A/N: Hey guys, I want to thank ALL of you again for such remarkable reviews to this story, it's just so awesome! Your support has made me enjoy writing this story even more, this story has been one of the most fun ones I have done! Even if it is dealing with something dark, haha!

Special Thanks: Still hasn't changed, Cosmic Castaway is a God send for putting up with me always showing her parts of this to make sure it's polished enough. Thanks.

Lyrics at the end don't belong to me, they belong to Audioslave, and the song is "Be Yourself". If you haven't ever heard it, check it out, got some great guitar riffs in it, and the lyrics of course I like them too!

Responses to reviewers can be found at the end of the chapter!

Deep Blue Chapter Eleven: Be Yourself

Bosco wasn't sure if Swersky was right about him going home. He wasn't doing anything good by sitting around, in fact he felt so much anguish and pain from just being there that he felt the sudden urge to leave. He stood up, but hesitated. No, he wasn't going to leave. He owed it to Finney to stick around. He'd feel selfish if he left, here he was in one piece, and Finney was laying in ICU in a coma.

He saw Grace walk by, and he quickly caught up. Hopefully she'd have some kind of information on him. "How's he doing?" Bosco kept his voice low.

Grace looked over him, studying his demeanor. Just by the creases in his brow she could tell he was really upset. His eyes were sunken in, and he just looked mentally drained.

"He's still in a coma." He had nothing else to say to him, so she turned to walk away, but she stopped, jerking her body around to face him again. "He might not ever wake up."

Bosco nodded, his stomach jolting. Grace had a glare on her face as if she was saying, 'this is your fault Bosco, you put him in that bed, you did this to him.' "I'm so sorry Grace."

"You should be." This time she made herself walk away. She really had no right to blow up like that but it just came out. She then looked down at the floor, she didn't want to take back what she had just said, and her pride definitely wouldn't let her so she continued to walk, leaving him behind.

If Bosco would have been thinking straight right now he probably would have blown up at her snide comment, but he just ran his hands through his hair, sitting down in a hospital chair across from the nurse's station. He truly blamed himself for this, Finney was his rookie. He should've never let him chase the perp, and he should've never let him out of his site. Most people would hand him cliché lines, saying it was in the past and there was nothing you can do now, but that was bullshit to him. He was senior officer, and it happened on his watch. A gentle hand being placed on his shoulder interrupted his thoughts, and he looked up to see Nurse Proctor standing over him.

"You doing okay Boscorelli?"

Her question somewhat startled him, but he knew no matter what he replied with she knew that he wasn't okay. "Just been a rough day."

"Maybe you should go home, no need to spend the night in this place. It's bad enough here to make any man go crazy."

Bosco chewed on the inside of his cheek as he thought about Proctor's words. "We'll see, I owe it to Finney to stay here." He grabbed her arm as she turned to walk away. "Thanks Mary."

She smiled, flashing her white teeth. "No need to thank me."

He then decided to go to Finney's ICU room. They probably weren't letting anyone in but his mother, but it was worth a shot, even if he could just see through the window. He wasn't sure if he could handle the view of him, sprawled out on an exam bed, but he wanted to give his mother his condolences.

His legs felt weak as he got closer and closer, each step got harder and harder for him to take. It was like the world around him was moving in slow motion, except for his heart, that seemed to be working overtime as each beat grew faster. He then reached his destination, seeing that they had the curtains closed on the room.

A nurse saw him standing and staring. "Can I help you with something officer?"

"Are they allowing people in to see him?"

She looked down at a chart, nodding. "Yeah, only two at a time. I think his mother is in there right now, so just knock first."

He walked up to the door, tapping on it lightly. "Come in," a light voice said from the other side.

He slowly opened the door, revealing a lifeless Finney with a huge oxygen max covering his face, as well as an IV in each arm and gauze wrapped around places where of course, he was hurt. Mrs. Finney was sitting on the left side of the bed, holding his hand. Her face was red and swollen from crying, her makeup was practically gone.

"I'm sorry, I can come back another time." Bosco kept his voice quiet, not wanting to frighten Mrs. Finney.

"Are you the officer that was with him when this happened?"

Bosco nodded. "Yes ma'am."

She stood up from the chair, coming closer to him. His gut instinct told him to back up, to get out of their because she was pissed, but he stood firm. It was now her turn to let out all the anger and hatred she felt towards him, and he felt like he needed to listen and take it, it's the least he could do for this situation.

"How could you have let this happen?" She wiped her moist face down with the sleeve of her sweater, not giving Bosco a chance to answer, not that he would anyway. "He's 22 years old! He's been on the job only a few months, why did you let him chase someone down, and a man twice his size at that?"

Bosco felt the room closing in on him and he wanted to leave, but no, in his mind this is what he deserved. He had no reply for her, making his position that much more awkward.

"Do you realize that Brendan may never wake up? And if he does he might not have the use of his legs? All because of you, letting him out of the car, not watching him like a training officer should have!" She then gave Bosco a light shove in the chest. "Just so you know, I blame you for this," she said, pointing over at Finney. She couldn't believe she was doing this, but at the moment it was her only way to vent.

