Fern Gateau

Fic #3 in the "Revenge of the Fanfic Author" series

Written By Neko Athenao,o

Rating: PG (mild violence, implied homicidal tendencies, general mayhem, and it IS Bakuretsu Hunters, after all...)

Author's Notes: WHAAAAZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAP! Neko Athenao,o back in action in fic #3, baby! Whoo, these just get weirder and weirder. This one is a new spin on the classic Fern Gully, starring everyone's favorite Bakuretsu Hunter, Marron!

:The peasants cheer:

0,0 -(HUZZAH FOR MARRON!)

:The peasants roar with approval:

-,-;; -(Uh, yeah, and also starring everyone's least fav Bakuretsu Hunter, Gateau Mocha.)

:The peasants boo.:

, -(DEATH TO GATEAU!)

:The peasants hiss, vomit, and otherwise express extreme disgust.:

o,o -(That stalking, flexing freakshow is going to get his comeuppance in this bee-yootiful tale.)

Anonymous Idiot Peasant -(What the hell does Fern Gully have to do with Bakuretsu Hunters?)

-,-; -(Ahem!)

:The imperial guards beat A.I.P. out of recognizable shape with their mallets. His twitching carcass is dragged away as other peasants hurl random objects at him.:

o,o -(Moving on, for those of you who may not know, I HATE GATEAU MOCHA. I'll admit, he actually had a POINT and a PERSONALITY in the manga, and even kicked a little ass, WAS PART OF THE TEAM, however, this is a parody of the Anime version because everyone knows the only good thing about the Anime is the music... that and they make Marron say "horny" in the dub... drool

Anyway, in the Anime all Gateau does is flex, strip, and STALK around Marron. and generally acts like Chocoalte. It's funny for her. NOT for him.

Now that that's taken care of... anyway, this fic is about Gateau reclaiming his throne in the Fairy Kingdom after deciding to quit the Hunters. But I'm not giving away the plot! You'll have to read ON, my good readers. Enjoy!)

DISCLAIMER\\ Don't own Bakuretsu Hunters, or Fern Gully. Doi. Y'all aughta know that. If I owned Bakuretsu Hunters, that whole manga episode in the hot springs would have been page after page of a COMPLETELY NUDE MARRON lounging in his own splendidness instead of a frustrating tummy-up shot followed by page after page of a completely nude Chocolate being, well... too much herself.

However, undaunted and courageously, the fic continues...

:With a mysterious tinkling and a burst of sudden smoke, the forest clearing ahead of the four travelers becomes a large white hall. Big Mamma, flanked by the ominous Haz Knights, looks down on her warriors; Carrot, Marron, Tira, and Chocolate. Dota floats before them, beaming.:

Dota "Hello, again, Hunters! Isn't it a beautiful day?"

Car. "Not as beautiful as you are, Dota Dear!"

SNAP

:Carrot turns to see Tira holding her whip taunt and ready to strike. Chocolate is rolling up her sleeves.:

Cho. "But it's about to get REAL UGLY, Darling!"

Car. "Yipe!"

Dota "Oh, you guys are so funny! But Big Mamma has something important for you! You'd better listen up!"

:The group turns to Big Mamma.:

B.M. "Greetings, Bakuretsu Hunters. As you know, it has been one week since your partner, Gateau Mocha, defected from your group and quit hunting sorcerers as he has been assigned. After much deliberation, it has been decided that all of you must find Gateau and deliver his punishment for not leaving a 2 week's notice."

:The Hunters gasp.:

Tira "What? Big Mamma, you don't m-m-mean—"

Car. "You... you want us to..."

B.M. "No, no, his punishment is not an ultimate one. But when you have found him, I will give you further instructions."

Dota "He was last seen somewhere in the vicinity of Mount Warning to the South. But beware, Bakuretsu Hunters! He has been acting quite strangely and might not be so easy to find! Good luck! Byie-byie!"

:With that, the images of Big Mamma and Dota are sucked back into thin air in another puff of smoke.:

Car. "Hmm... what do you know... I guess Big Mamma isn't the kind of person you blow off like that."

