Title: Heart Condition Chapter Nine
Rating: Teen
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the West Wing characters etc. Just trying to play a little, so please don't sue! Sylvia Lyman is a little bit mine, but mostly her own… she went in a completely different way than I expected.
Author's Note: At last it's time for a real conversation for Josh and Donna. We're definitely on the downhill slope of this one- maybe another chapter or two tops. This has been a longer road than I'd planned, so I really appreciate the feedback from those of you who are sticking with it. I hope you enjoy it!
Chapter NineJosh and his mother passed the next few hours quietly, chatting about meaningless matters, working on one of the crosswords from Sylvia's book and watching television. Sylvia refused to allow any form of news to be on for even a moment, despite Josh's many pleas that he needed to stay informed. She also refused to allow him any phone access.
"Mom, I'm not a child any more. You can't just take away my cell phone! I have responsibilities, people rely on me for things." Josh whined.
"These people happened to witness your little episode yesterday and are perfectly content to allow you to rest for a while. I spoke with Mrs. Santos a few hours ago and she said they would stop by this evening. Besides, I know you don't really want to check in with the campaign, but want to call Leo or Sam or someone else to conspire with." Sylvia narrowed her eyes at Josh, reading him as only a mother can. Josh squirmed for a few minutes under her steady gaze before admitting defeat.
"All right. You've got me there. But Mom, how can I let them fight this fight for me? This is my life that's getting dragged through the mud and I'm stuck in a hospital bed, not even allowed to scream at the idiots on Hardball for discussing it."
"Joshua, if you start shooting your mouth off you will only get yourself in trouble. That little sensor in most people's brains telling them when to stop got shaken loose somewhere along the line. I personally think it was prep school and that silly attempt to join the rugby team, but that doesn't really matter."
"I'll have you know I was a very good rugby player. It was the rest of the team that couldn't keep up with my talent that caused all the trouble." Josh interrupted sharply.
"You really weren't." Sylvia returned. "My point is that the people that are fighting your battle as you call it are much more skilled at handling these things without getting in anyone's face and causing a bigger problem."
"I've handled plenty of political scandals without getting in anyone's face. You are being ridiculous." Josh argued.
"How are you going to react if someone calls Donna a whore in front of you?" Sylvia challenged. Josh's face turned dark and his heart monitor kicked a much quicker beat. "Exactly. This is too personal for you and Donna to fight on your own. These people love you and want to help. Let them repay you for all the sacrifices you have made for your friends, your president and your country." Josh didn't respond, but turned away to stare out the window moodily. Sylvia returned to her crossword puzzle, perfectly content to let her son brood the day away.
"Where is Donna anyway? You said she was going to take a nap, but she's been gone for hours. Are you sure she didn't just leave?"
"Joshua, the girl didn't sleep at all last night. If her life on the campaign trail is anything like yours, I'm sure she hasn't gotten much sleep any time the last few months. We were having a nice chat, so I didn't call up to wake her. We can do that if you'd like." Sylvia soothed, driving Josh's blood pressure up in irritation.
"Mother, I was just wondering. It's fine. She can sleep all night if she wants. Guess the need to be with me isn't so strong now that I'm not in imminent danger." Josh pouted, trying to draw sympathy from his mother.
"Joshua, I am quite certain that if I call to wake her, she will be furious that I waited so long to call her. You have the rest of your lives to be together, what's a few more hours?" Sylvia asked, still keeping her eyes on her crossword.
"We don't know that. You don't know what she's thinking right now. She could be trying to find the most discreet way to get out of the hospital and go back to Wisconsin for all we know." Sylvia let out a frustrated sigh and was about to lay into Josh for his lack of faith, when Donna appeared in the doorway.
"Is that what you think I'd do? Things get a little messy and I bolt? In case you haven't noticed Joshua, I have always been there at your side, nursing you back to health, supporting you, taking care of you. What makes you think this is any different?" Donna's blue eyes were steely with frustration and hurt as she charged into the room. Josh swallowed hard a few times, trying to get control of his emotions before speaking.
"Because you left. Everything is different now, because you left me." He choked out at last. Donna froze, his words knocking the wind out of her. Sylvia stood up quietly.
"I think you have things to say to each other. I'm going to go get some coffee. I'll be back in a bit." With that, she left the room leaving Josh and Donna to stare at each other, their eyes mirroring the agony of the last six months. Donna lowered herself into the chair next to Josh's bed in front of the window, forcing him to meet her eyes.
