We found Raj and Yedda waiting anxiously for us in the princess's soft green reception room. "Is it all right," Raj asked, "does Master suspect anything?"

"He knows nothing." Moriah answered calmly. "He is here as the Emperor's representative, no more."

Raj breathed a sigh of relief and Yedda relaxed. I on the other hand swelled up in indignation and dismay. "You knew Anakin was going to be there?" I demanded incredulously. "Why didn't you warn me! what if I'd been recognized ?"

"I decided that would not happen." my princess answered calmly, leading us all through her yellow hung study and into the pale blue bedroom where she began taking off her jewelry.

I accepted the pieces automatically. "That isn't something you can decide!"

"As a matter of fact it is." Raj put in. "Being a seer, Kensai Moriah can influence the future in small ways."

I blinked. "What?"

"Merely bend circumstances slightly, if the way is open." she explained, sitting down at her dressing table and beginning to take down her hair. "It was possible that Anakin would not recognize you. I simply made sure that possibility became reality."

I felt dizzy. "You can change the future?"

She turned to look at me with those deep, serene eyes. "That is a power we all share. The future is always in motion, formed by our actions.

Anakin had changed it, I realized sickly. Instead of destroying the Sith as the Prophecy had promised he had become one of them and brought the whole galaxy under their sway. And his turn was partly my fault, for all I had meant no harm. "You should have warned me." I repeated.

"Then you would have refused to accompany me." my princess said reasonably. "It was important you saw your Anakin again."

"He's not my Anakin any more." I said bitterly.

"Oh yes he is." Moriah's gaze was become unsettlingly intense. "He has not been devoured - not yet. But for how long? You are not needed here, Padme. Not by me, or even by your daughter -"

I backed away, eyes filling with tears, then turned and fled before I could hear any more. I ran blindly through the pallid corridors, past startled courtiers, until I finally came to a high balcony overlooking the lake.

How could my princess say such a cruel thing? All the more cruel because I knew it was true. Moriah didn't need a handmaiden fussing over her, and Leia didn't need a second mother - especially one whose very presence put her in danger. I huddled on the bench, tears soaking the hands over my face. Gradually I became aware of a familiar presence and looked up.

Qui-Gon sat on the other end of my bench, translucent and faintly luminous even in the bright afternoon sunlight. "Moriah didn't mean to hurt you, Padme." he said gently. "She but spoke a truth you needed to hear."

"Needed to hear?" I repeated angrily. "I need to hear I'm a useless drone - as if I can help it!"

He shook his head. "Surely you know why you have been so unhappy here, Little One. All your life you have had purpose, and now you have none."

"I can't change that so what's the use of rubbing my nose in it?" I cried.

"But you can. You can go where you are needed. But it will be dangerous."

"Dangerous." I echoed. "What do you mean? Where do you want me to go?"

"To one who needs you desperately. To Anakin, to save what is left of his soul."

I stared incredulously at my Master, tears forgotten. "Go back to Anakin?" I echoed, and was shaken by a sudden fierce longing. "I can't, Master, you know I can't. He mustn't know about the twins."

Qui-Gon smiled a little sadly. "You won't find it hard to hide that from him, Padme. The Sith see only what they look for. Anakin needs you, Little One. He needs your love to nurture the goodness left in him. Without you it could die letting him be devoured by the Dark Side."

I knew what Qui-Gon said was true. I had felt Anakin's presence inside that armor and heard the remains of his old idealism, though horribly twisted, in his alien voice. But I was afraid. Afraid of Darth Vader, afraid of the Emperor and most of all afraid for my children. "Can't you help him, Master?" I begged.

But Qui-Gon shook his head, rugged face filled with sorrow. "No, Padme I can't. I have tried again and again to reach Anakin - both before and after his fall - and never succeeded. He has shut me out. Along with Obi-Wan and the rest of the Jedi. His trust in us has been destroyed."

"Along with his trust in me." I said miserably. "Master, he tried to kill me on Mustafar."

"I know. But I believe he regrets that impulse now. Padme, I would not ask this of you if I didn't believe you could succeed."

