The Boy who Wouldn't Die

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars, but I do own the plot. Stealers beware (narrows eyes)

Sorry this took so long, but I had no ideas. Actually, I still have no ideas, but whatever. This is my attempt at writing something.

Chapter Two: Blackmail to be Manipulated

Heh. What great material this is. Amazing how even a month later, I still feel proud of myself, Obi-Wan thought one morning while meditating in the Jedi Temple.

If you ever wondered what Jedi actually think about while meditating (that was hypothetical. If you've actually ever wondered that, you're a square. No offense, or anything.), they usually think about killing, or fighting, or revenge…or, in this case, blackmailing.

A month back, Obi-Wan had gotten some great footage of Anakin acting…no, not acting, being an idiot on tape.

(((((Flashback)))))

Anakin was on his way to do a little...shopping. Yes, let's call it shopping.

Anakin was on his way to buy some Smart Juice for Obi-Wan, because he was starting to act just a little fishy...

"MASTER, we have to meditate! You even said so yourself not even 5 minutes ago!" Anakin cried, dismayed.

"NO. Don't wanna." Obi-Wan pouted.

Suddenly, all the lights went down, except for a pink spotlight on Anakin, and loud music came on.

"Oh baby, baby, how was I supposed to know...That something wasn't right here... HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME!" there was a dramatic echo as Anakin/Britney Spears finished that last line.

I can't believe that didn't work! I was sure that would bring Obi-Wan back to sanity...Ohh man I can't believe I just DID that! I hope to God Padme didn't see that...

(((((End Flashback)))))

Ahh, yes. Obi-Wan remembered the moment so clearly, especially holding his breath and trying not to laugh!

Obi-Wan managed to capture the Kodak moment on tape with a hidden camera hidden in his lightsaber, which was hidden beside him on the floor. That's a lot of "hidden"s isn't it?

Anyway, what Anakin hadn't realized at the time was that he had revealed his darkest secret on tape. Those last few lines were not meant to be uttered aloud, but they were—he'd been muttering under his breath. Hidden cameras will pick up even the smallest sounds, you know, so it all came out crystal clear.

Obi-Wan was going to make sure little Ani's worst fears would be realized.

Padme was going to think Anakin was a freak, and figure out that he was really…

Britney Spears IN DISGUISE! (AN: I couldn't resist saying that)

Obi-Wan also had other footage, but as it was of Anakin destroying an "evil" building, he might get in trouble, too if the tape were shown. Questions would be asked, "Why weren't you with him?" and comments would be made, "Surely you've trained Anakin better than this!"

SO, back to the point. Today Obi-Wan would show the video of Anakin/Britney Spears to Miss. Amidala, then Anakin's life would fall apart. It was cruel, he knew. But then, Obi-Wan was a cruel person.

Obi-Wan approached the beautiful young senator gracefully—he turned a series of pirouettes and spun into her arms—later that afternoon, insisting he had some "important Jedi news" to inform her of.

He led Padme into a separate room with nothing but a holovid, a chair, and Anakin tied to another chair in it.

"Oh my Lord, what have you done? Why is Young Skywalker (at this, Anakin scowled) held captive? Has he done something wrong?" Padme cried.

"No, no, milady, I assure you, he is fine. He requested that he be tied down in order to refrain from doing something rash in the presence of your beauty, milady," Obi-Wan replied with a totally straight face, as he knew this was exactly the kind of thing Anakin would say. Truthfully, Obi-Wan wanted to put Anakin through even more torture by making him watch his love's reaction. Padme simply blushed and quickly turned away and sat down in the empty seat.

"Now, this may be shocking to you, Miss. Amidala, but whatever you may feel, don't scream, alright?" Obi-Wan started the tape.

Everything was going as planned. Padme was shrieking, Anakin was trying to comfort her as much as he could without moving by crying, "No, no! Dahling it's not what you think!" If I were Padme, that would only have made it worse.

"But, baby, this is WONDERFUL! " Padme exclaimed, running over to Anakin. "It's fantastic you've gotten in touch with your inner feminine side! I do so admire a man who can do that," She gripped his still-tied-up shoulders with a grin that could rival the Cheshire Cat's.

Padme quickly untied Anakin and fell into his arms as he embraced her.

Anakin just glared at Obi-Wan while at the same time feeling terribly relieved everything had worked out for the best. In fact, maybe this could be his big break! Destroy a big, bad villain (the "Evil Mall"), get the girl…he was just lucky that Padme thought he was getting in touch with his inner self. Yeah, and ties are the latest hair accessory.

"Obi-Wan, thank you so much for showing me that useful bit of information. I'm sure we'll live a very happy life together, won't we, Ani?" She put her arm around Anakin's shoulder and squeezed him. "You have a nice life, too, okay? Well we must be going, ta ta!"

Well, if that wasn't disturbing, I don't know what is. But, DAMN! He used that to benefit himself. Anakin totally manipulated me! Not on purpose, I'm sure, for that simply isn't possible, but……Oh well, at least I still have this extremely suggestive picture! Maybe I'll put it up at the next Jedi Christmas Party.

A/N: Okay, that was SO weird. But whatever, I liked it. I think it's a good story line, even if it wasn't funny.

Again, I'm sorry it took me so long to update. This was probably pretty disappointing compared to the last chapter but I don't care. I like it.

REVIEW, sil vous plait!

ATA- That's nice.

Padfoot Reincarnated- In this chapter it was more like poor Obi-Wan, lmao. This story is all about how Anakin can always turn around a situation somehow. He just won't die. He won't be broken

ZazZieDK- I liked that part too. Sorry this chapter wasn't as funny as the last.

Bookwrm17- You have a cool pen name. Lmao don't ask for some reason I just like it. Hope you liked the update.

Jade Rhade- Wow…long review. I like long reviews. Well, I did half your wish, anyway. Obi-Wan did show the tape to Padme, but in the end it was Anakin and Padme together. Of course!

Jess-the-psycho-cat- Yay you reviewed! Not many 'Luke I am Your Mushroom' people did. Only 4. Anyway, no problem. It was my pleasure to spread the word of the End of Ze World thing…yeah.

Eriks leadinglady- Thankies for the compliments :)

Rachel 791- I did write more XD Did you like the update?