Okay, yes. I'm insane. I'm sorry. You'll have to forgive me - I only even wrote this chapter because of Her Sweetness. She had informed me how lazy she had been when she needed to write the next chapter of Motel 37 (.:hinthintnudgenudge:. Go read it when you finish this chapter:D), and it inspired me to at least try. So here we are. Me writing probably the /only/ duel you'll have read that's mildly amusing.
And thanks to J a n i m e . n e t for the information on the decks of both characters. I'm sorry for using your sources to attempt to write a duel I probably should have never started.
Current Votes for Ryo's House -
Gryffindor - 1
Ravenclaw -1
Slytherin - 3
Hufflepuff - None
Wherever Seto is - 2
Disclaimer - I'll let you consider this.
Warnings - Swearing, extreme amounts of OOCness, and the mere fact I waited so long to even write this chapter.
Bakura - 6750, Kaiba - 5550
Things in the duel had steadily progressed, leaving Hermione's knowledge of the game in the dust. Bakura and Seto had both chosen to throw out cards that, out of the three that knew the game, had never even seen before - a fact that irked Seto immensely. He was /supposed/ to know what every card thrown out at him did.
"Now, Kaiba, face this - I sacrifice one Necro Mane Kin (500/500) to bring out this - Come forth, Ghost Duke (2000/1700)!"
On Bakura's side of the field, one of the three, white-washed manikins that looked more like plastered dinosaurs randomly stuck together into a shape only vaguely resembling a person (Whoever had combined them, apparently, had no clue about the human anatomy) disappeared, replaced by a fiercer looking creature. A large, blue-skinned, floating creature was placed in the center of Bakura's monsters. Dressed in something out of Pirates of the Caribbean, there was no reason to question its name.
"And, guess what - Ghost Duke is virtually indestructible! Attack him, and, oh yes, you'll get your life points! But he cannot be destroyed in battle, so he'll just come back to haunt you! So, Ghost Duke, obliterate Kaiba's Different Dimension Dragon (1200/1500)!"
Kaiba - 4750
"You'll regret doing such a thing, Bakura!"
Now Kaiba drew his next card, and a grin spread across his face. "You seem to be over-looking one thing, Bakura! I may not be able to destroy your monster in battle, but I can very easily get rid you anyways!"
"What are you babbling about, Kaiba? If you really want to make a point, go ahead and do... whatever it is you're going to do."
"All right! I play the magic card Advent of a White Dragon in order to summon Paladin of White Dragon (1900/1200)! And then, I use his effect to send him to the graveyard a a tribute to summon my Blue Eyes White Dragon (3000/2500)! And, guess this - I play Soul Exchange in order to sacrifice one of /your/ Necro Mane Kins and your Ghost Duke to summon yet another Blue Eyes!"
In the short time that the large, white dragon and his master had appeared, they were gone, quickly replaced by two roaring white dragons, leaving Bakura to watch unhappily as his beloved Ghost Duke and Necro Mane Kin shattered into a million, holographic card pieces.
"And now, I'll use one of my Blue Eyes to destroy your remaining Necro Mane Kin! Next turn, Bakura, you're doomed!"
"Damn it, Kaiba! What's with you and destroying my zombies! Did you never get a good dose of mutilation movies as a child!"
"...Bakura, how on Earth is that relevant?"
"Now, I summon this - Necro Soldier (0/0) in defense mode, and play one card face-down!"
Seto gave an undignified blink at the monster that appeared on the field. All it appeared to be was a mere, toy-version of one of those sentries you would come across in London, save for the blue skin. "You're really giving up, aren't you, Bakura?"
"You just try and test it, and then we'll see!" The white-haired thief seemed oddly self-assured about the entire matter, but Seto figured it was probably a lapse of sanity. He seemed to have those quite a bit, so it wasn't like it was any of his concern.
"All right! Blue Eyes, my one true servant - destroy Bakura's Necro Soldier!"
The Blue Eyes White Dragon did as told, sending a large, electric blue blast that would have sent any other monster to it's doom. However, a ghostly form of the long-gone Ghost Duke suddenly appeared, along with a large, hot pink wall of electroplasm. The entire attack was effectively avoided.
"What the hell was that? Bakura, are you starting to use some female's cards?"
"I am not, you pompous, ego-inflated moron! That was a Ghost Wall!" He stomped his foot against the ground, obviously a bit more than put off and looking as if he was a child on the verge of a temper tantrum. "And, if you haven't noticed, you have two targets, now! I get another Necro Soldier for each of your Stand-by phases!"
"Hmph. Oh well. I'll just obliterate you next turn. Now, draw and starting playing Makazi's cards."
"Just because it happens to be pink does not mean that I've gone and stolen that cheerleader's - "
"Don't care."
"Why you...!" He huffed, and whipped out a new card. "Now, to add onto my combo - I play Necro Wall (0/0) in defense mode! For every undead monster I have, I get one of these! And that means, you've got four creatures to deal with, adding onto five, now that I finish my turn!"