"Josh… I didn't leave you, not really. I mean, I did leave, that is true. I left my job and I left you, thinking that I couldn't continue to live in limbo. I wanted to be with you, really be with you and I was tired of waiting for it to be politically acceptable. I thought if I forced your hand either you would come to me and we could try together or I would know that everything I'd felt for you for the last eight years was one- sided and it was time to move on. I tried to move on. But every victory felt hollow when you weren't there to grandstand and brag. Every hard time on the road was doubly hard because I didn't have you to stand beside me. And instead of my leaving making things easier between us, it made it impossible for us to even be around each other."
"What did you think it would do? You went to work for Russell of all people! You knew how I felt about him and you left me to go work for him, for Will." Josh argued, refusing to see the emotion in her choices.
"Will knew me. He's the only person that would have given me a chance to be something more than an assistant. If I was going to try to see what I could do on my own two feet professionally, I had to work for him." Donna tried to use logic to explain her choices, but Josh would have none of it.
"There were other campaigns. You could have worked for a Senator or Representative's re-election campaign. You have great contacts in Congress." Josh pointed out.
"Josh, how many people in Congress want to poach the President's pit bull's assistant, the assistant that everyone knows he relies on more than most people rely on their best friend or spouse? And those who might have been willing would only be interested in me as an assistant. I don't want that anymore. I've grown past it." Donna returned with a hint of bitterness in her voice.
"So where does that leave us now?" Josh asked, while carefully studying the thin, scratchy sheet covering his lower body. "Clearly, you are still angry with me for not promoting you."
"And you are still angry that I left. Josh, I want to be with you. I think the fact that I may have thrown away a pretty nice career over you is a testament to that. I think you want to be with me too, but something is holding you back. What aren't you telling me?" Donna's question hung in the air as Josh carefully avoided her gaze, lost in his battles with himself. At last, he took a deep breath and looked up at her with tears shimmering in his eyes.
"What if I'm not enough for you? I'm not foolish enough to think that a hundred other men wouldn't be better for you, wouldn't have more to offer you than I can at this point in my life." The pain and fear in his voice was enough to stop Donna's breath for a moment. She slowly shook her head at him, reaching down to caress his face gently.
"Josh, I've had other men in my life. They weren't enough for me, because they weren't you. I don't care what you have to offer me as long as you offer me your love. I want to love you, Josh. To really love you without worrying about who knows and what the political ramifications are. Haven't we waited long enough to be happy?" Donna's tears poured down her cheeks. Josh reached out his hand for hers and she took it, pulling their joined hands up to her face and leaning into his touch.
"I don't know how to do this, you know. Love someone, I mean. I'm probably going to screw it up before I even get out of the hospital." Josh commented, still trying to give her every opportunity to walk away.
"I'm counting on it. You know, I'm not so great at this myself, so I guess we can just muddle through it together." Donna answered, trailing the fingers that weren't wrapped in Josh's through his hair. Josh sighed at her touch and she felt her stomach flip.
"We do make a pretty good team." Josh mused and tried to shift over in his bed, yanking his IV pole a little too hard and causing the whole thing to wobble precariously. Donna leapt up to catch it before it fell and dislodged from Josh's hand.
"What are you trying to do there, mister? Cause a flood of nurses to come in and rescue you from this moment?" Donna teased as she righted the IV. Josh shook his head quickly and continued to shift over in the narrow hospital bed.
"Exactly the opposite. I'm trying to make a little room for you. Come lay with me?" Josh asked, patting the empty portion of the bed.
"I don't want to hurt you." Donna responded apprehensively. As much as she longed to be close to Josh, she was very aware that he'd been in surgery a mere twelve hours before.
"Just get over here. Do you know how long I've wanted to hold you? I may need a doctor's note for anything else, but last I heard human touch is healing. And if regular old human touch is healing, Donnatella's touch must be heavenly." Josh's dimples had come out in all their glory with his last statement. Donna returned his smile and edged her way onto the bed with care. Josh wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer to him, fitting her body securely next to his. This time Donna sighed, and snuggled her head into the warmth of his chest. Josh shifted slightly so that she did not press on the heart monitor electrodes still taped to his chest.
They enjoyed a few moments of silence getting used to each other's touch. Donna felt a deep sense of coming home, of knowing exactly where her life was headed for the first time in her life.
"So where do we go from here?" Josh asked, seeming to read her mind. Donna considered him for a few minutes before answering.
"I really don't think it matters much as long as we're together. What do you think?" Josh pondered the question for a few moments, gently running his fingers through her golden hair.
"I think you are right about that. Any other thoughts?"
"I think we need to take better care of each other. I've had enough of sitting at your hospital bed."
"Yeah, I wasn't too fond of it myself- particularly the emergency surgery, blood everywhere part."
"Ok… so if I'm going to help take care of you, I need to know how I can help you be healthier, how we can make sure this heart keeps going like that energizer bunny."
