Crash.
Though she was probably due to go gray any day now.
She stuck her head into the hallway and said, "Everything okay in there?"
"Yes!" came Faith and Xander's voices in unison. Through their closed bedroom door, she heard another crash, followed by a girly giggle that more likely belonged to Xander than Faith.
Cordelia decided to assume that the crash had been the sound of an extremely satisfying training session in progress, because yuck. Somewhat satisfied with her appearance, she gave her hair one final shake then went over to the closet. What kind of outfit was appropriate for visiting the supernatural forces that ruined your life? Jeans, a skirt, a dress...did she own any shirts that said Get Bent?
Not that she blamed them for everything, of course. Like Angel getting sucked into hell? Cordelia was pretty sure she could pin that one on his own stupidity. Angel wasn't the guy you wanted in charge of logistics when it came to big plans, and taking on Wolfram and Hart was pretty much as big as they got. They'd always left the planning to Wes, but apparently he hadn't been wrapped too tight near the end. Again, not the PTB's fault. The only thing Cordelia might be able to blame them for was the whole 'oops, Fred's dead, and now a demon who looks like a Lucky Cheng's reject is living in her body' thing, and even that was iffy.
If anything, Cordelia blamed herself. If she hadn't gotten all caught up in the Champion drama, she might have seen what was happening to her friends and herself before she got sucked into Neverland.
Wesley. She had definitely failed Wesley somewhere along the way. That cold, reclusive creature he'd become wasn't Wesley, not really. Even as Cordelia had stood in Connor's nursery, helping Angel pack up the vestiges of a life that would never be, something inside of her kept screaming that the man responsible for Connor's dark fate would eventually revert to the sweet, kind, caring man he'd always been. Instead, in her absence, he'd grown more distant, landing in bed with, of all people, crazy lawyer bitch. Which was a world of eew, even if Lilah did have an uncanny fashion sense. And now Wesley was dead. Dead, gone, like Fred and Doyle and so many other friends, and for what? The greater good? Cordelia wasn't sure such a thing actually existed.
Before she could meditate further on the sucking black hole of her life, there was a knock on her bedroom door.
"Hey, Cor, it's Gunn. Can I come in?"
"One sec." Okay, nothing said Don't Mess With Me like knee-high, do-me boots, and a killer black mini-dress. Confident that she was prepared fashion-wise, anyway to face the Powers That Be, Cordelia opened the door to her bedroom and smiled. "How do I look?"
"Amazing, as usual," Gunn said, pulling her into a bone-crushing hug.
Cordelia wrapped her arms around him, burying her head into the crook of his neck and inhaling. He smelled like home, like Los Angeles. Like Gunn. A mix of sandalwood and sweat and coffee. A piece of her past, returned.
And then she realized the whole sniffing thing might seem weird to the guy who had accused her of being a demon two days earlier, so she pulled back and flashed him the patented I'm Cordelia Chase And Everything Is Fine grin. The very one she'd perfected during the whole Angelus Lite debacle last year. No, wait...three years ago. That was going to take some getting used to.
Gunn studied her face, then grabbed her by the shoulders and steered her towards her bed. He pushed her into a sitting position and stood in front of her. "Spill."
"Spill what?"
"I know that smile, Cordy. It means you're hiding something. Now," he said, crossing his arms, "we could do that whole 'What's wrong?' 'Nothing.' 'Okay.' 'Don't you wanna know what's wrong!' crazy white folks dance, but we're supposed to be on an uptown subway right about now, so what's up?"
Cordelia sighed, resting her palms against her knees. "I'm just afraid I'll find out..."
"Find out you got body-jacked and gave birth to a people-eating maggot-faced demon hell bent on world domination?"
"For example."
Gunn grabbed her hands and hauled her to her feet. "You gotta admit, it'll be hard to find out anything worse than you already know."
Cordelia shot him a sideways glare as she led the way out of her room. "Famous last words."
As the subway zoomed uptown, Cordelia had to admit that New York had its advantages. For example, Gunn was holding a large bag of herbs and wearing a dress shirt with jeans, the unfortunate side effect of having to flee Los Angeles with minimal time to pack appropriately. Illyria, meanwhile, had apparently gone shopping in Chinatown, because she was wearing an overly large red silk kimono with combat boots, and furthermore had neglected to hide the blue in her hair. And Spike was conspicuous by his very nature. Anywhere else, they would have looked like a pack of carnival freakshow escapees, but they blended right in on the crowded subway.
