But she doesn't know how to act anymore. She has never been comfortable around him, never really been sure how to act, but at least they had a sort of routine. How could she have broken out of it so completely, so quickly, so easily?
Of course, he doesn't seem to notice. Except he does. She always used to feel invisible, even to her own team members. She doesn't feel invisible anymore, not around him. She sees him now, with her all seeing eyes she sees him watching her. Just that.
She can tell he sees her now, but all seeing eyes just can't see human emotions. She can't see his thoughts, and that makes her even more nervous. She stutters uncontrollably, when she can find her voice that is.
For some reason he keeps smiling at her, and she can see no reason for it. It's not even a smile, is it? When a dog smiles, is it really a smile? It's that way for him. He smiles as though he sees something new about her, something she doesn't see herself. There is nothing funny about her, is there? He's not laughing at her, is he?
If only she knew what he was thinking, if only she could see what he finds so funny. Maybe she could laugh with him too.
Could she do that now? Now that she's broken the routine?
Because he doesn't see this new nervousness she feels. He doesn't see what he is doing to her, by acting as though nothing is different, but smiling all the same. He doesn't see that.
She can't stand it anymore. She decides. She's gone so far already, why not go one step further?
"Why do you smile at me like that?" she asks. She has rehearsed the words so many times in her head she can say them without stuttering. If only her voice was as strong as she had imagined in her mind. If only these words came out clearly, the way she wants them to sound.
"Because I feel like I know you better now. Like I know a bit more of the real you you keep hidden from everyone." He smiles again, crookedly, but it's not the same. It's not the same because she knows he's not a liar, and now she knows why he smiles.
If only she knew why she smiles back.