Large, rectangular slabs of stone appeared before the two Necro Soldiers. Just as Bakura announced the finishing of his turn, another Necro Soldier (with no Wall before it) appeared.
"Well, I was expecting a hell of a lot worse from you - I raise you from idiot to moron." (1)
"Kaiba...! That only works on Jonouchi! I won't get as riled up as that annoying little dog!"
"Oh, stop wetting your pants and get ready loose your pathetic Necro Wall."
"...Kaiba, you can't destroy Necro Wall. That's the entire point."
"Shit."
Hermione, who was currently wondering how to congratulate Kaiba on some turn-around-win (She hadn't yet devised a way that this entire duel wouldn't end in a tie or Bakura's success, but she was sure the teenaged CEO she was utterly fascinated by would come up with one), was extremely uninterested in attempting to explain any more of the game to either Harry or Ron. Ron, however, was less than surprised, and Harry was finding himself mildly bored.
Harry really didn't know what the heck was going on. And, well, things get boring if they keep doing moves that make no sense.
Ron suddenly nudged the Boy Who Lived, and pulled him away from Hermione before he could argue. Harry gave his a companion an odd look when the redhead said nothing about whatever he needed, so he finally decided to press further.
"Ron, what is it?"
"Quiet. Now listen here - can you hear what I hear? Outside?"
Harry blinked, but conceded. He might as well humor his friend, since he was /obviously/ going insane with the lack of anything vaguely interesting to do and the lack of sleep they had, due to this entire duel (Harry was assuming it was somewhere near midnight by now, and they had had a busy day, escaping Seto's fan-witches). Straining to avoid Bakura's current bantering about his ultimate defense against Seto's over-powered Dragons, he could have sworn he hear... Magic?
"C'mon, Ron - we're going to go see about this," Harry beckoned, grabbing onto his faithful sidekick and trotting out through the door, unnoticed.
"Na na na na na naaa! You can't beat me!" sang Bakura in a singsong like voice, leaving Seto with the nearly uncontrollable urge to hit his opponent with a Duel Disk, or pull another one of his Card Khung-Fu moves. (2) With a huff, he settled for yelling ungraciously at him.
"Shut up, you kleptomanic moron! You're just being utterly unoriginal and copying Motoh's moves now, aren't you!"
"C'mon Mister Kaiba, you can win!"
"Shut up!" was the only response Hermione got, shouted at the same time by both males.
"Now, you're going to see why Motoh's the only person to have beaten me, and you're going to bow at my feet like the looser you really are!"
"...Do you know how old that line gets after a while?"
"Oh, just put a sock in it!"
Seto pulled his next card from his deck, and Bakura groaned at the look at his face. He was going to start ranting about how completely awesome and all-powerful his deck was again, wasn't he? "See - I TOLD you that you could never manage to defeat me! Now, I play this - Dark Hole! All of our monsters are destroyed, and sent to the graveyard!"
Blank stare.
"Since when have you had that card?"
"Since... ever?"
"Oh. Of course. Are you done?"
"Yeah. Pretty much I am, actually."
"Hey, you three!"
Six eyes turned towards the door to stare blankly upon the pair standing at the door. There stood one Harry Potter and one Ron Weasley. Ron was leaning onto his Boy-Who-Lived companion, apparently refusing to stand on his left leg (This was an awkward sight, none the less, and Bakura was wondering if the pair might have gotten into his things and found his Gravitation manga).
"There's some nasty Death Eaters out there, and it looks like you two are playing games in their hideout!"
(1) - Refering to the the fifth graphic novel of Duelist Kingdom. Prior to Yuugi versus Kaiba, when Kaiba sees that Jonouchi has gotten ten star chips, he tells Jonouchi that he raises him from 'Loser to Deadbeat'.
(2) - The idea of 'Card Khung-Fu' actually belongs to bukora's girl. She and I, ahem, were talking about how Kaiba-sama often hit people with his cards, which resulted in the spontaneous loss of movement, weapons, or blood. And, well... She dubbed it Card Khung-Fu.
Ryou-Fan - Why thankyou :D And congradulations for being the only person that seems to think Bakura-kun should be in Gryffindor O.o And don't worry about it, m'dear - English /is/ my native language, and I mutilate it x.X
SuzukaKinomoto - It's raining Bakura plushies! .:goes all starry-eyed:. I luff yoooou! xDD And, thankyou very much. The Shiz is going to have a very nice-sized ego by the time she leaves for Florida. :3
kenmeishouri - Dude. I've just grown one inch, and, apparently, I'm 4'11. I highly doubt you're shorter than me O.o But thanks for trying to boost my ego. Hehe.
Jasmine Reinier - Your reviews kick ass, my very-often reviewer like friend :) You people keep reviewing and I'll keep writing, that's for sure (My ego is what powers the things I write, you see. Bigger ego better chapter).
Yami Pandora - O.O .:hides:. O-okay.
Kurayami-no-Izou - Oh, well happy graduation! .:throws around party balloons and such things:. I've got.. uh... Five more years before I graduate high school O.o
Nightbringer - Muahaha! Well, here you go!
Kitroku - I like their conversations, too xDD