Title: Denial makes the Heart grow Fonder
Summery: Raven and Beast Boy reflect over recent events and contemplate their feelings for each other… short little one shot. Angst/Romance
Hello, and welcome to my first story in two years on I'm hoping I have improved since the awful, unfinished mess that was "Of Fish and Men' and I have found that completing stories before submitting them makes the updating concern a whole lot easier on the author.
As well as being my first fanfic in years, this is also my first Teen Titans story ever. It is a Raven/Beast Boy story containing scenes from the actual show and my own scenes, of course, so those who want to flame the pairing can turn away now, or they will be shot with my air rifle. However, constructive criticism is welcome. I always like to improve. Read on, Rae/BB fans, and tell me what you think. Good feedback may result in more chapters/a sequel…
Also, please keep in mind that I have only seen the episodes spanning season one to season three, therefore any obvious Rae/BB moments from season four onwards are not present, thanks to my living in the UK. Beware the spoilers from "Spellbound" and "The Beast Within"! Now I'll shut up and let you enjoy or loath my story.
Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans, much to my disappointment.
"Denying love is not the hardest part, admitting love is – it can result in either relief or more pain. Anyone who can take that chance is a brave person in my eyes."
Daybreak was early, strangely early considering the wintry time of year. Jump city was shielded with grey clouds, preventing any of the blue sky from getting a peek at the frozen waters and snowcapped skyscrapers, yet the area was brightly lit. Weak snowflakes fell from above, tumbling to cover grass, water and all the jagged buildings that made up the Labyrinth-like city.
The only structure that seemed to have been built with love and care; the only structure that stood away from the city on a Cliffside, above the once dangerous waters that was the lake but was now fixed to an icy standstill, was a large steel 'T' shaped establishment known to the citizens as 'Titans Tower'.
Home of the Metropolis superheroes, the Teen Titans, it was easily recognized as the most expensive, most elegant construction around for miles. Assembled by the team's own Bionic Hercules it was an extravagant attraction for tourists and neighbors alike. Children would sit near the bottom of the cliff to get a good look at their teen-idols, or just to feel the adventurous aura about the place. The large glass windows devoured most of the polished steel that were the support barriers, and were in themselves tough enough to hold the home together, as it was built to withstand attack or any other disasters that may happen inside the mysterious tower. No wonder villains were always trying to break in: the atmosphere surrounding it was utter fascination. Any human able to infiltrate would be dubbed a champion and idolized by their friends like one of the Titans.
Atop the tower, balancing on the edge of the concrete roof, sat a girl staring so blankly into the distance that she might as well have closed her eyes for all she saw. A long deep-marine cloak was flailing out behind her but she made no effort to wrap it around herself in the icy air. It was pinned around her neck with a golden brooch which contained a ruby, similar to a diamond cut jewel in the middle on her forehead and the golden belt around her waist. She wore a long-sleeved black leotard, but her legs were bare and ended in a pair of blue slip-ons.
Her hood, that almost always shadowed her features, was down, presenting her face to the world; her skin was pale, almost grey, yet she was eerily beautiful and not at all plain. Her eyes were large, though she was squinting; a stunning violet colour. She had short but amazing lilac hair that was noticeable a mile off. It fluttered gently, as soft and as glossy as feathers, while she sat in the breeze.
But the girl didn't seem to notice the cold, or the snow that was gradually melting into rain. She almost seemed lost, when infact, if you knew her personally, you would find she was simply meditating.
Raven had barely moved for almost an hour. She had made sure to wake up early enough to avoid the chaotic food fight that was breakfast, not keen on partaking in the event that consisted of the youngest and greenest member of their team flinging tofu and orange juice around while he argued with their carnivorous Cyborg about how he had "been most of those animals!" they were eating. Furthermore, she didn't have the appetite for another ridiculous Alien ceremony hosted by her tanned Tamaranian comrade, Starfire, as well as a strategy lecture from her leader, Robin, who in essence was a four foot tall adolescent who wore an excessive amount of cheap hair gel. The sorceress felt considerably more comfortable sitting alone on the wet roof. Perhaps these were the kind of reasons the other Titans didn't like her: she was just too different, an enigma.
Raven worried as much about being liked as a rich man worried about splashing out his cash. In short, Raven just didn't care. The less affection she felt or received, the less emotions she had to encounter; the effects of her feelings were disastrous to herself and others, and the last thing she wanted was someone's demise on her already troubled mind.
She breathed in deeply, letting the frosty air sting her nose and flood her lungs. Finally, she closed her eyes and frowned at whatever images she saw in her mind.
"Azarath… Metrion… Zinthos…" Crossing her legs and concentrating hard enabled her to hover a few feet above the ground. She held her arms out and rubbed her fingertips together, creating small orbs of black energy as she repeated her incantation. She had the air of a well-experienced witch, though she had the appearance of a girl no more than sixteen years old.
As Raven focused on her self-control, she missed the light pattering of boots behind her getting closer. Only when a small skinny shadow sheltered her slightly did she open her eyes and glare straight into a pair of equally large emerald peepers.