"These tunnels are crawling with filthy vermin. And also rats. I think I should like to decimate them all," Illyria announced, either to Spike or no one in particular.
Maybe saying they blended in was an overstatement.
Cordelia decided to ignore Miss Hack and Slash, even if she had provided what would hopefully be the way to contact The Powers. Besides, looking at Fred and knowing it wasn't actually Fred hadn't gotten any easier. So instead, she concentrated on Gunn's arm resting casually against hers, living proof that not every good thing about her time in L.A. had been destroyed.
At Columbus Circle, Spike said, "That would be our stop, kiddies." The four of them piled off, then made their way towards the exit. "And this would be my stop," he said, dropping onto the bench by the stairs. "Don't fancy getting burned extra-crispy up above. But I can find a way to get there if you need me."
"I still can't believe The Powers That Be are in Central Park," Gunn said.
"Well, let's see how reliable our source is first," Cordelia replied, watching Illyria make her way up the stairs.
Spike lit up a cigarette and took a puff. "You can trust her."
Cordelia snorted. "Spike, I don't even trust you yet."
"Oh, come on. It's not like I ever bit you or anything!" Gunn coughed, and Spike slumped back, looking sheepish. "Oh, right."
"'Oh, right?' What does that mean! When did you bite me?"
"Cordy, we should go," Gunn said, guiding her towards the stairs.
"We are so going to discuss this later," she grumbled, shooting a backwards glare at Spike.
"This is the portal," Illyria said, looking around the small, underground room they'd accessed through a crevasse in a rock formation. "I can sense the higher beings. An emanating stench of power. It sickens me."
"I thought you were all rah rah, yay power?" Cordelia asked.
The demon fixed her with an icy glare. "Only my own, insolent wretch."
"O-kay…Gunn, can we do this? This…whatever we're doing?"
"Yeah." He walked over to the small container in the middle of the room and sprinkled a few herbs inside. "I hope that British guy knew what he was talking about when he gave Xander the instructions. I really don't feel like getting blown up today."
"Oh, Giles is, like, the bookiest book guy ever. Even more than Wesley." She winced when she said his name, and noticed that Gunn did the same. Illyria didn't wince, but her scowl deepened and she crossed her arms more tightly across her chest. "Anyway, if anything, I'd worry that Xander wrote the instructions down wrong. And we all get blown up."
"You're not helping," he said, quickly following it with a phrase uttered in halting Latin. Gunn touched a lighter to the container and it shot flames into the air. A second later, a glowing doorway appeared. "Hey, are you sure you don't want me to come?"
Cordelia shook her head. "No, I have to do this alone," she said, crossing the small room.
Gunn caught her by the arm as she passed, giving her hand a squeeze and releasing it. "Be careful."
She gave him a grateful smile, hoping to exude a calmness she certainly didn't feel, then took a deep breath and stepped into the light.
"Come before us, lower higher being," came a voice from the expanse of white. Cordelia blinked a few times, and as her eyes adjusted she was able to pinpoint the owner. It turned out to be a guy who looked like a walking Oscar statue with streaks of blue. Great.
"You're the link to the Powers That Be?" she asked, trying not to sound as incredulous as she felt.
"In a manner of speaking, Cordelia Chase," said the woman who stepped out of the shadows to join them. What a surprise, she was done up on blue and gold, too. Couldn't anyone connected to the other side be at least somewhat normal looking?
"How do you know my name? Oh, I get it, you're all knowing and stuff, right?"
"Correct," the woman said, tilting her head. "And also, we have met before."
The guy beside her said, "We are responsible for bringing you back. I expect you're here to thank us and pay supplication."
"Thank you? Are you insane? I came here hoping you'd point me in the direction of whose ass I have to kick, and you just fess up?"
He turned to the other woman and said, "She doesn't seem pleased."
"Gee, ya think?"
The woman raised her hand in his direction, but kept her eyes on Cordelia. "Perhaps because we haven't explained her purpose yet."