I gnawed my lip. "I have to think about it."

He nodded acceptance. "Clear your mind, listen for the will of the Force and do what you feel is right."

'Clear your mind.' easy for Qui-Gon to say very, very hard for me to do. Sometimes I think my Master forgot I wasn't a Jedi and couldn't shut off my emotions to order! I spent the week of the festival, usually the high point of my year, hiding in my princess's chambers tortured by contradictory fears and longings.

I wanted my Anakin terribly. I'd missed him horribly - I hadn't let myself realize how much until now. But If I went back to him I'd have to accept Darth Vader too and I wasn't sure I could do that.

I saw Anakin one more time, from the balcony of the princess's reception room. The lakeside lawn was full of celebrants dancing, laughing, eating and drinking but my poor Ani stood apart from it all, trapped inside the black armor of his life support system. He looked so lonely, so bereft that I wanted to run down there and throw myself into his arms but fear and revulsion held me back.

The violence of my ambivalent feelings were tearing me apart. It wasn't his injuries - honestly it wasn't. I didn't care how he looked. The problem was what he'd become, what he'd done...Could I live with a murderer? A tyrant and oppressor even if he was my beloved Anakin underneath?

As it happened it was Princess Moriah, not the Force, who finally made up my mind for me. "You understand you will not be able to turn Anakin back." she said to me out of nowhere one evening as I was combing her hair. "I cannot see that happening."

"Me neither." I answered dispiritedly. "I had my chance on Mustafar and failed." then I burst out. "So what's the point of going back to him? What good will it do if I can't turn him back to the good side?"

"You can keep Anakin Skywalker alive, as Qui-Gon said. You are the only one who can." she replied.

"But that won't save him!"

"Of course it will. You can't bring Anakin back, Padme, but there are two who can - if he remains un-devoured."

I stopped combing. "The children!"

she nodded. "Anakin's children. In them he will be able to see himself as he once was. For them - if no one else - he will become who he was born to be."

"You've seen that? You've seen Ani saved?" I breathed hardly daring to believe.

She turned to look directly at me. "I have seen the possibility. Whether it will become reality depends on Anakin, on Luke and Leia - and on you, Padme."

I scarcely heard her. We could save him, the children and me. We could bring Anakin back to us. We could be together like the family I'd always dreamed of. Wasn't that was worth any risk?

"I'll do it." I said to Qui-Gon in the privacy of my own room later that night.

He smiled. "I knew you would. I feel you are doing right, Padme."

"So do I. But how do I go back to Anakin? I can't just walk downstairs and knock on his door!"

"No indeed. There must be nothing to connect you to Alderaan for Leia's sake, not to mention Breha and Bail's." he agreed.

"Leia." my heart twisted in my chest.

"It will be hard for you to leave her." my Master said, compassion shining in his eyes.

I scraped up a smile. "Almost as hard as not quite living with her." then shook my head wearily. "We couldn't go on like this anyway, Leia's getting old enough to wonder why she has two mothers and start asking questions."

"But not old enough to understand the answers." Qui-Gon nodded.

"Worse if she does." I said grimly. "I don't want my little girl to grow up overshadowed by secrets and afraid."

"No." he agreed very seriously. "That would be dangerous. It was fear that overthrew Anakin, we must not risk the same happening to his daughter."

I shuddered. He was right, there must be no conflicts, no hidden terrors in my children's lives. And there wouldn't be, their foster parents would see to that, although it meant I couldn't be in either of my children's lives. But I could be part of Anakin's again - if we could just figure out how.

"We must consult with Moriah, she will know the possibilities you face." Qui-Gon said.

Suddenly I remembered my princess had mentioned his name, something I had missed completely at the time. "She can see you, you can talk to her?"

His eyebrows rose. "Of course. She is my wife."

"Wife!" I gasped when I'd gotten my breath back. "Three years and neither of you bothered to mention you were married!"

My Master frowned a little, puzzled. "Why should we?"

I gave up. Jedi operate on a need to know basis - and as far as they're concerned nobody needs to know about their private lives; not even their students!