Hey guys, long time no update, and I apologize about that, really. I haven't really had the time between school and festival. I don't really even have time tonight- it's 8:30 here right now and I haven't even eaten dinner, plus I still have a bit of physics homework to finish up. And to the readers of "Inversed" and"Was It Out of Pity?", I apologize again, but I don't think I will have the next chapters of those up until tomorrow, because I don't really have time right now. I'm really sorry about that.
Anyways, Kurama's dying, you know that, but I suppose an explanation is in order, right? Well, here you go. I'm sure you'll figure it out soon enough, but in case you don't, this chapter is a flashback. Please review, and I will really try to make a little time to continue updating this and my other stories from now on if I can help it.
"Kurama, we have your test results. There's something you should know."
Koenma paused, scratching his neck nervously. It occurred to Kurama that both George and the doctor oni also appeared nervous. "What is it?" he asked the godling wearily. Judging from their behavior he supposed something was wrong. Though he doubted it mattered if anything was wrong with him; he certainly didn't care. He cared for little, if anything, these days.
"Perhaps you should sit down," he suggested.
Kurama remained standing. "What is it?" he repeated. "What should I know?"
"Well, um, ah… Kurama, you're aware that when Yoko reproduce, they do so more, uh, non-traditionally- than most other youki? The, um, laws of nature and, ah, gender, don't apply so strictly-"
"I'm aware of my species' reproductive customs," Kurama cut in impatiently. "Where are you going with this?"
"Kurama," the doctor oni jumped in. "I analyzed your test results, and came to a very interesting conclusion. You've been ill lately, correct?"
"Yes." Since the funeral, he'd been feeling worse and worse. There were days he didn't even get out of bed, incapable of facing the day both physically and emotionally.
"Vomiting?"
He raised an eyebrow. "Yes." Lately he wasn't able to keep much down, losing weight as a result. His parents wanted him to see a doctor, or a dietician, or a therapist- anything.
"How often?"
"P-Pretty often," Kurama replied uncertainly. "Almost everything I eat comes back up. Sometimes I get sick-"
"Multiple times a day?"
"Yes." He furrowed his brow. "Why do you ask?" Though a theory was already forming in his mind….
"I'm sorry, but I can't think of a way to soften the blow. Kurama, according to the test results, you're pregnant."
Kurama paled; he'd been afraid of that. He grew dizzy and swayed a little, grabbing Koenma's desk to keep from falling. "I think I'll sit down now," he muttered. George quickly provided a chair and helped the Fox into it. "You're sure?" he asked weakly.
"All signs point to it," the doctor said. Kurama bent over, head between his knees, apparently letting the information soak in. His eyes widened and he gasped, then he cradled his head in his arms and began to cry.
"He knew!" a muffled sob came. "Oh gods, he knew, and he didn't tell me!"
"What are you talking about?" Koenma asked.
The Fox raised his head, eyes red and puffy. "Hiei. Lately he's been- had been"- the expression he made while correcting himself was one of absolute heartbreak- "acting so strangely toward me. Questioning me about my health…" Kurama looked like he was about to throw up. "Why didn't he tell me?" He covered his face, his entire body shaking.
Koenma pondered how it was possible that Hiei could know before Kurama. Then it dawned on him: The Jagan.
The doctor cleared his throat. "Kurama, if you'll excuse us for a moment. Gentlemen?" He, Koenma, and George disappeared out of the room for several minutes, leaving Kurama to debate over why Hiei hadn't informed him that they were expecting. He didn't even notice when the three came back in.
"Kurama." Koenma broke his train of thought. "The doctor's shared something else with me. Um…."
Said doctor jumped back in. "It's my understating that Yoko don't normally go into their first fertile heat until they're approximately a century old, sometimes even older.
"Yes, b-but biologically I'm a human now-well, mostly." Normally the bodies of human males weren't equipped with wombs. "This body ages differently."
"True. A human body altered by the Fox youki it carries. Youki that is so low it's barely detectable. And a body not in the best state or health."
He frowned. "From what I know about procreation among my people, the mother's youki usually decreases while she carries kits."
"But yours is alarmingly low, and you're not even that far along."
