Many thanks to those who have reviewed; I really appreciate it, and hope you shall continue to offer me commentary as I further update this story. I'm still debating possible options to remedying my and my story's problem... I'll elaborate more on that later.
"Yukina, you'd miss me if I died, right?"
The ice maiden furrowed her brow. "Of course I would Kazuma. Why do you ask? You aren't ill, are you?"
"No. But if I got mugged and killed on the way home today, would you promise not to be too sad?"
She gave him a concerned look. "How could I not? That's horrible! What brought about such a thought?"
Kuwabara sighed. "I've been making a duty of stopping by to see Kurama at least a few minutes every day, you know, just to see how he's doing. He's not in the best shape. I think he's trying hard to cover it up, but he seems really depressed."
"He must really miss Hiei. How is the baby?"
He shrugged. "I guess it's too early to tell. It's not like he can go to a doctor."
"But does he know what to do?"
"I don't know. He was kind of freaking out when he told me and Urameshi, but since then when I've been talking to him, he insists he's fine. But I talked to his mom and she told me he keeps throwing up. I'd figure it's a little hard to grow a baby without anything to feed it. I mean, what if it starves?"
"Were you skipping class when they taught sexual education, or are you a bigger oaf than I thought?" Genkai had joined them. "If Kurama can't keep any food down, the baby will just take what it needs from him."
"But that doesn't sound any better."
"No," the psychic said sarcastically. "You think?"
"But why would it do that to him? He's its mother."
She rolled her eyes. "Because a fetus is more concerned about its own well-being than that of the one who carries it. Oh, don't look so repulsed. Most people are born with the impulse of looking out for number one and screw everyone else."
They lapsed into silence, when suddenly Kuwabara began to laugh. "Too bad Hiei's dead. Could you imagine the look on his face if he'd found out Kurama was eating for two?"
"Three, actually." Kuwabara jumped and fell off the bench he and Yukina had been sharing. Kurama watched him hit the dirt, an expression of partial amusement donned upon his face.
"What the-! Don't do that! Why do you always do that!"
His lips curled into a semi-smile. "It's a form of habit. I'm a Fox, remember?"
"Uhm, right." Kuwabara hoped the redhead hadn't heard the remark about Hiei. "How did you get here anyway?"
Kurama quirked an eyebrow. "The bus part of the way, my legs the rest. I'm pregnant, not an invalid."
"How is the baby, Kurama?" Yukina asked.
"Babies, actually." Suddenly Kurama looked a little excited. "Twins. I sensed them this morning." Yukina beamed at him, and he forced himself to smile back. He was exhausted. He'd spent half the night tossing and turning, the other half crying. It was so strange…suddenly he'd feel really horny for no apparent reason. Then he'd curl up on the bed and cry because Hiei wasn't there. Trying to push the Koorime to the back of his mind for a little bit was useless, every time his hormones started kicking in it was a rude reminder that he was never going to make love to Hiei again, or snuggle with him, or fall asleep in his arms. Never hear his voice. Never see his face, or that smile he'd let sneak out when it was just the two of them--Kurama was the only person (except Yukina) Hiei would smile for. Strangely enough, the thing that had made him break down and bawl for two hours was when he realized he'd never see that familiar trademark scowl again…
"Kurama?" He blinked and looked over. His companions were staring at him. "You okay there?" Kuwabara asked.
Damn. He hoped they couldn't see the tears that were beginning to well in his eyes. "Yes, of course. Uhm, actually, I came to speak with Genkai. Not to offend you two" he said to Kuwabara and Yukina, "but it's rather a private issue."
"It doesn't matter if they're offended or not. Let's go inside." Kurama waved good-bye to Kuwabara and Yukina and followed Genkai to the Temple.
When he was out of earshot, Kuwabara turned to Yukina. "See what I mean?" She nodded. Kurama did look rather ill.
"It must be hard. Being alone like that I mean."