"I already know my purpose, thanks," Cordelia snapped. The two creatures stared at her. And stared. And stared. Finally, she sighed and said, "Fine, I don't know my purpose, okay? But I didn't come here to find out my purpose. I came here to find out why you brought me back, and to see if you know how we can rescue Angel."
"The vampire is no longer our ward. He gave up any protection we could have afforded him the moment he signed a blood oath with the Wolf, the Ram, and the Hart," the man said.
"Yeah, because you did such a good job protecting him when he was on your side." Cordelia muttered. If they heard her, they made no indication.
"But we can explain our actions, if you wish," the woman said.
"We owe her no explanations for actions that were determined by forces greater than any of us can imagine," the man sniffed.
"Perhaps not, but she deserves to know." The woman took a step towards Cordelia, and it took all of Cordelia's will to not instinctively step back. Sure, the woman seemed nicer than her surly partner, but she still gave her the willies. "Before humans, before time itself, the forces of good and evil came to an agreement."
"I have serious trouble believing that," Cordelia interjected.
"See? The insolence!" the man said. "We owe her nothing."
"I am getting so sick of being called insolent." She held her breath, waiting to see if she'd be turned into a toad. Thankfully, the woman seemed inclined to ignore the outbursts on both sides and continue.
"There would always be skirmishes between the beings of darkness and light, but each side would be given a chance to tip the scales permanently in their favor by appointing emissaries to work their will."
"But only one side at a time may have a representative on Earth," the man added.
The woman turned to him and gave him a teasing grin. "I thought we owed no explanations?"
He cracked a small smile, which frankly unnerved Cordelia more than his scowl, and said, "It is a good story."
"Yeah, fascinating. How does this translate into bringing me back from the dead?"
"When Voca murdered us at the turn of the millenium, it gave rise to a time of darkness."
"In other words, it was the baddies' turn. Wait, Voca…you're the Oracles!" The woman and man nodded. "Angel told me about you! So when you died, evil was allowed to put their representatives into place?"
"Yes. The Circle of the Black Thorn, able to do the bidding of the Senior Partners. They are hardly impotent without their emissaries, but they can only bring the world into a tumbling darkness with the Circle in place. And they almost succeeded this time, until your friends destroyed them."
A strange warmth rushed through Cordelia. It didn't take away all the pain, but knowing Wesley hadn't died in vain, knowing Angel's plan had actually worked? It helped. A little.
"So with the Circle gone, it was your turn again. And this happens, over and over? Someone will eventually kill you and the Circle will return? And then someone will kill the Circle, and we'll be right here having this conversation again?"
"Yes," the woman said. "Although I don't believe you'll be here next time. We are eternal, but the vision-bearers are ephemeral."
"Visions? Oh, no, we've been through that already. Remember? I got knocked out of my body?"
"That was through the tamperings of one not connected to us," the man said. "The demon made you believe you were in danger, made you believe you were to ascend to a higher being. That was not our work. The visions will cause you pain, but will cause no deterioration."
"Oh, so instead of my skull actually exploding, I'll just wish it would. Yay. Why me? I was done, over, finito. I carried the visions for three years, and it's not like I have anything to atone for. Haven't you people ever heard of Rest In Peace?"
"We chose to bring you back because your destiny was changed by outside forces," the woman said. "You were not given the change to live the life you deserved."
"You mean the life where I'm the rich, famous, and adored star of my own TV show? Again, been there, done that, didn't like the Crazy Angel side-effect."
"Again, lower higher being, those were the machinations of an outside agent," the man said. And boy, did he sound irritated with her. "What my sister means is that you were not allowed to help all the people you were destined to help. You were supposed to be a warrior for the side of good, and instead you were corrupted by one of our own."
"An abominable betrayal. It was up to us to right this wrong," the woman said. "So we brought you back to Earth, gave you a clean slate, enabling you to live up to your destiny."
Cordelia dug her hands into her hips. "Clean slate? Does that mean you guys are responsible for the partial mind-wipe, too?"
The brother and sister exchanged looks, before the brother finally answered. "We thought it would be best if you weren't subjected to…the unpleasantness that unraveled after you ascended."
"You thought it best? What gives you the right to decide what's best for me? I mean, besides divine right and all."
