Authors' Note: you know, with all the fics out there, there's no new way to say that we don't own it. Although, if you're reading on this site and expect Rowling to publish her work here, you're an idiot. Thanks to Katarina MacGonagal and Jenonymous for betaing!

Paige,

Well, we got back to England safely. I'm currently staying at Remus's home. It's small, and somewhat ramshackle, but it's much better than staying at Grimmwauld Place. I don't have anything here that will kill me if I touch it, besides that muggle brill (or whatever it is, he used it last night to put a screw into the wall to hang my jacket on) that thing will kill me. I got my hair stuck in it and it took us twenty minutes to free it. Bugger Mooney, if he hadn't been laughing so hard it would have taken considerably less time.

So, how are things? Has Clayton managed to do any more mischief? Snogged any more "pure-blood bitches" and put himself in danger, again? It's only been a few days, but he seems the type to do it. In fact, he reminds me very much of James. He was always the type to see an opportunity for a bit of fun, and go through with it no matter how daring it was.

Heh, looking up at Remus (who's sitting across from me writing a letter to Kate), I have to wonder how long it's going to be before he talks to me again. The only thing he's said to me lately is "You hit below the belt, mentioning the promise." And then I think he called me a bastard, I can't remember, his mom's here and she made me special brownies… I have eaten quite a few of those.

So, I can't wait for Portia to meet you two, she'd love you. She's gone bonkers over the fact that her ickle "Remmie-Poo" has a girlfriend. As it is, she's so happy that she's cooking everything in sight. Last night, I was helping her make chicken when Remus came down and yelled "ARE YOU COOKING CHICKEN?" This made me laugh so hard, I drooled into the pan. I didn't tell either one of them, I didn't want to spoil their appetites. So, I don't know why I'm telling you, other than I found it hilarious when Remus said it was the best chicken his mom had ever made and asked if she put in anything different. I started laughing extremely loudly and then they both looked at me as if I was completely nutters. Of course, I only laughed harder.

I was right, you know. Sleeping alone is harder now. It's much colder, too. I almost froze my bits off that first night, Remus doesn't have much in the way of blankets and such. The next night, I tried climbing in bed with him, but he kicked me and pointed at my room. I guess he's not the cheeky arse-bandit I thought he was.

He's been moping around every moment that he's not glaring at me, which is about half the time. I think my cheerful demeanor is getting to him. He'd prefer the way I am at Grimmwauld.

Umm, he's growling and mumbling something about me looking at his letter. I'd better go.

All my love and adoration,

Sirius

Sirius,

I hear you've decided not to go to Order meetings. Any specific reason why? Whatever it is, I think you'd enjoy talking to some of the members who attend, but maybe it's just me….

I know what you mean about sleeping alone. It seems so difficult after having you to cuddle up to. I suppose I miss you hogging the bed, in a way. Sleeping, oddly enough, isn't as easy when I don't have to fight to stay on the bed.

Clayton says "Hello" and also wants to know how the ferrets and the petroleum jelly held out. Sirius, what the hell did you tow DO together! He won't tell me and I keep getting odd mental images.

Anyway, guess what Jack did? He created a giant Roman Candle made entirely out of cheese and butter. This was kind of odd, even for him, but it got worse when he set it off in the living room. I don't know what he was thinking; the kitchen would have muffled the sound better. In any case, I thought it was great when Kate got down and rubbed his nose in it. Well, rubbed his entire head, plus half his torso is more like it.

Poor guy, he's gone completely mental without Rose here. He keeps looking under the sofa and muttering about his body odor. I wish I knew why.

Wait; scratch that, I don't want to know.

Well, I was right. All of the women in the office LOVED you! At least three are willing to go to England to find you. I had to put a stop to that.

I'd better go see how Kate is faring. I kicked the shit out of Lockhart and she is insisting on getting me my job back. Well, kicked the shit out of him may not be the right words. I turned him into a newt as well, but he deserved it! I swear, if he ever even LOOKS at Kate again I'll turn him into an ugly woman and sell him into slavery in Calcutta. Stupid bloody fucking asshole!

Anyway, hope to see you soon!

Xoxo,

Paige

Thanks to Letisha (Loved your story, Rules. Absolutely fantastic.) and Jen for reviewing. We love reviews!