him.
"I need more space," She wrapped an arm around him and then brought her head against his chest.
"Yeah, more space," Jack said softly. He placed his chin down on her soft hair and then closed his eyes as he wrapped an arm protectively around her waist.
A tear streamed down Kate's face. She needed Jack tonight, only he could chase away the nightmares that were bound to come.
Jack knew Kate was crying again. He kissed her on top of her head softly, soft enough for her not to realize and then wrapped his other arm around her. She was safe like this, he wasn't going to let her go, or at least not until she told him to.
Kiss me once
Or maybe twice
Oh, it never felt so nice
So break me
Take me
Let me
Feel your arms again
Break me
Make me
Just let me
Feel your arms again
Just let me
Feel your love again
(Hey everyone, thanks for the reviews last chapter! I tried to make this chapter a little more lighter than the rest, I may go into depth about what happened to the body or maybe not, but he still has something to do with the story… Hope I hooked everyone one up with a Jate fix amongst the sadness, and craziness! Hey Oct, no it's not Michael or Walt…He's an older man…and Walt has been through enough in the show…lol. Charlielover1313- Thanks, I'll update as much as possible, but I probably won't finish this story soon. Kballgetlost- Probably both. Nikki-da-latina, Oct, and XxLauraxX, thanks so much for r&r here and on lost-forum. Deelee- That would be highly cruel of me…but u never know. Also thank yous to Clarkson04, sUmMeRiTh, Orlando-crazy, Lindsay, Rain1657, Angel, Sunny102, and Cohen101, you'll rock…I'll update most likely sometime next week. Peace.)