Cho. "Still, I can't help but feel a little bad... he's helped us so many times, even saved our lives."

Mar. "..."

Tira "After all, he WAS our partner..."

Mar. "..."

Car. "Whatever! If he's gonna cross Big Mamma, I guess he's gotta pay!"

Mar. "YES! I mean... Let us hurry on our task... or something..."

Tira "Marron, is something wrong?"

Mar. "NO! No, no, no..."

Cho. "Well, off we go then!"

:The others begin down the path to the South, but Marron lags a little behind. Slowly, a delicious smile curls his luscious lips.:

Mar. "For the first time, I think things are going to turn out FINE!"

:Deep in the rainforest of Fern Gully, there is a party going on. Fairies, animals, and other mystical creatures are dancing and getting drunk on berry juice, frolicking in

carefree glee. The reason for their celebration? Their long-lost ruler has finally returned. Sitting atop a flower throne, with a bit of bark on his head for a crown, Gateau is enjoying himself immensely. He had forgotten how much fun these Fairy shindigs could be. He checks his pigtails to make sure they aren't falling down, then smoothes the skirt of his long pink dress and sips his juice happily.:

Gat. "Boy, this sure beats huntin' evil guys! Ahyuk!"

Manservant1 "Oh, Queen Gateau, would you like some more fruit?"

Gat., beaming "Yes, please!"

:Just as he is about to bite into the fruit, a black-haired fairy in red flies up to the throne, obviously distraught.:

Cry. "Your Highness! There is grave danger!"

Gat. "Calm down, Crysta, what are you talking about?"

:The music and frolicking die down as everyone turns to the Fairy-mystic.:

Cry. "Someone is fooling with Hexus's tree!"

All "GASP!"

Gat. "Well, that's not good! Don't worry... I'll see to this... MYSELF!"

:In a flourish, the Fairy-Queen floats up, his pink wings shimmering in the dappled sunlight. His subjects watch in awe as he zooms away in a glittering flash of pink light.:

Cry. "But, Your Highness- aw, skip it."

Fairy1 "Um...since we might die... can we still party?"

Cry. "Uh... sure, why not?"

:The party continues, in full swing.:

Mar. "Carrot, maybe we should just look for some loose branches..."

Car., straining "IT—WAS—SO—MUCH—EASIER—GETTING—FIRE—WOOD—WHEN—GATEAU—WAS—HERE—AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

CRRRRRRRAAAAAAAACK

THUD

:Carrot has been trying for the last half hour to pull down a branch from a large, twisted tree in a clearing, without any success. Currently, he is laying on the ground twitching from his last fall.:

Tira "I think Marron is right, let's just look somewhere—"

Car. "Hey, at least I got one..."

:The Hunters look up at the tree to see a black ooze oozing from the spot where Carrot broke the branch. A deep, sinister laugh fills the surrounding forest. Just then, Gateau arrives.:

Cho. "What the HELL is that?"

Tira "CARROT, WHAT DID YOU DO NOW!"

Gat. "Oh, no! The evil has been released!"

:The Hunters turn to stare at Gateau. Carrot bursts into laughter as Marron tries to make him self as small and inconspicuous as possible.:

Car., wipes tears from eyes "What happened to YOU?"

Gat. "Fool! Don't you realize what you've done!"

:The growing cloud of thick, black smoke begins to take the form of the diabolical spirit of destruction, Hexus.:

Hex. "MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Now, I shall destroy Fern Gully!"

B.M. "Not so fast, Hexus!"

Hex. "What?"

All "Eh?"

:Yes, Big Mamma is standing over the black figure, arms folded sternly. Hexus recoils sheepishly under the scrupulous stare of his superior.:

Hex. "Uh... heh, heh... or not..."

B.M. "I'm afraid you'll need to take a paid holiday, HEXIE! This is Hunter business..."

Hex. "Whatever you say, o,o! Later!"

:The evil entity takes this opportunity to sceedaddle and leave the story to develop in a more POSITIVE direction.:

Cho. "Wait a minute..."

Tira "How come that thing..."

Car. "Called Big Mamma 'o,o'?"

B.M. "SILENCE MORTALS! Ahem Now, you must carry out your task!"