"He's not alone," Kuwabara argued. "He's got his family and us."
"I know, but I'm sure he wishes Hiei were here. Now he'll be the only parent the babies will have. Imagine how lonely he must feel."
"Yeah," he admitted. "Hm, it's kind of funny. I can't really imagine the Shrimp as a dad. He never put off the impression that he liked kids. It wasn't like he was known to be gentle."
"He had his moments," she stated softly. She remembered when she'd first met the fire demon. He'd seemed so familiar, though she couldn't recall ever seeing him before in her life. At first, he had frightened her: he seemed so cold and angry, like so many people Yukina had encountered since she'd left the Floating City. But then he'd changed; he immediately became kinder, and even smiled at her. He hadn't wanted to make her cry. She knew he was warmer than the icy personality he always gave-had always given- off. In her opinion, he'd have made a great dad. "Kurama loved- loves- him, and he's so sad now that he's gone. That must tell you something."
"Well, that's my point. If something ever happened to me, I'd never want you to react like Kurama is now."
She smiled, Kazuma could be so sweet. "I don't think Hiei would have wanted him to do this either."
"Yeah…" he trailed off, absently glancing up the hill, where he knew the black marker stood under the Sakura. He wondered how long Hiei and Kurama had been seeing each other. Since before he and Yusuke knew them? When he'd met them while fighting the Saint Beasts he kept getting some vibe off them, Kurama especially, that they seemed really close- but he knew two guys could be close to each other without it being romantic. Perhaps they had become lovers later on, their love blooming under everyone's noses? He supposed it really didn't matter now; besides, that was Kurama's business. But thinking about all this sparked up new ideas in his mind.
"Hey Yukina?" he ventured. "Have you ever been to a movie?"
"What's on your mind?" Genkai asked as she and Kurama sat down opposite each other. "By the way, congratulations. How's your family dealing with the news?"
"Uhm, thank you. They're taking it better than I'd ever expected. My mother seemed rather happy this morning when I told her I sensed them; I believe she's looking forward to grandchildren. Ah, it's not as though I can see a doctor, so I wished to discuss my symptoms with you."
"Ah yes, I've heard how you and the toilet have become close friends. Have you tried catnip?"
"What? I- I completely forgot about catnip." He mentally scolded himself. He'd known catnip was safe to take for nausea, how could he have let his mind slip? "I believe I have catnip at home. I suppose that clears up that matter."
"What else do you want to talk about?"
Suddenly he looked nervous. "As I said, I can't walk into a doctor's office and make an appointment…I was wondering if- if you would act as my doctor?"
She gave him a strange look. "I'm flattered, but perhaps you would prefer you and your children be in the care of someone more experienced in this particular matter? Perhaps that doctor of Koenma's, the one who diagnosed you-"
"I'd rather it be you," he interrupted, with something similar to edge in his tone. "You're much closer" he added in a more civil tone. "I'd prefer to see you than go all the way to the Reikai."
The last part didn't sound so convincing. She wondered if he and Koenma had a falling out. "Well, if you really want, then I suppose I can-"
"Thank you," he said abruptly, sealing the deal and eliminating further discussion of the matter.
For a moment Genkai didn't say anything else. Then, "Please forgive me Kurama, but I'm none too learned in…your condition. Healing is my expertise, besides fighting, and as pregnancy is neither an illness nor an injury, or an opponent for that matter, I never made it much of my concern. So until I've researched the matter more thoroughly, you'll have to excuse my not examining you."
Kurama nodded. Though he wasn't about to volunteer this information, he too only possessed meager knowledge of the subject. Hell, he didn't even know how he would give birth--he simply prayed it wouldn't be an anal delivery (that sounded excruciatingly painful and rather disgusting). "Yes, that's fine."
The psychic cleared her throat. "Ah…in the meantime there is some general information I may give you, though I assume you already know most if not all of this already."