He knew she wasn't thinking in her right mind, but it all made perfect sense to him. In reality there was no way he could've stopped Finney from getting out of the car to chase the suspect, but the way Bosco saw it, there was –always- a way, and he failed.

"I'm so sorry Mrs. Finney. I take full blame for this." He took one last glance at Finney and then walked out, he couldn't take anymore at the moment.

Never in a million years did Bosco think that he'd have the feelings he had for Finney. He felt like it was his own brother lying in that bed. When he first met Finney, he disliked him, and hated the fact they'd be partnered, but now he wasn't sure what he'd do without him. Funny how that worked out. He finally had left the hospital not much after Finney's mother reamed him, and went wherever his legs carried him, which was a nearby bar.

He could hear Faith's words in the back of his mind, telling him he had a problem and that he needed help. Best thing for him to do now was drown that voice out, and he ordered a shot of Jack Daniel's, downing it quickly, feeling the instant burn down his esophagus. He tapped the rim of the glass, wanting more. "Keep them coming," he said as he sucked on them like they were water.

It was going to be a long night for him, he could already tell because he wasn't going to let himself sleep. He knew his dreams would be awful if he did, so his initial plan was to stay up.

"You better slow down pal, or all of what's on the inside of your stomach will be out in a few minutes."

Bosco looked up to see it was the bartender. "I can hold my liquor pretty well."

"Not in my bar, this is the last one from me." He poured more of the amber liquid. "After that I'm cutting you off."

Bosco stared at the shot glass. "No, that's ok. I'll take my business elsewhere." He slammed some money down on the bar and left. Just the smallest of conversation from someone lit his fuse.

He lost his balance as he walked down the sidewalk, and he really hadn't had a whole lot to drink for his standards. He turned the corner, deciding to go home. He had some alcohol left in his cabinet he could finish off, at least he'd be within the walls of his own home where no one could cut him off, the only way he'd stop is if he ran out.

He slowly made his way up to his apartment, where standing at his door was the last person he wanted to see at the moment. He pulled his keys out of his pocket, hoping maybe when he looked up the person would be gone.

"Well well, aren't you a site for sore eyes?" He spat, fumbling with the metal to find the key that would open his apartment up.

"Shutup Bosco, you know why I'm here." Faith knew he'd be tanked, she felt it in her gut all day long.

"No actually, I don't." He finally got the door open, walking in. She followed. "Hey, no one said you could come in, I didn't invite you."

"Well I'm inviting myself." She let the door slam behind her. "Can you not see what you are doing to yourself?"

"You being here tells me that you don't think I am. And since you are always right about everything.."

She cut him off before he could continue. "Spare me that shit Bosco. I don't know how many times we are going to have to have this conversation, but you have got to stop drinking like you do! What's the problem this time?"

"What?"

She smirked as she gave out a heavy sigh. "Look, I know what happened with Finney was bad, it was a horrible accident, but you can't go out and drink yourself to death, what good would that do?"

"That's where you are wrong Faith. What happened to Finney wasn't an accident! It should have never happened. A rookie should have never been in that situation, and he was my responsibility." He grabbed a beer from his refrigerator, "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a date with my booze."

Before any of the alcohol hit his tongue she knocked the bottle out of his hands, causing it to fall to the floor, shattering in a million pieces. The room fell silent, and now they were both in a staring contest with each other, each one not wanting to take their eyes off the other.

"Why did you do that Faith?"

"God Bosco, it's like a damn circle with you. Don't listen to me, no I've only grown up with a drunk father and my husband had that problem, but nope I don't know what I'm talking about!" She finally took her eyes off of him, walking to his door. "The decision is yours, I can't stand over you, breaking every bottle you bring to your mouth." She then walked out, leaving him alone with the shattered mess beneath his feet.

Finney's mother was still upset from her blow up earlier with Bosco. She knew that blaming someone for what happened wasn't the right thing to do, but for the time being that's all she could think to do. Brendan was always such a fighter, one to not sit around and let things go to hell, and having that personality is probably what got him in this situation in the first place.

She grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly. His body temperature seemed very low, his skin was really cool to the touch. "Oh God Brendan, please be okay." She didn't think she could make it through this, she had just lost CT and now maybe her eldest son.

She stood up when the doctor walked in, shaking his hand. "Has he moved or anything?"

She shook her head no, wiping her nose with a Kleenex. The doctor took notice to her physical appearance. "I can prescribe you with some medications if you'd like."

"What do you mean?"

He sat on the edge of the sink counter. "I'm suggesting some kind of anti depressant. Mrs. Finney, you have had a rough couple of months, and the last thing you need right now is to fall into a deep depression, shutting out the rest of the world. I think medication can help you."

She sat back down beside Brendan's bed, not answering him right off. "Well uhh, I don't know I'd have to think about it."

"Okay, but I strongly suggest it." He then walked out, leaving her alone again.

(Finney's dream)

"Dad, what are you doing here?" Finney stood outside in his garage, an image of his dead father was before him. "No, I'm imagining this, you aren't here, it's just me thinking about you."

CT slowly began to walk up to him, placing his hands gently on Finney's shoulders. "Oh no Brendan, you are not imagining me, I'm here all right."