:With a POOF, Gateau is suddenly Human-size once again. He spots Marron and makes a bee-line for him.:

Gat. "Hey, baby! It's been a while! I bet you've been missing my gorgeous body, huh?"

Mar. "..."

:Marron, terrified beyond belief, squeezes his eyes shut, praying that he won't have to suffer anymore "Peck-flashes" or other forms of flirting from this muscle-bound fruitcake. He prays that Big Mamma will give the word for Gateau's punishment... and that it will be substantial and painful. Although the poor, sweet, innocent Bishonen is usually quite mild-mannered, deep within his heart, all his black and evil thoughts of revenge rise to the surface. Revenge for all those nights he had to sleep sitting up for fear of being violated in the night. Revenge for humiliation, and Revenge for just generally inducing nausea. Big Mamma smirks wickedly, and answers his prayers.:

BOOM

All "What the?"

Gat. "HELP!"

:Yes, in that instant, Gateau was lashed to a stake above plenty of kindling. No matter how he squirms, flexes, and struggles, the bonds will not yield. Marron opens his eyes slowly, and gasps at the sight.:

Mar. "Oh, YES! I mean... Big Mamma, what happened?"

B.M. "Well, he's got to be punished, right? And you WERE looking for firewood, RIGHT? I'm just killing two birds with one stone, so to speak. Later!"

:Marron's eyes swell with tears of gratitude. Big Mamma turns to leave.:

Mar. "Oh, THANK YOU, Big Mamma—"

Car., thoughtful "Wait, wait, wait... Hold it right there!"

:Big Mamma stops in her tracks, but does not turn.:

Tira "What is it, Carrot?"

Car., points "THAT is NOT Big Mamma!"

All "GASP!"

Cho. "Well, then, exactly who could it be?"

Car. "That evil guy called her 'o,o', right? Well, I thought that seemed familiar... And now I know where I've seen it before..."

:Carrot pulls out a stack of papers, flips through them, and then holds one up, triumphantly pointing to the top where a

portion is highlighted.:

Car. "See there?"

Carrot's Paper

Fern Gateau

Fic #3 in the "Revenge of the Fanfic Author" series

Written By Neko Athenao,o

Author's Notes: WHAAAAZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAP! Neko Athenao,o back in action in fic

#3, baby! Whoo, these just get weirder and weirder. This one is a new spin on the classic Fern

B.M. "Uh, oh..."

Car. "It's right there! She's... THE AUTHOR!"

Tira "AUTHOR? You mean to tell me..."

Cho. "Oh, HORROR OF HORRORS! A Fate WORSE Than DEATH!"

Car. "Yes, I am afraid we have fallen victim to the most vile of evils in Anime fandom... we are... IN A FAN-FICTION!"

All "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

B.M./o,o "Dammit!"

Tira "We cannot just sit here and let our lives be controlled!"

Cho. "I won't ALLOW you to hold us prisoner like this! This is evil magic of the worst kind!"

:The two women transform into their Bakuretsu Hunting outfits and give chase after the rapidly departing Big Mamma. Carrot follows, cheering them on. Marron and Gateau are left behind.:

Gat. "Wow... who'd a thunk that some author would stoop to impersonating a God, huh, Marron? Oh, well, there's all kinds of loonies out there, heh, heh... What do you say you untie me?"

:Marron is standing off to the side, still looking after the others. Slowly, that evil grin spreads across his handsome face.:

Mar. "Oh, but Gateau... I DO think this came from the Gods... How can I just REFUSE such a generous GIFT?"

Gat. "gulp M-M-Marron, why are y-you looking at m-me like that?"

:Yessiree, the forest was alive with celebration that night! The fairies continued their cavorting, filling their section of the forest with music and laughter. Another section of the forest was also filled with laughter. Evil, maniacal laughter, along with pitiful screams of pain and the beautiful red glow of a cheerful bonfire. As for Carrot, Tira, and Chocolate, well, they, too, were sidetracked by the fairy celebration and Big Mamma soon thereafter disappeared without a trace. Don't you just love it when a plan comes together:

AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER

(except for Gateau, who suffered miserably and died)

End