"You truly wish to remember?" The woman studied her, tilting her head this way and that. "You wish to know what happened when you were a passenger in your own body? Or when you were a silent observer on the other side?"
"Yes! The good, the bad, the ugly…lay it on me, sister."
"As you wish," she said.
This is probably a bad, bad idea, Cordelia thought, before wave after wave of images crashed over her.
Blood staining her hands…maybe Lilah's, maybe someone else's. Trapped inside her own, unmoving body. Being offered one last chance to make things right. Watching over her own funeral….
The moon was visible before the sun had even fully set over the cemetery. The ceremony was small, attended only by Angel, Wesley, Gunn, Fred, Lorne, Harmony, and a shaman whose job entailed setting charms upon the gravesite to keep it from being disturbed. Apparently, a seer's eyes were valuable even in death.
Neither Angel nor Fred spoke. Fred was too distraught, and Angel remained silent until later that night when he spoke his eulogy directly to her in the privacy and darkness of his penthouse.
Wesley gave a beautiful speech, marked by the subtle grace he'd acquired in the mellowing of his nature post-mindwipe. Lorne sang, and Harmony babbled. Cordelia was touched by everything, and really impressed with whoever they'd gotten to style her hair. There were no real surprises until Gunn stood up to speak.
"Cordelia was nuts," Gunn said, shaking his head, and if ghosts could scoff, better believe she would have. "She really was," he said. "Her filing system was crazy, and she'd always come out and say the absolute worst thing at the worst possible time."
Cordelia was getting ready to see if ghosts could get corporeal long enough to kick an ass or two when Gunn broke into a sad smile, and his voice was thick when he continued. "But she always made me laugh, you know? She'd turn that bigass smile on you and bam, you're the only one in the room. She drove me nuts...but she saved my life. Just by being…Cordelia. She said she was gonna save my life, and she did." A pause. "I wish I could have returned the favor."
The memory faded into the background of her mind, and Cordelia became very aware that she was sprawled on the surprisingly warm marble floor. The Oracles were watching her, and she could swear the woman looked almost sympathetic.
"Are you satisfied in your quest for knowledge?" the man asked.
Cordelia slowly pushed herself to her feet, not completely sure her legs would hold her once she got vertical. It was one thing for Gunn to tell her about the horrible things she'd done as Pod Cordelia, it was another thing to be there, feel it. If she closed her eyes, she could feel the sticky hot blood coating her hands, running down her arms….
"I'm not sure satisfied is the right word for it," she said softly.
"Acceptance will come in time," the woman said. "This is true of both your memories and your destiny."
"Right, that thing again. Okay, I give, what's my purpose?" Keep in mind I'll probably tell you to shove it up your - oh, crap, can they read minds?
"You are to act as a guide to Champions, bear the visions to guide their way," the man said.
Something more than irritation but less than full-on rage flashed through Cordelia. "Supernatural switchboard operator again. Great. One problem - you don't have a Champion anymore. He's in Hell, remember? And since you don't seem inclined to help on that front"
The woman cut Cordelia off with a reproachful look. "There are other Champions, and it is their turn now to battle the forces which would destroy the very human existence. Your role in this is critical. Do not think it coincidence that you are in contact with a Slayer, another Souled Vampire, and two humans who have pledged themselves to fighting back the creatures of darkness."
"So, what, I'm supposed to order them around based on the blinding pictures you shove in my head?"
The man turned around and started walking down the adjacent corridor. Over his shoulder, he said, "What you do is your own choice now, Cordelia Chase. Free will."
Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Pfft. Yeah, you guys are all about the free will."
"Good luck," the remaining Oracle said, giving Cordelia what probably passed for a kind smile in Vague Power Land before a flash of light overtook her sight.
Strong arms wrapped around her waist, catching her before she could hit the ground. "Damn, that was quick," Gunn said.
Cordelia blinked as her vision returned to normal. She was back in the underground cavern. "It didn't feel quick," she said.
"Their time moves incongruently to ours," Illyria said.
Gunn started to pull away from her, but Cordelia clung to him, not confident of her ability to stand on her own yet, and not wanting to lose the comforting contact of warm skin. "Did you find out anything?" he asked.
"Yeah," Cordelia said. "A few things."
And then she promptly fainted.