Kurama bit his lip. "That must be due to my, ah, recent psychological status." He unconsciously glanced at his arm, where the cuts were. Could that harm the baby in any form? He made a mental note to cease that habit immediately, regardless of how addictive it'd grown. Perhaps if he took up another, less harmful vice in place of it… "I could make some changes-"
"A good idea, but I doubt your depression is the source of this. Your body is human, but this child is not. That life inside you is pure demon- most likely very powerful, looking at its parentage. Had Hiei impregnated your pure demonic form this would be no problem. But he didn't, and I believe your human body simply isn't capable of sustaining both the fetus and yourself. No harm will come to the baby, but it could drain you of your life force- much in the manner of a parasite. In all likelihood, it would kill you." He paused to look for a reaction. When Kurama's features remained unchanged, he continued. "Keeping this in mind, I believe it wisest- and best for you- if you aborted the pregnancy."
The redhead gasped and gave the oni a stricken look. "You're telling me to kill it? Mine and Hiei's child?"
"Please understand. This child will drain you. It will feed off you until there is nothing left. I don't even want to imagine what will happen if you're carrying multiple kits. Either way, you won't survive the pregnancy. You'll die giving birth."
"So- so you want me to kill the baby?" Kurama shook his head. "I can't do that."
"What!" Koenma exclaimed. "What do you mean, you can't? You'll die if you don't; you have to abort this baby!"
"I can't," he repeated firmly. "Hiei died saving this child and me. I won't destroy it."
Koenma couldn't believe his ears. The Fox had abandoned all reason. "Kurama, don't be foolish. Abort this baby."
"No."
"Kurama, I order you to abort this baby!"
The Kitsune immediately looked up and stared at Koenma, eyes blazing. "You would dare to order me to destroy the last bit of Hiei I have left?" he snarled. "I won't do it!"
He raised his eyebrows. "You're directly defying an order I gave you?"
Kurama rose to his feet, staring at the prince defiantly. "Yes, I am."
"Are you deaf! That thing will kill you if you continue to carry it. You'll die."
"Hiei died to save this 'thing' and I!" he snapped. "To do what you're proposing would be blasphemy to that sacrifice."
"And discarding your own life isn't?" Koenma retorted. "I'm sure Hiei was more concerned about saving your life that the child's."
"How would you know!" Kurama spat. "You sent him on that ridiculous mission to begin with! At least now I can repent for my part in his death."
Guilt. Kurama was going to kill himself because of his guilt. The godling did his best to remain calm. "So, you're refusing to follow my orders, even thought you realize that doing so if almost guaranteed suicide?"
"Yes," Kurama replied stubbornly. "I won't kill this baby. If I die carrying it, then so be it."
Koenma sighed, unsure of what to do. "Please Kurama, be reasonable. Think of the consequences if you act on this. Your friends, you family… just think how they'll feel if you do this." He paused and studied the Fox, then continued. "You're hurting right now, that's understandable. It's clouded your judgment; it clearly hasn't occurred to you yet just how much this decision will affect you. This is life or death." Kurama continued staring at him defiantly. "Kurama, the grief is still fresh. In a month or two you'll have come to your senses and realize that what I'm telling you is true, that you're behaving too rash. Now we can take you down to the doctor's clinic today and conduct the procedure-"
"No!" the Fox screamed, infuriated by the mere fact that Koenma was even suggesting this. He stormed out of the room.
"Don't do this Kurama!" Koenma frantically shouted after him. "You're being foolish!"
"This is my choice and I'll defend it with my last breath!" was the enraged, indignant reply.
When I finished writing this chapter and read it over I realized that it kind of sounds like I'm attacking anyone who supports and/or has had an abortion. Please, be assured that that is not my intention at all. Personally, I believe that such a thing is a private decision and people shouldn't be persecuted over it. When a person chooses to have an abortion, it's for their own personal reasons. I can't stand it when somebody says that someone who has had an abortion is a murderer and/or a whore- I thinkthe woman must haveput a lot of time and thinking into the matter, feels that the abortion was her last and possibly only choice, probably feels bad enough even though it was necessary, and people who stand there, pointing fingers and hissing accusations at her, ought to betaken out in the middle of the street and shot, really.
The only form of abortion that I cannot tolerate- and everyone I've talked to, be they pro-life or pro-choice, have had an abortion or not, agrees with me on this- is when the person chooses to do so as a form of birth control in place of a condom or the pill of whatever.
Well, there you go, a brief look at my views on abortion. I onlyshared all of this with you because, again, I didn't want this chapter to look as though I was persecuting anyone who has had an abortion. This is just how I think Kurama, especially given all the circumstances, would behave is all.