"I've been thinking about that. Obviously diet and exercise are now going to have to be part of my life in ways I never dreamed of before. You're going to have to teach me about that cholesterol stuff, help me keep on track that way. Then there's the stress angle… I really don't know how I can do my job and not have a high stress lifestyle. So what do I do about that?"
"Maybe it's time to build your life around something else now. I'm not saying you quit the campaign, but maybe if you worked a little harder at having a life, being a person outside of the job, you might be able to deal with the stress of your job better." Donna suggested softly. Josh nodded into her hair.
"I think you're probably right. But can I do that and run a campaign for the presidency? A hotly contended and now very personal battle for the nomination, might I add. I don't know. I know that if I'm going to re-build my life, I want you, I want us to be the core of that life. I don't want to make the same mistakes that we watched Leo, Toby and even the President make. I want you to always know that you are most important to me." Josh's eyebrows were furrowed and his eyes were searching Donna's for reassurance.
"I think I can go along with that. But I don't think it's as one- sided as that. It takes two to make a marriage work through the years. I think in all of those instances, both sides of the marriage let the team down. They didn't pull together in tough times, but pushed each other away. We have to do better than that. We've always been a team, now it's just got better benefits." Donna responded softly. Josh wiggled his eyebrows at the mention of benefits.
"And what would those benefits be, Miss Moss?" He asked with a teasing smile, dimples out again. Donna giggled and shrugged her shoulders with a toss of her hair. Josh reached up and captured her face in his hands and leaned over to kiss her at last. Donna sighed with contentment as they broke apart.
"Remind me again why we haven't done that before?"
"I have no idea… politics or something stupid like that." Josh said with just as much contentment in his voice before leaning down to kiss her again. Donna ran her hands up and down his back before twining her fingers through his hair. They were too entranced with each other to hear the door open to the room and three sets of footsteps coming to a halt at the bed.
"Sorry to interrupt my dear, but your boss is here." Sylvia called out jovially. Josh and Donna sprang apart and Donna leapt off of the bed, nearly taking Josh's IV pole with her.
"Whoa there, Chicken Fighter. Where's the fire? You looked perfectly comfortable where you were and my campaign manager seemed to be calmer than I've ever seen him." Matt Santos chuckled heartily. Donna stood uncomfortably at Josh's bedside, shifting her weight between her feet. Josh reached over and squeezed her hand.
"Just making up for lost time, Congressman. How are you tonight?" Josh's smile lit up his entire face, causing his mother and Helen Santos to smile back at him with relief.
"We are well, Josh. Looking forward to the show this evening. I was just informed that Will Bailey will also be appearing on Larry King tonight. I'm thinking about getting some popcorn and beer, putting on my sweats and having a fine old time. Should be a good old- fashioned throw down." Matt rubbed his hands together with glee. Helen laughed at her husband's enthusiasm.
"Honey, as much as I am looking forward to Amy making mincemeat out of that little toad, I think we should keep our excitement to ourselves. We wouldn't want to let it get out that we are enjoying this, even a little bit."
"Oh I don't know Helen, I think Americans would appreciate your loyalty to friends, especially considering that Mr. Bailey once considered himself a friend of both Josh and Donna. The whole country should be cheering when Leo cuts him down to size and Amy eats what's left for breakfast." Sylvia argued, her brown eyes dancing.
"My only disappointment is that I won't be home to tape the show so I can watch it over and over again. I'd love to see Will squirm over and over again. I'm really hoping he brings up our little outing to bring Donna to Bartlett's second Inauguration with Danny there to dispute anything he says. Nothing like an eyewitness to blow a man's story all to hell." Josh's glee at the prospect of the Russell camp suffering from this manufactured scandal was contagious. The group laughed out loud at the image of Vice President Russell's version of Josh being decimated by the friends of the real Josh.
"Well ladies, I could use a cup of coffee. Anyone interested in joining me?" Sylvia questioned. Josh frowned like a child about to lose his favorite new toy. "Joshua, I promise I will bring Donna back in one piece in less than an hour."
"Well all right, then. Can you pick up some food for me? I know they'll be sending up a tray full of Jell-O and chicken broth and call it dinner any minute now."
"I'll bring you a lovely salad. Maybe some fruit to go with it. Sound good?" Donna teased. Josh was about to whine about her choices, but caught a glance from his mother telling him to keep quiet.
"Anything you bring me will be wonderful, I'm sure. Thank you." Helen and Matt gaped at Josh's deference to Donna's judgment. Helen linked her arm through Donna's and steered her towards the door.
"You have got to teach me how you get Josh to agree to anything you say. I think there are more than a few campaign staffers who would pay money to see him this agreeable." Helen laughed and the others joined in, knowing her joke was closer to the truth than it should have been. Donna smiled and waved back at Josh before disappearing out the door.