Honey, I Shot the Kids
Wayne cocked the shotgun and stared into the mirror, meeting his own eyes. His life had fallen apart. Once he was a happy-go-lucky, if bumbling inventor. But coke addiction, male prostitutes and involvement in gun running from Mexico had ruined everything for him. His plan was to shoot his whole family and run away to Tijuana, where he would marry a hooker and rob Mexican banks to make money. He had already learned the Spanish phrases for "Where is a cheap whore?" and "Give me the money or I'll cut off your ears and make you eat them". This, he felt, was probably enough for now. But first he had some lame B-Movie characters to kill off.
As he crept down the stairs, only one thought crossed his mind. What should he say to his wife before pumping he full of lead? The best he could think of by the time he reached her (she was washing dishes in the sink) was "Suck on this, bitch!" so that was what he said as he blasted her. Unfortunately his wife, Diane, was incredibly paranoid and wore one of those "I've fallen and I can't get up" buttons. As she fell, her finger went to the button and pressed it. "Damn." Said Wayne. In a few minutes this house will be swarming with cops. Guess I won't have time to rape the kids after all." He hustled upstairs and entered each bedroom. (I think he has three kids. I haven't watched the movie in years. Anyway, I know one is named Amy.) He blasted the first two as they slept, but when he entered Amy's room, she was gone. "I guess the bitch went to go see her pimp." Wayne thought aloud. "Guess again, you asshole!" was the reply. Amy stepped out from behind the door and whacked her dad with the baseball bat she had been holding. It took a few good swings to knock him unconscious. Then she dragged him out of the house. In the distance, sirens were wailing.
Wayne awoke to find himself tied up in a dark, dirty room. As he flickered in and out of consciousness, she saw her daughter talking to took rednecks and paying them some money. "Whore," was all he managed to stutter before she came back and hit him across the face.
Wayne heard a phone ring. He awoke again, this time in a prison cell. One of the redneck men was sitting outside the cell looking through the bars. "We'll deal with you later. Some new victims jus' walked in the front door." A few minutes later, some indistinct, muffled sounds from the other room. Then a little later, screams. He could distinctly hear voices through the wall. "I'm gonna get medieval on your ass." A deep male voice said. "Shit." Though Wayne. "I'm in Pulp Fiction." This was sure to be a copyright infringement. Somehow Wayne was less afraid of the two redneck rapists than he was of Quentin Taranteno suing him. "Oh well. At least I'm not in Sin City." Just then everything went black and white and he saw the reflection of a light on a pair of glasses in the darkness. "Oh crap".
Incase you thought the ending was weird, I'd like to remind you that the movie and subsequent TV show were the most stoned things ever made for Disney (with the exception of Poof Point, perhaps) and anything less than an insane, hallucinogenic ending would not fit the style at all.