"Changeling," She muttered without enthusiasm. Her voice was as cold as her gaze.
The boy straightened up and grinned at her, unfazed. A small, but rather sharp fang stuck out of the corner of his wide mouth. Raven sighed in annoyance and looked him up and down as if she hadn't seen him in days, which was a distinct possibility considering she hardly ever left her room.
'Changeling' was her own personal nickname for Beast Boy, the shape shifter who could transform into any creature, living or extinct, at will. Like his robotic friend, Cyborg, he had not been born the way he was; his skin was a light green colour that made him look almost diseased, when he was likely to be the healthiest of them all, living off tofu and other vegetarian food, and exercising daily to make himself more 'masculine'. It hardly seemed to be working; on first thought one would think they had met a child when in reality Beast Boy was just a few months short of Raven's age.
With one hand on his hip and the other holding up a small dinner plate, he sported his usual uniform; a purple top with black sleeves and matching purple shorts. His ropy legs, however, were not bare and he wore black fabric over them to match his sleeves. His feet were covered by a pair of large purple steel-toed boots and on his bony hands he constantly wore thick gloves to protect everyone from his claws. His disheveled hair, which was also honored for oddity by being green, seemed to have a mind of its own and randomly stuck out in cowlicks.
He was a typical teenage 'boy' who enjoyed goofing-off, showing-off and being an all round annoying happy-go-lucky little brother, while giving no attention to his unkempt aspect, constantly claiming that his pointy elf-like ears and stubborn hair-do were what the ladies loved about him (whether any girl had ever loved him at all Raven was uncertain).
With the image of a waiter in her mind, Raven stopped scanning him and gave him a sour look. "Any particular reason why you're here?"
Beast Boy was not taken aback, having become accustomed to her attitude problem. He kept smiling and pushed the plate under her nose. Raven found herself staring disgustedly at a tofu-hotdog.
"I made you breakfast!"
Raven closed her eyes once more hoping that if she was rude enough he would go away. "I already ate."
"No you didn't," Raven opened one eye at this.
"How would you know?"
Beast Boy smiled, triumphantly. "There are only four sets of dirty dishes, d'uh!"
"Of course," Raven sighed and fell onto her feet. Now she was facing her green-skinned pest with a slight frown. He was barely an inch taller than her and no wider than her either. Once again he shoved the strange breakfast close to her face.
"Tofu-dog?"
"Not even if you were capable of threatening me with death." Came the harsh reply. Raven walked past him and stood on the edge of the roof as if she was preparing to jump. Beast Boy watched her curiously for a moment before taking a bite out of the tofu-dog.
He made a moan of delight from behind Raven in an attempt to tease her, "Delicious!"
Raven's eyebrows sank lower and she turned to face him, "I have told you one too many times, Changeling: 'I respect that you don't eat meat, so please-'"
"'Respect that you don't eat fake meat.' I get it, don't worry." He exhaled loudly in frustration. "I'm just trying to change your perspective. Did you know it's not healthy to eat so much meat?" He spoke as though this was a newsflash disaster.
Raven smirked slightly to herself, engulfing his dinner plate and the remainder of her breakfast in a black ball of energy, before making it explode all over the poor boy. Beast Boy yelped in surprise and stepped back, flicking the mixture of food and porcelain from his outfit.
"Dude, I sure wish you wouldn't do that!" He said angrily. Raven glared at him with a force that shook the roof under their feet and Beast Boy swallowed quickly and scuttled off.
Raven closed her eyes calmly and almost smiled. She was finally alone again, able to concentrate on her thoughts. To finish what she had been musing over before Beast Boy's intrusion. Nobody could ever know how grateful she was that the shape shifter couldn't read minds as well as he could play pranks. She had been reflecting on recent events: she had been thinking about him.
Behind her eyelids was not darkness; a movie was playing in her head. It took place a few weeks earlier…
Raven didn't have the strength to sigh as she carefully placed the heavy white book at the bottom of her coffin chest. The book looked perfectly unharmed, though it was hundreds of years old. It was preserved with the curse that held a monster in its pages, a demon that she had once thought was her friend. She would never see Malchior again, and though this came as a relief she still knew she would miss the feeling of being loved and not made to feel creepy. The emptiness that she thought had disappeared forever was filling her again, and her cloak was gradually changing back to its original dark blue colour, rather than the pure white it had been for the past week.
She let a tear fall as the lid closed on the chest. It took her a few seconds to register the knock on her door and the warm voice that followed; Beast Boy was her only comfort at that moment. Hearing him let her know that she was still alive.
"Raven?" He faltered, wondering if she was even listening. "It's me. Look. I'm sorry…"
Inside, Raven crossed over to her door and imagined his friendly smile on the other side shining through. She shut her eyes tight, freeing more tears, yet she spoke calmly.