He sat and patiently listened while Genkai rattled off various pieces of information: to make sure he ate well so he and the babies received proper nourishment, to get plenty of rest, not to overexert himself or stress out too much, yet at the same time to keep physically active. He didn't worry about mistakes- he was sure his mother would lecture him if he did something wrong.
"I believe that's all I can tell you for now, unless there is something else you wish to discuss?" Judging from the uneasy look Kurama was expressing, she assumed there was. When he remained silent she decided it was time to pry. "Kurama?"
"Ah…" the Fox nervously smoothed back nonexistent stray hairs. "I was- I was wondering if you could, uhm…uh…if you could recommend any kind of anti-depressants?"
"I'm sorry," he stammered lamely. "I know I probably shouldn't be taking any sort of drugs while pregnant, and I know it's weak of me to ask, but I feel I'm left with no other alternative…" Kurama trailed off, looking ashamed for even asking.
Genkai pondered over his question. "Kurama," she finally said, "I sympathize with the situation you're in. It's hard losing a loved one…"
"I know," he murmured sadly. He had lost people he cared about before. When Kuronue died he felt a part of himself died along with the Chimera. But he'd somehow managed to get out of bed and move on. That wound had for the most part healed. Now though…he felt that Hiei was one loss too many. He haunted the redhead's thoughts throughout the day and nightmares of his death plagued Kurama during the night.
"However," the psychic continued, "I feel that turning to drugs should be a last resort, and only if it's absolutely necessary. Have you tried using other methods to deal with the grief?"
"You don't understand," he said miserably. "I can't get Hiei out of my mind. It's only been six weeks since he…yet it feels like an eternity." He heaved a sigh. "To be honest, I'm unsure of just how much longer I can hold out before I have a mental breakdown."
There was no exaggeration in his tone; he was being completely truthful. Genkai cursed under her breath. "Kurama, I'm rather reluctant to give you drugs. I recommend that you try to keep busy and try to forget about Hiei for a little while--"
"No, you don't understand!" Kurama was growing more upset by the minute. "I- I try not to think about him, but it's so hard, what with the…" Genkai noticed he was turning red.
"With the what?" He blushed deeper.
"You know," he muttered. "How pregnant people get those…hormone rushes, how it makes them feel, ah, on the amorous side…"
Genkai studied him for a minute or two. "Kurama, I'm sure you're aware that it's possible to release that tension without the aid of another person?"
Kurama's face now matched his hair. "Uhm, yes, I know that," he said in a nearly inaudible voice. "I've tried, but it--it's not enough." Oh gods. He was sitting here, discussing masturbation habits- HIS masturbation habits no less! What had possessed him to bring this up?
Yet Genkai seemed undisturbed. "Well, if that's not helping…have you thought about obtaining something to aid you?"
His face felt like it was on fire. "I…I'm not sure what you mean" he lied.
"Oh, damn it Kurama, I'm talking about a vibrator." He made a strangled sound and gave her a horrified look. "Quit acting like a child, we're both adults here. Do you think you need a vibrator?"
He swallowed. "Uhm…uhm…possibly…though I'm not keen on asking my mother or Kazuya to buy me one."
"Don't worry, I'll take care of it. I'll come to you when I've found new information and have your…" she didn't finish her sentence to save Kurama some embarrassment. "Until then, try to be optimistic and keep what I said in mind."
"I'll try," he muttered. "Thank you, Genkai. I'm afraid I must leave now; I told Mother I wouldn't be gone long." He forced another smile and left her.
That hadn't gone quite as planned. He'd told Genkai more than what he originally intended. He silently damned his loose tongue.
"Kurama." Yukina and Kuwabara were approaching him. He sighed, wishing to be left alone. "What was that all about?" the carrot-top asked him.
He really didn't want to involve them in his problems. "Nothing. Genkai and myself merely discussed a few matters of health."
"Are you okay?" came the concerned response. He faked a smile. Fuck, he was tired of smiling.
"Of course. Everything's fine."