Part II - D
In part of my mind I think that I should tell him. But of course that is ridiculous. How could I tell him? It would mean explaining to him what I am. Explaining everything. And I cannot do that.
I can never do that.
It is a human sort of impulse, the urge to tell him. I must get away from these humans, spend more time out in the purifying, calming essence of nature. These humans are beginning to infect me.
I've never met a human quite like him before. Of course, there have been many who desired to possess me. We are a beautiful race, after all. But he is the first, the only, to ever desire with such intense passion to understand me. And that is by far the harder wish to grant.
I leave him with the memories of possessing me. He has been... an amusing human. Something different. He is perhaps someone with whom it is acceptable to leave a small piece of myself.
It seems only fitting, given what he has left with me.
It is ironic, that I should be the one with this burden. As the cycle of our species goes, I am the Winter. I know that. It is my duty, my position to be ice, death, barrenness. It is I who will bring complete death to these people, like a blanket of snow to cover the sleeping earth, clearing away the filth of the previous year for the new spring.
The Spring. My son. Life anew, and perhaps... hope? I have not seen him in quite a while. My father, the Autumn, took him away from me. Autumn is worse than Winter, I think. At least in winter you are prepared for the cold. Autumn is the chilling descent into the winter madness. It strikes when you are not ready, throws chilling breezes at you at the end of deceptively warm days. Winter may be the season of death, but Autumn, even in its brilliance, is the season of dying.
I should tell him. But... no. No, of course I shouldn't. What I should do is rid myself of it. This thing.
His child.
Even now it grows inside me. The poor human would never understand if I told him. But nevertheless, it is true. The child grows in my womb. A human child.
I should rid myself of it. I cannot reincarnate properly into a tainted vessel. To truly be a full earth spirit, my child can be nothing less than my direct genetic copy. It cannot share its genes with the species that oppresses us. It would not be right.
I should rid myself of it. I should purge my womb so that it is ready to begin the creation of our next true generation. I should...
But I do not. And this I cannot understand.
Is it because of that human? Ridiculous. Absurd. No human should have a hold over one of us like this. I played with him simply. I dabbled with him because he was amusing. Not because... not because...
I do not understand it. I try to tell myself that this does not frighten me, but it does. The very thought that somehow, he has managed to make some sort of claim to me, it frightens me down to the very depths of my soul.
It is an interesting emotion, regret. Bitter and oh so sweet and rare to the taste. Such a delicacy, one that I do not believe I have ever enjoyed before. It sends shivers through my skin. Delectable. Delightful. Delicious.
A piece of me is staying behind, just memories, the thoughts that will torment him, and the tiniest, most unimaginably small sliver of my heart remains with him. A piece to replace what he has left with me.
Ownership is not an entirely human concept. Animals have territory, certainly. They will fight to defend a kill, or a mate. But only humans have quite this particular brand of owning, the idea of owning a person, their emotions, their thoughts. Only humans can take hearts.
Oh sweet regret, how you tease my tongue as I leave. In a way, I welcome it. It keeps me company. It is a welcome distraction from the small hollow feeling that comes from the place where the missing piece of my heart belongs. The regret keeps the emptiness company.
I should get rid of it. Destroy the child and move on.
But I do not. I will not.
This infatuation is new to me. It is something I don't understand; it is intriguing. He is intriguing. I... want to see how long it will last me. Perhaps it can be another of my experiments, this human infatuation.
I shall keep this piece of him. As long as the piece of myself remains with him, I shall keep this babe in compensation.
And we shall see how long it lasts.
Part I
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Author's Note: Okay, there's seems to have been a bit of confusion here, so let me clear a few things up. Yes, Papa D is carrying Agent Howell's baby. But no, the baby is not the D that we know from the series. That D is the Spring mentioned in Part II.
However, Papa D does not get rid of the baby. This is the child that he has at the end of book ten. I created this fic so that I would have an excuse for when Grandpa D has the following quote:
"My son... you have given birth... to a human child. No matter how many you betrayed and killed... it was your wish to be reborn as one of them."
Ie in my version Papa D is supposed to reincarnate as a normal D, but he can't do it properly because the perfect genetic copy has been tainted, so instead he becomes this hybrid half-human. Sorry if that wasn't clear from the story, but anyway, there you go. If you have any further questions, please feel free to ask them in your reviews.
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