"For what? You're not the one who-"
"No. I'm sorry that… he broke your heart." Beast Boy said with all the sympathy he could muster. He knew how it felt to be heartbroken, to feel that you could never love again because of one person or event. His love for their deceased blonde ally, Terra, had been strained ever since she betrayed them. But the moment she was destroyed he couldn't help but cry until his agony had faded. Since then, his feelings for Raven had grown ever stronger and all he ever wanted was to see her smile, just once.
"I know it was all a lie." Raven croaked from her room. "But he was the only person who ever made me feel like I wasn't… creepy." She bit her lip. "And don't try to tell me I'm not."
"Alright… you're way creepy. But that doesn't mean you have to stay locked in your room."
The sorceress heard every word. She opened her eyes and carefully moved closer to the door, eager to hear more.
"You think you're alone, Raven, but you're not."
The door was unlatched and in a second Raven and Beast Boy were staring at each other. A look of desperate concern played across the green boy's face and he was frowning a little. Before he could open his mouth he was caught up in a tight embrace as Raven flung her arms around his shoulders, holding on for dear life as if she were drowning…
The young witch flushed as she remembered how her hug had left him stunned for an instant before he had been knocked into a corner by a disgusting pile of rancid green socks disguised as a ball: Cyborg's new improved 'Stankball' equipment to be exact.
With one last intake of air she leaned forwards from her perch on the roof and fell towards the ground. Instead of hitting the frosty path below, she slowed to a halt at the third window up the tower and materialized through her bedroom wall.
"To be proud of yourself is not arrogance, if you believe you can always do more."
Still pulling scraps of Raven's unfortunate meal out of his hair, Beast Boy headed downstairs to the lobby in hopes of challenging Cyborg to an idle game of 'Super Duper Fabio Two', while polishing off any pizza debris from the night before.
He couldn't help pondering why his dark friend had been a little stubborn that morning. Hadn't she hugged him back in September? Hadn't she been the voice of ease only a week ago, after his werewolf-like ordeal? Beast Boy screwed his face up at that thought: the thought that he had been so aggressive and arrogant towards his teammates. He was forever thankful that they forgave him, Raven in particular who he so easily could have torn to shreds. He knew it was just the chemicals that had mixed dangerously with his unstable DNA, but he couldn't shake the thought that the monster was still inside him; that his 'Royal Zarbnarf' (as Starfire had called him) alter-ego was planning to emerge in the future and show no mercy.
Beast Boy shivered, "Quit worrying, man. That side of you is gone. He's gone for good."
He remembered what Raven had told him; the kindest and wisest words she had ever said, and she had preserved them for him alone…
Staring into the shimmering water at his distorted reflection Beast Boy bit his lip. He was sat on the rocks at the lake's edge and had been there for sometime. Darkness had surrounded him when he sensed Raven's presence behind him.
"So… He was the one that hurt you, right?" He mumbled, referring directly to the enemy of the day, Adonis. "Not me?"
Raven smiled and moved closer to him. "He came to the tower to attack you, and wound up attacking me too."
"Ugh…I can't believe I ate Meat!" Beast Boy grimaced with disgust. "I acted like a jerk. I'm sorry."
Raven looked at his mirror image in the lake and said as nicely as she could: "You weren't yourself."
The shape shifter agreed to this, nodding slightly. He was never violent or rude to his friends, especially the girls. But when he had given Raven a warning earlier that evening, he had truly felt his anger boil inside him and overflow into his words. Maybe he had had enough of her scornful, condescending attitude and the beast inside made it easier for him to unleash his fury. Yet here she was, being as sisterly as possible, and she really had no need. She was being almost pleasant.
"Cyborg says the chemicals at the lab messed with my DNA," Beast Boy glared at his hands. "Unleashed something… primal."
"And he gave you an antidote. You're better now."
The Changeling shook his head sadly. "Yeah. But that thing - that beast - it came from inside me. And it's still there. I can feel it."
"Good," Raven nodded and he looked at her, eyes wide as saucers. "If it wasn't for that beast, I might not be here right now-"
Beast Boy understood instantly: after he had fled the building with Raven in his teeth, and the remaining Titans had chased him, they had come to discover that he had simply been the misunderstood monster in this mess. He had rescued Raven from a sure mangling by Adonis, a villain cursed with the same deformity. Afterwards, they had all been cured of the chemical poisoning and Beast Boy had strayed from the others in a guilty trance. This was where Raven had found him.
"Having that thing inside doesn't make you an animal. Knowing when to let it out is what makes you a man." Raven said, with a warm glance at him.
At this, Beast Boy beamed and struck an exaggerated heroic pose with both hands on his hips. "Maybe you should call me 'Beast-man' from now on?"
Leave it to Beast Boy to ruin the moment, Raven thought, rolling her eyes…
Beast Boy grinned smugly to himself, "Yeah, 'Beast-man'! I like the sound of that-"
There was an abrupt disturbance to his thoughts as an alarm started to shriek and red lights flashed around him. He sighed and trudged off to the lobby…
Thinking about her was going to have to wait another night.
Yeah, I know it's bad, but I haven't written anything for a while. Please comment if you have anything to say.
Jemmy x