Finney tried backing away but there was something keeping him near his father. "But you are dead, why are you back?" Everything around Finney seemed blurry, almost like looking through the lens of a camera that you couldn't get focused just right.

"Well my son, I'm here on unfinished business."

"What is unfinished?" Finney's anger then flared, he was still upset about the way his father died. "You should've finished it before you decided to take your own life."

CT shook his head, there seemed to be fire in his eyes as he stared down at Brendan, causing him to feel that much more awkward. "No, I'm back to tell you that I should've put you in the car with me, so I could end your miserable life too."

Bosco stared at the blank TV, as if it was turned on and he was intently focused on some interesting show. He sloshed around the liquid in the bottle he was holding, watching the clear vodka flow from the top to the bottom with each turn of his wrist. It was now 5:30 AM, and his eyelids seemed to be growing heavier and heavier. He slowly put the silver lid back on the bottle and placed it on the table, then proceeded to his bedroom. He told himself he didn't want to sleep tonight but he was tired of fighting his body.

He plopped down hard on his covers, it was quite a warm night so he didn't feel the need to cover himself. He then rolled on his back, staring up at the ceiling. It felt like he was on a boat, the way he was rocking back and forth like the waves do when a gentle breeze blows through. For a moment he got lost, thinking about being out on the coast in a nice little canoe, rowing out away from all of his problems towards the horizon. But he wasn't on a boat, he was laying on his bed, in his apartment, in New York City, all his problems were screaming at him.

'Getting shot wasn't enough I guess, God had to make me kill a rookie also. He's just begging for me to eat my gun.' He thought as he rolled over on his stomach, burying his face down deep in his pillows. Brendan wasn't dead yet, but the way Bosco saw it, his luck wasn't good and he'd be dead before he knew it.

Then of course Faith came back to his mind, knocking the bottle out of his hands the way she did. The glass was still on his kitchen floor, he hadn't even bothered cleaning it up. Deep down he knew Faith was right, him doing this to himself wasn't right and it wasn't solving anything, but he was being so hard headed that he didn't care what was right, this was what he wanted to do to punish himself.

Slowly his eyes began to shut, it felt like bricks or some heavy object was sitting on his eyelids. He didn't fight it, he let his body pass out from the hell it had been put through, and he was sent into a world of dreams and deep thoughts, only to wake up later with the same problems he had before he fell asleep.

TBC….

Audioslave – Be Yourself

Someone falls to pieces sleeping all alone
Someone kills the pain
Spinning in the silence she finally drifts away

Someone gets excited in a chapel yard
Catches a bouquet
Another lays a dozen white roses on a grave

Be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do

Someone finds salvation in everyone
Another only pain
Someone tries to hide himself
Down inside himself he prays

Someone swears there's true love until the end of time
Another runs away
Separate or united
Empty or insane

And be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do
Be yourself is all that you can do

Even when you've paid enough
Been put upon or been held up
'Cause every single memory of
Good or bad faces of love
Don't lose any sleep tonight
I'm sure everything will end up alright
You may win or lose

But to be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can...
Be yourself is all that you can...
Be yourself is all that you can do

Responses to Reviewers:

Kika Sama: Yeah, it's a shame that TW got cancelled, but we can keep it alive with our fanfiction, at least we can have that much hope. I'm glad you are liking the characters in this story, and that they seem realistic to you. I appreciate your reviews, and I'm glad you are still reading. Makes me wanna update this so quickly because of you guys.

Sarah Cuddy: Yeah I'm back, and with such great replies like this I'll stay back! Hehe. Is Brendan gonna be okay, continue to read to see..muahah You never know with me! (winks)

Cosmic Castaway: It's hard to come up with dreams, and funny cause you know that we have such vivid dreams, maybe we should use some of our own! Haha, and about Bosco visiting his mother, glad you liked that! Poor dude, don't ya love it? (Laughs like Dr. Evil)

Hateful with a vengeance: Hope I updated soon enough for ya! Thanks for your review, I appreciate it!

Thirdwatcher: Thanks for your review, I at least updated this one a tad bit quicker for ya!

Quacksd: did I update quick enough for ya? Teehee hee, gotta love Brendan torture and Bosco in one! Glad you are into this also! Oh and no no, I'd never ever tell Josh I'm writing about him! LOL he'd think I was psycho with all the stuff I put him through! I don't know about him being flattered, maybe a little scared! LMAO Thanks for your great replies, and happy reading!

Jayne190: Yeah it still amazes me that NBC can cancel a great show like Third Watch, yet leave such trash like that on the air. (If that wasn't a biased comment by me I'm not sure what is) haha. I feel bad that it took me so long to update that you forgot, so I had my muse working hard to get this one done quickly. I really like how you seem to point out things you liked in the chapter, that marks a great reviewer. Your reviews are always special to receive, and give me confidence. I'm glad you like certain spots, that means I'm doing my job! And no kidding about the muse being fickle, such an ill-tempered thing at times! Thanks again for your continuous support through this story!

N a: Glad you think it's good, and thanks for your reply, I appreciate it!

Again, thanks to each and every one of you! You guys rock!